Monday, January 29, 2007


U-Nee hanged herself a week ago.
Fans of the albums she released in 2003 and 2005 were expecting something hot from their Korean pop idol in 2007. She had mirrored Christina Aguilera and other dance-pop divas who stoked libidos while studio musicians scratched up beats.
Like Aguilera, who was smart enough to drop the "skank" act before it killed her, U-Nee was having second thoughts about the way "sex goddess" simply becomes "ho" or "pop tart" or some other derogatory term.
After dutifully posing in leather and filling her tracks with the standard sexy tricks, U-Nee sent out a storm warning last year: "I'm going to come back with an improved self. I want to try shedding the sexy image I built for myself and bring a new image to my fans."
Her good intentions were destroyed by an incident that happened far away in Malaysia. That's where Altantuya Shaaribuu was murdered in October of 2006, her body blown to bits by explosives, identified only through DNA. Shaaribuu, a part-time model, was having an affair with Abdul Razak Baginda, a defense analyst. Did he kill her, did he assign a high-placed hitman, or was there a government conspiracy?
Adding insult to the fatal injury, sexy pictures of U-Nee were circulated as being secret poses of the late Altantuya. When the Malaysian woman's father declared, "That's not her...don't spoil her name," the backlash against U-Nee was like a tsunami.
Anti-U-Nee websites appeared and she was swamped with hate mail. U-Nee was already suffering from depression from her low image, the pressures of fame, and her workload in preparing her third album.
She left no note. Probably the day she died her computer was flooded with headers of hate and derision over her sexy pictures "defaming" the memory of a woman she never even knew. The trial of Altantuya's alleged murderer is scheduled to take place in 2008.
The singer who was born Heo Yoon May 3, 1981, died as U-nee, January 21, 2007.
Now you know the basics of her story.

You'd like to hear her sing?
U-Nee had a unique name but was pretty similar to every sexy female from Christina Aguilera to Mylene Farmer to Madonna, mixing techno, rap and pop, adding bonus tracks re-mixing with thumps and sound effects for the disco/dance crowd.
Her first album, "Code" has a song called "Oh Punch" that owes a bit to Britney Spears' "Hit Me Baby One More Time," while the song "Play," samples American Black phrases and "Go" is spiced by male rappers shouting "When I say Hey, You say Ho." Or something like that. On her second album, "I Want You" is a chaotic combo of rap grunts from men and upbeat sass from U-Nee. "One" opens like everyone's American Idol ballad and overflows with power pop anguish. She often imitated the phrasings of young black and Latina performers, using deliberately flat-voiced male rappers for ghetto cred.
The Illfolks choice is "Don't Cry Again," which flirts with disco, has a traditional Asian minor key melody, uses a bit of synth and a dash of rap-scratch and halfway through switches from Korean to English.
Now that's covering a lot of bases! It might reflect the fractured nature of K-Pop, which keeps turning away from traditional Asian tonalities to mimic all the latest trends coming out of America. At least "Don't Cry Again" has some of the tantalizing dabbling into sharps and flats that you expect from Eastern melody, and U-Nee doesn't try to get too ghetto in her phrasings. If you need to hear U-Nee...
DON'T CRY AGAIN is one of U-Nee's most universally accessible songs


Continuing the series of "how can they make fun of our idols," here's Chris Guest skewering Sweet Baby James. "Highway Toes" was performed in a National Lampoon revue called "Lemmings," a parody of Woodstock. The cast album has been re-issued on CD.
Mr. Guest is more familiar to you from "Spinal Tap" and his work (pictured) in the folk-music satire "A Mighty Wind." He has written, directed or starred in many cult-favorite movies and is responsible for giving Jamie Lee Curtis orgasms.
Here he has some fun with the commercial brand of vulnerability exuded by the Sweet Baby's damaged-goods lyrics, nasal delivery and timidly genteel guitar playing. When it came to being the sad singer-songwriter every co-ed wanted to cuddle, James Taylor used a full arsenal of soft-pop effects. His arse gets a full booting thanks to Chris Guest, who is clearly being less than sensitive.
How could he make fun of James Taylor??

Pre-Kate Bush: Mellow MALAMET

Aside from opera sopranos, only Kate Bush became famous with a voice that hit wuthering heights. Marsha Malamet, after all, is not a household word. Marshmallow, yes. Mallomars, yes. Marsha Malamet, no.
Some 6 or 8 years B.B. (before Bush), Marsha issued her lone album "Coney Island Winter," with a suitably bitter picture of her on the inside. Somewhere too far East of Judy Collins, North of Carolyn Hester, South of Julie Budd and North by Northwest of Buffy Marie the Saint, Malamet got lost.
The album is as obscure as "The Goodbye People," the failed Milton Berle-Brenda Vaccaro Broadway play about a guy trying to open a beverage stand in Coney Island, in winter. Herb's play wasn't bad, and it's possible if Marsha looked more like Kate Bush, she would've floated a while longer, like a decorative marshmallow in hot cocoa.
Malamet later co-wrote "Love Don't Need a Reason" with Peter Allen (not that there's anything wrong with that), and she's become a yenta who'll sing that song any time anyone asks, and they do, at various gay fundraiser events.
The chosen song is nowhere near the schmaltz level of Peter Allen. It's what Kate Bush might've done if she was more into Judy Collins. Note the effectively self-conscious solo piano work and how the orchestration colors itself into the mix. It's winter. Her voice will give you a bit of a chill. And "I Don't Dare" should never be a final answer if you've got a dream. Decca thought enough to sign her, and on this blog of the forgotten, this miss's near-miss is not misbegotten.

Malamet sings I DON'T DARE Do you? Instant Download. No codes, forwarding links or ads.


Premiering the same day as the release of "Modern Times," the BOB DILDYN RADIO THEME HOUR offers a compilation of songs about the Vagina. Not to mention mock cut-in interviews with Leonard Cohen and Madonna.

Bob's cogent commentary on "the mighty quim" prefaces many of the selections, which include:

It's All Right It Won't Bite
Pretty Purple Panties

Shave 'em Dry
My Girl's Pussy
Red River Sally
We Are the Tampons
Rotten Fish
My Vagina
Step Inside Love
I'm a Lesbian
The Pussy Cat Song

As well as Bob's own "When Dogs Run, Freak," which evidently is on his Debasement Tapes release. As John McEnroe used to say about cable radio, "You can NOT be SIRIUS!"

Re-upped for 2007:
Bob Dildyn!
Re-upped in 2011:
Bob Dildyn, via a good server who won't remove the file if it isn't downloaded every day

Friday, January 19, 2007


You can put any type of crap on a turntable, and SOMEBODY will gladly lap it all up. Here's an endurance test...see how many of these tunes you can stand.
Some, like "Shaddup You Face" are love it or hate it novelties. A few, like "Sunshine Face" from a woman better known for her sexy album covers than her taste in music, are like Crackerjack...sweet and then sickening the more you have to endure it. Some may be intentionally irritating ("Fluffy") or an experiment that ends up being a terror (the ambitious "Andy the Lightbulb Eater").
As David Seville once remarked..."That's almost good."
"Catchy" or "kitschy" or just plain crummy, here are some tunes that will get your attention or cause you tension:

1. Agadoo (Black Lace)
2. Son of My Father (Chicory Tip)
3. Billy Don't Be a Hero (Paper Lace)
4. Mouldy Old Dough (Lieutenant Pigeon)
5. Lily the Pink (Scaffold)
6. Chirpy Cheep Cheep (Middle of the Road)
7. Macarena (Los Del Rio)
8. So Macho (Sinitta)
9. Orville's Song (Keith Harris)
10. Two Little Boys (Rolf Harris)
11. No One Quite Like Grandma (St. Winifred's School)
12. Mr. Blobby (Mr. Blobby)
13. Snot Rap (Kenny Everett)
14. We're Going to Spain (the Krankies)
15. Hello (Marguerita Pracatan)
16. Seven Drunken Nights (The Dubliners)
17. Cinderella Rockefella (Esther and Abi Ofarim)
18. Music Goes Round and Round (Mae Questel)
19. Fluffy (Gloria Balsam)
20. Shaddup You Face (Joe Dolce)
21. My Icelandic Man (Leoncie)
22. Where's My Love (Caroline)
23 Andy The Lightbulb Eater (Elisa Korenne)
24. Sunshine Face (Sandy Warner)

Via RS. Who put that crap on my turntable??
Now it's on MP3!


The Godfather of Smut, soulful Doug Clark was active for over 45 years, offering laidback limericks, gross versions of garage band classics, and funked up versions of ribald old folk numbers like "Shove It Home" and "Ring Dang Do."
Before Blowfly or Dolemite, and before Andrew "Dice" Clay ever rapped a bad rhyme, the man from North Carolina was all over the frat house circuit with his dirty ditties and rude recitations.

Clark was more amiable than offensive, and even had a female singer along at times. Which is why I hope somebody films his life story and gives the leads to Kevin Eubanks and "Tonight Show" vocalist, percussionist Vicki Randle (an admitted lesbian, which does open up more possibilities for the chosen sexy songs).
Doug died of leukemia on September 16, 2002 (age 66).
Just as many perverts got their first peep at pretty women via Playboy, many heard their first dirty song thanks to digging out a Doug Clark album. These two tracks are pretty quaint by the standards of today's porn rappers and sexyback vocalists. Hope you find them naughty but nice, which is a pretty solid groove for having a good time.
These are instant downloads. No mega-waiting or uploaded-to-nowhere hang time. Within seconds, you'll be hearing...

All The Nuns With Guns (& Paul Simon)

Here's a G.E. Smith song with Paul Simon on backing vocals. Even most Paul Simon fans don't know about this rarity. In fact, if you listen closely, you can hardly hear him in the mix. But he's there, and that's part of the quirk on this obscure but catchy tune.
Thanks Jim Delehant (Hit Parader/rock mogul) for handing this to me one day. Many days ago.
G.E. Smith was the somewhat crazed-looking guitarist leading the "Saturday Night Live" band (1985-95). He also married Gilda Radner, worked with Dan Hartman and toured with Hall and Oates. Among his compositions; a co-write credit on the "Wayne's World" theme song.
Smith's stinging guitar is very evident on this track, but you also get to hear him sing.
Instant dowload with no hassles. NUNS WITH GUNS

Tuesday, January 09, 2007



A brief tribute to the clown warrior Spike. Yes, Milligna, the well known typing error. The Godfather of British comedy, he influenced everything from radio's "Round the Horne" to TV's "Monty Python's Flying Circus." The writer and leader of radio's "Goon Show," he went on to a busy solo career including TV and best-selling books.

Both manic and depressive, Spike was one of the most complex and contradictory of comedians. He was the eye of a creative hurricane, capable of surreal jokes, aching poetry, whimsical nonsense and passionate letters-to-the-editor on a variety of issues.

Here is one of his eccentric solo songs. Many more can be found on historic and hysteric Goon and Spike CDs. You know his name, now look up the download! John Lennon loved The Goons, and you might recognize some absurdist touches that later figured into John's more light-hearted numbers. Lennon even wrote a review in the New York Times for the first volume of Goon Show scripts.

Get Gooned with an INSTANT listen or download, it's SEWERS OF THE STRAND


Frank Milano is Yogi Bear (not Daws Butler) on this old kiddie 45rpm.
Smarter than the Average Bear, Yogi realized plundering pic-a-nic baskets wasn't all the fun he could have. As this song proves, he's now into Cindy and visiting her cave.

Why did so many cartoon characters wear a tie...but no pants?
CINDYBEAR! Instand upload. No Rabidshare or Code to Write

ACTOR SUICIDES: Boyer and Sanders

Here are songs by two famous actors who each made an unsuccessful record album, and a successful suicide attempt.
In the case of romantic star Charles Boyer, when he lost his wife, he lost all interest in life.
George Sanders boned two Gabor sisters (Zsa Zsa and Magda) and (some years later) penned a suicide note beginning "Dear world, I am leaving because I am bored..." and ending: "...I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck."
Charles Boyer talk-sings the moving and ironic "Softly as I Leave You."
Sanders, who sounds a bit like Boris Karloff, offers "I'll See You In My Dreams."