Saturday, November 19, 2016

WHY OH WHY DID I EVER LEAVE WYOMING (The Red State That Gave Us Trump) - JERRY COLONNA

Yes, Hillary Clinton won the actual general election. SHE GOT MORE VOTES.

But as has happened before, and I think both Republicans and Democrats have griped about this, it was the weird ELECTORAL COLLEGE that made Donald Trump the winner. 

With reasons and logic far beyond that of mortal man, the Presidential election depends on the number of ELECTORAL VOTES a candidate gets. Each state is given what seems to be a random amount of these. If a candidate manages to win in the states with the best number of ELECTORAL VOTES, it doesn't matter if that person has actually gotten the most votes in total. 


Memes such as the above began popping up as soon as "the unthinkable" happened, and a reality talk show host with many bankruptcies and an almost feature-length Blooper reel of stupid and dangerous comments became President. 

WHY OH WHY do shit-kickers in lonely, barren, fairly useless (except for Yellowstone National Park) Wyoming have a bigger say in the election than Californians? A fair question. Wyoming is one of the least-populated states in America. NOBODY wants to live there. California by contrast, is packed to capacity, despite smog, high rents, earthquakes, leafblowers, and problems having enough water for a good shower.  

At one time, Wyoming showed some promise. Laramie, (which doesn't quite have 100,000 people) was fairly well known back in the Wild West era. The TV show "Laramie" was set there, obviously. So was the great series "Lawman," featuring intense John Russell as town marshal Dan Troop. Any town with Dan Troop presiding was sure to have a future, right? Oh well. He was fiction. 

Morey Amsterdam wrote the novelty semi-hit, "Why Oh Why Did I Ever Leave Wyoming." It was covered by everyone's favorite masturbatory pun-name, Dick Jurgens. But when it comes to jerkin' around with comedy, you go to bug-eyed Jerry Colonna.



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Day is Done: HOLLY DUNN and "WHY, WYOMING"


I caught up with Holly Dunn when she joined Warner Bros. and became a country-crossover star. Like Juice Newton or Pam Tillis, she had a most definite country vibe and was favored more on the C&W charts, but she could rock when she wanted, and pop a tune, too. While I'm not a snob about a Patsy Cline or Tammy Wynette, I do tend to listen much more to the ladies who go easy on the squeamy violins. Holly was certainly one of those in the late 80's.  

Her 1989 debut for Warners' Nashville was the tasty "Blue Rose of Texas," which yielded her first #1 hit, "Are You Ever Gonna Love Me." Another hit from that album was "There Goes My Heart Again." She had another #1 on her second Warners album, "Heart Full of Love" in 1990. The stupidly titled "Getting It Dunn" was her third and last major label release. 

Holly Suzette Dunn (August 22, 1957-November 14, 2016) first came to prominence in 1986 with the Top Ten "Daddy's Hands," for the MTM label. Her second album, "Cornerstone," had three more Top Ten numbers, of which "Why, Wyoming" is not one. 

They were: "Love Someone Like Me," "Only When I Love" and "Strangers Again." Why oh why choose "Why, Wyoming?" Because it's not well known, because it was co-written by her brother Chris Waters (born Chris Waters Dunn). And because I'm still not over how an almost empty piece of Red State land called Wyoming could count for more in the Electoral College than, for example, California. Wyoming, a heart breaker indeed.

Speaking of heartbreak, Holly Dunn had the misfortune to be a huge star on a shitty label. MTM went bankrupt. It was fortunate that Holly's potential was seen by Warners. Too bad that the label apparently was bankrupt in the heart department, and as soon as Holly faltered, cut her loose. Three years later, she surfaced on a record label called River North. After two albums for them, she was without product for six years. In 2003 she issued her new (and last) album, "South Heart." 

Things became dire when Holly was diagnosed with a fast-moving form of ovarian cancer. She was optimistic, but any time a "has-been" gets a big write-up in the London Daily Mail (aka the Creepy Daily Fail) you know something bad is happening. "I ask for prayer of strength and courage," the rag reported in August of 2016. 

"If you read the statistics," she said, "it is very bleak. Good thing I don't believe in statistics. I had surgery and now I am having chemo treatments. I have since grown more tumors and it is going to be more of a battle than I anticipated, but I have a huge faith in the healing power of God and the healing power within me that originates from my God." 

Naturally, this was met by trollish comments from the hairy-handed London Daily Mail bunch, laughing at her. Just why newspapers even allow "comments" at the end of an article, I don't know. These "comments" almost never are enlightening; they are instead dark and warped insults from the vast unwashed, angry mob. 

"Doesn't believe in statistics. Believes an invisible god will save her," somebody wrote. "Lesbian?" another asked. Another commented: "Praying to an imaginary being while poison is being pumped through your veins. Sounds like a plan. Shell be dead in a year, right after the medical industry sucks every last possible cent out of her and her insurance company."

Oh, and this: "But cancer is only caught if you are obese or smoke?" And, "God Schmod." 

WHY THE INTERNET?? 



"DRIFT AWAY" songwriter MENTOR WILLIAMS passes away: Brother of Paul Williams


'Tis better to be known as a "one hit wonder," or "the brother of Paul Williams," than not be known at all. 

Either or both were headlined when Mentor Williams died a few days ago, Nov 16th, at the age of 70 in Taos, New Mexico. Mentor also had a hand in writing "When We Make Love" a 1984 success for Alabama, and the Randy Travis and George Jones novelty "A Few Ole Country Boys" in 1990. He also was a capable guy around the studio, doing a lot of mixing and recording work for a variety of people including Kim Carnes and Paul Macca McCartney (or as they're known together, Caca) 

Below you get Mentor's own take on his best-known song, which was of course, not successful. He wasn't a particularly distinctive singer, and his bland country rendition was not what the song needed. Not with lines about "free my soul" and "rock and roll." 

John Henry Kurtz and John Kay were among the first to cover "Drift Away" in 1972, but it became a hit in 1973 for Dobie Gray. After that, just about anyone and everyone took a shot. Roy Orbison gave it the traditional country-rock treatment on his "Milestones" record, while The Doobie Brothers re-titled it "Give Me The Beat Boys." 

It's been done by Ringo Starr, Bruce Springsteen, Uncle Kracker, the Rolling Stones, Rod Stewart, Bob Seger, Michael Bolton, Bon Jovi, and most recently, Meryl Streep in her film "Ricki And the Flash." 

You can definitely get lost in the rock and roll and country cool of "Drift Away." Sorry about the loss of Mentor Williams (who lost his lady love Lynn Anderson July 30, 2015). 

Drift Away with Mentor Williams singin' his own song in 1974


Ill-ustrated Songs #36 Genya Ravan BIRD ON THE WIRE




Leonard Cohen is, of course, much too well known to be chronicled here on the Blog of Less Renown. He was an ill folkie, with an amusingly black sense of humor, but he was an international success. While not everyone is aware of "The Future," "Everybody Knows," "Tower of Song," or "Don't Leave Home With Your Hard-On," everybody sobs and nods to every horrible rhyme of "Hallelujah." 

Singers seem hell bent on making sure to make it sound like the songwriter was from Brooklyn and not Montreal: 

"You don't really care much for music, DO YA...her beauty and the moonlight over-THREW YA...I used to live alone before a KNEW YA...HAL A. LEWYA..."  

Arguably his second-most-covered-song among the Shaunas and Saskias of the world, is either "Suzanne" or "Bird on the Wire." The latter was startlingly covered by the great Genya Ravan when she got her first (and last) chance with major label Columbia (also Cohen's label). It was released in 1970. I'm frankly surprised my vinyl is still in good shape on this, 'cause I played this track and several others, over and over on late-night radio. 

Ravan (pronounced "Raven") sounded like a "black bird," and her version of "Bird" starts softly, with a beautiful gospel touch, before rising into a crescendo of emotion. I was proud to tell her that I thought she was the real deal, and that Janis Joplin was just a "high wind." Genya did not choose to agree or disagree. She was, to paraphrase Dylan being a "diplomat." She kept mum and stroked her siamese cat. No, really. She had it on her shoulder for a while.

If we can make something positive out of Cohen's passing, it came on a high note. What he intimated would be his last album, was deemed a brilliant "comeback" and received glowing reviews. Like Zevon, he was receiving renewed appreciation when the end came. Suffering from back pain and an increasingly frail body, Leonard died following a fall in his home, apparently not regaining consciousness or suffering any further pain from a futile trip to the hospital. 

One thing people sometimes say when a person dies is, "Oh, if only I had a chance to say how much I loved the music." Well, that chance still applies to Genya Ravan, who I've always believed to be one of the greatest female vocalists of all time. Just listen to what she does with that BIRD ON THE WIRE. 

Bird on the Wire - listen on line or download

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AL CAIOLA, the TUFF GUITARIST



Al Caiola should be a better known name. The New Jersey guitar great (September 7, 1920-November 9, 2016) recorded about 35 albums for United Artists in the 60's. These "lounge" albums touched on all kinds of genres ("Tuff Guitar Tijuana Style," "Guitar for Lovers," "50 Fabulous Italian Favorites," etc.) 

He was UA's ace when it came to covering any popular movie or TV theme. Record stores would welcome topical releases such as "The Magnificent Seven," "Hit Instrumentals from TV Western Themes" or "Sounds for Spies and Private Eyes." This was the age when people would wander in saying, "I was at the movies last night, and I loved the theme song...do you have a copy..." and the knowledgeable store owner would be able to offer singles or albums in every price range. 

Al's Top 40 hits included covers of "Bonanza" and "The Magnificent Seven" in 1961. 

Aside from sating the tastes of middle-aged people for mood music, or giving a kid such as I a twangy arrangement of a beloved TV theme, Caiola was a dependable session man. He was in the studio for just about everybody: Del Shannon on "Hats off To Larry," Simon and Garfunkel on "Mrs. Robinson," Johnny Mathis on "Chances Are," Al Martino on "Spanish Eyes," Julie London on "Lonely Girl," Ben E. King on "Stand By Me," Mitch Miller on "Yellow Rose of Texas," Johnnie Ray on "Just Walkin' in the Rain," Neil Sedaka on "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do," Dinah Washington on "What a Difference a Day Made," Frank Sinatra on "Bye Bye Baby," Buddy Holly on "It Doesn't Matter Anymore," Mahalia Jackson on "He's Got the Whole World In His Hands," Connie Francis on "Al-Di-La," Eddie Fisher on "Dungaree Doll," Dion on "Abraham Martin and John," Glen Campbell on "Galveston," Rosemary Clooney on "Come on a My House," Tony Bennett on "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," Frankie Avalon on "Venus" and Paul Anka on "My Way." Among others.

Al toured with quite a few famous artists, and probably had his longest relationship with Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme, which I think was still going on when he was 90. 

Often, Al's guitar twang was more than enough to sell a tune, whether it was a bouncy western number like "Bonanza" or a more eerie item, like the theme for "Experiment in Terror." On some of his mood albums, his guitar was featured but didn't overpower the rest of the orchestra. The tasteful charts were supplied by a veteran like Don Costa, and maybe the back-up band shaped by a pro like Tommy Mottola.

Below, one of my all-time favorites from Al, a great version of "Slaughter on Tenth Avenue." It's a good example of his guitar work highlighting but not dominating a brilliant chart. 

On this arrangement gunshot percussion and a blast of brass let us know that we're in a bad part of town on a dangerous night; West Side Story without chorus boys or Sondheim. Al Caiola hauls out his twanger and seems to count the number of punches being thrown. 
 
We're barely a minute into the tune when the neighborhood really starts to rumble; organ blasts to one side, gasping horns on the other. And then, soaring over it all like a police helicopter, one hell of a trumpet. Blow, Gabriel, because some devils are gonna be swoopin' the planet tonight. 


Too often it's easy to overlook how calculated "charts" can be, and how perfectly they can produce some sonic sock. This is a textbook example on how to pull out all stops in tempo, juxtaposition of brass vs percussion, and the texture of hard bongo skin and twangy guitar, to produce an audio picture of mixed-neighborhood mayhem. 


Next comes the warning wail of a trumpet again, a police siren howl. The organ weeps and shudders, but the relentless drums don't stop, and with 40 seconds left, Al Caiola picks up the body count with his guitar pick, till the squealer brass section calls the cops and there's a final stuttering step-away from the crime by the drums. 


This was one helluva slaughter - Listen or Download

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

A MEEK TRIBUTE TO POPCORN-ISH MOOG MAN JEAN-JACQUES PERREY






"Hey Moog! Hey Perrey!" Remember the late 60's, when electronic music went wacky? 

At first the Moog synthesizer was going to be used for SERIOUS classical music. You know, "Silver Apples of the Sun" stuff. But just as the sax was better suited to sexy, raunchy rock (even if its inventor thought it would be welcomed in symphony orchestras),  many felt that the blips and burps of Moog music were HILARIOUS and suited to novelty pop.

While the Musitron did get used in one serious rock single (Del Shannon's "Runaway,") the moog was best served in Top 40 via the hot buttered hit "Popcorn." That single would not have popped into the ears of a grateful public were it not for the team of Perrey and Kingsley and their pioneering "In Sound from Way Out" album. 

Jean-Jacques Perrey (January 20, 1929 – November 4, 2016)  actually worked with the man himself, Robert Moog. He had previously worked with Georges Jenny, who invented the Ondioline, which nobody seems to remember. Perrey also took note of other techniques in "modern" music, including the manufactured soundtrack of "tonalities" that could be heard in the film "Forbidden Planet." 

Perrey ended up partnered with Gershon Kingsley, a Zionist musician (born Götz Gustav Ksinski ) who had studied with the ultra-serious John Cage. Veering away from classical electronic music, the duo were at the vanguard of blip-pop thanks to the Vanguard Records release of “The In Sound from Way Out.” The second and last album on their contract was "Kaleidoscopic Vibrations.” By that time, they had plenty of competition from other electronic novelty-makers and the fad was dying out. 

Perrey-Kingsley’s most enduring works were “Baroque Hoedown,” used by Walt Disney in their theme parks, and “The Savers,” which was adapted as the theme for the quiz show “The Joker’s Wild.” Another track, "Visa to the Stars," recalls Joe "Telstar" Meek, and is more of a dreamy piece of music. But soon enough the "Telstar" sound, reflecting sleek space travel, had given way to silliness (like "The Martian Hop").  The best selling electronic pop album was "Switched on Bach" by Walter Carlos, and it was pretty light-hearted. Carlos went on to more frivolous albums that made odd noises out of Bacharach and Beatles tracks, and others joined in, blipping everything from Scott Joplin to Erik Satie. The big hit of course was "Popcorn," a Gershon Kingsley solo composition on his album "Music to Moog By." 

Perrey, not to be outdone in ridiculousness, tried to rival Gershon with his own single "Gossipo Perpetuo," which was a mash of moog and cut-up collages of sound and repetition. 

Kingsley tried to create a classical gas with the wonderful  “Concerto for Moog,” which I saw performed by Gershon's "First Moog Quartet" in concert with the Boston Pops. Sadly the piece doesn’t seem to have been immortalized on vinyl. It isn’t on the 1970 “First Moog Quartet” album. Attempts to pull electronic music back into classical, or into "heavy" rock, didn't really work. Oh, there was "Emerson Lake and Palmer," and others adding synth, but it was pretty synthetic, and soon a cliche. 

John Lennon and Yoko Ono tried to adapt repetition and collage into a new, modern electronic type of music on their “Two Virgins” album, which was better seen than heard (and that’s pretty damning, isn’t it?) Anyone out there have George Harrison’s “Electronic Music” album, and can admit to playing it twice?  

Eventually Perrey left the frivolity of pop behind, returned to France, and worked on serious ballet scores and music based on the “medical research into therapeutic sounds.” We've had "environmental" CDs that have tried to synthesize "soothing" sounds along with sampled noises from nature, and we've had more than enough "new age" albums that have tried to hypnotize the brain into floating in its own juices. Yum. 

For many, the best Moog and electronic stuff remains the novelty discs from the likes of Kingsley and Perrey. You'll like the samples below. 

VISA TO THE STARS

GOSSIPO PERPETUO

Curly Putman - and the GREEN GREEN GRASS OF HOME


Well, yes, one of the truths touched on in the classic "Green Green Grass of Home," is mortality.

Eventually, we will return to the green green grass. Either we'll be sprinkled on top of it, or buried six feet under it. 

And so the end has come for Curly Putman, who not only wrote that song, but co-wrote the other candidate for "greatest country song of all time," the even more morbid "He Stopped Loving Her Today." 

I once mentioned to Mr. Putman that I figured he had as much fun writing the songs as we all did hearing them. I thought it was especially true of the "agony" songs. He and Bobby Braddock intimated as much, regarding "He Stopped Loving Her Today." As they wrote, they were heaping on the sentiment, and almost smiling at how they were creating more and more torment for this poor lovelorn sap. And yet, producer Billy Sherrill insisted on MORE...like, let's have a stanza about the guy's funeral. 

Why shouldn't country songwriters have the same sense of gleeful evil as Alfred Hitchcock? Alfred used his story boards and his actors to make his ironies and his horrors as sublimely awful as possible. I think you'll find that Mr. Putman did the same thing on "Radio Lover" Writers tend to enjoy putting their characters in danger, and in three or four minutes, you can set up the listener for a deliciously sour twist ending that doesn't turn a blind eye to human nature. 

A fun thing about the non-stooge Curly, is he DID have a sense of humor. I mean, he didn't simply write songs that a tear-jerker like George Jones could sing so well, (or the sad Tammy Wynette on "D-I-V-O-R-C-E"). One novelty number he uncorked is "You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too." Oh, the pun-ishment. 

For ye who don't like C&W at all, how about this: Paul McCartney paid tribute to Curly via "Junior's Farm." Yes, when Paul was trying to soak up the country life (Ringo wasn't the only one), he spent time with Claude Putman Jr.  aka Curly. Macca never forgot the cool life on Junior's farm.

And who could ever forget true story-masterpieces like "Green Green Grass Of Home?" Below is Curly's own version. He did make a few albums in his time, and he was a good singer. He died at the age of 85, but we'll never stop loving the songs he brought to this world. 

A Star's Gone Out: OH BABE...KAY STARR

 

Probably the most interesting remark uttered about Kay Starr was from Billie Holiday. Billie insisted Kay Starr was "the only white woman who could sing the blues."  

But did she get the chance? No, not often. She also wasn’t a “white woman” technically. Her father was an Iroquois Native American, and her mother was part Native American as well. Katherine Laverne Starks (July 21, 1922 – November 3, 2016) had the same problem as quite a few artists, including the great Patti Page: shitty management, bad arrangers, and a fear of leaving the middle of the road.

She ended up having a solid career for several decades, but in terms of superstar fame, she got lost amid competition from Keely Smith (another part-Native American), Lena Horne, and chirpers of various varieties from Edith Piaf (she covered a Piaf song in English: "If You Love Me (Really Love Me)" to Gogi Grant and even Patsy Cline.  

When Kay passed on a few days ago, a victim of Alzheimer’s, she was mourned mostly by 60-something and 70-something and 80-something fans of big band and 50’s pop. After all, the woman’s biggest hit was “Wheel of Fortune” and she covered “Sentimental Journey" and the mild jazz tunes "Ain't Misbehavin'" and the war horse "Stormy Weather."  The news of her passing wasn’t news. Kay was just another retired pop star from a long-gone era, as far as the media was concerned.  

Like Patti Page who suffered with some strangely bad arrangements from Bob Mersey (perhaps aping Mitch Miller's style) Kay Starr was often burdened by corniness. "Oh Babe" could've been an enduring, fairly hipster bit of jazz-pop, but it's got too much of a big band arrangement and a chorus of middle-aged men. Even so, you get the hint that if not credible jazz ala Billie Holiday, her voice could've gotten her assignments well into the early 60's, via country-crossover or the Connie Francis "Stupid Cupid" style of pop. 

By the 60’s she was in her 40’s, and so she was mostly popular singing 40’s songs for people in their 60’s. You do the math. Much of her catalogue is for old people who know which instrument Tommy Dorsey played and which instrument Jimmy Dorsey played. They're the kind that still wonder if Glenn Miller's death was an accident (while most have no idea how the guy died). But if you cherry-pick through the CDs, there are still tracks that might entertain you, oh kay?

KAY STARR
OH BABE


Hang Down Your Head - Weird Tammy Grimes has Died



TAMMY GRIMES  (January 30, 1934 – October 30, 2016) seemed British, but she was born in Massachusetts. She lived most of her life on the East Coast (she died in New Jersey). She first gained attention in some of the lah-de-dah cabaret/revues in New York City. At a time when elegant and eccentric Brits were popular in cabaret (Noel Coward, Bea Lillie and Hermione Gingold come to mind),  Tammy’s brand of eclectic charm fit right in. 

In the late 50's when TV variety shows weren't plentiful and people actually went out to enjoy an evening of songs and comedy, budget impresarios such as Ben Bagley and Julius Monk put on nightly revues, and you could also go nightclub-hopping to see a variety of performers. Tammy quickly moved from this level to Broadway, winning a Tony award as “The Unsinkable Molly Brown.” 

A slight setback was that the movie version starred Debbie Reynolds. Likewise, Tammy was one of the stars of Neil Simon’s “California Suite,” but the movie version featured Maggie Smith instead. It wasn’t just that casting directors screwed up her chance for international fame; she did it to herself. She turned down the role of Samantha on TV's “Bewitched,” convinced she could do better as the sole star of her own sitcom, “The Tammy Grimes Show.” 

That show was one of the most notorious bombs of the 60’s, canceled within a month. It was a bit of a shame, because like Judy Carne or even Marlo “That Girl” Thomas, Tammy had a lot of charm and pixie-esque vulnerability. But it certainly would’ve been interesting to see what the much more Salem-like Grimes would’ve done over the warmer, more Californian Liz Montgomery as the witch Samantha. 

Tammy appeared in Noel Coward shows including “High Spirits and “Look After Lulu,” and won another Tony Award for “Private Lives” in 1970. Speaking of the Tony, not only did Tammy win, but so did her one-time husband Christopher Plummer, and their daughter Amanda Plummer. After that, she was less visible. Her golden decade was definitely the 60’s.

Now, how...weird...was she? While her personality was quirky and amusing in films and on stage, her choices the few times she was given a shot at SOLO SINGING STAR success were very bizarre. Her attempt at a kind of "wall of sound" hit single was the hot mess "Nobody Needs Your Love More Than I Do." It was produced by Jack Nitzsche, who tended to throw the kitchen sink at most any singer, even overpowering Judy Henske on an oddball single. When it came to putting together an album, Tammy went well beyond "slow song, fast song, sad song, funny song," and came up with tracks that were pretty jarring when placed next to teach other. 

Try and make sense out of her version of "Tom Dooley," which sounds like she's turned the folk song into a Geisha's lament. There was nobody quite like Tammy Grimes, and sometimes, you could listen to Tammy Grimes and not be sure it was Tammy Grimes. 


TAMMY GRIMES 

TAMMY GRIMES 

ILL-USTRATED SONGS #35 Donald Trump Is President - STAND NAKED CLOWN




"Even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked." Bob Dylan

The naked truth about Donald Trump is that he was able to thrive in a divided, fearful, hate-driven country. 

He was bitching that it was a "rigged" election. Who were The Riggers? His supporters. White Riggers, mostly. Meth addicts. Toothless Kentucky and Florida rednecks. Borderline mental defectives with chain saws and guns. Frightened woman-haters. The KKK. Religious fanatics who think a raped woman should bear the child of her psycho-tormentor while THEY spill sperm in men's rooms pretending they aren't gay. 

I could go on. If Donald Trump did STAND NAKED, he would reveal that he's a dick who played on the worst traits of inbred American farmers and farts. 

It's human nature, really, if you're a white man of the Donald Trump variety. You're happy to import foreign whores to be mail-order brides. If one doesn't work out, get another. That they are dumb-ass bitches who can't speak English and have no brains doesn't matter. They let you grab pussy. Ivanka or Melania, or some bimbo named Marla, it's just pussy. Fuck it. Impregnate it. Raise a few inbred monsters who look like you. 

If you're a white man who supports Donald Trump, you are suspicious of foreigners. "Xenophobia" used to be scorned as ridiculous, but some immigrants lately are so self-entitled, obnoxious and downright dangerous, it's no surprise that Trump rose to prominence by screaming, "We'll build a wall." If you pick up a fucking phone in America to dial any business, you're likely to get a recorded message in SPANISH, asking you if you'd like to listen in SPANISH. Who wouldn't be offended when one race refuses to speak English and expects YOU to get a headache listening to jibber-jabber? 

Donald doubled-down on the "Xenophobia" quite easily, because another annoying bunch, the Muslims, have committed almost all the acts of terror in the world. ISIS. Boko Harum. Draw a cartoon and they'll kill you. Be gay and they'll kill you. Be a woman and your genitals get mutilated. Be an ordinary citizen doing good work in San Bernardino, for example, or watching a marathon race in Boston, and you're shot to death or bombed to pieces. No surprise that Trump received huuuuuuge support from pissed off white guys. 

Add good Christian women who think abortion is terrible, but who don't adopt children themselves, and don't care about overpopulation at a time when fish and bees are disappearing and food is becoming contaminated, and rents are soaring and diseases proliferating. To low-rent cunts in Georgia or Tennessee, old-fashioned values involve breeding Christians, not watching packs of Hispanics scuttle around (even if Hispanics tend to be Christian). 

When it comes to standing naked, Donald should explain to us why HE can be protected by air conditioning and limos, while WE suffer, and have to strip down as much as we can. Donald Trump does not believe in climate change. He thinks it's bullshit. That means he'll make sure to push for more filthy coal production and pipelines spilling oil all over the land. He's actually laughed that using aerosol sprays can't damage the ozone layer because they disappear in the room you're in. 

If you ignore Bill Maher's "FBI coup" theory (that in the last weeks they made it seem Hillary was more crooked and corrupt than the average politician), the big reason Clinton lost was because of her moderate views on immigration. She said she'd welcome more Syrians, and she would NOT deport Mexicans, and that Muslims are lovely people. 

She also happened to be an extremely literate, poised, and intelligent WOMAN...which makes toothless Florida rednecks and retarded Pennsylvania coal miners suspicious, and downright hateful. 

Trump moaned that Chicago is being torn by violence, and the poor blacks in the inner cities are being killed. What do you suppose he'll do about THAT? Send in the National Guard and shoot anyone who riots, that's what. He'll look the other way as more and more Americans stock up on assault weapons and murder each other. After all, he thought his two mongrel sons were wonderful when they went to Africa and shot up the wildlife, and posed with a dead tiger and the tail of a murdered elephant. All over the Internet today, writers are predicting all the different ways Trump could make America and the world a living hell. 

I only offer some random thoughts on this, the morning after. As Paul Simon sang it, "No I would not give you false hope on this strange and mournful day." 

To be optimistic about it, we do know that the President usually gets nothing done. He is not a king. Whether it's Nixon, Reagan or the Bushes, certain laws, rules and customs survive. If only by the sheer incompetence of the government, even the best schemes don't reach fruition. So in incompetency there is hope.  

It's possible Trump will not be able to dismantle Obamacare and make life worse for those with physical and mental miseries. It's possible he won't appoint dour religious fanatics to the Supreme Court and overturn the abortion laws. It's quite likely he'll approve lax marijuana laws because a country of pot-headed dipshits will be too stoned to care about the rest of his agenda. Liberals have pointed to a bunch of states legalizing marijuana as a sign "all wasn't lost" on election day. 

So we wait. "Is he REALLY going to build the wall? Is he REALLY going to deport thousands of Mexicans? Is he REALLY going to keep Muslims out of the country? And how is he REALLY going to destroy ISIS without starting World War Three? And what compromises will be make with his buddy Putin?" Some are praying that Trump, who was once a Democrat, will slyly shed his cloak of conservative stodginess. Surely he's used birth control with his whores. He wouldn't want his creepy sons to be stuck with brats they didn't want. MAYBE he'll have an advisor or two who can talk sense to him. After all, his victory speech wasn't the preening, smirking ego-fest you'd expect. He actually had a sense of humor about how half the country didn't vote for him and didn't think he was right for the job. 



America is fractured. It's been fractured but now you can see the break and the blood and the sores and the sinews exposed. Most every election has been close, with close to 50% of the country NOT voting for the man who became President. Dubya Bush slipped by twice. Obama squeaked by twice. Trump didn't really win by much. And so it will be a happy "White Christmas" mostly for conservative, fearful/hateful white people, the ones clinging to family values that they ignore. That includes the anti-gay men who get caught in men's rooms, and all those people who insist guns are for their protection only they end up getting offed by a friend or a relative or even a baby accidentally pulling the trigger on a weapon left nearby. 




Stand Naked and admit that what motivates people is not what they like but what they hate.



STAND NAKED CLOWN