BOB DILDYN RADIO THEME HOUR #2 -- Butt Fuckin' & Shit

"What looks large in the distance, close-up ain't never that big. Except a woman's ass."

So says Bob Dildyn, as he muses through an x-rated hour Zimmy wouldn't touch at X-M Satellite radio.
Besides rude intros and raunchy songs, there's the "celebrity interview," this time, a crude Q&A cut-in with PAUL SIMON!

Dylanesque rambles on anal sex and "all kinds of crap" plop between songs like:
"Fuckin' in the Butt." "River of Shit," "Oops I Farted Again" (Britney Spears), "Toilet Love," "Keepin' Your Poop in a Jar" "Poop on My Pee," "Shishkebab," and "Uranus Is Out Tonight." Some foul songs are quickly dumped in for 20 or 30 seconds, like "Dogshit in my Garden," "Farting Fool" and some maniac Jamaican screaming "Somebody pooped!" Which is balanced by a demure British gal warbling "You're full of shit...full of shit."
Bob Dildyn's most ardent follower, A.J. Weberfuck, has allowed illfolks to post the show here (since his own blog is even more obscure than this one) but asks that anyone who also wants to use it, post this original link and don't re-up it as your own. That's so that A.J. can keep track of how popular (or unpopular) the Theme Hour is, and add the info to his huge and pointless dossier on his idol, the elusive Mr. Dildyn.
This is for ill folkies...so "parental guidance" is suggested. As if "Butt Fuckin' and Shit" didn't give you an idea of how down and dirty Dildyn is...
BOB DILDYN #2
Update for those who missed the first show:
"VAGINA" is still running.

ILL-USTRATED SONGS #6 : WHIPPING POST (Genya Ravan)

If "Genya Ravan" (hard G, last name pronounced like the bird) is only a vaguely familiar name, then you should be tied to the whipping post, not her.
But so should dozens of A&R men, disc jockeys, label execs and muddled music critics who thought rock blooze began and ended with Janis Joplin.
Always a hard-living and adventurous woman, the former Ms. Zelkowitz posed for vintage skin mags, formed "Goldie and the Gingerbreads" and toured with the Rolling Stones and then fronted (literally, as some raunchy extant pix prove) Ten Wheel Drive.
She then took a series of tumbles with brilliant solo albums that suffered from poor promotion (her debut on Columbia), bastardly production (like the well-titled "They Love Me, They Love Me Not") or drugged-up non-logic (an album titled "Goldie Zelkowitz" with no reference that this was actually Genya Ravan).
The agony you'll hear on "Whipping Post" is matched again and again throughout Genya's catalog, especially "I Hate Myself" and a passionate "Bird on a Wire" from her Columbia solo debut. Her latter efforts include the fiendishly sardonic "Aye Colorado" duet with Lou Reed and the loudly lusty "Won't Sleep On the Wet Spot" which highlight her two lps for 20th Century Fox, now on mp3 via links at genyaravan.com.
I saw Genya live, a year or two ago, and she's still a formidable presence. Off stage she's the sweet Jewish mama her real name implies. After all, she grew up on the Lower East Side's Rivington Street (yes, the "Birds the Word" Rivingtons borrowed the street cred) and she grew up amid a melting pot of ethnicities. I remember her having two cool kitties in the apartment uptown, and that everybody always wished her career would get the heat it deserved.
Her autobiography, "Lollipop Lounge" tells the hard luck stories of what happened along the way, and it's as horrific as any in the rock world, whether real ("Buried Alive") or not ("The Rose"). I once told Genya, "you're a survivor," and that pissed her off, because she's been more than that...she's been a mover, a shaker, and she's beaten all the odds from addiction to cancer, and she's always devised ways of keeping it real in the music business, whether issuing solo albums, producing albums for Ronnie Spector or The Dead Boys, or hanging out at CBGB's.
Take this track ripped from vinyl (which for some reason sounds better than the one I bought at eMusic) and consider it an invitation to check her site and find more, more, more. Each stanza of this song brings Genya closer to the raw meat and the bare bones. Or to borrow, out of context, a Phil Ochs line: "The whipping was rotten with ecstasy." Good Lord...Good Lord...Lord...I feel like I'm DYIN'!!!
WHIPPING POST Instant download or listen on line. No code words, porn ads or pop-up ads.

Note: If files on the blog aren't working, leave a comment. Some can be replaced, as usually they stop working only because the cloud server changed some configuration or other, or switched from an http to https without bothering to TELL ME to UPDATE my link.

GINA GERSHON - "House of Woe"

Gina Gershon is hotter than Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel put together. Although maybe not hotter than a video of Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel put together.
Gina is one of the sexiest women on the planet, and if you don't agree, look at the photos. If you still don't agree, leave my blog, you antisemite. And don't download any of my other Jewish princesses, from Eydie Gorme to Dinah Shore to Genya Ravan. Feh! Double feh!

Gershon's always had a strong interest in hyphenating her fame, as in "actress-singer" and she's gotten some creds to back her up, from her movie "Prey for Rock & Roll" to a brief stint in Broadway's "Cabaret" (I think second or third to replace Brooke Shields, who was second or third to replace the original star of this second or third revival).
Her first solo album arrives any day now. Despite the Mylene Farmer goth cover idea (tears of blood) it's strong mainstream pop, although there may be one or two songs that carry too much of a country tinge.
Years ago, at some goofy press-party that drew Robin Williams and other celebs (Griffin Dunne fitting into the latter) I noticed a wickedly attractive girl moving about the periphery, and she gave me a sexy, assured stare when I walked over and took a few pix. She hadn't made a hit film yet, and somebody told me her name was "Tina."
Years later, nostalgically checking pages of chromes in various looseleaf bindings of party and event pix, I recognized that my mysterious "Tina" had become the goth, humorous, exotic, erotic, fascinating actress singer GINA...
She's still in the illfolks category because she's not yet renowned as a singer, and infamous mostly for her ill roles in "Bound" and "Showgirls." Perhaps her debut CD will vault her past cult status and out of my clutches.
When, in any fit of masturbatory homage, you purr her name, she pronounces it GEE-nah, grrrr-SHON. First name accent on first syllable, second name accent on second syllable. Now listen...
Gina sings: HOUSE OF WOE No wait time, code words, porn ads, pop-ups or foul balls

ILL-USTRATED SONGS #5: GO TAKE A SHIP FOR YOURSELF Benny Bell

Here's a bit more of Benny Bell. He was a lovely man; a family man. He had a home in Brooklyn and much of his living was made by peddling his self-pressed music to local shops, as well as performing around town.
Benny divided his time between snazzy Jewish dance music (freilachs) and his risque novelty numbers. He's best known for the cutely crass "Shaving Cream," which was later covered by everyone from Dave Van Ronk to the Jolly Boys. As Benny's clear nasal tenor rose to pun a near-obscenity, you knew he was not trying to be obscene, just heard. He enjoyed being a corny wiseguy, and all he wanted you to do was smile.
Here's another bit of silliness, just in time for your Carnival Cruise vacation. Take it away, Mr. Samberg (no, his real name doesn't quite ring a Bell...)
GO TAKE A SHIP! Instant download, no porn ads, pop-ups or wait time.

Groucho's Daughter Melinda Marx Wasn't Petula Clark

Groucho Marx's youngest daughter, Melinda, doesn't want to be known as Groucho's youngest daughter, Melinda.

While son Arthur wrote several books about his father (as well as other comedians) and daughter Miriam put together a collection of letters, young Melinda's been...elusive. Which beats being bitter but funny, or alcoholic and Sapphic, as her siblings turned out to be.

You'll recall, if you're a Grouchophile, that sweet Melinda turned up as a little goddess of song on her Daddy's quiz show. Proud poppa insisted that she sing, as if she was auditioning for an "Our Gang" revival that might need a new Darla. However Melinda's enthusiasm waned. As did her mother Eden's...to the point where you can see just what kind of dysfunctional family they became...



...a chagrined kid, an alky wife (stepmom Eden) and a grouchy old hubby. Listening to this A-side single, cut post-puberty (6 years after this photo), you get the idea with "East Side of Town" that Melinda Marx didn't want to be the next "Downtown" Petula Clark.

You can almost imagine her telling the sound engineer: "can I get this over with in one take?" Turning Fabian's echo chamber into a mausoleum, here's Melinda Marx singing her way out of show business...

The East Side...and Down Side of Being a Celebrity Daughter Instant Download or Listen on Line

PHIL RIZZUTO - THE GOLD RECORD "Holy Cow!"

"That huckleberry!" Phil Rizzuto said.

Meatloaf's debut album yielded a hit song for both of them, but, Phil told me, "I had no idea what he was gonna do!"

Meaning, Phil had no idea the play-by-play he'd recorded would become the double-entendre filled highlight in the epic song "Paradise by the Dashboard Light." He shook his head in amusement. "That huckleberry!"

Nothing bothered Phil. Not really. Not for very long.

He was too busy counting his blessings: beating the odds on a 5'6" shortstop making the Big Leagues, the MVP award in 1950, being friends with Yogi and Jeter and Dimaggio and all the other great players, being a broadcaster for 40 years, getting into the Hall of Fame...and most of all, his wife Cora and his children.

So what if Meatloaf used his narration that way. As it almost always did for him, whether failing a tryout for the Dodgers or getting cut by the Yankees in 1956, it worked out fine after all. I remember the day he got the Gold Record plaque. In the elevator after the little ceremony, the guileless Scooter wasn't even thinking about himself. "Meatloaf!' he said. "What IS that guy's real name?"

That guy? Marvin Aday. I spent an hour with Mr. Loaf once, and we talked a bit about Phil. Meatloaf was of course a big Rizzuto fan, but a little disappointed in his recording experience with him: "The first few times, he was just reading the lines. It was hard getting him to be Phil Rizzuto!"

Well, yeah...because the greatest thing about Phil Rizzuto was his spontaneity. He worked best being himself...wide-eyed and a little wacky, like this classic from the WPIX archives: "And he hits one in the hole. They're gonna have to hurry. They'll never get him! They got him. How do you like that? Holy cow. I changed my mind before he got there, so that doesn't count as an error..."

Phil was beloved by everyone who ever knew him or heard him or watched him play. He loved everyone, too. Some of his contemporaries would turn down autograph requests, or ask for money, but Phil would patiently sign, and he was proud of being able to put HOF (Hall of Fame) below his signature, and then add his retired number...#10.

Phil died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 90. I wish that #10 could've been added so that he lived to be 100. Two words about Phil Rizzuto. Watta guy.

Phil Rizzuto, MVP, Hall of Famer, and Gold Record winner for:

"Paradise by the Dashboard Light" Instant download, you huckleberry!

ILL-USTRATED SONGS #4: CONEY ISLAND - Herb Alpert

Summer is ending, and if it wasn't all you wanted it to be, then recall the nostalgia of bygone days at the beach...via this snazzy little instrumental by Herb Alpert.

Perhaps, after "Spanish Flea" and "Lonely Bull," Herb had finally decided to explore his Jewish roots for "Coney Island." Sadly the fad for kicky brass band antics was over, and his peppy gem was not a hit. Illustrating the song is a picture from a recent event at "Coney Island," a place that's a little different from when the horny guys from Tijuana were on the high C's.
CONEY ISLAND! Instant download, no porn ads, code words or pop-ups.

JULIENNE IRWIN sings PATSY CLINE

Julienne Irwin made it to the Top 8 of "America's Got Talent" the hard way; by simply being what she is, a 14 year-old with a fresh look and a great voice. Whether she wins or loses, makes more than one CD or none at all, she helped make the summer a little more pleasant. There was plenty of hot humid air, torrential rain, and so much of Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton being dumb that even die-hard pervs were getting creeped out.
The summer series "America's Got Talent" is a less boring "American Idol," since it varies the way people can be annoying, and isn't restricted to singers overdosing on extra vowels just to show-ow-ow emo-oh-oh-oh-tion.
With Jerry Springer hosting, most viewers were prepared for a genial freakshow, and there were lots of laughables, from a tearfully inept Russian drama queen gymnast to a joyfully self-confident porcine Shakira impersonator. There were terrible acrobats, wince-producing novelty acts, dubious street performers and The Stepford Duttons of Branson, a gruesomely toothy family that would make Mormons approve of abortion, up to 60 years after birth.
Irwin always stood out from the rest because she had such amazing pipes for a 14 year-old, and never copped an attitude. Or as Sharon Osbourne cooed, "You are such a great role model for other girls in this country. You don't flaunt what you've got. You dress appropriately -- you're just great." Well, yes, compared to others in the Top 8, including a fat white guy who's made a big deal out of being "modest" while ripping off every black reggae singer he's ever heard, a greasy self-absorbed cruise ship singer (and shouldn't semi-pro ringers be kicked off this ostensible amateur hour?) and another teen female-nom who plays the race card (she calls herself, ah, "Butterscotch") and has fascinated the judges by making fart noises into a microphone.
Julienne Irwin has modest aspirations: "This is so silly, but I hope one day I get to sing the national anthem at an Orioles game. That would be so great."
Her take on Willie Nelson's "Crazy" is nicely updated, sans the hard edge of the worldly Patsy Cline, but with a smooth arrangement that freshens up the melody without adding too many vowel movements.
Here's "Crazy" (in retro mono, as tribute to Ms. Cline) as performed by Julienne Irwin at age 14, live in front of 12 million people. Amazing. Julienne cooks! Julienne fries!
Julienne Irwin sings "Crazy" Instand download or listen on line. No wait, porn ads or pop-ups.

SWAT MILLIGAN! BASEBALL HERO

Barry Bonds, of the S.F. (steroid-filled) Giants? He's no hero. Not like... SWAT MILLIGAN!

Swat came to semi-fame 70 years ago via "New York World" reporter Bozeman Bulger's short stories. Swat's next and last shot, was this novelty track by Ernie Sheldon. As childish as this song is, it fit in with the days when Valmy Thomas, Pumpsie Green and Enos Slaughter played ball, "Americana" was in, and goofy tunes like "Come Onna My House" and "Banana Boat" were Top 10 hits.

Just as Disney served up "Casey at the Bat" via cartoon, energetic Ernie Sheldon tried to make a novelty craze out of this fictional baseball player for the Poison Oak team, long after Bozeman Bulger was going, going, gone. Bulger was a contemporary of Damon Runyon, and ghosted "as told to" sports books, including "My 30 Years in Baseball" by John McGraw back in 1923.
Here's Ernie and his jolly gang singing "Milligan! Swat Milligan! Clobber that ball!"
Sapristi! He apparently struck out with this.
The humor here is, alas, nowhere near the level of Spike Milligan, and Ernie couldn't get Thurl Ravenscroft to goo up that basso "Clobber that ball" line, but if you thought Wyatt Earp was "brave courageous and bold" you might get a lift from this musical whiffle ball.
If it's a choice between singing dopey 50's tunes or singing the praises of steroid-pumped clods like Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa or Bobby Bonds...I'll swing with Swat.
Listen and envision this as a Disney cartoon short, as you picture "Swat Milligan" and his antics. Now that Bonds artificially broke Hammerin' Hank's record, forget about it and listen to Ernie Sheldon -- and that bunch of background singers that were probably banned from singing along with Mitch.
SWAT MILLIGAN Download or listen on line. No wait, porn ads, pop-ups or foul balls.

ELEVEN 'Tears On My Pillow"

Some of the best songs are the simple ones. Or so it seems.
"You don't remember me. But I remember you."
"Tears on my pillow. Pain in my heart caused by you."
The subtle questions asked in the song: a) is the singer going to do something more than cry about it? ("You don't remember me..." suggests a stalker, doesn't it?)
And b) is the singer straight or gay?
Richard Barrett, who was trying to get "Little Anthony" Gourdine signed to a deal in 1958, recalls: "I had some time trying to convince (producer) George Goldner that the public would go for Anthony's high-pitched voice. What George thought was a lisp was in fact intentional vocal styling by Anthony."
Yes, Anthony intended to sound like...a childlike male hurt for the first time, a woman hurt for the umpteenth time, a simpering gay, a feisty lesbian or whatever a listener on the radio wanted the singer to be!
Is it that surprising that the other big hit version was the cover by Timi Yuro? The woman with the gender-bender name had a range between alto and alternative lifestyles. The next big cover version was from gay icon Kylie Minogue.
The song is musically androgynous, too. It's pop, it's rock, it's R&B and it's C&W. Unlike "96 Tears," there's no number of "Tears on My Pillow," and if you want to be rude, the "tears" could be symbolic of some other form of wetness, and there's nothing more humiliating than a soggy one-night stand and a dry-cleaning bill.
You get 9 versions here, plus two bonus tracks: two more songs titled "Tears on My Pillow" that use that phrase for entirely different lyrics and melodies.
ELEVEN TEARS ON MY PILLOW Tears Galore

Also this link TEARS ON MY PILLOW In case the other link's hinky

SAND RUNS OUT - Hazlewood Dies at 78

Sort of like a cross between Johnny Cash and Sonny Bono, Lee Hazlewood had a tough, almost literally flat voice and he was best when it contrasted to a similar female one. With Cher already taken, this cowpoke prodded Nancy Sinatra into stardom for them both. First he shaped Nancy from a sweet "Daddy's Daughter" performer into a painted, tainted boot-stompin' tough gal, then he began to duet with her.
Barton Lee Hazlewood, who died last Saturday, wrote "These Boots are Made for Walkin'" and the neatly nasty follow-up, "How Does That Grab Ya Darlin'?" He hit the charts with her on "Jackson" and "Summer Wine," and they made several albums including the fairly recent "Nancy and Lee 3" which failed to get a UK or USA release, even though it had some excellent tracks amid some corn and a few clinkers. Nancy sounds particularly good and Lee's a formidable octave lower. A sample of how good it could get is below; "She Won't."
Like Jimmy Webb, Lee Hazlewood could write both solid rock and soggy pop (remember Nancy's "Sugar Town"?)...but also like Webb, the Okie rarely got attention on his own solo CDs.
He knew he was dying when he put the finishing touches on "Cake or Death" the title a clue that this would be both sweet and sour, a sometimes cute often caustic musical brew of coffee, Bovril and saki. His voice was pretty strong, though not on "Boots," which does have lounge-cool brass, a twangy-guitar (he did work with Duane Eddy) and gives you the original, more masculine melody line. The lyrics are the same (including that great bit of poetic illiteracy, "you keep lyin' when you oughta be truthin').
My first choice for a salute goes back to the Cowboy Lee and Lady Nancy days, when their unrequited sexual tension was hottest (he was married) and he was moving past Ol' Blue Eyes as the main mentor and influence in her life.
"Sand," is really just a truckstop one-nighter, but producer-genius Lee uses courtly dress-up (catch the word "thee"?), Doors-type pseudo clever "fire" analogies, and shoves Beatles backward-tape psychedelia into the middle to take the concept of froggy guy and frosty princess to new depths and heights simultaneously. Or as we dudes say; "Sweet!"
Nancy: "Oh sir, my fire is burning high. If it should stop, sir, I would die. The shooting star has crossed my land. A wandering man."
Lee: "She whispered SAND...young woman shared her fire with me. Now warms herself with memory. I was a stranger in her land. A wanderin' man. She called me Sand."
Get it? Sand ran out on her. Sand bagged her. So many more of these, which you couldn't think of if he was named Grits.
SAND Instant download or listen on line.
SHE WON'T (from the last Nancy and Lee album, released only in Australia) Instant download or listen on line.

CHRISTOPHER LEE ... SINGS

Prepare yourself.
You will not forget the four minutes you are about to download.
All I can really add is that I've met Christopher Lee, I've spoken to Christopher Lee, and the moment he fixes his eyes on you and speaks to you...IT IS SCARY!
Well, intimidating might be a better word.
He carries himself with dignity and eschews modesty when it comes to debunking his status as a mere movie monster. No, he rightfully will list all his achievements as a linguist, a swordsman, a connoisseur, and, yes, a remarkable hybrid; the singer who can emote (or, the actor who can sing). Restless for any challenge, at 84 he not only chose to make a solo album, he chose to do what even Sinatra, Bennett or Shatner wouldn't think of doing...songs in a variety of styles from opera to show tune to Christmas carol.
Here's Mr. Lee assuming the character of a cowboy and singing "High Noon" (along with a brief sample clip of the Sinatra & Anka classic "My Way" and some errant dialogue).
The CD version is a British pressing only, at the moment, BUT it's available in mp3 downloads from iTunes and eMusic. If you like this sample, buy some tracks. I did. It will encourage a sequel (he has plans, folks) and it may inspire more celebrity singing albums in general (conservative record execs usually check sales figures of similar projects before proceeding). I hope this publicity gets some sales for you, Mr. Lee! I'll go hide under a blanket...
...while discerning seekers of the unusual download...
CHRISTOPHER LEE!

SACRILEGE #7 : NEIL YOUNG PARODY

Thank you, Tony Scheuren for NOT tossing a "wine/whine" pun into this thing.
His song from the 70's National Lampoon "Goodbye Pop" lp skewers the ego behind Neil Young's notion of "A Man Needs a Maid."
It references "After the Goldrush" (with the "patches on my jeans" back cover) and loads up on recognition humor ("Neil" longs to live in "North Ontario. It's safer than Alabama. It's safer than Ohio"). If you don't know "Old Man" or "Cowgirl in the Sand" some lines here won't raise a smile.

Mr. Young had a bit of a crooked grin through segments of the Demme concert film "Heart of Gold," but it's doubtful he was all that amused when this parody came out. (Which is why the photo's been altered so he can flip the bird!) What sacrilege, to take a poke at a sensitive singer-songwriter, and even do an elbow in the musical rib over CSN&Y's anthem about four dead students at Kent State.
Scheuren is not just "a comic." He began his career as a musician, and at 19 sang lead vocals with "Chamaeleon Church," a group that did release an album on MGM in 1968. (Kyle Garrahan, also chronicled on this blog, was a member.) He also toured with Ultimate Spinach and is on "Ultimate Spinch III." For most, his most vivid work remains with the Lampoon, both their discs and radio show.
And remember, unless you live in some still hippie-esque canyon, or behind the gates of a Beverly Hills or Malibu home, you'll agree with the faux Neil here, that...
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA BRINGS ME DOWN Si, muchachos, es verdad.

14 JACK THE RIPPER SONGS + Soundtracks

Heavy metal was what Jack the Ripper wielded, and it's no surprise that the favorite bad guy for metal bands is a real murderer, not make-believe monster.
Ripper fans include: Judas Priest, Motorhead, Chemical Romance, The Horrors, Screaming Lord Sutch, The White Stripes, AFI, Buckethead, Iced Earth and One Way Street. Let's not forget guys like Link Wray, who recorded his own "Jack the Ripper" instrumental rumble, though he might have imagined a surfer Jack ripping the waves.

Unlike Dracula, or even Dr. Jeckyll's Hyde, the Ripper existed. He made a hobby out of killing prostitutes. A "better watch out for Dracula" song would only be mysterious and spooky, and altogether ooky for hip thrashers. Instead, with the Ripper, they can be more urgent with screaming guitars that match a knife's glint, and rumbling minor key melodies that evoke dark alleys. The misogynist aspect can't be overlooked, since these guys attack the vocals with such enthusiasm. Included here is "Whores in da House" by Jack the Ripper, just to document that rappers, of course, find this guy a role model, too.
There is no certainty about how many victims there were (between 5 and 19), if the Ripper was male or female, if several people were involved, why the killings stopped, or how many (if any) of the notes signed "Jack the Ripper" were hoaxes. Almost all evidence and every theory can be believed or ripped to pieces. Eyewitnesses differ on specifics (the cloaked Ripper in a top hat is folklore too). Movies paint the ladies as young and beautiful when they were in fact middle-aged dregs, some toothless, who sold themselves cheap in a slum area. Making the victims more sexually attractive only further fogs up the motives in the case. Check the Net and you'll find entire websites about Jack, including "fun" sites that list the likely victims and suspects.
It's all speculation and nothing more, with plenty of theories to prop up or debunk a particular suspect or motive. We'll have to wait for the next book, and the author's appearance with Regis & Ripa (no, the photo is just an illfoax hoax...Ripa never actually posed with Rip Torn).
There are 14 Jack the Ripper songs here...as well as seven of the most evocative tracks from two ripper movies, "Jack the Ripper" (score by Pete Rugolo, 1959) and "Study in Scarlet." 21 download tracks. That's rippin' a lot of Rippers....
Let her Rip

TAMMY FAYE : SEXUAL SURRENDER!

What a scene last week with Tammy Faye interviewed by Larry King. Deathly face, slow speech, glazed eyes...and Tammy Faye wasn't in good shape either.
The soggy saga of Tammy Faye Bakker Messner has been blogged and flogged all over the Net. Some, like Harry Shearer, say "her only claim to fame/notoriety was to have been the marital partner of a convicted crooked televangelist," which denies her fame and notoriety as a campy TV personality who rode the tabloid roller-coaster like a pro, and was never more up than when she was down.
In death, her most vocal admirers were Christians who forgave her any sins caused by her husband, and the gay community that admired her drag-queen make-up and her lack of judgemental accusations against them, which made her very different from other religious fundamentalists.
Cynics might say Tammy's tolerance started with her hubby's alleged bi-sexuality, and that she learned from Anita Bryant what kind of physical and financial assaults can happen to a woman when gays act up.
In a country that wants entertainment more than anything else, she was good to the last drop, turning her fatal erosion into a media event. You can't really fake this. Just as Britney is trailer trash and Paris is a slut, Tammy proved to the world that above all else, she BELIEVED. She went to her grave telling the world that she was really going to heaven. America bought her act. Why not?
When you're 65 pounds (and 55 of them make-up), and you've spent ten years dealing with cancer, and your doctors have now pretty much told you it's not IF but WHEN, it takes a lot of faith to think that God is merciful, God exists, and a living hell is just a prelude to eternal heaven.
So in the end, Tammy Faye Bakker was the Lucille Ball of televangelists. Both were good businesswomen, funny, unique, and possessed of a deep instinct for survival. Both married assholes first, and parasites second. In Tammy's case, a goofy-faced sex fiend who over-sold timeshares, followed by a fame-clutching ex-con who did time for bankruptcy fraud.
Did Jim Bakker and a friend drug and rape Jessica Hahn? Did Tammy know how he amassed the money for their three luxury homes, fancy cars and other extravagances? Did she think owning gold faucets was Christian humility or the deserved spoils of running a religious theme-park? Was she closer to the schemes of Falwell and Swaggart than the sincerity of Billy Graham? Did she think appearing with porn hedgehog Ron Jeremy on a "reality" show was something Jesus would do?
Oh, it's too heavy for THIS blog, so instead, let's have a stupid dirty song!
The "Tammy Faye" you are about to hear has taken one of the best Cheap Trick songs and turned it into Jesus porn, complete with orgasms. If you want to hear some of the campy religious tunes from Tammy and Jim Bakker, check the link on the left for the musicformaniacs blog. For the parody "SURRENDER," that starts out sincere and turns sleazy, click the link below, and may God have mercy on your hole.
"Mother told me, yes she told me, pray to Jesus Christ!
I didn't listen, was not a Christian, I led a sinful life...suddenly I heard a voice from somewhere up on high...oh just swallow it..."
SURRENDER, instant download or listen on line. No porn ads or wait time.

ILL-USTRATED SONGS#3 : READERS WIVES Dave Edmunds

"You like your girlfriends big or small
you like your women short or tall
just cruise on down to the corner stand
give your money to the man!
A mugger carries a couple of knives -
All I wanna do is look at READERS WIVES."



Plink plank
Wink wank.
The pictures enlarge, if you really wanna see these readers wives.
DAVE EDMUNDS Buy his Greatest Hits, after hearing this song about some of the Greatest Tits

A DOZEN "HIGHWAYMAN" ROBBERY SONGS

The image of "The Highwayman" is romantic, largely because of the Alfred Noyes poem (most sucessfully mated to music by Phil Ochs). In reality, most highwaymen were just robbing hoods. Anyone riding by was "fair game" to them, and that led to the formation of the Horse Patrol in 1805.
The year before, William Brennan was hanged. The Irish highwayman is still one of the most famous of his profession, a romantic figure before the arrival of his rivals Jesse James in America, or Ned Kelly in Australia.
Brennan may have been one of the few to practice "sharity," since the earliest broadside ballads about him (circa the 1820's) paint him as a hero, a rebel targeting British nobility and the RIAA (Royal Idiots and Aristocrats). "He robbed from the rich, and gave it to the poor," is a line from "Brennan on the Moor."
When the actual Brennan died, it was without much fanfare or notoriety...or a catchy melody. As the song about him grew in popularity over the years, few could actually state where he was born (probably Kilmurry) or why he became an outlaw. Some said that he joined the army where he rebelled against its discipline and deserted. Others said he was already a crook and stole a watch from a foppish officer and had to flee after the crime was discovered.
It's up to the Clancy Brothers to give an authentic, and brief version of "Brennan on the Moor." Other versions go on for stanza after stanza, filled with his exploits.

Also here, in two versions (one male, one female) is "The Newry Highwayman." The other highwaymen are not named, but their personalities, exploits and attitudes are vividly brought to musical life by: Blue Cheer, the Brotherhood of Man and Tinsley Ellis.
The choice here for a musical setting of the Noyes poem is not the least bit noisy; it's Loreena McKennitt. She's not the only blonde on the bill, though. You also get "The Highwayman" as sung and described by Stevie Nicks. And yes, that odd song about reincarnation, whether it's a criminal or a damn builder, is on this download too, "The Highwayman" as written by Jimmy Webb and performed by The Highwaymen (led by Johnny Cash).
One of the most famous phrases in all of crime belongs to the highwayman: "Stand and Deliver!" That bold demand yields two very different songs, one from Wishbone Ash and the other from Adam Ant.
It would've been an unlucky 13 to include "Dennis Moore," the Monty Python song about the man who stole from the rich...but largely confined himself to pilfering lupins. "Lupins??"
Stand & Deliver! 12 Highwayman Songs Folder

ILL-USTRATED SONGS#2 : Ruby, Dont Take...

As sick and lame (literally as well as lyrically) as the Kenny Rogers version was, it only gets worse via Walter Brennan. Who do you feel sorrier for; this wrinkled anti-semitic old geezer, or the girl who is told to sit around watching him dry-rot?
Brennan's raspy, expressive voice evokes instant sympathy for him the first time you hear it. Second time, the sympathy's all for Ruby, consarn it! Just look at the picture!


RUBY DON'T TAKE YOUR LOVE TO TOWN Dust Walter Brennan off instead. Instant download or listen on line

JERRY HADLEY sings PROCOL'S "Grand Hotel"

You'd think singing on a faux Procol Harum CD would be the low point in Jerry Hadley's life, but on July 10th, amid divorce, depression and bankruptcy, America's best known tenor, age 55, put an air rifle to his head. He lingered on life support but after nearly a week, on July 16th, the plug was pulled. He died two days later.
Hadley was a rising star through the 1980's, handsome and energetic. Leonard Bernstein chose him for the 1989 revival of "Candide." For two decades he was sought after for both opera and CDs of light classics that also included Broadway hits.
In 1995 he joined Tom Jones, ex-Curved Air Darryl Way and several others for "A Long Goodbye: Symphonic Music of Procol Harum." Wikipedia considers Hadley's contribution to be the album's highlight, "a stirring vocal interpretation of the Procol Harum classic, Grand Hotel."
It gives a pretty good idea of why this tenor was in demand. His other notable foray into territory rock fans might know, was his starring role in Paul McCartney's "Liverpool Oratorio."
Hadley made what turned out to be his final Metropolitan Opera appearance in "Great Gatsby" in 2002 and won a Grammy award for "Jenufa" in 2004, but by then, there were traces of strain in his formerly fluid delivery, and the always finnicky opera crowd began to find fault with him. He last appeared on stage in an Australian production of "Madama Butterfly" in May of 2007.
Most of Hadley's friends knew he was depressed for quite a while, even if he was still working. They did their best to offer optimism and hope. A warning sign was his arrest in New York City last year on a DWI charge. Perhaps the anti-depression medication made him pull a "Del Shannon" and grab that rifle at his upstate New York home. One of his friends wrote, "I don’t know what led him to this inescapable despair, to this sense that things were so very bad that they could never, ever get better. I guess I never will know."
JERRY HADLEY sings GRAND HOTEL No wait or porn ads. Download or listen on line.

GEORGE MELLY In the Electric Chair

Just last year he was working with Van Morrison, resisting cancer treatment, continuing to tour, and vowing to have a damn good time to the end. He did. George Melly died July 5th, at 80.
Your download sample of this eccentric retro-jazz singer is "Send Me to the Electric Chair," a murderer's hip howl:
"Judge yo' honor, hear my plea...I don't want no sympathy, I slit my woman's throat! I found her with another man, I warned her 'bout it before. I took a knife and...the rest you oughta know! Oh judge, judge, good Mister Judge...wanna pay a visit to the devil down below..."
Melly was way too lively to really want to off himself before his time...in fact, it took a sly Illfolks photo-collage to actually stick him into an electric chair.
The barrelhouse melody sounds a bit like "Low Down Alligator" mixed with "Oh You Engineer" while the singing owes something to the first person who popularized it, Bessie Smith.
Born in Liverpool, Melly vowed to bring American classic jazz to new audiences, and sang with Mike Mulligan's Magnolia Jazz Band in the 50's, and John Chilton's Feetwarmers from the 70's onward. Aside from music, he wrote the comic strip "Flook," was an art critic and put together a three-volume autobiography.
The talented Melly was also adept at bisexual sex and was a cheerful exhibitionist. At parties he might strip naked and twist his bulky body from man to imitation woman, and then on all fours, a bulldog!
Last year he recorded his final album, "The Ultimate Melly" with Van Morrison guesting. Last month he made his final stage performances fronting the Digby Fairweather Band.
One of the last of the bohemians, in later years his coy garb and eye patch making him look like a butt pirate, Melly could discuss art with an intellectual, or sing dirty songs to a bar maid. His obit in Britain's "The Telegraph" mentioned Melly was survived by his second wife and had gone from homosexual to "bisexual on his way to being a mighty camp heterosexual." Typical of his flamboyance was his appearance at a 1985 exhibit, "Salute to British Surrealism." The paintings weren't the show: "The entire art world had come from London for the opening and there was George wandering around naked."
Here's an electrifying performance from the Unchained Melly Instant download or listen on line. No waiting, code numbers or porn ads.