Ill-Ustrated Songs #15 Slaughter on Tenth Avenue Al Caiola

Here's the brilliant Al Caiola version of "Slaughter on Tenth Avenue."
Lounge. Too often, this term is abused by the un-hip.
If you're in a record store and you see a guy with stooped shoulders hauling a backpack, wearing a sloppy plaid shirt and khaki pants and Hush Puppies, you damn well know what bin he's hunched over: "LOUNGE." He'll squint through his glasses at any name he's been told is cool to like (Esquivel, babe) and maybe even take a fearful glimpse at those Julie London album covers that say, "You couldn't even put me on a spindle properly."
And he'll probably overlook the Al Caiola albums. Good. He's missing tracks like THIS, from Al's "Spies and Private Eyes" disc.
On this arrangement of "Slaughter on Tenth Avenue" gunshot percussion and a blast of brass let us know that we're in a bad part of town on a dangerous night; West Side Story without chorus boys or Sondheim. Al Caiola hauls out his twanger and seems to count the number of punches being thrown.
We're barely a minute into the tune when the neighborhood really starts to rumble; organ blasts to one side, gasping horns on the other. And then, soaring over it all like a police helicopter, one hell of a trumpet. Blow, Gabriel, because some devils are gonna be swoopin' the planet tonight.
Too often it's easy to overlook how calculated "charts" can be, and how perfectly they can produce some sonic sock. This is a textbook example on how to pull out all stops in tempo, juxtaposition of brass vs percussion, and the texture of hard bongo skin and twangy guitar, to produce an audio picture of mixed-neighborhood mayhem.
The tune cues the warning wail of a trumpet again, a police siren howl. The organ weeps and shudders, but the relentless drums don't stop, and with 40 seconds left, Al Caiola picks up the body count with his guitar pick, till the squealer brass section calls the cops and there's a final stuttering step-away from the crime by the drums.
That was one helluva slaughter. Listen on line or download, porn-ad free.

GEORGY GIRL - Sung in German Conny Froboess

Ach du lieber, what can you say about Conny Froboess? Really...if you have anything to say, leave a comment, 'cause this entry is pretty scant.
Frankly, I got an album of hers just because the cover looked nice, it was cheap, and I rightly figured she'd cover some hit tunes in German, which is always fun. I had little idea who she was when I bought this 10 years ago, and I haven't gained much ground since. But...
...she does a sprightly job with "Georgy Girl," which is a teut uncommon.

Born Cornelia Froboess, October 28, 1943 (I've given you time to get her a present), Conny was a precocious child star thanks to a hit tune called "Pack die Badehose ein" (pack your swimsuit). As a precocious teen, she starred in such classics as "Hula Hopp, Conny" (1959) as well as "Mariandl" (1961) and "Mariandl's Heimkehr" (1962). In her 20's, she was recording pop albums. These albums, if you hunt them down, have lilt. After all this time, they may also have lint.
Conny's film career stretched through the 20th century, and if you can find 'em, you'll see her in such varied and tantalizing offerings as "Der Musterknabe" (1963), "Crazy Total Verrukt" (1973), the fabulous Fassbinder's "Die Sehnsucht der Veronika Voss" (1982) and "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" (1997).
A kindly German friend told me that indeed, Conny was a very big star, is still very well remembered, and the reason the disc and film credits have gotten less over the years is that Ms Froboess has concentrated more on her stage career, and performing for a live crowd.
der German GEORGY GIRL

ILL-USTRATED SONGS #14 VALERIE - Marshall Crenshaw

The Ill Folks blog anthem could well be Marshall Crenshaw's "You're My Favorite Waste of Time," so let's perversely choose "Valerie" instead. One of many "off" artists (a contemporary of Jonathan Richman and Greg Kihn), M.C. never exactly became a chart success with his odd punk and rockabilly mixes.

No doubt the labels who kept pushing oddballs like Loudon Wainwright, Nick Lowe or Randy Newman knew they'd eventually get at least a fluke novelty hit, but Crenshaw? His labels kept trying but none of his quirky numbers ever nicked the Top 20, did they?


Crenshaw's put out many an album, and each has some truly catchy tracks.
OK, maybe he never ran over a skunk, laughed about a dead actress being nibbled by her dog, or cracked a verse about short people...but he did sing this Buddy un-Holy ode to "Valerie," who might be short, might be capable of eating human flesh, and might smell to high heaven, too.
VALERIE by CRENSHAW

BOOBS - The Bob Dildyn Theme Hour

Bouncing back with yet another hour of amusing musing and music, the reclusive Bob Dildyn has a fresh podcast, and it's about BOOBS.
If you've heard the previous volumes, on CUNT and SHIT, then you know what to expect. This show's a bit lighter than the others, with Bob in a more buoyant mood. The topic of tits inspires enthusiasm...especially when the special guest is JOAN BAEZ.
Sort of. The Baez interview, like previous ones with Leonard Cohen, Madonna and Paul Simon seems to involve splicing the celeb's voice to answer unlikely questions. Ms. Baez, you didn't really say such rude things...did you?
It's hard to keep track of the titles...some are full tracks, a few are excerpts, but definitely in the mix are: My Boobs are OK, Itty Bitty Titties, Titties and Beer, Ass and Titties, Bounce Your Boobies, Mama's Got Her Boobs Out, Knockers Up and Boobs.
Plus some guy lecturing about breastfeeding, a Britney Spears parody "Make My Boobies One More Size," a milk commercial from The Cowsills, and the Bob Dildyn original lyric "Double D Cup Hooters" (the melody seems suspiciously similar to one from the original Bob).
And the girl in the photos? Why, Adriana Lima, of course, who starred with Dylan in that infamous Victoria's Secret commercial a few years ago.
PS, look for Bob Dylan "Tell Tale Signs Bootleg 8" in stores and on line next month. If there's any similarity to the hours from Bob Dildyn, it's that the collection is a confusing hodge-podge of released, unreleased and live tracks put together in a way that only makes sense to Bob himself.
BOOBS (PART ONE, Half hour)
BOOBS (PART TWO, Half hour)
Not a Bob Dylan Theme Hour...a big bold podcast from BOB DILDYN.

Babes Sing IN FRENCH!

Here's a lot of French-singing ladies from Canada, France and Europe. It's a pretty smooth and lush collection. No distracting ye-ye girls, no punque babes, not even the gurgling trill of Piaf....it's mostly an assortment of oddities and lovely obscurities. And most all qualify for the illfolks blog because they may be hugely famous in French-speaking nations, but are mostly unknown to English-speakers. All will sound fine, however, played through Japanese speakers, German speakers, or whatever your set-up happens to be...

1. Carole Laure. Nyuk, a Canuck. "Save The Last Dance for Me" in French. This sexy actress began recording in the 70's, so her albums aren't ancient volumes of forgotten Laure.
2. Francine Laine. Not named after Frankie. Have you ever had a French girl talking urgently and emotionally to you? Me neither. This may fulfill your fantasies: "Moi Sensuelle." Your imagination may be better than the real lyrics.
3. Annie Villeneuve. "Tomber a l'eau." I was drawn to any song with "Tomber" in it, till I learned it has nothing to do with tombs. Catchy power pop from a Canadian who'll make you want to go over the border.
4. Julie. Why go by one name? It makes an Internet search impossible. I found this on a compilation lp of French hits. "Maria Magdalene" may be a religious tune but it has a nice bossa nova rhythm to it. It also has a timeless quality. Meaning, I don't know when it was recorded.
5. Marie LaForet. "Marie Douceur (Paint it Black)." In the 60's she was a stunner, the kind you'd buy just for the album cover. And yes, she could sing, too.
6. Nicole Rieu. "Have You Never Been Mellow" in French? "Me Maison Au Bord de L'eau"
7. Dalida sang in many languages, often in French. The selected tune, a polished Abba-esque commercial pop piece, will get you bouncing your baguette. The song is "Mourir su scene." I was surprised at how catchy-happy the song was, since I thought "Mourir" might have to do with mourning, or being morbid in some way. OK, she died too young; that's morbid.
8. Jane Birkin. "Le Sex Shop." She joins Serge Gainsbourg again. You know their more obvious and orgasmic hit single (which is on the blog in the Bardot version, elsewhere). This one ended a film's humorous if slightly melancholy look at a guy's brief entry into the skin trade.
9. Zizi Jeanmaire. A legendary old broad. This is a Serge Gainsbourg song nastily called "Merde a l'amour," and it's sung in a vaudevillian way. You can just imagine the visual, a cakewalk on a street full of dog poop. Or am I romanticizing?
10. Maurane. No, that isn't a weather forecast, that's this Belgium star's name. "Prelude de Bach" takes the familiar tune into lush territory (ie, a saloon where you'll drink and sob imagining your own sad translation).
11. Monique Gaube. "To Sir With Love" in French. You'd take a French lesson from this teacher.
12. Christien Pilzer. "Dracula." This was 40 years ago. Why she was singing about le vampire is probably a buried secret by now.
13. France Gall. "Resiste." Do you have the gall to resist a woman who is such a credit to France?
14. Veronique Sanson. "Longue Distance." Like Carly or Joni was here in the 70's and 80's, Vero was a superstar in France during those decades, and is still a legend. Her great melodies were spiced with Island rhythms at times. In America she's vaguely known as "wasn't she married to Stephen Stills? Mom of Chris?"
15. Sandrine Kiberlain. "Le quotid." This heartbreaker also starred in the cult film "Monsieur Hire" as, what else, a heartbreaker. The film's moody, erotic and depressing. Her songs are mostly erotic.
16. Mylene Farmer. "L'amour n'est rien." She took her last name as an homage to Frances Farmer. She's written a song about Edgar A. Poe. Her videos are strange, erotic, and often gothic. I could write endlessly about her, with a pen dipped in blood. She's sometimes foolishly called "the Madonna of France" for her popularity, outrage, and flirtations with dance music.
17. Francoise Hardy. "Tant de belles choses." The trifecta of French pop superstars
would be Francoise, Veronique and Mylene over the past 40 years. They overlap, and if you're listening or watching them, you'd overlap, too.
18. Julie Zenatti. "Toutes Les Couleurs." We end with some sweet French pastry.

Various ladies could be here, including Lara Fabian, Zazie, Nathalie Cordonne, Alizee, the duo of Lily Margot, Vanessa Paradis, etc. C'est la vie.

That's FRENCH! Via Rapidshare

UPDATE: Sorry, Rapidshare scuttled this because it hadn't been downloaded in 60 days. It was re-upped once, but not a second time. Zut!

Still available: the sprightly Dalida pop tune:
Instant Download or listen on line.

Carry a Torch...with Julie London

Carrying a torch, watching it burn. Having an aching heart. Or just heartburn.
Here's a selection of tortured torch songs and love-sick laments. "Do not fall in love, therefore. It will stick to your face." (A line from "Deteriorata").
We turn to Julie London for songs of ill-met star-crossed love, despair, loneliness, anger, and lovelorn lust. The first ten are from early in her career, when her whispery voice was best augmented by a simple trio. As she got a little bolder and better, she was more than capable of holding her own with a full band, as you'll hear on the back eight. The tracks are from seven different albums.
1. The Thrill is Gone
2. Everything Happens to Me
3. Say It Isn't So
4. Gone With the Wind
5. What'll I Do
6. When Your Lover Has Gone
7. Don't Take Your Love From Me
8. Lonely Girl
9. All Alone
10. Mean to Me
11. Don't Smoke in Bed
12. Baby Won't You Please Come Home
13. There Will Never BE Another You
14. Get Set for the Blues
15. About the Blues
16. The Blues is All I Ever Had
17. The End of the World
18. I Wanna be Around

Listen to the ebb and flow of sighs, insensitivity and sorrows. O. Henry once said "Life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating..." And in the next life he became a candy bar. Life is sweet after you're dead.
Who broke your heart?
Keep that Torch Light Burning

12 "HIGHWAYMAN" Robbery Songs

The image of "The Highwayman" is romantic, largely because of the Alfred Noyes poem (most sucessfully mated to music by Phil Ochs). In reality, most highwaymen were just robbing hoods. Anyone riding by was "fair game" to them, and that led to the formation of the Horse Patrol in 1805.
The year before, William Brennan was hanged. The Irish highwayman is still one of the most famous of his profession, a romantic figure before the arrival of his rivals Jesse James in America, or Ned Kelly in Australia.
Brennan may have been one of the few to practice "sharity," since the earliest broadside ballads about him (circa the 1820's) paint him as a hero, a rebel targeting British nobility and the RIAA (Royal Idiots and Aristocrats). "He robbed from the rich, and gave it to the poor," is a line from "Brennan on the Moor."
When the actual Brennan died, it was without much fanfare or notoriety...or a catchy melody. As the song about him grew in popularity over the years, few could actually state where he was born (probably Kilmurry) or why he became an outlaw. Some said that he joined the army where he rebelled against its discipline and deserted. Others said he was already a crook and stole a watch from a foppish officer and had to flee after the crime was discovered.
It's up to the Clancy Brothers to give an authentic, and brief version of "Brennan on the Moor." Other versions go on for stanza after stanza, filled with his exploits.

Also here, in two versions (one male, one female) is "The Newry Highwayman." The other highwaymen are not named, but their personalities, exploits and attitudes are vividly brought to musical life by: Blue Cheer, the Brotherhood of Man and Tinsley Ellis.
The choice here for a musical setting of the Noyes poem is not the least bit noisy; it's Loreena McKennitt. She's not the only blonde on the bill, though. You also get "The Highwayman" as sung and described by Stevie Nicks. And yes, that odd song about reincarnation, whether it's a criminal or a damn builder, is on this download too, "The Highwayman" by Jimmy Webb and performed by The Highwaymen.
One of the most famous phrases in all of crime belongs to the highwayman: "Stand and Deliver!" That bold demand yields two very different songs, one from Wishbone Ash and the other from Adam Ant.
It would've been an unlucky 13 to include "Dennis Moore," the Monty Python song about the man who stole from the rich...but largely confined himself to pilfering lupins. "Lupins??"
Stand & Deliver! 12 Highwayman Songs Folder

WTF does GUANTANAMERA mean?

You get 9 versions of it.
It's a song you know pretty well.
Even if you don't know what it's about!
Most people figure it's some kind of protest song.
Maybe a cheer about a home town.
Something to do with a type of dance?
Take a few guesses, and read on.
One thing most everyone agrees on, is that if you hear it too often, it's one of the most annoying songs of all times, especially as sung by white idiots who want the vicarious thrill of doing something Latino without getting an infection.
The worst of the 9 versions here is just such an example, as the usually tasteful Pete Seeger (sometimes credited as co-author) offers a most enthusiastically rotten rendition, with ludicrous over-pronunciations which include stereotypical Latino high-pitched ha-ha's and enough gutteral emphasis to hurl loogies out to the back row. It's enough to make you reach for the Alka-Salsa.
Ironically a black version might well be worse than this white one, thanks to the obnoxious rap of Wyclef Jean. Laconic, sullenly cool rhyme-dictionary dribblings about some Hispanic piece of ass bump and grind all over a torpid version of the actual tune. At least the rap part makes it somewhat clear what the song is about.
Yep.
It's about a chick.
The song is actually no more profound than "The Girl from Ipanema."
José Fernández wrote his first set of lyrics about a girl from Guantanamo (a "Guantanamera") back in 1929. It was just your typical, "That girl's hot, she could care less about me" deal, and later, a chorus was added to it, which is where all the idiots in the room shout "Guajira Guantanamera," like they're about to kill somebody. All they're really doing is admiring how the woman moves. "Guajira" is a Cuban rhythm. Herminio Garcia wrote the chorus but never got a co-write credit, having pushed it all the way to the Cuban Supreme Court in 1993. Sometimes the song is co-credited to Pete Seeger, instead. He did popularize and arrange it for American audiences.
And no credit to Jose Marti, whose poem was used for the lyrics. Here's the translation for "Guantanamera," which is basically just as overbaked and pretentious as any similar plaint from Neil Diamond:
"I am a sincere man from where the palm tree grows. And before dying I want
to share the verses of my soul. My verse is light green and it is flaming crimson. My verse is a wounded deer who seeks refuge on the mountain..."
Yeah, get over it, amigo. The chick could care less.
"And for the cruel one who would tear out this heart with which I live. I do not cultivate nettles nor thistles. I cultivate a white rose."
There's something vaguely political and typically Cuban about the last stanza: "With the poor people of the earth I want to share my fate. The brook of the mountains gives me more pleasure than the sea."
Not some kind of political freedom rant, or a call to join and fight the good fight, it's just about a girl from Gitmo who is saying no. Almost as disappointing as when you learned that "La Cucaracha" was about a cockroach, and "La Bamba" was just babble nonsense to dance to.
Your download? There's a live performance from Pete Seeger in front of a mostly Latino audience. To Pete's credit, los hombres seem flattered by Seeger's outrageous accent. Perhaps they were glad he at least tried; the other folkie on the bill, ill folks legend Phil Ochs, demurred from singing in Spanish and offered instead his sincere "Bracero" in English. Plus: Los Lobos, Jose Feliciano, Joan Baez, Celia Cruz, Perez Prado, Nana Mouskouri, an instrumental from the London All Stars Steel Orchestra, and a bizarre Latino-rap thing from Wyclef Jean, who has a chorus singing the real lyrics while he embellishes things with oh-so-cool rap. He remembers a chick: "Yo...I axed her what's her name she said Guantanamera, remind me of a ol' Latin song my uncle used to play on a 45 when he used ta be alive..." Nice. "Mulatto, shook her hips like Delgado...hey yo standin' at da bar wid a Cuban cigar..."


GUANTANEMERA

"Hasta Siempre" CHE GUEVARA

Over the years, while idiot girl scouts, overenthused folkies, and other sweaty detritus were shouting "Guantanemera" at cozy suburban hootenannies, or jumping up and down while Ritchie Valens sang "La Bamba," others were somberly listening to "Hasta Siempre," a song about Che Guevara, who in 1967 was executed in Bolivia. In the past 40 years it's had many cover versions. Cuban songwriter Carlos Puebla's song was always big in Latin countries, but probably the song didn't get much attention in Europe until Nathalie Cardone's 1999 version (complete with rock video). She recently issued a new take on it, which was issued on a CD as a bonus track to her first single in nine years, "Yo Soy Rebelde." A 2003 version by the Buena Vista Social Club removed Fidel Castro from the last line, changing "Y con Fidel" to "Y con Cuba."
While history now presents a view of Che and a view of Fidel that is less than glamorous, among many it's still very hip and cool to think of Guevara as that darkly handsome revolutionary who, if he did anything wrong, did it for the right reasons. The song literally translates as "Until Always," an idiomatic way of saying "now and forever." Basically the lyrics are mundane platitudes of devotion, but the strong minor key melody gives it power:
"We learned to love...Commandante Che Guevara...Your glorious and strong hand fires at history...You come burning the winds with spring suns to plant your flag with the light of your smile. Your revolutionary love leads you to a new undertaking where they are awaiting the firmness of your liberating arm. We will carry on as we did along with you. And with Fidel we say to you: Until Always, Commandante!"
You get five versions of "Hasta Siempre." There's Oscar Chavez, Francesco Guccini & Nomadi, Soledad Bravo, Nathalie Cardone and Victor Jara. The last two names may be familar to you. The song was on Cardone's only album (1999) which was produced by Laurent Boutonnat, best known for his work with Mylene Farmer. And Victor Jara was the famous folk singer and martyr from Chile, a beloved compatriot of Phil Ochs (for whom this blog is obscurely named) who was tortured and killed for performing one protest song too many.
HASTA SIEMPRE

Para Comprender...LA BAMBA

A catchy dance tune, and a racial stereotype for those who think Mexicans are loud and babbling and prone to screaming "arriba" and other strange words, "La Bamba" was a big hit as sung by Ritchie Valens (Valenzuela), who had a shortened name and a shortened life, dying in the infamous February 3, 1959 plane crash that took away Buddy Holly and "Big Bopper" J.P. Richardson.
Ritchie's slurred-up raved-up delivery of the lyrics didn't exactly help the average kid taking Spanish 101 understand what the hell he was singing, but lyrics to a dance tune aren't too important. A loose translation: "If you want to dance La Bamba, you gotta be a little 'crazy.'" Or wild. The rest of the lines are pretty much "get up, get going" and do it "faster." At one point he sings "I'm not a sailor, I'm a captain."
Now that usted comprende las palabras de "La Bamba," it's time to hear Valens and three different cover versions. There's Las Lobos for a fresh stereo take, The Chipmunks to accentuate how incomprehensible the words are, and a live version from Belle Perez, who not only presents the femme side, but is the only one who actually sings the words clearly.
So go ahead, do "La Bamba" (the song, not that guy in Conan O'Brien's band). Come to think of it, this is one of the rare dance tunes that didn't give a clue on how to dance. Some songs were nothing BUT instructions ("Ballin' the Jack") and other songs, if you didn't know how to do the twist, mashed potato, Freddie or swim, the singer would tell you or everyone in the room would be doing the same thing. Just how you properly do "la bamba," is a question maybe only Elaine Benes could answer.
LA BAMBA

HAZARD: Pancreatic Cancer stops Escalator of Life

He was born Robert Rimato, not Robert Hazard, was most famous for a song he didn't sing, and instead of a promising "New Wave" RCA artist he ended up an indie troubador playing C&W in small clubs. A strange, interesting life he had...and there were hints it was going to end too soon.
On Robert's "My Space" page he wrote: "A heartfelt thank you to all my fans and friends who have been so supportive to my music and the direction I have taken over the past few years. I have been truly blessed as a performer and a songwriter to have you with me on this wonderful journey. Unfortunately due to unforeseen circumstances beyond my control I have been forced to cancel the rest of my summer tour schedule. We will pick up again in the Fall."
He was optimistic about his chances, but he died August 5th after surgery for pancreatic cancer. Pancreatic cancer seems to be one hell of a popular killer these days. It's fast and it's usual lethal.
I met Robert Hazard back in his new wave days, and ironically I didn't think he'd be big because he had a kind of Lyle Lovett appearance, well before Lyle made it popular. Though publicity pix made him seem fairly dangerous, he was tall, rangy, with kind of wild hair and a long nose, more an awkward Lovett than the combo of David Bowie and Joe Jackson that his label hoped he'd be (and which you can hear on his semi-hit "Escalator of Life.") That song was quirky, with its simultaneous embrace of disco, the deliberately strained vocals, and a simultaneous disdain for trendy idiot acolytes (a nice put-down of jeans-legend Gloria Vanderbilt in the midst of the echo chamber yips). But...he followed it with an indifferent album "Wings of Fire" in 1984. He disappeared, while a certain song he penned, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," became Cyndi Lauper's big hit.
“The royalties from ‘Girls’ allowed me to survive. In the ‘90s I had a band called The Hombres, but we never recorded.” Lucky in a way, Hazard had his hit in the pre-download era, so he actually did see decent royalties coming in. Even so, he and his wife had a day job, running an antiques store.
The quiet life changed around the turn of the century, when Hazard started performing as a singer-songwriter. If anything, the rural New York environment, certainly upstate in Woodstock and Saugerties, was friendly to "older" performers, from Levon Helm to Eric Anderson, and Robert found himself recording indie country albums: The Seventh Lake (2003) and Blue Mountain (2004). The latter, typical for a fairly unknown C&W artist, was made on a frugal budget: "“I made that for about $1.98. Everything was one take. The songs were written, I laid ‘em down and it was done.”
You can hear his change from New Wave Bowie to another country-tinged singer-songwriter on the road, via the two downloads, "Escalator of Life" from his first ep, and "Blood on my Hands" from his last album, last year's "Troubador."
Robert was setting up tour-dates for the Fall, anticipating a few months of recuperation, and then a return to those low-paying gigs that really test a musician's stamina and desire.
October 4, 2008 - DELMARVA FOLK FESTIVAL - Clayton, Delaware
October 24, 2008 - BURLAP AND BEAN COFFEE - Newtown Square, Pennsylvania
October 31, 2008 - TIN ANGEL - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
November 1, 2008 - HURDY GURDY FOLK MUSIC CLUB - Fairlawn, New Jersey
November, 7 2008 - BARNSTORMERS THEATRE- Ridley Park, Pennsylvania
Those dates will never happen. Somebody else will be singing in those venues on those nights. Somebody who most likely will hawk an indie CD after the show, sigh about shitty mp3 sales on eMusic, and pray that one song breaks through on the radio like "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," so that making music for a living could be less of a struggle and a little more fun.
ESCALATOR OF LIFE
BLOOD ON MY HANDS

Ill-Ustrated Songs #13 Tiptoe to the Gas Pumps

Once upon a time, there was a gas shortage.
There were long lines, rationing, and nobody to cheer us up except Tiny Tim! He issued a single, even though vinyl is made from fossil fuel, and tried his plucky best to get the creepy sheiks and the manipulative oil companies to give us all a break.
Alas, there is no Tiny Tim to help us today. And gas prices continue to soar. No Tiny Tim and high gas prices. What a world, what a world.
Yes, like most everyone else, I can say that I did meet Tiny Tim, and he was indeed a kindly and pleasant fellow. Sincere but not "on" when he wasn't working, when I told him that I actually bought a copy of "Bring Back Those Rockabye Baby Days," he was flattered but didn't blow kisses. He was, after all, not quite the same guy you saw on "The Tonight Show" in real life.
Today there's plenty of gas...you don't have to tiptoe to the pumps. But you might crawl from the ATM having to withdraw so much to pay for it.
TIP TOE TO THE GAS PUMPS Listen on line or free download. No pop ups, code words or loser ads for dating services or pheromone sprays.

A Dozen ANGELS OF THE MORNING

When premarital sex was still a very troubling "sin," this tune turned up, just a hot skip and a hump away from "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow." Progress: THIS girl thinks she can have a devilishly good time all night and still be an "angel of the morning."
Especially since a man wrote this: Chip Taylor, offering an alibi for chippies.
Saintly martyr Merilee's Rush to judge her one-night-stand:
"There's no need to take a stand for it was I who chose to start. I see no reason to take me home. I'm old enough to face the dawn...Just call me angel of the morning...Then slowly turn away from me."
Even Humphrey Bogart couldn't follow that instruction without busting a gut laughing. "You're good, angel, very good. Now I'll slowly turn away, and you can leave...and I'll change the sheets..."
More from this sanctimonious slut:
"If morning's echo says we've sinned. Well, it was what I wanted now. And if we're victims of the night. I won't be blinded by the light. Just call me angel of the morning."
Can I just call you a cab and sleep an extra hour?

"A pretty dirge, is like a melody..." Share a load with:
Chrissie Hynde
Merilee Rush (original and re-make)
Joya Landis
Barbara Jones
Skeeter Davis
P.P. Arnold
Shaggy
Juice Newton, etc. etc.
The song ends with this:
"I wont beg you stay with me. Through the tears! Of the days! Of the years!"
OK, bitch, bye!
Get lucky. Download the ANGELS

Update November 2011: A few songs have been re-upped individually. Percy Faith wasn't in the original download:

NINA SIMONE
PERCY FAITH

25 versions of Windmills of Your Mind

Ever have a tune keep playing over and over in your brain?
That's 'cause...there are WINDMILLS in your mind. Really. And they respond especially well to catchy kitsch.
Seemingly put together as a homework assignment for Similes 101, "Windmills of Your Mind" offered spooky psychedelia via the French version of Mancini, Mr. Michel Legrand, and English words supplied by middle-aged hack lyricists Alan & Marilyn Bergman. They toss snowballs down a mountain and think the world is "like an apple whirling silently in space."

First line sets our theme:
ROUND.
The lyrics get so numbing Jazz singer Carmen Lundy mistakenly sings of a "clock whose hands are SLEEPING" past the minutes of its face.
The song seems to be saying that as endless as the world is, life isn't and love isn't.
Actual lyric variation: you have a choice of "when you knew that it was over you were suddenly aware that the autumn leaves were turning to the color of her hair," OR, "when you knew that it was over in the autumn of goodbyes, for the moment you could not recall the color of his eyes." The latter is represented here by Ms Lefeber.
Years ago, comedian Frank Fay made a living satirizing the lyrics of pop tunes like "Tea for Two." It's a cruel trick. A cheap trick. So we'll surrender any further impulse to insult a song that keeps saying "like" over and over, and mentioning "things that are round" like a bad game of $25,000 Pyramid.
Fact is, the song's circles and spirals and wheels are kind of mesmerizing, they are "words that jangle in your head" (a nod to Bob's Tambourine Man perhaps). Like some Dylan tunes, notably "Lenny Bruce," there are some good lines jammed against bad ones. In Bob's case, in that song, it was "they stamped him and they labeled him, like they do with pants and shirts" followed by the good "he fought a war on a battlefield where every victory hurts." Here, a cliche about lovers leaving footprints in the sand is followed by: "Is the sound of distant drumming just the fingers of your hand?" Not too shabby. There are also some effective and eerie images: "Like a tunnel that you follow to a tunnel of its own..." or "Like a door that keeps revolving in a half-forgotten dream." Like, you gotta like that.
Like, listen for yourself. Over and over.
You get 25 different versions (five are French, known as Les Moulins de mon Coeur) including Legrand, Frida Boccara, Dorothy Ashby, Mathilde Santing, Paul Muriat, James Galway and of special interest, the top 10:
1. Psychedelic and slow: Vanilla Fudge
2. Eerie border colic: Baja Marimba Band
3. Oliver Twists: Trinity Boys Choir
4. Disco Dizziness: Sally Anne Marsh
5. A gargle of goo: Jim Nabors
6. Swanky swinging: Judith Lefeber
7. Vintage French Fluff: Vicky Leandros
8. Scat with Scuffy Grapelli-style Violin: Carmen Lundy
9. Accapella Angst: The Lettermen
10. How Elton Might've Done It: Jose Feliciano

Go Dutch: Here's the WINDMILLS OF YOUR MIND

Ill-Ustrated Songs #12 LAURIE/STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN - Dickey Lee

Here's one of the great teen-death songs, a campfire horror tale set to music. Unusual for any Top 40 hit, this was one continuous story, evolving through three minutes to the punchline. Like any good anecdote, it was fun to re-tell, or to hear again and again.

If "Laurie" seems like a familiar old fashioned ghost story, it's because it is. 

It's based on the folklore of "Resurrection Mary." Her story seems to have originated in Chicago, around the time "Frankenstein" and "Dracula" were in movie theaters. Mary would appear to motorists, asking for a lift.

They would notice that she was wearing a rather ghostly white dress, and when she touched them, to point them down the road to where she needed to be left off, her hands felt cold. And where did she ask to be dropped off? Why in front of Resurrection Cemetery. She'd glide out of the car and...disappear.

This simple, creepy little anecdote would be one of many told late at night around the camp fireside, or as a bedtime story to scare the little kiddies.

It's similar to "One Step Beyond" anecdotes...like the one about the girl who is scared a maniac is on the loose. She asks her boyfriend to go outside and investigate...and he doesn't come back. She waits and waits. She listens. Then is petrified by a scratching noise at her front door. When it finally stops, she cautiously opens the door...to see her boyfriend with an ax in his head, his fingernail worn out from trying to scratch at the door for help. 

A variation on the "Resurrection Mary" story is called "Just Beyond the Cemetery," (told by Boris Karloff on the Mercury record album "Tales of the Frightened,"). A motorist is helped by a girl who then vanishes as if she was a ghost. 

The idea with horror quickies is to leave the listener momentarily shaken, if not stirred. The urban legend of ghostly Mary was submitted to the Memphis Commercial Appeal by a teenage girl, Cathie Harmon. It was read by Dr. Milton Addington, an amateur songwriter. 

He knew Dickey Lee, and when Dickey was looking for a follow-up to "Patches," and thinking, "maybe we can come up with some kind of ghost story," Addington was inspired. 

In Harmon's version, Mary appears at the Liberty Grove dance hall,  and seems to enjoy a last dance with a fellow who asks to take her home. He drops her off at, yeah, Resurrection Cemetery. She walks away and vanishes. Strange, she had given him her address, but insisted on stopping at the cemetery instead! Puzzled, the next day he visits her house. A woman answers. She says the girl USED to live there, but DIED. Oooooooooh. 

An irony is that a rather faithful version of this ghost story was performed by Frankie Miller for Starday. The single (credited to the trio of John Duffey, Joe Kingston and Chaw Monk) is titled "Bringing Mary Home." Mac Wiseman, Smiley Bates, Red Sovine and the great Billy Edd Wheeler also performed vintage versions of the song, but most recall THIS guy, Frankie Miller: 

"Bringing Mary Home" on YouTube 

"There was something strange about her. Her face was deathly white. She sat so pale and quiet there, in the back seat all alone. I never will forget that night, I took Mary home. I pulled into the driveway where she told me to go. Got out to help her from the car, and opened the door. But I could not believe my eyes, the back seat was bare. I looked all around the car but Mary wasn't there.

"A small light shone from the porch. Someone opened up the door. I asked about the little girl that I was looking for. And the lady gently smiled, and brushed a tear away. 

"(spoken) She said it sure was nice of you to go out of your way. But sir, 13 years ago today, in a wreck just down the road, our darling Mary lost her life and oh, we miss her so. So thank you for your kindness, and the troubles you have shown. You're the 13th one who's been here, bringing our Mary home."

Kindly Dr. Addington included Cathie Harmon as co-writer of his version of the song, which transplants the action to a dance and then to the graveyard. Dickey Lee once mentioned that he never did actually meet Cathie. But "Laurie?" He said, "Around Halloween it gets the heck play out of it...that song did cause a bit of trouble. There was a report of some kids who went out and wrote 'Laurie' on a bunch of tombstones in a cemetery."

"Mitt" Addington wrote about four dozen songs. Being Memphis-based, most were C&W oriented.  The closest one in fame to "Strange Things Happen (Laurie)" is "The Girl I Can't Forget," also recorded by Dickey Lee. The Vogues recorded his song "Five O'Clock World," Jerry Lee Lewis sang "Memphis Beat" Homer and Jethro yocked "Charlie Cheated on His Income Tax" (co-written with Dickey Lee and Allen Reynolds) and his co-writer Allen Reynolds tried "Though The Eyes of Love."  

Other songs by "Mitt" Addington include: "Baby No No," "Burned Fingers," "Car Nine," "Dodo" "Doll House," "Don't Knock What You Don't Understand," "El Toro de Goro," "Elmer the Elf," "Five Chicks," "Hide the Hurt," "I Go Lonely," "If It Wasn't for a Woman," "Impressions," "Julie Never Meant a Thing," "Lollipops and Teardrops," "The Long Walk from Childhood," "Lovers By Night," "Medicine Man," "Mr. Santa Claus," "Not Wisely But Too Well," "Out of Sight Out of Mind," "Ring Around the World," "Sunday Jealous," "Teach Me to Moan," "Trifling Around," "When Marty Throws a Party," "You Can't Turn Me Off Cause You Didn't Turn Me On," "You Name it She's Got It" and "Your Kisses." He was 55 when he died in 1979.   

Dickey Lee "told" the story well, his adenoids at just the right level of innocence and cringe. It's hard not to sound dorky while singing the word "sweater." His song's character is quite a sympathetic fool, missing obvious clues ("an angel of a girl.") 

For what most would consider a "cheapie" single on an obscure label a lot of production work went into the song to help make it a hit. The arrangement is first rate, with it's tentative bits of harpsichord, it's surge of heavenly brass, and a graceful pause when the father reveals the song's punchline. From there, the production (arrangement by Ray Stevens) kicks into eerie overdrive thanks to a choir and apparently the ethereal vocalise from none other than Marni Nixon. I haven't confirmed that the anecdote is a fact, but apparently Addington and/or Lee knew Ernest Gold, the famous ("Exodus" among others) composer. He in turn was married at the time to Marni (their son was pop singer Andrew Gold). So Ernest may have done some un-credited production on the song and figured it needed some the ghostess-hosting of Marni to drive the tune home. Boots Randolph (sax) and Jerry Reed (guitar) were also on this historic recording. When it was completed, Lee listened to the playback and thought, "This is cool — kinda weird."

Dickey Lipscomb (born September 21, 1936 in Memphis) had a regional hit in 1957 called "Dream Boy" on the Tampa label. In 1962 he ironically covered "Tell Laura I Love Her" on the album "Patches" (two death songs on one album!) He also covered "Teen Angel." Looking to switch up on morbid ballads, Dickey's next top ten was "I Saw Linda Yesterday," which he originally thought might be good for George Jones. After "Linda," in May, 1965, "Laurie" peaked at #14 and led to another album...this one larded with cover-songs with girls' names in them: Nadine, Marie, Annie, Gina, etc. Dickey vanished, then reappeared on RCA with seven C&W albums (1971-76). Dickey's biggest hit was a song he wrote for George Jones: “She Thinks I Still Care." More recently (ok, ten years ago) he co-wrote the Tracy Byrd hit "Keeper of the Stars." Dickey began touring Europe circa 1985 on the "oldies" circuit, doing a bunch of his hits along with a handful of other 60's artists. Who knows, once in a while one of them may have taken to the stage to cover the George Jones tune "She Thinks I Still Care," which was the biggest hit Dickey has as a solo songwriter.

Lastly from Mr. Lee: "My advice to any would be songwriters: If you kind of want to do it forget it or do it as a hobby. If you really want to do it you will know because outside of your family (in most cases) you will sacrifice everything it takes to hang in there. My first BMI check was for 69 cents and I cashed it because I needed the money!"
Laurie "Strange Things Happen" Instant Download or Listen on Line. No pop-ups, codes or porn ads

JO STAFFORD & DARLENE EDWARDS Die the Same Day

In a remarkable coincidence, Jo Stafford, the first pop star to sell 25 million records, died on July 16th, the same day as comic singers Darlene Edwards and Cinderella G. Stump!
All right. Same person. 90 years old.
Since the illfolks blog tilts toward the odd, let's just briefly sketch some basics on the woman's MOR side. Jo Stafford was similar to Patti Page, Doris Day, or Rosemary Clooney, but less well known now because she didn't make hit movies or photogenic album covers, and retired fairly young.
Jo was the only female member of the annoying "Pied Pipers," a quartet that backed Tommy Dorsey, Sinatra, and Johnny Mercer. They tended toward ooky crooning or way too hearty chorusing. She moved on, but kept their style, as a soloist, another reason she's not popular with the retro or lounge crowd. Her 40's music suffers from big band cliches including dated, lumbering swing beats and middle aged men backing her in the chorus. Things like "Watcha Know Joe" are unendurable, in the same league as thrift shop Mitch Miller albums. Novelty hits like "Shrimp Boats" just sink. Today's listener has to really pick and choose through a greatest hits collection or later (1960's "Jo + Jazz") albums to find songs that do her justice.
Rosemary Clooney described Jo's voice best: "beautiful, pure, straightforward, no artifice, matchless intonation, instantly recognizable. Those things describe the woman too."
A few times Jo took a serendipitous dippy detour from straight tunes to dopey ditties.
In 1947, Jo noticed Red Ingle rehearsing a parody of "Temptation." She was so amused, she asked if she could sing it. The girl hired for the session was paid off and Jo took over, recording as "Cinderella G. Stump." The song became a Top 10 hit.
In 1957, Jo had some free time left over at the recording studio and goofed around with some deliberate off-key singing. She was urged to make a comedy album, and as "Darlene Edwards" (with husband Paul Weston on piano as Jonathan, the pianist with two left hands) issued some "so bad it's funny" discs. Jo's queasy "I Love Paris" was a notable fracture (a song also butchered by Leona Anderson on her "Music to Suffer By" album). Following The Cherry Sisters and Florence Foster Jenkins, two notorious examples of strange vocalizing, the Edwards' success revived the genre and led to "Morris" Garner's ham-fisted lp parody of Errol Garner, and pooped pop albums from Sam Chalpin and Mrs. Miller among others. Of course guys like Homer & Jethro went out of tune deliberately for a laugh, too: "Gimme an E flat." "You know I can't play an E flat." "Then gimme an E, and I'll flatten it out m'self!"
Folks who hate pop standards still chuckle at the way the duo warped 'em. Back in 1961 "Jonathan and Darlene Edwards in Paris" netted a Grammy for Best Comedy Album. Ironically, Jo Stafford never won one for straight singing. The Edwards' bent take on "Carioca" was used in "The Kentucky Fried Movie."
In 1977, the duo un-retired for a single, "Stayin' Alive" b/w "I am Woman." Paul Weston died in 1996. He and Jo were able to get the rights back to much of their back catalog (straight and humorous) for their own Corinthian label, and re-issues serve as a legacy to the artists and income for their children.
Your trio of samples highlight Jo's humor: the hillbilly song with Red Ingle, a sample of vintage Darlene, and her comeback shot at The Bee Gees.
TIM-TAYSHUN Instant Download
I LOVE PARIS No Pop-Ups
STAYIN' ALIVE No Porn Ads

LES CRANE : Desiderata to Deteriorata

A man of many footnotes, Les Crane's odd credits include promoting if not inventing the "Top 40" (when he was a DJ at KRLA) and giving "The Mamas and the Papas" their name. Opposite Johnny Carson, Les popularized "confrontational TV," where audience members could ask questions and issues were debated. Everyone from Malcolm X to George Wallace did his show, and even Bob Dylan showed up. While most subsequent hosts in the genre were right-wing (from Joe Pyne to Rush Limbaugh) Crane was so emphatically on the left that he got a mention in Phil Ochs' "Love Me I'm a Liberal," thusly:

"The people of old Mississippi should all hang their heads in shame
I can't understand how their minds work. What's the matter don't they watch Les Crane?"

In 1971 he scored a Top Ten Grammy-winning hit with the spoken word "Desiderata," using a familiar style used by another DJ, Wink Martindale, on many an inspirational single a decade earlier (search for Wink on this blog). "Desiderata" was not some uplifting cosmic babble from an old public domain tome, but a bit of drivel from Max Ehrmann, who died in 1945...and his estate was delighted to collect on Crane's recording. Proof of Crane's mastery of psychic calm, was his ability to stay married to Tina Louise for more than a week.

In the 80's Les slipped behind the scenes into the lucrative world of Silicon Valley, becoming a big shot at Software Toolworks, the company behind the 3D "Chessmaster" and the home computer version of "Pong." The company's name was later changed to Mindscape. Of his hit tune, he admitted, "I can't listen to it now without gagging." He was amused by the parody "Deteriorata" performed on the National Lampoon "Radio Dinner" album by veteran announcer Norman Rose and backing vocalist Melissa Manchester.

"Deteriorata" dated references: "your dog is finally getting enough cheese" references a Gaines Burger (with cheese) dog food commercial of the day, and "Remember the Pueblo" was a slogan after the U.S.S. Pueblo was seized by North Korea as a spy ship. For too long, the crew was held hostage. North Korea never did return The Pueblo, remember? Believing that less is more, and acknowledging Les is no more, the illfolks edits "Desiderata" slightly and segues it neatly into "Deteriorata." Les Crane: December 3, 1935 - July 13, 2008.
LES CRANE DESIDERATA into NATIONAL LAMPOON DETERIORATA Instant download. No porn ads or pop ups.

KATIE REIDER and the Awful, Awful Disease

Warren Zevon sang, "Some get the awful, awful diseases..." and Katie Reider was one of those. You'll find more details at 500kin365.org Timeline and katiereider blog , with links for donations to her family.

Katie was an indie artist, touring, putting out albums via CD Baby, hoping to make music a paying profession. She ended up in a two-year struggle with a disease that was so obscure doctors and dentists (and even a psychologist) couldn't diagnose it. She endured headaches, jaw pain and vomiting. Her career was shattered, her finances destroyed, and she was suffer facial damage and the inability to speak articulately. She was finally diagnosed as having a myofibroblastic inflammatory tumor, and in August of 2007 she began radiation treatment. There was hope, but...

More medical maladies hit her...a lesion on her esophagus, shingles, and the destruction of half of the roof of her mouth. She was down to 90 pounds, blind in one eye. Doctors worked to repair her upper palate and do some cosmetic surgery. In what seemed like a miracle, the tumor that started all of this was shrinking via chemotherapy.

That's when more complications set in, more months of agony and frustration. In July a brain hemorrhage led doctors to induce a coma-like condition so they could airlift her to a hospital for three hours of surgery. Amazingly Katie recovered, and doctors were forecasting further operations for August, including cosmetic efforts to repair the roof of her mouth and the hole in her cheek. But on July 13th, she began to bleed and cough, and her condition deteriorated. At this point, she lost hope. Friends recalled, "when she wasn’t sleeping she was crying," and though she could barely articulate anything, with the tracheotomy and her broken palate, someone heard her say, "I'm done."

Many were inspired both by her live performances and her life-struggle (she appeared at The Stupid Cancer Gala in New York and her story did much to publicize the importance of diagnosing and treating tumors).

The song below is "Lucky Boy," which was posted at cinweekly.cincinnati.com, evidently the only full length song Katie or her family released as a free download. But plenty of samples of her other songs are on iTunes, Amazon, and the official websites. You can also hear her at myspace.com/katiereiderband.
KATIE REIDER : LUCKY BOY

One Less Bozo LARRY HARMON (1925-2008)

Just before July 4th...Bozo departed the bus. There he is, on the right, standing with one of his Bozo clones, tempting fate. Would you believe he lived another dozen years after that photo was taken?
Larry Harmon didn't originate Bozo the Clown, but when he bought the rights to the clown's image, he turned a minor kiddie character into an empire.
Bozo appeared in 1946 via some Capitol Records novelty tunes. The first "Bozo" TV show appeared on KTLA-TV in L.A. in 1959. In 1960 Harmon bought the rights to Laurel & Hardy, and soon hundreds of Bozos on local TV shows were hosting the cheap Bozo and Laurel & Hardy cartoons that Larry was making.
He proclaimed,"Bozo is a star, an entertainer, bigger than life. People see him as Mr. Bozo, somebody you can relate to, touch and laugh with." Larry claimed Capitol saw his potential almost from the start, and during early negotiations, suggested he be hired to play Bozo on a TV pilot. The real creator of Bozo, Capitol's Alan W. Livingston grumbled, "I can't believe Larry Harmon says we'd ever hire him to star in anything. Harmon is very good at marketing. He sold Bozo shows all over the country. But I suppose he never got over the fact that he's really not much of a clown."
In 2004, the International Clown Hall of Fame in Milwaukee took back the Lifetime of Laughter Award they gave Harmon in 1990, huffing that they'd been fooled into thinking Harmon originated the character. They put up a plaque to honor Pinto Colvig, the Capitol records voice instead. "Isn't it a shame," Harmon declared, "...like I didn't do anything for the last 52 years."
Born in Toledo, Ohio, on Jan. 2, 1925, the former Lawrence Weiss got into show biz after attending USC in Los Angeles, where he majored in theater and played drums in the Trojan Marching Band. And so it's fitting that the man who missed July 4th by this-much, is honored on the illfolks blog with a segment from one of his kiddie records where Bozo recites, with a marching band, the patriotic "Marine Corps. Hymn." Then he joins the crowd in singing a song about the Army, too. Why not. Let's remember
Red Skelton's words: "A clown is a warrior who fights gloom." Harmon and his army of Bozos put up a good fight, and while that hamburger Ronald may now be the world's most famous clown, there's no harm in saying bye-bye to Harmon...not the original Bozo, but definitely a real Bozo for over fifty years. He leaves behind a wife, four daughters and a son...as well as white grease, oversized shoes and a half of a red ping-pong ball with traces of snot in it.
BOZO MARCH! Instant download or listen on line. No pop-ups, passwords or porn ads.

TEEN DEATH LAMENTS

Death was an obsession with teens of the late 50's and early 60's. Morbid music and monster movies became a fad. While there have always been grim pop songs from "Gloomy Sunday" to "D.O.A." somehow, dying was just so much more entertaining, during this era!
The day the music died...was every day on the radio back then.
Bobby Darin snapped his fingers and sang of bodies oozing life. Bobby Goldsboro, Nervous Norvus and many others became famous because of novelty death ditties. Heck, "The Cheers" recorded a motorcycle wreck song. How cheerful! Meanwhile on the C&W charts it was death as usual, completing the trifecta of woe that included being drunk and rarely getting laid.
You get the usual motorcycle wrecks and grim songs of dead people ("Tragedy" by The Excellents, "Dead!" by Carolyn Sullivan) and even a few morbid and weird C&W ditties.
Here's Lloyd Price, Mark Dinning, The Shangri-Las, Twinkle, Jody Reynolds, Dickey Lee, Ray Peterson, The Cheers and more...
Use the comments feature to ruminate on faves I've left out (like "Laurie/Strange Things Happen," "Honey" or "Ode To Billie Joe") or just download these downers and rest in peace:
1. Teen Angel
2. Tell Laura I Love Her
3. Endless Sleep
4. Patches
5. Last Kiss
6. Leader of the Pack
7. Dead Man's Curve
8. Black Denim Trousers
9. Terry
10. I Can Never Go Home Anymore
11. Stagger Lee
12. Tragedy
13. Dead!
14. Me and Little Andy
15. El Paso


Downloading this? "Look out, Look out, Look out!"