FUNERAL MARCH FOR A MAISONETTE - Lol Mason on “HEARTACHE AVENUE”

The fantasy image is Lol Mason, looking back at himself when he was the leader of The Maisonettes. They had a hit with "Heartache Avenue." The heartache is that on July 30th, a few weeks after a kidney transplant operation, he died of a heart attack. He was 69. 

Some fondly remember Lol's first band, City Boy.  He was the lyricist for most of their most eccentric and humorous songs, but their lone hit "5-7-0-5" didn't feature him as lead singer. That honor went to a newcomer to the band, drummer Roy Ward. So, technically Mason's greatest success was as the leader of his own Maisonettes. 

His wife Kathryn recalled, “He was known as The Headmaster in The Maisonettes. He was a total professional, it was extraordinary the way he managed it. It was a serious job and he said he was a ‘benign dictatorship." 

He wrote all the lyrics. The music was from guitarist Mark Tibenham. The band's drummer was Nick Parry. 

Kathryn Mason recalls that the classy-looking band members weren't above a bit of low game-playing: "The Maisonettes were in the South of France on a promotional tour and were with one of the reps from the record company. Lol could tell this guy hadn’t done his homework, and didn’t know anything about them.

"Lol just looked at Nick and ordered the most expensive things on the menu, the most expensive champagne...The guy’s whole budget was blown in one sitting."

Lol Mason was perhaps an unlikely lead singer-star, as was another British gent who favored jazz-tinged rock, Gerry Rafferty. In person, Lol was what you might expect from a satiric and sometimes dark songwriter: a little distant at first, a bit shy perhaps, but a lot of fun. When he was in City Boy, he was the one who usually offered up the often biting introductions to the songs.

The combination of Realist humor and satire appear in the video for "Heartache Avenue," where the supposedly lonely Lol happens to have a pair of butt-shaking babes close by. Doing a "Cool for Cats" bunch of hip-thrusts, and cooing a few lines as well, the girls were Carla Mendoca and Elisa Richards. Oh, hello, ladies: 

The Maisonettes did have a follow-up single, "Where I Stand," not the catchiest tune. Despite some campy visuals for the video, it didn't show off Lol as the rock world's most charismatic leading man. 

 The song managed to sneak into the Top 30 in the UK, but Laurence Edward Mason's group disbanded with just one album to their credit. He went on to write radio scripts and write songs for others. A few turned up on Sam Fox albums. He didn't seem to mind being out of the spotlight, which had involved with the stresses of promotion, performing, and prying royalties from unwilling corporations. 

Was he ever tempted to make a comeback? How about "The New Maisonettes?" There actually was a video shot for "Perfect Girlfriend," but no single or album was released.  How amusing, the perfect girlfriend who can't stand up for falling down: 

Lol Mason's lyrics were always sharp, and often darkly droll. Another lost song is "My Inspiration (Good Enough for Me)" hoisted to YouTube by Mark Tibenham, the music-maker of The Maisonettes.

She takes a tenner from the table full of cash.
God only knows what I was thinking….
But where’s the harm done, there’s no blood upon the floor
I will survive and so will she…
My reputation is preceding me these days....
A wicked tongue with an eccentric turn of phrase...
So this old man came rolling home again tonight
You should’ve seem him slalom down the street
And when they dig up his old bones what will they find?
Hollow legs and two left feet. 

How about the old-time strippers on that video? (NOW you decide to watch...) 

Let's have another lost Lol classic. Check out his lyrics on "Love and Be Damned."

“Such sweet pain dancing on razor blades
Grown up games for children to play
So it’s hand to hand and the blows still land
I’ll give up the fight, thank God that I’m with you tonight….
Nothing’s perfect and nobody’s looking for paradise
It’s a bitch of a world and it’s hard making plans
But there’s something about you that I’ll always recognize
So love and be damned…." 

Fans of City Boy who created tribute forums or websites, longed for some remarks from Mason. His wife admitted to reporters that Lol "gained the most enjoyment from his time with The Maisonettes." Steve Broughton likewise ignored the good-natured fans hoping for some interview quotes or answers to trivia questions. Reached for comment after Lol's death, Steve said: "Lol was the brother I never had. When I reluctantly left City Boy, I only played one more show ever. That was all it took for me to realise that it was no fun, that it was cold and pointless without my brilliant best friend and co-conspirator by my side." Although Steve chose to live in New York, he did sometimes get back to the U.K., and reconnect with Lol in Birmingham.

One more Mason-Tibenham gem: "Midnight Man." 

As for THE HIT, yes, “Heartache Avenue” remains one of the better songs of the 80’s. The music and performance reflect a cynical half-hearted glam (Lol Mason dresed up in a white suit and white fedora). The beat might have helped some zombie shuffle around on the dance floor, wondering if any woman was going to come close. "Heartache Avenue" did get play in discos, didn't it? 

Mason and Tiberman experimented further with music that was beyond rock, disco or jazz. How about "Still Waters Run Deep," a smooth soul song performed by Ruby Turner? It may have been the B-side to one of her singles, but that's b-side the point. It's an A-1 number. From a 1988 TV performance: 

"Heartache Avenue" remains one of the best you'll find as you search for "Heartbreak Hotel" and wander on the streets of sorrow that earlier singers stumbled and trudged through: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," "Lonely Street," "Heartache Street" (by the Four Coins in 1958), and yes, there was even a previous "Heartache Avenue." Connie Hall sang about it, and  Mercury thought it had a chance: “Tonight he’ll promise things…he’s gonna tell me how that he’s been cheated to. Ain’t nothin’ ever gonna be all right, so I’ll just make believe tonight. Tomorrow I’ll be back on Heartache Avenue!”  
 
I was thinking about Lol Mason when I walked outside the other day. Thinking about his passing made every street a Heartache Avenue.

Ronnie Deauville - he would've been 94 on August 28th

It's a sad story: he had a golden voice. Then he needed an iron lung. Wheelchair-bound, he was promoted by everyone from Jerry Lewis to Ralph Edwards, but the rigors of touring were too much. He remained a beloved member of his family, one who didn't dwell on his misfortunes. And for some discerning record collectors, his music is still beautiful and enduring, right up there with guys who had a more natural career arc, such as Vic Damone. 

The words "crooner" and "gutsy" rarely cross, but they do in the case of star-crossed Ronnie Deauville. Ronnie's "Smoke Dreams" album has one of the most iconic images in the world of "lounge erotic" album covers. Not long after its release, Deauville actually standing and singing was a dream, not reality.

He was born Henry Deauville (August 28, 1925). His mother Marie was an actress and his sister Sheryl also tried show biz (notably playing a hooker role in "Irma La Douce"). Ronnie became the star of the family, the big band singer for orchestras led by Glenn Gray, Tex Beneke and ultimately Ray Anthony. “Sentimental Me” was a hit in 1950 and “Be My Love” made the charts in 1951. The Ray Anthony "Capitol Collectors Series" CD features Ronnie on "Nevertheless," "Can Anyone Explain," and "Autumn Leaves."

Following all those singles, it was time to go long-play. 1956 was the year "Smoke Dreams" came out. But it was also the year that his dreams went up in smoke. In September of 1956 a car veered into his path, and the impact threw him out of his vehicle and into the street. How could it get worse? While recuperating in the hospital, he was diagnosed with polio. He spent a year in an iron lung.

Paralyzed from the neck down, he fought back, and miraculously regained enough breath control to sing again. For TV appearances, an ordinary chair was substituted for his wheelchair, as in an artfully done TV rendition of "Aloha 'oe," where romantic Ronnie is viewed in a sailor cap, seemingly in a cabin on board a boat, sitting at the port hole, dreaming of Hawaiian dancers (double-exposed as nostalgic visions in his mind). Blogger "Dr. Chilled Air" uploaded this to YouTube:

Jerry Lewis helped Ronnie get attention from disc jockeys. Deauville's record label sent out a special single, with Ronnie singing a song, and Jerry on the flip side, talking about this great talent: "December 27th on my TV show Ronnie is going to make his first major singing appearance on television since he was stricken with clinical polio. All the boys at this station are going to cooperate with over 3,000 radio stations throughout the country when, for the first time in the history of radio, on December 28th, and throughout the day, they will play Ronnie's new Era recording. We're doing this as a special tribute to a courageous guy and a wonderful singer..."

On November 6, 1957 Ralph Edwards told his story on "This Is Your Life." Here's the opening scene. Please watch. It's something you won't forget: 

Ronnie's 1959 album for Imperial featured a big close-up of the handsome star on the cover. It would be his last album. "Romance with Ronnie" offered such songs as "Tormented," "Blame Your Eyes," and "Dream Girl." On his smooth cover of "Unchained Melody," he was able to hit the challenging high notes with ease. 

Ronnie did some song-dubbing for movie stars and eventually retired to Florida with his wife and children. He passed away from cancer on Christmas Eve, 1990. His sister has a Facebook page for him, and he stays in the hearts of hundreds upon hundreds who never had a chance to see him perform, or to meet him, but are touched deeply by the sound of his voice. 

Ronnie Deauville sings the classic "LAURA" - instant download, or listen on line.

JERRY YESTER: ASHES HAVE TURNED and the Lovin' Spoonful offender has been sentenced

"He must be high on something" someone said
Though it never made The New York Times
In The Daily News, the caption read
"Save the life of my child!" 

Well...it didn't make the Daily News either. Or Rolling Stone. But it was big news on the website for the local Harrison, Arkansas newspaper. That's where Jerry was downloading, and apparently uploading, the child porn.

"Save the life of my child," could start with the parents:  well, that's all right mama, but you could save lives yourself by NOT taking nude pix of the kiddies and putting them on the Net. Right? 

Where does child porn come from? It comes, to a great degree, from parents exploiting their kids for profit. 

Mama, if you didn't have a litter of puppies and not be able to keep track of them, maybe your 12 or 14 year-old would not have been viewed by Mr. Yester. But let's only blame Jerry: 

Not being as rich and famous as Pete from The Who, Jerry couldn’t get away with “oh, it was research.” '

The question, since he was busted over a year ago (check his name on this blog for that story) was how long it would take for the wheel of justice to run him over. While he waited, banned from playing sappy music with Lovin’ Spoonful at county fairs, he turned up in a few local venues including a hotel. Here's Jerry along with Catherine Reed, performing in Eureka Springs, Arkansas back on November 15, 2018:  

Catherine starts off singing Paul Simon ("Kathy's Song" and "Slip Slidin' Away"), the latter starting off with some chicken impressions and laughs. Don't expect a Judy Henske here, just a smooth-voiced, affable folkie. 

There's slight irony when Jerry Yester is given a microphone for a duet on a song by Simon and Garfunkel's beloved Everly Brothers: "Bye Bye Love, Bye Bye Happiness. Hello Loneliness. I think I'm gonna cry." 

Hello loneliness: last month, a judge officially sent 74 year-old Jerry away for two years. Compare that with a hedge fund weasel named Epstein (now deceased) who also got busted in the Deep South, but had enough money to plea get away with ONE count of “soliciting an underage prostitute.” He got 13 months. He didn’t download, he fucked. Not only did he get a lighter sentence than Jerry Yester, he spent most of each day OUT of his cell, playing unsupervised games. 

Downloading underage porn IS a serious crime. It’s not victimless. It’s not just pictures. Those pictures came from somewhere, and some criminal types took them and profited from them. Some deranged parents may have been involved, too, pocketing the money for meth. Epstein had procurers hunting for 13-14 year old girls that the PARENTS allowed to be taken and used. Polanski, you might remember, found that "model" thanks to her mama.

Some idiots say "why spoil our fun, it's just pictures," but these aren't snapshots from a nudist magazine (ps, eBay bans nudist magazines due to pedophile interest). The young people in these images, certainly ones that aren’t mere poses, run the risk of being both emotionally and physically damaged. But let’s take a look at THIS: 

Here’s a maniac who got NO jail time for what amounts to obscene SCAT behavior. You feed your kids shit? Really? 

By the time the cops found out (they were busy checking on Internet porn downloaders?) the two kids were gaunt, emaciated, and half the weight of normal children their age. NO jail time for her; she just has to stay away from those kids now. Did she sashay out of court with a shit-eating grin?    

What a two-year sentence for Jerry Yester accomplishes, I’m not sure. That he’ll spend a few years risking getting beaten up for being a pedo? Maybe he's an "example" and some dirty old men will be scared about downloading. It would be nice to think so, but people like this have addict-personalities and can't stay away. Some might only do something worse, like pull an Aqualung and hang around a playground.

Yester’s career is already ruined, and when you’re kicked out of a group that doesn’t have John Sebastian and has few original members, and plays shit like “What a Day for a Day Dream,” you’ve sunk very, very low. He’s probably close to bankruptcy, considering how little royalties artists get thanks to download piracy and the official robbery from low-paying pricks like Spotify and YouTube. 

No, I have never met Jerry Yester. Judy Henske and Craig Doerge, yes. While social (disease) media would tell you that Yester's fame is drifting into Lovin' Spoonful, Jerry's real accomplishments are in songwriting, and in the two albums he made with Judy: "Farewell Aldebaran" and "Rosebud" (the latter being the name of the group they formed, which included Craig Doerge, who would replace Jerry as Judy's husband. No hard feelings...a few years ago, Judy and Jerry sang together to promote the re-issue of "Farewell Aldebaran.").

Below, pre-dating Jerry and Judy's folk-psych return to albums (via Frank Zappa's Straight label), here's a solo single from Jerry on ABC-Dunhill. "Ashes Have Turned" is credited to Judy Henske Yester - Jerry Yester,. (The flip side is not something they wrote). If you listen to it a few times it might just become catchy. You might even think, “Hmm, they could’ve resurrected this and stuck it on the "Rosebud" album, as its lush yet slightly sour harmonies aren't too different from “Le Soleil” and a few other tracks. 

Concluding the Paul Simon theme that has run through this entry, think about this line of his: "I wasn't such a Johnny Ace fan but I felt bad just the same." You don't have to be a Jerry Yester fan to feel bad about how twisted things can get when there's a strange, compelling and forbidden psychological need. 

ASHES HAVE TURNED - Jerry Yester, lyrics by Judy Henske - download, listen on line, no passwords, no sleazy foreign download service, no porn ads or malware


update:


According to an Arkansas website, which mentioned him between the report of a redneck chick biting part of her boyfriend's ear off, and a drunk attacking a store owner and running off with pizza-flavored bagels, Jerry was sentenced in July of 2019 to two years in prison, eligible for parole in a year. So, let's see what happens in July of 2020. If anything. A Freudian slip on the website had Yester "disturbing" porn, rather than "distributing" it....

The other criminals also in trouble the same time included...

NANCY HOLLOWAY was 86 - I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND (sung in French)

   One of the more unusual “ye ye girls” in France was a black woman from Cleveland.  Born Nancy Brown (December 11, 1932-August 28, 2019) she married a guy named Holloway, but only the last name lasted. As Nancy Holloway, she made her way to New York City, taking day jobs and working as a dancer when she got lucky. Via Club Harlem, she joined the “Beige Beauties,” a group created by black impresario Larry Steele, who also had the “Sepia Revue” and the “Smart Affairs” touring group. The latter played everywhere from Las Vegas to Australia.  Steele was one of the big managers specializing in black entertainment, and at one time or another, his roster included Cab Calloway, Sarah Vaughan, Freda Payne, Lou Rawls and Billy Daniels.  

    Holloway found welcome venues in France, where Josephine Baker had been a success. Paris audiences adored American jazz, and with far more solo opportunities for a singer who had some dance moves, Holloway worked up a set of tunes and premiered at the Mars Club in 1954. She also played the local Blue Note, and toured Germany. She reached the big time playing The Moulin Rouge in 1959, and earning the attention of “The King” himself, who was in Germany at the time, drafted into the Army.  

    In 1961, years with help from  actor André Pousse,she was making films, appearing on TV and had a record deal. To say she was a sensation would be an understatement. She made her film debut in “Ballade Pour Un Voyou” in 1963 and opened her own “Chez Nancy Holloway” nightclub. She could sing and she could move. Here’s the DUM DUM TWIST:  

The French loved it when Nancy sang American tunes in their language, and from big band and R&B (French language versions of “Big Noise from Winnetka” and “Hit The Road Jack”) she moved into the popular “ye ye” territory, covering Dionne Warwick’s “Don’t Make Me Over,” the wistful Brian Hyland end-of-summer ballad “Sealed with a Kiss,” and eventually Beatles hits, which appeared on her 1964 album “Bye Bye” on French Decca. 

With tastes changing in the late 60’s, Nancy not only moved on to stronger rock material, but even was allowed to sing in English. She did a very nice swingin’ take on The Doors classic “Light My Fire.” For a few complete albums, it’s vaguely possible that the usual suspects will offer downloads — the “English as a Second Language” assholes. These "album cover and a link" (or maybe adding "R.I.P." or something they stole off AllLMusic) are mostly in Brazil, Turkey, Sweden, Holland and other countries that don't have rock music of their own anyone wants.  They just want to pretend they're in show biz, get some undeserved applause, or just “have fun.”  Yes, at the literal expense of artists, record store owners, and anyone else who isn't retired or retarded and is trying to earn a living from legal and creative music-making.

    The fun part of Holloway’s career was when she was in her late 20’s and 30’s. Her eight films were made between 1963 and 1971, and most of her hit songs were in that era, too. Tragedy struck in 1969 when her six month-old daughter drowned in a bathtub accident. She semi-retired for a while, unsure of what direction to take as middle-age and changing music styles added to her miseries.  "Je suis la seule responsable de ma carrière en dents de scie. J'ai commis de graves erreurs... J'étais un peu comme une cigale qui chantait en toute insouciance,” she said. She’d made some mistakes over the years, but she wasn’t blaming a manager or an agent; she was responsible for her own decisions. She poetically likened herself to a “little cicada,” singing but not really being fully aware of what was going on around her. 

    Broadening her outlook, Nancy began to tour the world. In the late 70’s and into the 80’s, she performed in Bombay, Singapore, India, and a variety of African countries including Chad and The Ivory Coast. She also worked for AIDS charities in the 80’s, and was still a big name despite a lack of new hits. CDs re-packaged her old classics, and around 2006, she was performing nostalgia tours with a variety of European stars including beloved veteran entertainers Richard Anthony, Demis Roussos and Franck Alamo. She also was still a big attraction at some local Parisian nightclubs, with audiences loving her mix of ballads and the upbeat tunes she popularized in the 60’s. 

Here's  her vintage version of  I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND: “Je Veux Prendre Ta Main.” 

Download or listen on line - no passwords, no links to dodgy sites run by slime, no spyware

Remembering YOU -- Carroll O'Connor, born in August

Carroll O'Connor would've celebrated another birthday, August 2nd.

But...Aw Jeez, Edith...John Carroll O'Connor, born August 2, 1924, died way back on June 21st, 2001. These days, when people talk about a CLASSIC SITCOM, they mean "Friends" or "Big Bang Theory." Anyone even remember "All in the Family?" Are any stations actually running what was then a controversial and is now a very UN-PC show? 

Back in the day, "All in the Family" was the #1 show and it made a star out of an obscure character actor, one who actually DIDN'T talk with a New Yawk accent. O'Connor admitted that he cobbled the Archie Bunker voice with a little help from listening to Jimmy Cagney and Jackie Gleason. After several years, O'Connor seemed to tire of being identified with Archie, and tried to remind people that he was an ACTOR, not a personality. 

One thing that helped was when he added lyrics to Roger Kellaway's "All in the Family" end theme, and performed it as the dapper Irishman he actually was. The opening sentiment: "Gotta feeling it's all over now, all over now, we're through. And tomorrow I'll be lonesome remembering you..."

Here, all dressed up in a tux, something Archie Bunker never owned, he sings "Remembering You." 

Fortunately for O'Connor, after he milked the show for constant wage hikes, and ultimately got his own solo "Archie Bunker's Place," he was able to move on to a completely new character, the Southern sheriff on "In the Heat of the Night." Nobody seemed to find it jarring that a Southern accent was sliding out of Archie Bunker's mouth. That's how good of an actor he was.

Back when there was such a thing as vinyl, and no such thing as piracy, two "All in the Family" soundtrack albums arrived in stores, and O'Connor issued his own album, "Remembering You," which was mainly a collection of 30's hits with spoken introductions for each song.  And if you're nostalgic for the ragtime piano instrumental version, it was committed to vinyl a few times...here by Ray Coniff and his band. 

The Association's "WINDY" was really a man. Songwriter Ruthann Friedman sang about him first

The Association didn't write "Windy." 

It took one woman to do what five guys couldn't. 

Bronx-born Ruthann Friedman ( July 6, 1944) wrote the song. She was living on the West Coast, hanging out with a bunch of other singer-songwriters, and actually knocked this hippy-dippy ballad out in less than a half hour at David Crosby's house.

Unfortunately her version seemed like just another singer/songwriter ballad. It took the production values of The Association, and a sex change, to make it memorable. It also required Van Dyke Parks, who was a friend of both Ruthann and The Association, and was able to get her song over to them.

Here's the original and genial "WINDY" from Ruthann: 

"Who's reaching out to capture a moment?" that doesn't sound like a GUY does it? 

"And Windy has wings to fly above the clouds!" that DEFINITELY doesn't sound like a guy. Unless he's living in West Hollywood. "Smilin' at everybody he sees." Especially other guys?  

Two years after The Association hit the charts with the song, Reprise took a chance on Ruthann becoming another Joni Mitchell. The album "Constant Companion" was the companion for...not too many college chicks bringing their luggage and record player to the campus. Well, the first album on Reprise from Van Dyke Parks suffered the same fate. After a while, Ruthann gave up show biz, got a "real job," and raised two kids. Thirty years later, circa 2006, she found an indie label willing to re-issue her album, and she began to gig again. Van Dyke Parks produced a new single for her in 2011 on a sleepy indie label called Ether. A new CD, "Chinatown," was released on the Wolfgang label in 2013.

Looking a bit like a less nasty Judge Judy (and most anyone, male or female, would qualify), here's Ruthann performing her most famous song for an audience at McCabes in 2012:

HOW BOB DYLAN ENDED WARREN ZEVON’S FIRST CAREER. Sort of. Not intentionally.

A very young Warren Zevon lucked out. He and his girlflriend played some songs at a party, a bigwig happened to be there, and it was: "Hey, you'd be good for White Whale, which is the record label The Turtles are on. They could use you two. I'm talking to you, friend, and lover." 

Well no, it wasn't Friend and Lover, and it wasn't Cymbal and Clinger ("Mr. Bass Man" novelty guy Johnny Cymbal trying to be relevant.). The new duo was christened LYME AND CYBELLE. Zevon, who was favoring green clothing at the time, was Stephen Lyme. 

The team actually did pretty well with their first single but...they chose a Bob Dylan cover for their follow-up. Their version of "If You Gotta Go, Go Now" (White Whale WW 23) was considered a bit too RUDE for AM radio, and that was it. Warren's next move was a solo album which didn't go anywhere, although a song on it was covered by a soul singer for the "Midnight Cowboy" soundtrack.

Fast forward to just before Warren died of mesothelioma at the age of 56. He came full circle and covered Bob Dylan's "Knocking on Heaven's Door." Yes, Warren was darkly ironic to the end. Bob Dylan had once wandered into a Zevon recording session just to check the man out. This surprised and flattered Warren, who was almost speechless. "What are you up to Bob," Warren managed to say. "Travelin'" replied Bob, who, as Warren discovered, "was not much for small talk."

As a small favor, Bob played harmonica on a Zevon track. After Warren died, Bob paid tribute, performing some Zevon songs in live concert, which was quite an honor. Usually a Dylan show is all Dylan songs, but when you write as well as Warren, exceptions can be made.

Hey JUDE LAW don't make it bad -- Put your clothes BACK ON. "HEY JUDE" ala Peter Lorre and Easy Ray Conniff

It doesn't just happen to women. Not in our bi-bi bisexual gay pride #metoo era. Why shouldn't GUYS have to nude scenes in films? "Come on, sir, take 'em off, or we'll hire somebody else..."

Hey, JUDE...

The buzz for some horrible new movie is that...JUDE LAW has a nude scene. Who Jude? He's stil around? And he can't get a job without degrading himself? JUDE, AWWWWW. 

IF I'M BEING HONEST, the film will fail despite the nudity. It's not about a Marvel hero, has nothing to do with slavery in America, and doesn't have 90 solid minutes of car chases. Tarantino is not the director. "Nah, I'll wait till it's a free download on Demonoid..." 

First, a deliberately insane rendition courtesy of Paul Frees, the legend who voiced Ludwig Von Drake, Boris Badenov, the Pillsbury Doughboy and much much more. He told me he liked being "behind the scenes," but made a rare exception for a "pet project" of his...an album where he sang modern songs as classic film stars.

On "Paul Frees and the Poster People," he imagined Ed Wynn singing "Up Up and Away" and Clark Gable doing "By the Time I Get to Phoenix." I asked Jimmy Webb what he thought of this, and Jimmy said, "I never heard of it." "You mean you didn't have to approve it first? MGM never sent you a copy of Paul's record as a courtesy?" (laughing) "No."

Paul's album got a bit strange when he imagined Bela Lugosi singing "The Games People Play," and went downright nutty when he had Peter Lorre singing "Hey Jude." Both Peter Lorre and Paul Frees were Jewish, which might explain the ad-lib, "Why do I call you Jude when your name is Seymour??" (Irony: when the song first came out, McCartney had to field an angry phone call to the Apple office. A Jewish man was outraged at the anti-Semitism of the song. Paul had to explain that although "Jude" was used by Germans during the War for their campaign to wipe out the Chosen People, HIS song was referencing a name popular in England among Christians."

Back when the song was taken seriously, "Hey Jude" was covered by a ton of middle-of-the-road performers including Bing Crosby, The Lettermen, The Living Voices, Jane Morgan, Shirley Bassey, Petula Clark, and the Ray Conniff singers. Among dozens of others. And, no, I'm name-dropping them only because they covered the song. I never met any of 'em. 

Your sample of this type of cringeworthy cover is the Ray Conniff version. “Has anyone ever done a GOOD version of Hey Jude” was an actual topic at the Steve Hoffman forum years ago. The general consensus was nah. Nah. Nah. Nah-na Nah na. 

You're the only girl I ever met named Linda Lou
Maybe that's the reason that I'm so in love with you…
And you're the only girl I ever met who hates "Hey Jude"
Maybe that's the reason that I'm so in love with you

You know the song. “Rockin’ Girls” by Sparks. I remember talking to those guys back when the song came out. Do I remember what we talked about for a half hour? Not really. It was a long time ago. I could go get the transcript, but THIS entry is really for people who HATE “Hey Jude” and not those who like Sparks. 

No question, "Hey Jude" remains, thanks to its endless ending, one of the most feared songs at any McCartney concert. His inane scat-singing might shock people awake after enduring the now-monotonous melody, but it only confirms that this one really hasn't survived the test of time too well. Even Julian Lennon is probably sick of it. We do admire some of the brilliant lyrical imagery though.  But let's explode a myth: “the movement you need is on your shoulder” isn’t a reference to pigeon shit. 

PAUL FREES sings HEY JUDE as PETER LORRE - no shitty Ydray Yadi download, no malware, no porn ads or passwords 

EASY listening: HEY JUDE from RAY CONNIFF - no password, no demand for you to LIKE this post, no stinky demand that you pay for a premium account 

ABBEY ROAD 50th ANNIVERSARY: 4 CD's NOBODY REALLY NEEDS AND FEW WILL ACTUALLY BUY

It was a GREAT DAY, August 8th. It wasn't swelteringly hot in London, so people could forget about climate change. No burqa-wearing terrorists were driving people off London Bridge and howling about Allah. And with the enthusiasm of watching four lame-ass impersonators walk across a street, there wasn't even a murmur of "What'll be with Brexit?" 

Hooray, it was a day to go back fifty fucking years and pretend the world hasn't changed. 

The world HAS changed. And forever, not for better. Two of the Beatles are even gone, and few record stores have remained. In other words, where WILL you buy this fucking 4 CD box set? Oh, from AMAZON and not in the real world? And will YOU PERSONALLY be buying it, or getting a torrent download from Demonoid, or a link from some brain-dead asshole in Holland, Sweden or Croatia for whom English is a second language and UK and USA economy not a concern? 

What's changed musically is that DRAKE now has broken most of the chart records and sales records The Beatles owned. And if they haven't, oh, Whitney Houston did. Or Lady Gaga. Or Madonna. Or it'll happen the next time Adele opens her fat yap, or the next time Viley Virus sticks out her ugly tongue, winks, twerks, and lets a cough-load out of her mouth, anus and vagina at the same time.

A bit too vivid? 

Even with Paul Krassner gone, it's possible to be a REALIST. This set will only be bought by a few thousand aging die-hards who think their hearses have luggage racks. They'll insist that Giles Martin has somehow breathed new life into the remixes (or argue that he didn't) and, after a while, wonder why alternate takes just aren't THAT interesting. 

As for the Millennials and anyone under 40, how do you even explain "classic rock" or why they should care about "Abbey Road?" That's like the previous generation trying to insist that Big Band Music was the hippest thing and "You really should listen to my Glenn Miller records, and the Dorsey Brothers. My god, BIG BANDS and not just a few idiots playing guitar!" 

Times change. It takes determination NOT to change with the times, or to cheer the event of yesterday (when people gazed at imposters on Abbey Road and thought their troubles were far away).  Reports in the papers included interviews with pea-brains who actually boasted about flying in from halfway around the world JUST to stand on a street and insist "Abbey Road" is a great album (it was) and rock and roll will never die (it's terminal, just like the planet) and that they were delirious with joy just to be a part of it (they are idiots). 

FACT: "Abbey Road" was, like every Beatles album, astonishing at the time. If you grew up with it, it's still nice to listen to once in a while. But after 50 years, and hundreds and hundreds of plays, not every track still holds up, and the percentage of duds is much higher than on "Sgt. Pepper" or "Revolver," right? Right. 

 There are 17 tracks on “Abbey Road” and that includes the scraps of filler that formed the so-called “medley" on side two. Fact: it was a hash of odds and ends and unfinished tunes that worked for anyone with a low attention span.  Why they didn’t just pull out rejects such as “Not Guilty” or “Teddy Boy,” who knows. At least "Mary Jane" wasn't on there. 

Time to take a look at what still shines on, and what we usually skip when we can get our wrinkly fingers on the remote control....

1.    “Come Together” remains a mess. A good mess (not a "hot mess" as the flamboyant gays love to say). Lennon, who often scorned Macca for not polishing or concentrating on his lyrics, tosses everything into this, and most of it is gibberish. Still, after 50 years the music is still cool rockin' blues and the song is so good that even without Beatles production, it's enjoyable. Lots of cover versions around. Hell, even some chick with an acoustic guitar and a fake blues delivery can do well with it. Hello, Jilly Riley (and show a little more boob next time, and ditch the hat): 

2.    “Something” was so pretty even the crooners of the day covered it. Why not, George actually uses the word “woos," which was corny even when sung by a stripe-suited banjo-playing vaudevillian in 1913. Hare-Hare-Harrison's spiritual guitar makes it less of a load of treacle. “I don’t want to leave her now. You know I believe and how.” Gosh, the man’s couplets were a rival to McKuen, huh?

3.     “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” is probably the most hated song on the album, so it’s defended here. It’s the ILL FOLKS blog, after all. Macca is often chided for writing childish melodies, Music Hall nonsense and nursery-level lyrics. Well, “Obla Di Obla Da” to YOU all. The fact is, this is a VERY sick song. There’s a sly suggestion, that studying metaphysical or pataphysical science still can’t prepare one for the surprises in life, like senseless murder.  Just why our ever-smiling Paulie took such joy in writing about killings, we may never know. His own vague helter-skelter explanation:

    "'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' is analogy for when something goes wrong out of the blue, as it so often does, as I was beginning to find out at that time in my life. I wanted something symbolic of that, so to me it was some fictitious character called Maxwell with a silver hammer. I don't know why it was silver, it just sounded better than Maxwell's hammer. It was needed for scanning. We still use that expression now when something unexpected happens….In the past I may have written tongue-in-cheek, like 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer', and dealt with matters of fate in a kind of comical, parody manner. It just so happens in this batch of songs I would look at these subjects and thought it was good for writing. If it's good enough to take to your psychiatrist, it's good enough to make a song of."

For the record, Paul’s band mates ALL hated the song. John “hated it,” mostly for the same reason Ringo disliked it. They had to do too many takes. Ringo called it “the worst session ever…the worst track we ever had to record. It went on for fucking weeks.” George was the snarkiest:  "Sometimes Paul would make us do these really fruity songs. I mean, my God, 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' was so fruity.” 

Let's break up the text with a few more YOUTUBE items. "Mona Lisa Twins" not only offer a kind of idiot retro 20’s version of the song, but make SURE it’s almost unbearable by actually having “Maxwell” appear in the guise of a fucking CLOWN MIME. More revealing costumes, girls, and shoot the mime. 

There are Beatles outtakes of the song that are even more annoying than the finished product. Perhaps there will be five of them on the fabulous 4 CD Box set. But for lameness, there's the Steve Martin cover, which was actually produced by George Martin. 

Martin, who managed to get the best out of Peter Sellers and the Goons, couldn’t seem to get a damn thing out of Steve Martin. Most of it is recited rather than sung, and not in his “wild and crazy” style. Steve did a decent job with the dentist song in “Little Shop of Horrors” a few years later, but here, he doesn't seem to know how to handle the camp or black humor of Macca's ditty. 

 
Lastly,  if we take this song as merely a vicarious naughty-schoolboy ditty about wishing to murder various enemies, and having idiot girls cheer about it ("Maxwell must go free") then it wouldn't be a surprise if the 4 CD set gets banned for encouraging school shootings. Hell, if "Helter Skelter" was considered an evil track, what about this? Oooooh....

4- 5   “Oh Darling” is just a brainless rave-up and “Octopus’s Garden” would’ve been an embarrassment on a Muppets album. Again, we enjoyed these, to some degree or other, for nearly 50 years. That's a good run for what Millennials would call audio diarrhea.

6.    “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” is the longest track, a seven minute exercise in obsession. It moves from a Lennon experiment in minimalist lyrics to a monstrous, literally heavy musical monster-stomp. You can easily imagine somebody fucking Adele to this track. It remains great. But try explaining it to some high school dick who is into rap or a high school twat who loves Taylor Swift. Rock is dead, but you can shake the house, grandpa, by playing this one LOUD.

7-8     Two dreary tracks; “Here Comes the Sun” is just about the weakest example of sunshine music you’ll find. “Good Day Sunshine” it is not. “Here comes the sun. And I say it’s all right.” Thanks, George, for another toss-away couplet. And people complained about Macca? PS, if the sun came and you DIDN’T think it was all right, what the fuck could you do about it? 

As for “Because,” we have “Because the world is round it turns me on,” which shows that taking a lot of drugs can be a bad thing. What still saves it on repeat listenings, even after 50 years, is the unusual Beatles harmonies. Guys, you need not keep gasping about the fucking Everly Brothers. You out-numbered them and this is damn good. Lennon claimed the melody was “Moonlight Sonata” played backwards by Yoko. Or something like that. "Yoko helped The Beatles." Tattoo that on your tush. 

9.    “You Never Give Me Your Money” is still lively, juxtaposing a wistful complaint with Elvis swagger. You might almost think this song has a message. Oh the magic feeling. Know where to go?

10   “Sun King” is wearisome drivel.  It just is. It was always a patience-trying track. In fact it was annoying in two languages. 

11-12-13   The medley of unfinished songs all remind me of “Maggie May” on “Let it Be.” Meaning: “Where’s the rest of it?” The answer is these were songs with one good image and nowhere to take it. “She came in through the bathroom window" didn’t yield a good song to go with it. (Unlike Dylan’s “Please crawl out your window…”). So all Macca could do was scrambled-egg more lyrics and then toss this clip-on-tie onto the clown suit inhabited by twin freaks Polythene Pam and Mean Mr. Mustard. Both songs have Lennon picking up and tossing away Judy and Punch after a brief examination and put-down on each. 

14-15-16   Sort of paired together, these snippets ALMOST seem to make sense. You may be fitfully unaware or apathetic in your “Golden Slumbers” but boy, you’re gonna “Carry That Weight.” Then it's time to shake your head and do a rave-up, and it even inspires Ringo to do that “drum solo." I know it was ridiculed at the time, and some still laugh at it, but it remains the only drum solo that most of you can easily do yourselves. Catchy, isn't it? 

Caveat. Not EVERYBODY can do that simple drum solo. It CAN be fucked up. Proof?  

Just why amateurs feel compelled to put their embarrassing videos on YouTube for EVERYONE to cringe at...

The nice two minute rock riff of "The End" ends with that grandiose, oh-so-profound “And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.” That explains everything. 

Perhaps the 4 CD set will have a few surprises "Purple Chick" and a hundred other bootleggers have missed. MAYBE there's a take of "Sun King" that doesn't suck like a sea-sick eel. More likely, the outtakes will be as dismal a revelation as “Suicide,” the song that was merely a brief snippet on McCartney’s first solo album and then got a disappointing official release on the re-issue.

Will the 4 CD box set have several two-minute rehearsals takes on "Her Majesty?" Half a minute as an impudent little closer on "Abbey Road" was cute enough.

Irony: “Her Majesty” is STILL alive while half The Beatles are dead. And she still doesn’t have a lot to say.

When IVA ZANICCHI was FILLED UP WITH BEATLES

Iva Zanicchi and Ringo Starr are both the same age. 79. 

The difference is that Iva is not on the road with so-called "All Stars" wearily waving a few fingers while the audience sings "Yellow Submarine." Another difference is that Ringo never successfully ran for public office.  Of course the biggest difference was that Iva could look pretty hot and could definitely belt out a tune, not belt out of tune. 

I don't think she ever met Ringo. For this Photoshop job, I stuck his head on the body of some colpito al cervello testa dei pesci posing with Iva circa 1965. (Don't bother to look it up; loosely translated, I called him a brain-damaged fish head).

Here's Iva's BEATLES MEDLEY from many years ago. You can fast-forward the first three minutes, which is an original song and not a Lennon-McCartney or Harrison.

 
Geddya tootsie-frootsie Beatles, here!

"Yesterday" is way too emotional to be sung in anything but Italian, so after the opening word, Iva does just that. From there, her olive-oiled voice slides into a fervent "Let It Be" sung in English with perhaps some vocal coaching from the ghost of Chico Marx. The violins sag and segue into "Michelle,"and she sings to Michelle which to adds a little lipstick lesbian zest to the mix. For Harrison's "My Sweet Lord," the steel-belting lady pours out molten-hot high notes.

At the risk of seeming snarky about today's twats, THIS is a singer. Iva performs WITHOUT monitors in her ears, doesn't have tattoos or indulge in wardrobe malfunctions, and leaves the squatting for the ladies room.  She does no aerobic dancing and has no fruity bunch of male back-up dancers either.

She moves effortlessly around a pretty awkward set where the musicians are against one wall, and the audience far removed on the other side. It would be intimidating for some to perform with a sterile gulf between them and the audience, or to try and remember the lyrics and stay with the melody with a small orchestra flurrying nearby. She knows exactly where the cameras are no matter which direction she goes, and she gets it done without being either garishly ravishing or pop-tart cute.

Born January 18, 1940,  Iva began recording at 25, and won the San Remo song contest in 1969. She averaged an album a year from 1970 to 1988. The pace slowed with stand-outs "Come Mi Vorrei" in 1991 and "Fossi un Tango" in 2003. In May of 2008 she joined the European Parliament, representing Forza, Italy. She took over from a departing politician named Mantovani. Quoth Iva at the time:

 "I believe that the EP and the EU should continue to promote sports. Sport has a key-role today when it comes to fighting social problems such as racism. Sport also teaches respect for rules, respect for teammates and especially respect for opponents… Sport is often a vehicle for peace!”  

If you'd like a download of the original vinyl....

Iva's Beatles Medley - no passwords, no dodgy slow Putin-scum websites, no porn ads or spyware

Five Years Before ABBEY ROAD -- Beatlemania Beatle Cash-Ins!

February 9th, 1964…The Beatles appeared on "The Ed Sullivan Show." (Should there even be an asterisk for August 8, 2019, a bunch of assholes gathered at Abbey Road to gurn and preen and try to stake a claim to traveling the most distance to stand in the gutter?) 

1964 as really The Year of the Beatles and...Beatle cash-ins. It was only after the lads conquered America that feverish Capitalism not only from Capitol Records but from EVERY record label suddenly caught fire.

It was pretty much after the Sullivan show that PRODUCT was demanded, and the earlier Beatles hits known only in England, including "She Loves You" and "Please Please Me" turned up in America. These were joined by Beatles sound-alikes and novelty tunes about the Fab Four. 

NO joke...aside from dubious comic novelties (Allan Sherman's "Pop Hates the Beatles") the cash-ins even included "1000 Jokes" dropping a comedian for the cover in favor of The Fab Four and a few jokes about them. 

The five finalists:
1. I'm Better Than The Beatles. Brad Berwick hoped enough haters would buy his little ditty, but nobody was listening. 

2. I Wanna Be a Beatle by Gene Cornish and The Unbeetables (get it?). At least this one is kind of harmless in stealing from "She Loves You" and seeming about to riff into "I Wanna Be Your Man." It's actually kind of complimentary… 

3. Beatle Maniacs by Ray Ruff and the Checkmates. Another jealous Buddy Holly-type grumbles, "The Beatles, they're the worst…" and tries to show that insipid rockabilly is much better. Yeah, there's also some line about his girl not caring about him because he doesn't have "shaggy hair." 

4. The Beatle Bomb. After stealing a chunk of "She Loves You," the lead singer of The Exterminators, with a pretty horrific British accent, moans "By Jove I'll get them yet," and the band plays a somewhat clever but awful combo of surf music and a classic funeral march. Can this stubborn "bomb" of twangy guitar music defeat the Mersey sound? "Oh no" "Yeah yeah" "Oh no" "Yeah yeah yeah…by Jove I think we've done it!" Yes, if you mean created a cult item a few collectors would pay big bucks for decades later. 

5. "It's Comin Thru The Doors" by Bobby and the Blue Jays is a dig at the "clanging banging Limey Liverpool sound." The lyrics somehow reduces the Fab Four to three, as Bobby chronicles the beginning of the band that refused to go to a barber and now have somehow stolen his girl, and worse: "Oooh, they wanna hold my hand." A very confused fellow, this lead singer. 


While the 50th anniversary of "Abbey Road" would SEEM to end the hysteria for bloated, over-priced re-issues, rest assured it WON'T. McCartney has pointed to endless hours of 'Let it Be" outtakes that will be cobbled to create a much more positive view of The Beatles working together in literal harmony. It will no doubt be bloated to three or four DVDs, with a box and a booklet, and tucked away in there, the original "Let it Be" film.

There will also be re-issues and re-mixes of older Beatles material, the solo material, anything else Giles Martin would care to alter and enhance (including his own reputation) and....
.... hell, why not a big coffee table book loaded with photos of Beatlemania items AND nestled in a box with reproductions of choice items like a genuine replica of a Beatle wig, a snipped of Beatle pillowcase, or some pinback buttons with "I Love Ringo" in bold red letters, or photos of the group, or even the mocking pins that some jealous teenage boys wore. Yes, there was HELP STAMP OUT "BEETLES" (spelled wrong either to avoid a lawsuit, or because the manufacturer was from Holland). 

FIVE "BEATLES BACKLASH" TRACKS...hear Brad Berwick, Ray Ruff, The Exterminators, The Unbeetables and Bobby and the Blue Jays... ...Guys sulking, sneering and dreaming about Beatles fame!

REMEMBER WHEN THOSE "COO COO" BEATLES FIRST ARRIVED?

Abbey Road's turned 50. The Beatles are older. (Ringo is 79, remember). 

Let's go back to Beatlemania when every record label was trying to scoop up stuff Capitol rejected. Right. Singles released on Vee-Jay and Tollie and "She Loves  You" was on Philadelphia's Swan label. ALSO on Swan, was the attempted cash-in comedy album by Fisher & Marks.



Back then, Beatlemania was a hot seller, but so was topical comedy on records. "The First Family" was a sketch comedy album that sold a million copies for the tiny Cadence label. Indie labels drooled over the chance to have big sales like that. 

This was back when there were only a few TV channels, and almost nobody was doing sketch comedy or topical humor. There was no "Carol Burnett Show" to do a send-up of JFK and Jackie in the White House OR do a musical parody on The Beatles.
 
When Elizabeth Taylor began fooling around with Richard Burton, there was Will Jordan's indie "All About Cleopatra" album. When "Man from UNCLE" was a huge hit, up came "The Man from TANTE" from Brill & Foster. Beatlemania led to "Coo Coo Beatles World." 

And who were Fisher and Marks? Just a pair of local Philly comics, no threat to Marty Allen and Steve Rossi (who were having hit albums for ABC-Paramount with their "Hello Dere" catchphrase. No threat to even Gaylord and Holiday (who were not having hit albums, and owned the un-PC gay mockery catch-phrase 'Hi, Simply Hi.") 

Al Fisher was born Albert Fichera and Marks' last name was Franco (which would explain the duo's other album, Italian comedy parodies ala Allan Sherman titled "Rome on the Range). They began working together in 1948, with Al doing stand-up and pudgy little Lou heckling him from the audience. Lou would then mount the stage for schtick a little less wild than Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. The team wowed 'em in Philly, and later appeared in a few movies, 'Mister Rock and Roll" and "Country Music Holiday," both headed by country singer Ferlin Husky. 

Most fans agree that the team was a riot in live performance, and that the movies and record albums do not do them justice. Well, "Coo Coo" doesn't do The Beatles justice, either, and a good parody would have to wait many many years till The Rutles arrived. 

Much of the album is padded with non-Beatles items including impressions of Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi, and a track called "The Real Fisher and Marks." 

Since this is a music blog anyway, you get the few musical Beatles parody numbers, including "We Love Rock and Roll" (lyrics stuck atop "Barcarolle" of all things…and what the point of the bad Cockney-accented riddles are, who knows) and "Paul George John and Ringo : All The Way to the Bank," (public domain music "On Top of Old Smokey"). 

 Ladies and Gentlemen, the comedy stylings of Al Fisher and Lou Marks, back when it was a Coo-Coo Beatles World. 

FISHER AND MARKS "Coo Coo" BEATLES SONGS

Peter Brewis - "CALL ME PAUL" - via Mel Smith. Parody of "Graceland" and "You Can Call Me Al"

Peter Brewis? 

See below, for an homage (in time for Kate Bush's birthday) to his brilliant "Oh England My Leotard" satire, performed by Pam Stephenson. 

Among Pete fans, a close second for "funniest parody of a pop star" goes to "Call Me Paul," which was originally performed on "Alas Smith and Jones." 

Since Paul Simon is American, and perhaps has a sense of humor (remember when he dressed up in a turkey outfit to sing "Still Crazy" on a "Saturday Night Live" episode), there wasn't quite the hoo-hah over using snatches of Paul's music as there was when using Kate's. 

'I Know What I Know" "Boy in the Bubble," "You Can All Me Al" and "Graceland" are all stewing in here. 

Pete is an award winner. Whatever it is, it looks nice doesn't it? He seems happy to have it.

 

Brewis lent his comedy stylings to a variety of British comedy shows, many featuring either Mel Smith or Lenny Henry in the cast: Alas Smith and Jones, Not the Nine O'Clock News, Smith and Goody, Spitting Image, Three of a Kind, The Lenny Henry Show, Lenny Beige, and Carrott's Lib. Among his other songs cultists love: "Santa's Super Sleigh" and "I've Never Met a Nice South African." In the uneven (Jeff Goldblum starring, Rowan Atkinson in villainous support) film "The Tall Guy," Pete supplied the mocking pseudo-Broadway songs for the highlight, where Goldblum's character stars in a musical version of "The Elephant Man."

And kudos to Pete for having his own website PETERBREWIS with nothing much on it except a misspelling of composer: 

CELEBRATE KATE BUSH’S BIRTHDAY WITH PAMELA STEPHENSON - That HEAVY Satire!

"Do you like my latest hits...'cause you like my latex tits?" 

"Oh, England, my LEOTARD..."

Yes, all you Bush Babies, your beloved Kate was born July 30th, 1958, and I’m giving you a day’s HEADS UP to plan a party…all alone in your basement surrounded by Kate posters. 

Some blogger for whom English is a second language, and who has no imagination or morals, might use the day to give away an ENTIRE KATE BUSH DISCOGRAPHY. This, along with a huffy demand for a nice comment for his hard work. As in, "Here I am with nothing better to do in Holland, Sweden, Turkey, Croatia, or some other third-rate armpit country that isn't hip, and all I ask is that you appreciate how much I love MUSIC. ANY music. ANYTHING that will make me seem cool. Ooh ooh, I have a BLOG! I am in the music business!" 

But I digress. I was knocked out when Kate Bush suddenly emerged, fully formed, with not only some very exciting songs, but a new and pretty erotic way of putting them across...via mime and, yes, wearing a leotard.

I certainly remember when Kate was among the first to create evocative rock videos; two pieces were actually imported and broadcast on “Saturday Night Live.” WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW…UNBELIEVABLE!
    
Let’s take a look back at one of them: “Wuthering Heights.” It had people actually gasping, “There was a book based on this video?” Yeah, some chick named Bronte. I forget which one

Notice that this AUTHORIZED video has gotten over 19 MILLION HITS?

That means that Kate Bush has gotten paid some money by The Great God Google. Imagine THAT. One reason for posting a video here is that money actually goes to the artist. As long as the artist uploads and doesn't leave it to some asshole who writes "no copyright infringement intended, I just like this," so it's uploaded defying the point of copyright protection. Hoo ha.

I'd heard high-pitched pop voices before (Marsha Malamet is on this blog).  But Kate's lyrics were in progrock form, and she kept getting more and more evocative with her British delights in fantasy, ghosts, romance and things spiritual or simply peculiar. She would soon become political as well. 

Most would agree that the "hot" Kate Bush (all some people cared about) was best heard and observed on her first two or three albums and those early videos. I was going to record stores (remember them?) and buying import singles and albums. Here's Kate going banshee, but still being sexy with it:

I know, what's sexy about a woman actually called "Babooshka?" Nothing, unless it's Kate. For most, "babooshka" recalls the kind of schmatta old immigrant women from armpit countries in Europe used to wear while trudging around smelling of herring. 

It was at this time that Kate Bush became so successful she was worth a parody. After all, once the initial shock of seeing a curvy mime in action wore off, you had to think, "This IS a bit silly, even for progressive rock." Enter the fabulous Pam Stephenson, star of cult horror-comedy films, wife of Billy Connolly, and now a therapist. She was a woman who was not only sexy, but funny. She was not just the Carol Cleveland type that male comics could leer at for humor. She was talented and got chances to prove it. Like THIS amazingly on-target and pungent satire of our beloved Kate, including high kicks and hilarious face-making:

I think it edges Weird Al's Lady Gaga parody "Perform this Way" for best funny rock video of all time. You're getting the version with the Pete Brewis lyrics. 

Copyright is a bit different around the world. In America you can write parody lyrics and get paid for them, and there's no hassle (as long as the writer of the music is also paid). Nobody tells you NO YOU CAN'T. But in 1980 in the UK, Pete Brewis (who created some hilarious faux-Broadway musical songs for "The Tall Guy" movie) got a stern warning. NO, you can NOT lift the music from "Heavy People" or a phrase from "Violin" or "England My Lionheart" and get paid for adding tongue-in-cheek lyrics. 

As I see on my copy of "Not the Nine O'Clock News" (BBC Records REB 421), "England My Leotard" is SOLELY credited (meaning the money goes SOLELY to the person credited) as KATE BUSH. There's an added notation that the song is owned by Kate Bush Music Ltd, in association with EMI MUSIC Ltd. And then, as a throwaway, in parenthesis: (Lyrical pastiche Peter Brewis). Pastiche? UNPAID pastiche? Some people, leaving comments on various bootleg versions of the original video, marvel at what a good sport Kate Bush was, writing her own parody lyrics. But, no, she didn't. 

Pete Brewis: 

"There were copyright problems. When Kate Bush's publishers EMI got wind of the song being put out on an album I was summoned to a meeting with their lawyers who said I'd ripped off Them Heavy People. I said, 'The tune's different, the harmony's different, the bass line's different and the words are different. It's a different song'. They said, 'But your song wouldn't have been written if Them Heavy People hadn't existed'. Yep - true enough. 'And that makes it a breach of copyright', they said. So there you are: in this country you can't send up any song that's still in copyright. Not The Nine O'Clock News was extremely popular at the time, so the album stood to sell squillions. They agreed to let the song go on the album as long as they (and Kate Bush) got my share of the money. And they insisted on that wording: 'by Kate Bush. Lyrical pastiche by Peter Brewis'. Sounds really Edwardian doesn't it? Lyrical pastiche. 'And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, for your amusement I should like to perform a lyrical pastiche'.

Was Kate Bush in on the recording of this? NO. Did she like the parody? Pete Brewis:

"I heard, soon after the show was first broadcast, that she was a bit angry about it. Then a year or so later I asked a friend of mine who'd been working with her if she'd ever mentioned the song. 'Yeah - we were talking about it. She thought it was funny'."

In the category of WTF, it is duly noted that Pam probably recorded the lyrics while listening, karaoke-style to the finished song. In one she sings "my carrot quiches" while another has her sing "my cauliflower quiches."Let's turn to Pete Brewis again for the answer: 

"I wrote it, made a demo tape of me singing it to give to Pamela Stevenson for her to learn it, booked four or five musicians, a couple of backing singers and a studio. The bass-player was having an off-day and I got a bit impatient, but we got the backing track recorded in a couple of hours. The musicians went home. Pamela Stevenson arrived and listened to the backing track a couple of times before we started recording it. On the first take she sang the first line, 'I was into yin and yang and hatha yoga' and said, 'can I hear that back?' I said, 'You've only done one line!'

So bit by little tiny bit we got it recorded. She said she thought the line 'my carrot quiches were better than the bought ones' would be better if it was 'cauliflower quiches'. Never defensive about my finely-honed, expertly-crafted lyrics I agreed to change it. (Well - I argued with her for half an hour about it THEN I agreed). For the rest of the session, whenever we got to that line, the engineer and I would sing, 'My cauliflower quiches were better than the carrot ones'.

Just how the "carrot quiches" version got leaked and popular, who knows.

Those unfamiliar with British slang might be mystified by "I was thicker than two short ones." She wasn't referring to stalks of cauliflower or two carrots. Just recall Jethro Tull's 'Thick as a Brick," and you'll know that this is a reference to stupidity.

In the book "Under the Ivy, The Life and Music of Kate Bush," it's "cauliflower" that's quoted, and the preferred vegetable. On the web, "carrot" is quoted here on the blog in an earlier posting about the song, and preferred at the Kate Bush gaffa forum: Carrot Quiches reference in a lyric posting 

There have been a variety of Kate Bush parodies since Pamela Stephenson, but with her high kicks and her flashing eyes, and her sexy swivels, Pam not only gets laughs, she gets applause for being an excellent singer and dancer. Why she walked away from her comedy career, she should have her head examined, but being a therapist, she's too busy helping others. And one thing most therapists will tell a patient is to...have a sense of humor. Laugh and you'll live longer. Long live Pam, Kate, and Mr. Pastiche, Pete Brewis.

There’s Old Rick Wakeman and there’s “Young No More” HANK JONES - hear some HANK

Recently, Rick Wakeman performed in concert. Shabby of hair, stubbled of face, sporting a paunch, but still wearing a CAPE and acting like this was the dawning of the Age of Pretentiousness, he dazzled the gawking crowd. Ooo, watta Keyboard Hero! 

What denotes a keyboard hero? Same thing that defines a guitar hero: the ability to play FAST. And wowie zowie, look at all that gear! Dr. Frankenstein in his lab didn't have such cool stuff.

The big problem with keyboard heroes is that they're stuck at the keyboard. Unless you're on the right side of the stage (usually the left side) you can't see their fingers. Maybe you can if you're up in the balcony peeping down, or you're one of that cheering stadium throng of 50,000 who all came to watch TV on a giant screen, because from where you are, the guy on stage is barely a fly speck. 

Interesting that in the world of progrock, there are only two keyboard heroes, really: Rick Wakeman and the late Keith Emerson. They played FAST, LOUD and used synths. Classical and jazz pianists (and even Randy Newman, Elton John and Billy Joel) use an acoustic piano, so they play with nuance and emotion. That's why there are more PIANIST heroes in the music world than progrock synth stars.

After viewing Capeman, and learning he's still alive, and still has devoted fans,  I happened to put the headphones on, and play some miscellaneous jazz. Usually about an hour is more than enough of a fix. Like country, and even classical, jazz can get pretty annoying after too long. That's unlike the music of ELP or YES, which gets annoying after five minutes. 

One piece really sauced my cauliflowers (like the jive talk? I stole that phrase off liner notes on a Spike Jones record). It was "Young No More" by the old and now dead Hank Jones. And it reminded me of what a REAL keyboard hero can do on a Steinway. While synth albums get old for most people, acoustic piano albums remain fresh for a much wider audience. Put it this way, ELP and YES are in the bargain bin. Hank Jones, not so much.

Hank Jones. He might be an obscure name to the average music fan who at least knows about Oscar Peterson, Errol Garner, Fats Waller and Art Tatum. But...

....Hey, you know who was at the piano when Marilyn Monroe sang her ridiculously sultry “Happy Birthday Mr. President” to her fuck-buddy JFK? It was Hank Jones! 


Hank died back on May 16, 2010. He was "Young No More" when people began appreciating him and giving him honors: 1989’s Jazz Masters award from The National Endowment for the Arts (hope he was endowed with a check), 2003’s “Living Legend” award from ASCAP (who care about piracy and royalty payments SO much), and 2008’s “National Medal of Arts.”


Hank’s early career was as a session man and accompanist. He was Ella Fitzgerald’s pianist in the late 40’s and early 50’s, and was support on recordings by Charlie Parker, Wes Montgomery, Nancy Wilson and Cannonball Adderley. He was hired by Savoy to sit on most of the sessions they booked for well known soloists, and his day job for 15 years was working at CBS where he was often called in to back a singer on “The Ed Sullivan Show.” He toured the world doing jazz festivals, and was well liked and respected by his peers, sitting in on dozens and dozens of all-star recording sessions. And yes, he put out some solo albums as well for hipsters in the know. 

IF I’M BEING HONEST, as they say in the U.K., I found “Young No More” pleasant on first listen, but it grabbed me when, instead of background music, I happened to just lie back, close my eyes, and really listen, with headphones. Sometimes with pianists, this IS the way to really appreciate the nuances of tempo, phrasing, and shades of volume. In both jazz and classical, it’s not just about dexterity, but when a piece requires it, whether it’s Chopin, Bach, or “Young No More” (by Frank Metis) it creates a whole different awe. 

“Young No More” starts out with a spooky-cool lope, the bass line recalling Vic Mizzy’s “Night Walker,”  or something out of Vince Guaraldi’s “Charlie Brown” smooth bag of tasty tricks. What’s this? Sounds like Snoopy stalking the Red Baron or something. But after the jeepers creepers, a different gear kicks in, and, as they say, the song begins to swing all over the keys. I mean, SWING. Dance, pirouette, slip, slide, ravel with patterns that seem spontaneous but have mathematical precision. In rock, bassists are handed a solo; here, the bassist works with the pianist, the two instruments like loves, till a drum break separates them, and the song eases back into what someone crude might call a post-coital rest. We often take this for granted when it’s playing in the background at a restaurant. But the way this finger-spider weaves complexity without sacrificing melody is a wonder of nature. And then, as killer-easy as this piece turned into virtuosity, it slid back to the original cool; over and out. 

Not a surprise that “Note for Note,” a documentary on how Steinway makes a concert grand piano, included Hank among the pianists talking tech. The greats are not only technically proficient, and use the finest instruments, they take a supernatural joy and an almost religious devotion to making music that captures a full range of emotion. It’s a rare thing, whether in rock, pop, country, classical or jazz.

So, on July 29, nice to know old Wakeman is still around playing for geezers who still love him, and would even want to waddle onto a cruise ship to see him and pester him for a selfie, and a birthday remembrance to Hank Jones, who would be 101 if he lived to his birthday, July 31. 

Try it with headphones: YOUNG NO MORE - Hank Jones - no dodgy foreign website, no spyware, no porn ads. Listen online or download.