Sunday, April 19, 2009

OH! OH! OHHHH! Here's...ORGASM SONGS!


Women who fake orgasms...what music they make!
In nature, a coo, croon or cry can signal that the female animal is ready for sex...and with a low growl or a high screech, enjoying it!
So it is, that we sophisticated humans get turned on by sounds in music...including nicely faked moans and groans sailing over slimy strings or hard-blowing brass.
In the shellac era, a blues moan or a Mae West "mmm" could signal rising passion. Radio tunes hinted at the Big O in subliminal ways, everything from the "music" going round and round "oh-o oh oh, oh oh...and it comes out here" to an insistent "Oh Johnny, Oh Johnny, how you can love."
Finally the rock era made it explicit.
Many consider "Little Girl" (by John and Jackie) to be the first intentional, no-doubt orgasm song.
While there were some pretty suggestive Big Band tunes, and such gruesome lounge items as "Baby, It's Cold Outside," there's no question that Jackie's "uh huh" and "ah ha" utterances were reached by pressing a certain button.
The song's airplay was limited, since rockabilly corn was rarely successful in urban markets, nobody knew who this duo was, and John's dopey singing doesn't exactly explain Jackie's enthusiastic response...unless she's showing off her combination vibrator-pogo stick for him: "Oh, oh, OHHHH!" Boing, boing...BOIINNNNG.
We'll leave you to grumble that Jayne Mansfield's 'That Makes It" was sexier, or even Stan Freberg's classic "John and Marsha," but we'll start off the phony groan festivities with "Little Girl," one of the first "Hey...she's having an orgasm or something" records to be heard on AM radio. There would be no serious competition until 1968 when a French import scorched the airwaves.
Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin were most certainly banned by some radio stations for "Je T'aime...Moi Non Plus," which loosely translates as "You came? I'm non-plussed!" No? Then I have no idea what these two Frenchies are mumbling about. And it doesn't matter; there's no denying that Jane is beginning to get an eye full of Serge's tower, which causes her to sing an octave out of her register. This leads to some ridiculous gasps and some satisfied moans.
The French knew how to gasp with class. On the muckier side of the pond, R&B and soul acts have always been more overt with grunting and suggestive lyrics. Narrowed down to three choices...you get "Love to Love You Baby" from Donna Summer, "Throb" from Janet Jackson, and "Make it Last Forever," a 1978 track by Donna McGhee. All three seem to act like they are SO in love with YOU they can't help masturbating while they sing. Is that a bad thing? You'll harden while McGhee starts melting: "Oh baby, so good...oh baby...don't ever stop...ahhhh...yes! Baby! Ohhh baby I just want you to love me..."
So far we've talked about orgasm songs that actually have lyrics. Next samples? Pure moaning!
"Please love me," a woman creaks at the start of "Please Love Me: Erotica" by the chauvinistic band Manpower (the band's original name was simply Man). She's lubed after that, and the Eurotrashy sleaze-beat instrumentals, heavy on drums and heavy-handed lead guitar, serve as backing for her soppy ocean of emotions. She exhales, grunts, moans, and generally acts like a one-woman soundtrack for some really bad Georgina Spelvin movie of the day (about 1970). It's much better than actual porn soundtracks, or such dubious porn singles as "Theme from Deep Throat" by "Linda and the Lollipops."
The Latino version of helpless groans turns up on the 1972 hit "Jungle Fever" by The Chakachas. Also clocking in at around four minutes, the music is mostly congas and a few irritatingly repetitive notes that might be the band's aural interpretation of a woman tweaking her clit. The music periodically stops so the girl can yap variations of "Ai...aii...ai...no...no..no...ah si, ah si, ah si."
Some scholars say that one reason The Chakachas's music is so much less convincing than most any track from Perez Prado or Xavier Cugat, is that they weren't Latino at all, just a bunch of Belgian bozos who went into the studio and assumed any name or identity they were given. When the song was so big that a touring band could make some money, the more authentic band Barrio was called in and told to call themselves The Chakachas. It's been said that The Chakachas are also El Chicles, the guys who gave us the incredibly stupid "La La La," which sounds like the Muppets trying to be erotic. Instead of "Mah na mah na," it's two idiots moaning, giggling, and otherwise repeating "la la la" as if they've literally gotten their knickers in a twist. Both the Chakachas and Chicles had producer Roland Kluger and arranger Willy Albimoor involved, and those ain't Latino names.
By the 70's, and most certainly into the 80's, orgasm songs had become routine and plentiful, with The Runaways offering mocking gasps, Meatloaf working a girl into gravy for "Paradise By the Dashboard Light" and any number of other rude rockers or rappers spelling it all out with cuss words. Samples of the modern era for you:
You get Major Harris singing an R&B ballad "Love Won't Let Me Wait" with increasing if incongruous interruptions from a moaning girl, the meandering mewlings of Aphex Twin's "Windowlicker" (a noisy clunk of electronics and disco), and the equally freakish moans (or stomach ache gasps and mucoid vomiting) that turn "White Christmas" gooey, as performed by The Gerogerigegege. Lastly, "Infinity," a pretty severe parody of all the "I'm Coming" gasp tunes out there, as performed by Aphrodite's Child. From the sounds of it, be glad you weren't at the recording session.
ORGASM SONGS

Update November 2011: "Please Love Me Erotica" has been re-upped individually via a better service:

PLEASE LOVE ME via MANPOWER

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