MAKING A SPLASH: PEE LOON by MOHIT CHAUHAN

If P. Diddy was looking' for one mo' hit and wanted to crack the Indian market with a sparkling ditty, how about…Pee Loon by Mohit?

No, not some crazed cousin to "Golden Showers" by the late 70's group Deaf School, "Pee Loon" is a love song from the biggest movie factory in the world…Bollywood (not Hollywood). It's on the soundtrack to the new film "Once Upon a Time in Mumbai." The film's about crime czar Haji Mastan and his fascination with the Indian actress Madhubala in the 1960's (she died in 1969). The power of the "Mumbai Mafia" in the 70s and 80s is also explored in the film, which stars Emraan Harmi and Kangana Ranaut.

There's a bit more drinking than peeing involved in the song. If you'd care to follow along with the lyrics: Pee loon, tree neelay neelay nainon se shabnam. Pee loon, tree geelay geelay hoto ki sargam, Pee loon, hai peenay ka mausam.

Tere sang ishq taari hai. Tere sang ik khumari hai. Tere sang chain bhi mujhko, Tere sang bekraari hai, Tere bin jee nahi lagda. Tre bin jee nahi sakda. Tujhpe hai haare maine vaare do jahan, kurbaan, meharbaan, ke main toh kurbaan. Sun le zara, tera kurbaan. Hosh mein rahun kyun aaj main. Tu meri baahon mein simti hai. Mujh mein samayi hai yun. Jis tarah tu koi ho nadi. Tu mere seene mein chhupti hai. Saagar tumhara main hoon…

Which roughly translates as: I shall drink the shimmer of your eyes. I shall drink the moistness of your lips. With you, love is breathtaking, intoxicating, peaceful, restless…My heart can not beat without you, I can not live without you, I have given away everything for you…and if you're not going to finish your Muttar Paneer, I trust you'll ask the waiter for a doggie bag. And don't forget that last chunk of onion naan. Let me stick this somosa in my pocket for a snack on the bus home…"

All right, maybe it loses a little in the translation, especially on this blog of puns and jabs. All I can add is:

Shaam ko milun jo main tujhe. Toh bura subah na jaane kyun. Kuchh maan jaati hai yeh. Har lamha har ghadi har pehar.
Hi teri yaadon se tadpa ke, Mujhko jalati hai yeh, Pee loon. Main dheere dheere jalne ka yeh gham. Pee loon. Inn gore gore haathon se hum dum.

"Ship me somewheres east of Suez, where the best is like the worst. Where there aren't no ten commandments, and a man can raise a thirst…" No…that's not right, either. Nevermind. Just download this Loony tune…

PEE LOON