NEWLY DIAGNOSED - CLASSIC ROCK WITH A FEY GERMAN ACCENT

Meet an odd folker. Last name, Fey. First name, Karlheinz.

He's the first entry in the "NEWLY DIAGNOSED" series, which calls attention to alive and unwell new artists who haven't yet gotten recognition or a major label deal.

Herr Fey loves to sing American folk-rock, but with his accent and nasal delivery, the love turns strange! Face it, any words sound sinister, twisted or decadent when spoken with a German accent. Recite the phone book and it sounds like a list of victims. Here, "California Dreaming" is a slightly creepy nightmare, and rather than warmth, each pronunciation of "Call-eee-fornia" might send a chill up your spine. The minor-key sneering on "Sunny" sounds like it's being crooned by the stalker Peter Lorre played in "M." On "Those Were the Days" you might wince over "we were YOUNG and sure to have our way," which sounds like he's recalling the night of broken glass. But on "Don't Think Twice," his grinding vocals suit being a Teutonic Zimmerman.

If you're truly an ill folkie with an evil mind, you might even get spooked by his photograph, and think he's got his zipper down and screwing the glory hole in the back of his guitar.

All of the above may sound like fun is being made of Mr. Fey, with a fey mocking of him as an unintentional Mr. Fun. No, he's here to hear because he's sincere. His self-published works are lost in that vast jungle of freebie sites such as Spotty Pie, which streams music the way an elephant streams piss. He's one of the millions with a MySpace page that describes his dreams and desires:

"I’m a guitarist and songwriter and I am playing guitar since my youth. I grew up with the songs of the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Rolling Stones, Simon and Garfunkel, Joan Baez, Franz Josef Degenhard and Hannes Wader, John Denver, Cat Stevens and I like the songs of Eric Clapton, J.J.Cale and some more too. I also like to play classical guitar and flamenco. As a student I gave some concerts of classical music and flamenco throughout the Republic of Germany. After a pause I was reactivated and gave concerts for a good purpose in favour of help for children fallen ill with cancer and other social important organisations. For some years I give concerts, performing the music of the sixties with songs of the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Donovan, Joan Baez, Peter, Paul and Mary, Eric Clapton, John Denver and with songs of my own.

I have produced 4 CDs…available online...www.musicload.de and all the other MP3 shops…."

And a few samples are here, on what, ironically enough, is the most high-profile setting this guy's had yet. These aren't presented with a smarmy "oooh, this is SO bad it's good" sense of superiority. Most of you (and I include myself) don't play the guitar as well as Mr. Fey, and most of you would rather ride your armchairs than ride the gain in a recording studio and try to live a dream. Time to experience the unusual Mr. Fey and his unforgettable way with a tune.

UPDATE: The music link was bopped by a bot from SONY MUSIC DISTRIBUTION

This happens, hilariously, when non-thinkers are too busy to even attempt to read. My guess is some phrase or other, plus "Bob Dylan" or "Simon and Garfunkel" raised some kind of red flag, but who knows.

The inscrutables that run SONY don't seem to have any idea about piracy except to get a toy robot to fire a cap-pistol at an unarmed blogger. We all know of other Blogspot blogs (to say nothing of ones from Croatia, or ones on Wordpress) that are giving away hundreds of Columbia recordings. This entry wasn't even one of them. Mr. Fey is not on Columbia, he's self-pressed. (His music, I mean).

And this blog is trying to help him out, you thoughtless Sony beasts! Meanwhile you're sucking the cock of Amazon and allowing them to give away hundreds of mp3s as some kind of promotion? God'll get you for this. If nothing else, there will be more tsunami jokes from Gilbert Gottfried.