At this moment, somewhere in Connecticut, Paul Simon and Edie Brickell are wishing for the sound of silence. So below, they, and YOU, get a rare, bizarrely inept version of the song. It was done by a cheap-o label, featuring anonymous singers. But allow my digression into current events...
They've gotten a lot of static after a minor domestic event made headlines. Apparently, Edie "pushed" Paul and after a while, Paul pushed her back. This is remarkable because Edie hasn't had a hit in years. A push is the best she can get?
You remember Edie. She had that incredibly annoying "What I Am" song, where Miss Hippie Dippie minced around and mindlessly sneered, "I'm not aware of too many things. I know what I know, if you know what I mean." The chorus seemed to maddeningly continue for hours: "What I am is what I am. Are you what you are or what? What I am is what I am . Are you what you are or what?" There was a line, "Choke me in the shallow waters before I get too deep." It's remarkable it's taken so long before anyone's even pushed her.
In court, a puffy faced and pissed off Paul, wearing a kiddie jacket from Sears and an unmatching not-hipster fedora, told the judge that the twosome rarely fought at all. And to nobody's surprise, Edie announced she was not afraid of her husband. No kidding. Even the last surviving munchkin is not afraid of Paul Simon.
Meanwhile, bloggers and Tweeters and Farce-bookers had lots of fun quipping Paul Simon song titles: "There must be 50 Ways to Beat Your Lover," and "She loves me like a rock…in the head," "Where's the radical priest to get them released," "What a peculiar man," and, of course, "Still Crazy After All These Years." All the couple wanted to do was get back home to their kids, 16, 19 and 22 (which are pretty strange names for kids…not that Kanye's daughter North West has anything to be proud of.)
Trying to bridge the troubled water, the judge instantly released Edie on her own recognizance. He handed her a mirror, which helped her a great deal. "Oh…Edie Brickell," she said, staring into the mirror as she was led away. If you haven't kept up on her career, well, neither has she. She did write lyrics for Steve Martin's last album of banjo tunes…which is already a punchline without any need of a set-up.
Simon was making a new plan, Stan. To avoid being that mean individual stranded in a limousine, he went out the back, Jack. Still, one enterprising photographer was standing in front of him, aiming a camera. Paul deftly walked between the guys legs, and escaped, homeward bound.
How did all this start? Well, in Paul's little town, the cops seem to have to file a report any time a husband and wife breathe too heavily. It turns out Paul's mother-in-law called 911 after the shoving match, mostly on Edie's part, seemed to get out of hand. "I am leaving, I am leaving," Paul apparently said after pushing Edie out of the way. But the fighter remained. To be arrested. Along with Edie. Who knows, they may have to wear ankle monitors, and call in once a day to say they're "feeling groovy."
Listen, Paul's been through enough. Would YOU want to constantly be asked, "When are you going to see Garfunkel next?" No. You wouldn't. You wouldn't want solemn people asking, "What does "cross in the ballpark mean," and "How come "You Can Call Me Al" and "Julio in the Schoolyard" were big hits when they made no sense?" And you surely don't want to hear, "Why aren't your new songs anywhere near as good as the old ones?"
Worst of all, Paul has had to suffer some truly abominable cover versions of his songs. Check out the one below. It was on one of those budget "Song Hits" singles…where you'd get 6 "hit" songs sung by 6 "shit" singers. No surprise that most of the time these performers weren't close to "sounding like" the stars…but here, the two guys imitating Simon and Garfunkel seemed to scribble down the lyrics after one listening. So "cobblestone" is "cold as stone" and "fools said I" isn't even close…and is that "sign" or "siren" they're semi-singing?
Sorry for the dull scratches, but as you can imagine, after hearing a single like this, one IS prone to start throwing things. Usually the single. Fortunately, the Connecticut Police weren't around at the time….
Cheap "SONG HITS" lame cover of SOUND O' SILENCE