Sunday, January 29, 2017

Settin' a Rap-Thief's Lust On Fire (and a salute to Homer & Jethro and Hank Williams)

Some years ago, this blog created a Photoshop item to go along with "Settin' the Woods on Fire."

It was this:

The ill-ustration was for Hank Williams' song about eating campfire chili so hot, he was "settin' the woods on fire" when he took a dump.

Rather than imagining ol' Hank, I had woman farting a combustible billow, and fanning (or fannying) the campfire flames.

As I usually do with "original works of art," I put an identifying ILLFOLKS tag on it.

The picture was cropped and stolen to wittily reference rap garbage on "tape." Yeah, cassettes, the hippest media on Earth.

Altogether now, "How TERRIBLE when somebody doesn't give credit for somebody else's HARD WORK."

Yo, there wasn't even a line about "credit to the original uploader."

Imagine that. And these rap pussies even "censor-blurred" the anus flame.

What ARE "mix tapes?" It's the Black culture's version of music stealing. The deal is home-made cassette tape collections (they still like the boom boxes, y'all) sold in bodegas or by some jerk sitting on the curb with a cardboard box marked "$4 each 3 for $10."

"Mix" is not much of an art form. Photoshop can be. In this case, I took a rather generic picture of a chick with her pants down, and dropped it close to a campfire, made a flaming fart shoot out of her ass, had the blast set a campfire blazing, and cloaked it all in the eerie darkness of a dark night in the South Carolina swamp.

At the risk of getting an affirmative nod from any rednecks out there, any five songs by Hank Williams will beat the ENTIRE output of ALL rap music ever released. Most of it is such inane shit, with such stoooooopid and illiterate rhymes. But let's get back to the REAL SHIT, which is DOPE, y'all.

I learned about Hank's intestinal inspiration from Merle Haggard:

"Hank was on the road, and they stopped at this Mexican joint. There wasn't a rest stop for miles so Hank went in the woods and took a shit. He said, 'I'm setting the fucking woods on fire!' That was the hottest godamn chili I've ever seen!' Before they'd driven another few miles, Hank had a song."

If Hank spied a lady squatting in the woods like the image above, he might've called out "Hey, good lookin' watcha got cookin'?" Or penned "Your Cheatin' Fart"

Submitted for a shit-eating grin, the Homer and Jethro version. H&J are still woefully neglected. While the "Sons of the Pioneers" have a box set from Bear Family, that company has NOT done one for Homer & Jethro. Doesn't the Bear Family shit in the woods? Don't they know that Homer & Jethro are far more entertaining than those campfire fruits? Face it, there's something mighty queer about cowboys all by themselves with no women, and harmonizing about tumbling tumbleweeds that perform 69 on each other. Not that a re-issue of all of Homer & Jethro will do those dead guys any good. Why, even back in the day they weren't makin' much money for their record label. To quote a revised line in this parody: "poor ol' Victor needs the money!"


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