Tad Cummins' Wife: "Jesus Loves You...I DON'T!"

One of America’s creepiest stories of the past five weeks, was the disappearance of a 15 year-old student with her fat 50 year-old teacher. As the search for the missing couple became a national obsession, sightings were few.

The duo had been seen kissing at school before the disappearance, and the porky hillbilly with the unfortunate last name of Cummins, was spotted a few times on surveillance cameras in stores with his sullen companion. He stocked up on prescription boner pills and lube. His Internet searches in the days before his disappearance included finding tips on eluding police surveillance. The couple stayed at inconspicuous cheap motels as they slowly made their way from the toothless crowd in Tennessee to "clothing optional" communes in California. Apparently low on cash, they ended up at a campground bungalow that had no running water or electricity, but at least some edible wildflowers in the bushes.

After five weeks of being headline news, the duo was recognized, and the police waited until Tad Cummins wandered alone outside of his cabin. It’s a good thing they did, because he was armed. He might have tried to shoot it out, or pull a murder-suicide. The girl, perhaps a willing runaway at first, was reunited with her family. Jill Cummins, the chunky cheater's wife, was the one to ultimately affirm the worst about this sicko escapade. Tad made a jailhouse confession to her and whined about wanting forgiveness.

"I asked, 'Did you sleep with her?' And he said 'Yes, I did,' and so I did not want the details. I knew the truth, I just wanted to hear it from him. He kept saying 'I love you,' but I said 'I'm sorry, but I am not going to say that back.'" Cue the ultimate country kiss-off, "I DON'T," by beautiful Danielle Peck. Hum along, if you're a Humbert Humbert. It might prevent you from doin' something stupid. Cummins' wife (who filed for divorce even before talking to him) can't really take him back home anyway: he's going to get a minimum of ten years for his reckless obsession.

JESUS LOVES YOU I DON'T (Listen here, or download)