ILL-USTRATED SONGS #47 - HONKY TONK WOMAN - Ted Heath

    For a while, “Easy Listening” was a popular music category. The idea was to dumb down music, and make it “soft” for fat-heads. The most glaring examples were in the 60’s, when The Hollyridge Strings, The Living Voices and others sought to cut John Lennon’s throat and tamp down Ringo’s drums to sweeten Beatles music. Guys like Ted Heath polished up the Rolling Stones. "Easy Listening" is like picking your nose and eating it…but dipping it in honey first. 

    Oddly enough, the REVERSE is going on today. The idea in music is to be as abrasive and annoying as possible. Melody? FUCK melody. Let’s have nothing but BEATS and RAP. A few weeks ago Graham Norton breathlessly introduced UK audiences to an androgyne "boy band" from South Korea who ridiculously strutted around like black rappers, holding their mikes askew, and bellowing over beats. They probably learned from Taylor Swift, who likewise has incorporated rap and monotonous lyrics. "Look what you made me do," 21st Century monsters. Taylor even hardened her make-up to be more like, oh, Cardi or Nicki or some other zombie streetwalker.  And yes, Holliday WAS on the cover of Cosmo, and the caption on the lower right IS real.

    We are literally SEEING a new sub-standard in beauty. At one time, the phrase for an attractive woman was “easy on the eyes.” Now? Take a look at the freakish Kim Kardashian, with her distorted lips and callipygian butt. She’s led the way in making UGLY the new BEAUTIFUL. At one time, sex symbols were cute and friendly (remember Barbara Eden?) or showed intelligence (ah, Diana Rigg). Now?

    Now, sexy women ain't "easy on the eyes." Watch Miley Cyrus stick out her tongue while in pedo-mode of short hair and flat chest. How about how ridiculous Lady Gaga wore sick fashions to become a success? Is it an improvemenet that along with anorexic toothpicks, we've been subjected to whorey Hindenbergs? A creature named Tess Holliday is just the latest in the “don’t fat shame me” parade of nauseating flabbitches…the list including Adele, Amy Schumer and Rebel Wilson. Maybe it's a plot to turn men homosexual. Where's a fuckable-looking female star now? 

    While Mick Jagger sang about a “Honky Tonk Woman,” who the fuck did he wanna fuck? Marianne Faithful, that’s who. A traditional beauty. He looked to Bianca, and Anita Pallenberg, and typical model Jerry Hall. Rolling Stones music may have been raunchy, but you didn't find freaks of nature when it came to some girls Mick was banging to a rock beat. Meanwhile the businessman with the wife and kids back home, was putting on “Easy Listening” music in the hotel room while licking the twat a prostitute too ugly for even Hugh Grant to pay for. 

    Ugly is the new beautiful, just as "Easy Listening" from a Ted Heath or James Last attempts to beautify hard, nasty rock. 

Ted Heath - HONKY TONK WOMAN - no ego passwords, no bratty demands for Paypal tips, no creepy cloud service trying to trick you into downloading spyware