Monday, March 09, 2020

The Last Time we Saw Jenny Darren (on the crooked faux-amateur BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT) + RAY JESSEL

Last time the general public saw Jenny Darren perform, it was on "Britain's Got Talent," the show that conspires with professionals to pretend they're "amateurs" getting a dream chance to perform in public. 

The all-too-familiar scam has Simon Cowell, tongue-in-cheek, say "go on, this is your chance, let's see what you can do," to somebody who has already had a record deal, or been playing Vegas, or is making a comfy living on cruise ships. Simon is so corrupt, he's even greeted contestants on "America's Got Talent" as strangers...when they ALREADY appeared on "Britain's Got Talent." (A glaring example being Stevie Starr the "Regurgitator," who I remember seeing in Montreal in the late 80's when he was on the comedy club circuit.)

There was even the un-Godly case of a priest called “Father Ray Kelly” who was brought out as a modest amateur. After the audience went wild for him, the tabloids gleefully pointed out he’d been signed to a major label only a few years earlier! He was on the same show as...yes...Jenny Darren. In the clip below, you can see him backstage with Jenny, acting like a nervous newcomer. 

Just as Stevie Starr was familiar to me when he modestly walked onto the "Got Talent" stage, the name "Jenny Darren" struck a rockin' bell as soon as it was flashed on the screen. Jenny Darren? The 70's rival to Elkie Brooks and Genya Ravan? She'd have to be...

When asked her age, she admitted to 68. Asked what she did for a living, Jenny said “I’m retired.” She did NOT say “I used to be a rock singer, signed with DJM, and I made several albums and issued a handful of singles.” The judges...all fine actors and actresses...pretended this elderly“retiree” in the dowdy outfit would be a quick buzz, and not another Susan Boyle or Janey Cutler. 

WOO HOO! Jenny stripped down to biker-leather and started to sing as passionately as old Tina Turner or old Tom Jones!  Want to see for yourself? Take a look at the bullshit set-up, the goggle-eyed “surprised” looks from the judges and the fake-o reaction shots from audience members which were no doubt spliced in. Why do I say spliced in? 

I’ve been at tapings of "Got Talent, and the warm-up guy actually told us, “We’re going to have cameras zero in on various audience members, and sections…to get reaction shots. We do this now when the lighting is good. So let’s get started…when I say three, I want you to all look SHOCKED like you’ve just seen something amazing…great…now when I count to three, I want you to all start LAUGHING, as if you heard the funniest joke...” 


Be one of the TWO MILLION who have seen Jenny on the show...and be one of the TWO MILLION who never bought a song from her and never "supported" her when she managed to book herself into some small local club with cheap admission (or maybe none at all, just please buy a drink). 


Gotta admit, Jenny Darren sounded great, didn’t she? 

It would be naive to expect that she would've signed a record deal off this splashy performance, or that if she did, ANYBODY would actually BUY the CD. Quite a few "Got Talent" winners got a CD deal and were dropped after one release, and many others only self-made discs to sell on their websites...with few bothering. After all, with so much FREE music being given away on the Internet, why spend money that could go to beer and chips, which can't be downloaded? Besides, surely in a forum or a shoutbox, some "kind soul" will answer the "anybody got" request. "Anybody got Jenny Darren stuff? I'm interested, but not enough to simply go on eBay or Amazon and buy. Not even a used copy where the seller runs a charity shop." 

Jenny was put through to the next round but...was kicked off "Britain's Got Talent" when the ever PC tabloids began snooping her on social media and discovered she "liked" some un-PC things on Twitter, and apparently wrote a few anti-semitic things on Facebook. The chaste tabloids refused to quote any of it (unlike, say, Tyson Fury's anti-semitic ravings which never caused a boxing match to be canceled). But really, it doesn't take much for the villagers with their torches to burn down somebody's career and extinguish their hopes. 

Another example? Here you go. Ray Jessel, who, like Jenny Darren, was presented to the public as an elderly, eccentric amateur instead of a longtime PROFESSIONAL. Before he takes the stage, he admits, vaguely, "I only started performing when I was 72." But doesn't mention that he was a successful songwriter and comedy writer -- from the Broadway musical "Baker Street" (with Fritz Weaver as Sherlock Holmes) to the Smothers Brothers, "Love Boat," and the Carol Burnett show, to songs on CDs from Michael Feinstein, etc. etc. 



 What happened to the whimsical-looking Mr. Jessel? 

He sang a novelty tune “What She’s Got” (aka “The Penis Song” aka “She’s Got a Penis.”) It was a simple yock about how he began dating a “woman” who turned out to be a man and guess what, “her penis is bigger than mine!” 

Everybody laughed and the judges happily passed him on to the next round…but overnight the P.C. brigade decided old Ray was homophobic, and being mean to the transgender community for joking about NOT wanting to date a chick with a dick. Oooh. So Jessel was OUT. Instead of a record deal or a chance to play Vegas, the next few months were nothing but some local bookings in California, and flying halfway around the world for the Adelaid Cabaret Festival in Australia. Then he dropped dead.

What was that tune? "VIdeo Killed the Radio Star." Yeah? The Internet has killed just about every music star...aside from rappers, boy band idiots, overtly gay cretins like Sam Smith, obese clods like Adele, and the usual parade of slutty tarts who people want to see in person hoping for a wardrobe malfunction (intentional though it may be). Why go to shows when you can see the live performances on YouTube free? Why buy the music when "cool" bloggers and shoutbox denizens with Banksy-type idiot names will happily toss the shit to ya for a "nice" comment in return? 

The problem with NOT supporting the artists is that eventually there ARE NONE. There's no wailin' Jenny Darren, and no funny Ray Jessel, that's for sure...there's predictable sound-alike pop-rap from Taylor or Miley, and monotonous cursing and whining from Jeezy or Jay-Z or Nipsey or B.I.G. or whoever hasn't been shot. The music industry IS dead; it's now just a zombie landscape with few record labels, thousands of people paying for indie CDs that don't sell, and millions offering their music on YouTube to people who will never find it because everyone can stuff their eyes and ears with audio and video bootlegs of the big stars who can afford to let the parasites steal from them. Some "cool" dudes write, "no copyright abuse intended," ha ha. Others say, "if a rights owner wants a take down, just ask," only a rights owner would be spending every second, nine to five, finding every sneak and trying to get a desist instead of a re-up. 

Jenny Darren would like to still perform, and still have the satisfaction of releasing music before she's called away to meet Ray Jessel. The reply is, what, "too bad, times have changed?" Yep. And you can get "The Time's They are a Changin'" on a free download with just a quick Google. Because Google, who make a million every day, and are the owners of YouTube and Blogspot, are your FRIEND. They just aren't the friends of artists trying to make a living.

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