Wednesday, September 09, 2020

ILL-USTRATED SONGS #50 - YOUR RECORD LABEL SUCKS! It's FELLATIO and WAYNE KELLY

Back in 1966, there wasn't free porn on the Internet. There wasn't even an Internet (so you either had to buy records, or shoplift and then try to tell the judge "Music should be FREE!"). 

Pubic hair wasn't in men's magazines, unless men put it there while wanking in a public toilet stall. 

There was no Dr. David Reuben or Dr. Ruth, and Frank Zappa had yet to declare that rock music had contributed to oral sex, or vice versa. In fact, Lenny Bruce died in August of 1966, from, as Phil Spector said, "an overdose...of POLICE." He had been hounded for, among other things, using the word "cocksucker" on stage. He shocked a lot of people by declaring that this was not a perversion, but something he'd expect his lady to do for him.

Only, "if I'm being honest," in 1966 "nice girls" didn't do it, and not even sluts named Kardashian. John Lennon sang "Please please me...like I please you," meaning...if I lick pussy, why not suck my dick? (Yes, that IS what that song was about). 

 

If people wanted to read a "dirty book," 1966 was not a great year for it. Dirty stories about some dirty man, and his clinging wife who didn't understand...had to use euphemisms. Even the stuff in adult bookstores had to be careful, and four-letter-words were NOT generally allowed. (The Fugs, let's remember, got their name from what Norman Mailer had to use when he wrote "Naked and the Dead").  The kinky alternative was the "case history" books from various people with a PhD to their credit. People bought Kinsey. If they were daring, Kraft-Ebing and "Psychopathia Sexualis" (a tome referenced by Lenny Bruce). 

But how many knew what the hell the medical words were? Cunnilinguus? Fellatio? And so it was, that a small record label in Philadelphia managed to get away with calling itself FELLATIO RECORDS. This was a time when even "under the country" dirty records, including ones from Redd Foxx, Belle Barth and Pearl Williams couldn't even get away with using the clean words! (Pearl's choice of euphemism for vagina was "knish." She barely got away with singing "By the sea, by the sea, by the C-U-N-T.") But I digress.




Few people bought Wayne Kelly's less-than-inspired doo-wop song (the flip side of "Black Magic" but sorry, "Black Magic" doesn't matter here). Probably none of them thought they were getting a "sexy" song, and probably thought Fellatio and Acappella were the same sing. Actually, most people who sing acapella should try fellatio instead. 

To its credit, Fellatio, which probably didn't last long enough to release even a half-dozen singles, had a few artists with more suggestive names than Wayne Kelly and The El Caminos. They had The Infatuators and The Love Larks. But...like those bad lounge records with sexy album covers, if it's not in the groove, the vinyl ain't gonna move. It'll just sit until it gets remaindered at half price. Or as a loss leader for a buck. Or ten cents if it's a single. And that really sucks! 

Today? Hell, you can go online and see all the sucking you want. You can go to eBay and order a dildo. And on vacation, you can order sucking candy not merely in candy cane form, but shaped like a "willie." Come to Blackpool, and rock...


This isn't a particularly great copy of "Darling Can't We Talk" but, in the case of 99% of all the doo wop shit that some very aging morons hunt for online or in person, it might sound better with a few more scratches than less. It ends abruptly, but Fellatio often does. 

DARLING...on FELLATIO... download or listen online


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