TED NUGENT: "STILL CRAZY" (Paul Simon via UDO LINDENBERG)

Below, a foreign language version of "Still Crazy After All These Years," by Udo Lindenberg: "Immer noch verrückt nach all." Because you probably haven't heard it, and that's mostly what this blog is about. You can sing along if you like on the chorus: "Ich wäre zu verrückt. Immer noch crazy nach all den Jahren."

You were expecting a Ted Nugent download? No, Ted's music doesn't qualify, because it's still popular, and it's also still crap after all these years…just mindless D-list arena rock even less appealing than such wastes as Aerosmith and Kid Rock.. You can judge an artist by his audience…and if his audience is full of loudmouths, headbangers, and assholes almost too high or drunk to stay in their seat…it's a pretty good sign that this isn't music to actually listen to, just the soundtrack to play loudly over the sound of throwing up a six-pack of Four Loko.

For a few years I had a radio show at midnight, which allowed me to play the kind of "ill" music you find on this blog. Or truly alternative rock from a Ron Nagle or Judy Henske. Not to mention usual suspects like Zappa. But the times I subbed in the daytime, I'd play "mainstream" music…Fleetwood Mac, or a decent example of arena rock: Bob Seger. But no, I stayed well away from Nugent, just on album jacket alone, where he often looked like the psych ward patient who was committed after going around biting the testicles off neighborhood dogs.

Some people like his stuff? Fine. If they play his music and it keeps them banging their heads against a wall rather than beating their children, great. Somebody needs The Nuge's music after 8 boring hours in an ear-deafening factory hammering bolts and tightening nuts…go ahead. Live and let live. There's plenty of great music to post on a blog without griping about something the great unwashed happen to love. I had no idea if the guy was still alive until the other day. That's when I saw an editorial written by him for The Washington Times (not to be confused with The Washington Post). And at the risk of a pretty long entry that nobody might even read, I felt it required rebuttal.

His topic? "Be Prepared for Evil." Which I think was how his record publicists promoted his albums.

In the days following the murders in Arizona, most sensible people have called for an end to toxic hate rhetoric, to using gun sites on political websites and phrases like "Don't retreat, Reload." Obama gave a 30 minute speech in which he asked people to "do better." There was even some faint talk about allocating more funds to help the mentally ill, and ways of keeping citizens safe from gun violence.

Nougat-brained Nugent doesn't feel that way. His editorial insists the only thing to be learned from these ever-increasing incidents of mass-killings and berserk gunmen running wild, is…to "be prepared." Meaning, pack some heat and be ready to use it. Here's the complete text:

There is evil among us. Always has been, always will be. As I write this, in the past four days, a high school assistant principal in Omaha was shot and killed and the principal wounded. Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords of Arizona and 19 other Americans were gunned down at a constituent meeting being held at grocery store in Tucson.

Federal Judge John M. Roll, a 9-year-old girl and several others are dead. A dozen more, including Mrs. Giffords, are gravely wounded.

In addition to this slaughter and the gunning down of the high school principals in Omaha, scores of other law-abiding Americans were murdered, raped and beaten this past week. These victims didn't make the national news, but they are victims nonetheless.
Dozens and dozens of additional Americans will become victims next week. And the week after. And so on.

It is hard - almost impossible - for people of good will to fathom the depth of evil that resides in the soulless monsters who commit these senseless, violent and deadly crimes.

Regardless of whether we can fathom the evil and carnage that some rabid monsters do, we must be prepared and ready to respond to evil at a moment's notice. We can't depend on law enforcement, professional and brave as its members are, to protect us from murdering, psychotic monsters.

These murdering psychotics have slaughtered innocent Americans at shopping malls, schools, restaurants, churches and courthouses. And now a grocery store parking lot. No place is safe.

I'm not interested in understanding why these deranged, rabid monsters commit carnage. Trying to make sense from complete nonsense is a waste of time.

I'm also not naive enough to believe that we can prevent these mad dogs from gaining access to weapons, though I adamantly believe we must do what we can to keep these lunatics from doing so.

What I do believe is that, sadly, another lunatic will commit more mass carnage - maybe not tomorrow, next week or even next year. But it will happen again, just as it did at Luby's cafeteria in Texas, at Virginia Tech, at a McDonald's in San Diego, at Columbine High School in Colorado and at a shopping mall in Omaha.

Knowing this, we must do what is prudent to protect ourselves and our loved ones from these vicious monsters. That is our duty and responsibility as husbands and wives, parents and caring people of good will in our communities.

There is evil among us, and it will again attempt to execute evil, but the good must always be ready to conquer evil if our society and culture are to progress. Never before has the need for a higher level of awareness and a warrior mindset been more important. The days of disconnected unawareness should be over.

We can still be relaxed and comfortable, but mentally prepared and more tuned in to our surroundings. Be prepared to stop evil in its tracks and live. There is no other choice.

Ted Nugent is an American rock 'n' roll, sporting and political activist icon. He is the author of "Ted, White and Blue: The Nugent Manifesto" and "God, Guns & Rock 'N' Roll" (Regnery Publishing).

Huh? Aside from promoting himself as an "icon," and as some right-wing gun-loving crazy who might deserve his own talk radio show, his big idea is "be prepared." An editorialist is supposed to offer ideas and solutions. All he's saying is we must "be prepared to stop evil in its tracks and live." So how do we do that? The man is a huge gun nut. So I think we can agree that his answer is: MORE GUNS. How else do you stop a Jared Loughner in his tracks? It's too late to reason with him, right? He's been allowed to a) get through the mental health system, and b) get a weapon of mass destruction because no background check or law prevented him. So no, let's not try and strengthen gun control laws, or laws that might make it mandatory for someone kicked out of school to get therapy and medication. No, Ted's answer is we should all pack heat! We should all "be prepared" by anticipating a gunman will open fire at any moment, and fire back.

I'll agree with Ted Nugent up to a point. I think the 2nd amendment is worthy. As much as I loathe it, hunters should be able to have their sport, especially if it involves animals that are overpopulating the landscape. I also think gun fans should be able to enjoy target practice. And I also believe that anyone who owns a home, would have to be pretty naive not to worry about a break-in. Excellent security alarms might help, but being able to reach for a gun when there's noises downstairs or at the window is not unreasonable. But fools keep their guns where their kids can play with them. Fools don't always have the maturity to cool off before grabbing a weapon and going after somebody or even shooting themselves. Fools don't need a machine gun or a Glock. Fools often shoot first and ask questions later…the burglar shot as he walks onto the property at night might turn out to be the next-door neighbor who was only coming by because he ran out of Maalox.

Think about this. Even the well-trained police make mistakes and shoot the wrong person, and they were trained to show restraint under pressure and practice on the firing range enough to be accurate. What if a few people at Safeway had guns? They would've been shooting each other. We would've had more casualties. Somebody pointing a gun at Jared Loughner might've been mistaken for the assassin and shot. The tragedy only would've had more victims. And when Ted says gun incidents will happen again, he's right. The other day in California, some kid shot a schoolmate in the head. Why? He did not secure his weapon (as Harry Brown would say). He had no business having a gun. It was in his backpack and it went off. Tell me, Ted, what the fuck are school kids supposed to do in a classroom? "Be prepared" by hiding under their desks? Should one of them have also been carrying a gun and shot down the kid who had fired accidentally?

The Nuge wrote: "We can't depend on law enforcement" and that we need "a warrior mindset." Yeah. Mark David Chapman had "a warrior mindset." But hey, it meant that from 1980 on, there would be a bigger market for new Ted Nugent albums, since there would be no more from John Lennon.

People who are irrational will rationalize every reason NOT to do the right thing. As in: Oh, if you ban guns the crazies will make bombs instead, or poison the water supply." And "If we ban an Uzi or a Glock, next thing you know, we won't even be allowed a Daisy air rifle." And on and on.

The reality is that only a few extra laws and a little extra government money in the right place would've prevented the Arizona tragedy. Jared's school fortunately had the legal right to throw him out...but should've also had the right to contact mental health providers to get him evaluated. And there should've been enough government money for him to get medication if he couldn't afford it.

Want more? The crime would've been prevented if there were laws allowing gun dealers to turn down somebody the Army rejected and who computer records showed to be under treatment for mental problems. And more: if gun control laws banned 31-clip magazines in all 50 states, Jared may have had a very tough time finding the black market weapon of his dreams. How about legalizing prostitution? If this guy got laid once in a while, he may not have been posing in a G-string and fondling a gun and taking his frustration out on a female politician who happened to be rather attractive.

The notion that fighting a crazy by being crazy yourself, is crazy. And Ted Nugent is so fucking crazy he could probably listen to Udo Lindenberg and not realize the song is in a foreign language. To someone as bat-shit crazy as Nugent, it would sound perfectly normal.
Immer noch verrückt nach all Paul Simon sung by Udo Lindenberg