With some exceptions, STUPID categorizes much of "DOO WOP."
With even fewer exceptions, STUPID categorizes the residents of "FLORIDA."
The difference is that STUPID "Doo Wop" never killed anyone. Below, a cheerfully dumb example of doo wop called 'Be My Girlfriend" (aka "Please Be My Girlfriend") which was a hit for The Cadillacs, and also covered by The Spotlighters, and of course, endless assholes on urban street corners. Ah, but those were the good old days when delinquents (or chavs as they are known in England) simply "hung out." They were mostly harmless. There was no INTERNET back then.
The jerk in the photo above? He's a 29 year-old loser named Grant Amato. Like so many Internet losers, he considered somebody halfway around the world to be his friend. In fact, his GIRLFRIEND. So he killed his REAL FAMILY because they thought he was nuts. He proved it, didn't he?
Cue the ironic, cheerful Zappa-de-doo-dah doo-wop of "Please Be My Girlfriend," as done by the delightful "Voices Of Doo-Wop." Who are they?
They are, or were, surviving members of original Doo Wop groups (the doo-no-harm doo wop groups): Dean Barlow, Arthur Crier,Waldo Champen, Sammy Fain, Eugene Tompkins, Bobby Mansfield and Lillian Leach. Some were in The Mellows, or the Wrens, etc. etc. Some could've been in the Penguins, The Moonglows, The Five Satins or any of the other groups that Rene and Georgette Magritte and their dog listened to after the war. "Voices of Doo-Wop" recorded circa 1999. The photo below is from that year. The leader, Bobby Mansfield, died in 2013.
My personal favorite Doo-Wop category group, as longtime strollers through Illville know, remains The Marcels. But, I digress. Let's get back to the murder, and to ponder Internet stupidity.
Grant Amato somehow wasn't content with downloading 2GB of shit a day from some blog in Sweden or Croatia." He wasn't going to a shoutbox and asking "any wun have all fifty volumes of the Time Lilfe sunshine nuggets for my ass?" No, Grant wasn't content with music sharing strangers he could call FRIENDS. He wasn't content jerking off to Claudine Longet records. He went further than THAT brand of idiocy. He surfed into BULGARIA where he decided that some slut sitting in front of her camera, showing her cunt to the world, was...his...GIRLFRIEND.
Unlike the Blog Queens who only want a Paypal donation or say "Sign up to Rapidgator from one of my links so I can have a free account," the Internet whores want REAL MONEY. If you want a special pose, or to actually get some one-to-one attention, LOTS OF MONEY.
Grant Amato's monthly bill for an internet connection and clean underwear may have been $20 a month. But when his family finally paid attention to how he was wasting his life, they discovered that over several months he'd spent $200,000! Of THEIR MONEY.
Considering the average income of a family in Florida, this is an ASTONISHING amount. Just how much METH do you have to sell to raise that kind of money? How many tourists do you have to rob?
Once Mum and Dad found out, they slapped his wrist. No more stealing from us, Sonny Boy. They checked him into a "sex addiction program" which also kept him off the Internet. Temporarily. In rehab on December 22nd, he was CHECKED OUT on January 4th, and back onto th Internet with his GIRLFRIEND, the Cam Girl from BULGARIA. His parents tried tough love on their whore-crazed son. On January 24th they told him to get out and go spend his OWN money in an Internet cafe somewhere. Go find a cheaper slut at the Zinho' Shoutbox or at Twatzone/Ride Your Pussy.
What did Sonny Boy Amato do instead? He killed his family. Mom, Pop and older Bro. On this happy note, let's conclude this lesson in how socially awkward and mentally deranged people waste their time with Internet strangers. While the Cam Girl is still laughing all the way to the bank, here's a chance to do some carpool karaoke to Grant Amato's favorite song (isn't it") called "PLEASE BE MY GIRLFRIEND," which he sings over an dover, harmonizing with the voices in his head.
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