Take a look at this famous face, contorted by old age:
What is he doing, having a fit? Asking the nurse for a glass of water and pain medication?
Actually...he's SINGING. You can see and hear for yourself below.
He's singing "All I Have to Do is Dream," which is actually a kind of wistful ballad...not an inane karoake number that old people are supposed to be howling in the delerium of their senility. (Hint: this guy had a hit back in the now-legendary and revisionist "Summer of Love" where most people weren't gettin' any love or any sex, and mostly just getting bad drugs that fucked them up. The TIME of the SEASON for lahhhhhh-VING!!!).
There is actually a group of creepy wanna-be's who aren't too talented, but have a cunning plan: invade nursing homes and "CHEER UP" the half-dead sad, rheumy-eyed patients by making them SING ALONG to rotten songs like "Que Sera Sera" and half-remembered ditties like "All I Have to Do is Dream." And Jesus Fucking Christ, what would make an old person happier as they face mortality, than to be reminded "Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be," or told that when it comes to their DEAD husband or wife, or the grown-up kids who never visit them, "Whenever I want you all I have to do is dream..."
Now, thanks to the lazy Internet, “Sunshine” people don’t have to drive to a nursing home. They just set up the camcorder, sing some ghastly old songs, and expect a nurse to flip a switch on the laptop, or on the big screen in the musty-smelling "recreation room" and....JOY OH JOY. A whole bunch of croaky, numb, drugged-up old skeletons will start singing "SWEET CAROLINE."
The Unholy Three have managed to get some D-listers to "guest star" with him on these karoake-fests. At the moment, YouTube is not bringing them fame or a lot of hits, BUT this isn't going to deter them from their goal, which I guess is to get a government grant so they can drive around to nursing homes, infect the old people with their singing-charm, and have them sing "QUE SERA SERA" until they keel over. "Give us, oh, three hundred pounds each, plus expenses, and we'll set up our karoake machine...as you see, we've got the leader of a 60's band, and a drag queen, and some guy in a bad British TV show...and we're OH SO TALENTED ourselves....GIVE US MONEY. We should be FAMOUS." And this shit should go viral:
Recognize him? Of COURSE you DON'T. But, DEREK thinks he's a superstar because he's in a show you’ve never watched called “No Angels.” Oh well, there are 150 cable channels, and a dozen streaming websites vomiting out new and lousy shows, but as they say, "he's a legend in his own mind." You'll enjoy that shirt he wears, which looks like a 1970's item he found in a charity shop (which they charged him 30 quid for).
What's he singing that sad, depressed people would suddenly SMILE about and join in? "SWEET CAROLINE," FFS. It's the song that drunks singing at football and boxing matches, with extra shouts of "OI OI." The song has stupid lyrics, makes no sense, shouldn't be an anthem, should never be sung by anyone, but yes, go ahead, have all the Fine Old Seniles croak "Sweet Caroline. OI OI OI..."
Does it get worse? You bet it does. How about bringing in…a DRAG QUEEN. Oooh ooh, how TRENDY. We all LOVE drag queens, don’t we? Blackface, no. Redface, no. Yellowface, no. But WOMANFACE, hell yeah! Let's laugh at GUYS putting on WOMANFACE and camping it up, ridiculing women via stereotype. Ha ha. Femininity lampooned by effeminacy. Ho ho, you ho's.
The song is QUE SERA SERA. "What, you're 88 and can barely move anymore? Que Sera Sera! Sing some karoake, granny! We're the cheerful trio of SUNSHINE singers, and our special guest is a DRAG QUEEN who looks pretty damn scary!"
WARNING: every one of the Unholy Three's video starts with cloying, smirking gurns into the camera, and a big fat ZUNNY picture of a beaming SUN CARTOON.
And now, the link you've been waiting for, as a guy who looks like a rabid woodchuck joins the three creepies in a rendition of "All You Have to Do is Dream," complete with big letter karoake lyrics, as you old people can't see too well.
Is this shit catching on? Less than 400 views in about a month would say NO, but let's all root for Covid-19 to keep hanging around, so we can ALL be like crypto-corpses in an Old Folks Home, and be so bored and miserable we'll even allow the jerkiest trio of smirking, condescending creeps to come and torture us with karoake and their hideous grins. It beats just sitting around and having some peace and quiet and meditation, doesn't it?
Covid-19 and Karoake. Perfect together. Who says there's nothing to SING about?
Now let's have a SPECIAL salute to the THREE SUNSHINERS who put it all together. (They'd want it that way). Take a bow...
Prancing, smirking Miss Cheerful...the female member of the Unholy Three who have hired the D-list "celebrities."
Thanks also to Frankenstein the guitarist, who would be thrown off the stage at any Open Mic night. But in front of a captive audience at a nursing home? Or the safety of being in front of a camcorder and performing on the Internet? Mmmmm.....
Special thanks to PETER, who is incredibly hilarious as he mugs for the camera holding....ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho hee hee hee hee hee....a BANANA!!!!!
Say something NICE about the epidemic...it's given people a wonderful alternative for entertainment...KAROAKE on YOUTUBE....
No comments:
Post a Comment