Sunday, July 29, 2007


What a scene last week with Tammy Faye interviewed by Larry King. Deathly face, slow speech, glazed eyes...and Tammy Faye wasn't in good shape either.
The soggy saga of Tammy Faye Bakker Messner has been blogged and flogged all over the Net. Some, like Harry Shearer, say "her only claim to fame/notoriety was to have been the marital partner of a convicted crooked televangelist," which denies her fame and notoriety as a campy TV personality who rode the tabloid roller-coaster like a pro, and was never more up than when she was down.
In death, her most vocal admirers were Christians who forgave her any sins caused by her husband, and the gay community that admired her drag-queen make-up and her lack of judgemental accusations against them, which made her very different from other religious fundamentalists.
Cynics might say Tammy's tolerance started with her hubby's alleged bi-sexuality, and that she learned from Anita Bryant what kind of physical and financial assaults can happen to a woman when gays act up.
In a country that wants entertainment more than anything else, she was good to the last drop, turning her fatal erosion into a media event. You can't really fake this. Just as Britney is trailer trash and Paris is a slut, Tammy proved to the world that above all else, she BELIEVED. She went to her grave telling the world that she was really going to heaven. America bought her act. Why not?
When you're 65 pounds (and 55 of them make-up), and you've spent ten years dealing with cancer, and your doctors have now pretty much told you it's not IF but WHEN, it takes a lot of faith to think that God is merciful, God exists, and a living hell is just a prelude to eternal heaven.
So in the end, Tammy Faye Bakker was the Lucille Ball of televangelists. Both were good businesswomen, funny, unique, and possessed of a deep instinct for survival. Both married assholes first, and parasites second. In Tammy's case, a goofy-faced sex fiend who over-sold timeshares, followed by a fame-clutching ex-con who did time for bankruptcy fraud.
Did Jim Bakker and a friend drug and rape Jessica Hahn? Did Tammy know how he amassed the money for their three luxury homes, fancy cars and other extravagances? Did she think owning gold faucets was Christian humility or the deserved spoils of running a religious theme-park? Was she closer to the schemes of Falwell and Swaggart than the sincerity of Billy Graham? Did she think appearing with porn hedgehog Ron Jeremy on a "reality" show was something Jesus would do?
Oh, it's too heavy for THIS blog, so instead, let's have a stupid dirty song!
The "Tammy Faye" you are about to hear has taken one of the best Cheap Trick songs and turned it into Jesus porn, complete with orgasms. If you want to hear some of the campy religious tunes from Tammy and Jim Bakker, check the link on the left for the musicformaniacs blog. For the parody "SURRENDER," that starts out sincere and turns sleazy, click the link below, and may God have mercy on your hole.
"Mother told me, yes she told me, pray to Jesus Christ!
I didn't listen, was not a Christian, I led a sinful life...suddenly I heard a voice from somewhere up on high...oh just swallow it..."
SURRENDER, instant download or listen on line. No porn ads or wait time.

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