A few days ago the Fourth of July offered more reasons why Americans are hated around the world. They set off millions of dollars in useless fireworks, money that could be better spent on food. And..
They wasted food. A lot of it. On recreational eating and eating contests. The poster boy for gluttony is Joey Chestnut, winner of a Fourth of July "hot dog eating contest." Over 5 dozen hot dogs went down his gullet in a matter of minutes.
Joey Chestnut was that hungry? Or that gay? Anyone with a mania for shoving hot dogs in his mouth is VERY VERY GAY.
When millions around the world would be happy to get $2 worth of rice dropped from a helicopter into the mud at their feet...Joey Chestnut and his competition made pigs of themselves. In America, eating is a recreational pastime, and now it's becoming a National Pastime. Chestnut won $20,000 for less than ten minutes' work, which puts him right up there with the money sports figures get per minute.
That's ill, folks. The salute to Joey, and other conspicuous consumers who have nothing better to do than eat for recreation, is "No More Hot Dogs," sung by the late rockabilly madman Hasil (as in Hassle) Adkins.
Also in the zip file, 15 more including "Chicken Walk," "Let's Slop Tonight," "I Need Your Head," "Big Fat Mama" and "The Hunch."
Hasil laughingly sings it about a woman he's about to kill: "I'm gonna put yo head on my wall, and you won't eat no more hot dogs! Ah ha ha ha ha!" But let's cheerfully imagine Joey Chestnut instead. Yes, Joey Chestnut roasting on an open fire. It would be a great idea, since there are starving cannibals in Africa. Maybe a few could have a contest; grind up a pound of Joey Chestnut for about 180 people, and see who can gobble it all down fastest. Winner can have a ball. Or both of them.
"NO MORE HOT DOGS" and 15 other wild songs from HASIL ADKINS
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