Wednesday, August 19, 2009


It's not strange that Twiggy once tried for a singing career. What's definitely odd is that the woman who would've looked pregnant if she swallowed a walnut, actually covered the obscure "Cooking School," the amiably hippie-dippy dopey tune authored by Severin Browne (whose brother, for a change, won't be named).
With mandolin in the wind, to help bolster her wispy voice, Twiggy gamely tries a country waltz tempo on this tale of two nude beach idiots who turn up the heat while taking culinary classes:
"I saw him the next day while streaking a hallway. We went to the same cooking school! He majored in crepes and in almonds, I studied desserts made with cheese. We spent some time making love with the wind in the trees. Oh, woah, oh, woah.
Soon we had classes together! Sweet pastries and basic Chinese. We learned to get fat. Well, it comes down to that; it's the art of refined gluttony!"
Unbelievable on every level. Twiggy streaking. Twiggy getting fat. Twiggy naked with Severin Browne??
Alas, the song is nostalgia, not reality: "Now he's cooking in Utah, not far from B.Y.U. He's got his wife, and I got my own life, but I'll never forget cooking school."
So you won't have to go hunting through the sick recesses of the illfolks blog for it, Browne's original version is nestled right under Twiggy's. His version makes a little more sense (it was generally moronic-looking guys who streaked), and ends with the same wistful musing on lost love: "She's got her own life, and she's somebody's wife, but I'll never forget cooking school."
If you like the tunes, some starving record dealer would be only to glad to sell you the whole albums, probably for less than the price of a helping of peas.


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