Sunday, December 29, 2013

OOH OOH! An IDIOT spends $111.01 on a JOE E. ROSS single

Ho ho OOH OOH. What a wonderful birthday present some asshole bought for himself on Christmas Day. While people were sharing a warm holiday with friends and relatives, he spent $111.01 in cold cash to get "Ooh Ooh," a flat disc of 45 rpm vinyl. It's a Joe E. Ross novelty single that almost nobody would want to hear a second time. Ross, as most people know, was a slobby vaudeville comic who crawled out of obscurity to play a dogface in the Army sitcom "Sgt. Bilko," and parlayed that into brief success as a cop (partnered with Fred Gwynne) on "Car 54 Where Are You."

Ross, a variation on any number of Runyonesque Shemps popular in film and TV comedies in the 50's and 60's, appeals 99% to males. Most of 'em are as fat and homely as he was, and haplessly prone to laying out money to get laid (as Ross so often did). Only some aging, no-life loser would spend blowjob money just to hear "Ooh Ooh" as rasped by Joe E. Ross. $111.01 for what you can download here for free? Watta dope. "Ooh Ooh" has been on the blog for quite a while. Then again, maybe the guy in question was indulged via a check from his frail and ancient mom, and told, "Buy something nice for yourself…or maybe use the money to take a girl out to dinner and a movie." Instead he spent $111.01 for a Joe E. Ross record.

This is the type of guy who couldn't hold a job and still lives at home. He has no disposable income of his own, and probably lacks opposable thumbs. At best, he's one of those scrawny, smelly bespectacled nerds with a huge backpack doing a Quasimodo on his spine. He's got barely enough energy to visit a comic book store or thrift shop once a month, where sellers know him as "Lord of the Shit Breath." At worst, he's unsightly, smelly, stubble-faced and obese, and stays in mom's basement most of the day with his germs and a few gerbils. He uses his Internet connection to hang out in forums where he uses some stupid name like Captain Underpants, Chicken Joke King or BeerFarts to post 50's pix of Bettie Page and ask if anybody can digitize Nipsey Russell albums for him. The rest of his Internet time is spent on snipering eBay auctions, or via Google searches, getting erections from porn photos.

You, a reader of impeccable taste, an angel of the odd, probably already downloaded Joe E. Ross from here a long time ago. Quite a few, who haven't subscribed via RSS feed, downloaded it just by Googling his name and "Ooh Ooh," as this blog turns up in the Top 10 in such a search. The sound on the copy below is certainly equal to the VG+ item on eBay. In terms of comedy quality, VG- (very goofy) is about all you could give it, and that's praise enough for a quickie cash-in from a character comic who is funny only in very small doses. An episode or two of "Bilko," "Car 54" or his final attempt (paired with Imogene Coca, "It's About Time") is more than enough for anyone with a pulse.

If you want more details on "Ooh Ooh" and Joe E. Ross, just type his name into the search at the top left of this page and you'll get to the original post. Others, already exhausted from reading the above, just click the link, and you'll get, free:



Jeff 68 said...

First of all your site is FANTASTIC.

i am trying to download this mp3 but I cant get it to work.

I even subscribed to BOX but they didn't help.

Can you please assist me?

Thank you.


PS - Do you have the B side?

Ill Folks said...

Hi Jeff, I just checked the fine. Might be your browser? I'm not sure about tech issues. If I got a lotta complaints, I'd probably dump Box or offer several alternatives. The flip was "You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You," which actually exists in a video version. Joe and his buddy Fred Gwynne performed it on a TV variety show, and several kindly YouTube people have posted it.

Jeff 68 said...

i tried it again - i can't get to download