BOB DILDYN RADIO THEME HOUR : VAGINA

Premiering the same day as the release of "Modern Times," the BOB DILDYN RADIO THEME HOUR offers a compilation of songs about the Vagina.

Bob's cogent commentary on "the mighty quim" prefaces many of the selections, which include:

It's All Right It Won't Bite
Cameltoe
Pretty Purple Panties

Shave 'em Dry
My Girl's Pussy
Red River Sally
We Are the Tampons
Rotten Fish
My Vagina
Step Inside Love
I'm a Lesbian
The Pussy Cat Song

As well as Bob's own "When Dogs Run, Freak," which evidently is on his Debasement Tapes release. As John McEnroe used to say about cable radio, "You can NOT be SIRIUS!"


Bob Dildyn!

French is a Loving Tongue

Here's a lot of French-singing ladies from Canada, France and Europe. It's a pretty smooth and lush collection. No distracting ye-ye girls, no punque babes, not even the gurgling trill of Piaf. The idea is not to necessarily give you an overview of every popular French babe, but a good compilation album of fun covers, as well as moody and exotic and erotic originals.

1. Carole Laure. Nyuk, a Canuck. "Save The Last Dance for Me" in French. Primarily a sexy actress, she began recording in the 70's, so her albums wouldn't quite be ancient volumes of forgotten Laure.

2. Francine Laine. I don't believe she was named after Frankie Laine. Have you ever had a French girl talking urgently and emotionally to you? Me neither. This may fulfill your fantasies: "Moi Sensuelle." Your imagination may be better than the real lyrics.

3. Annie Villeneuve. "Tomber a l'eau." I was drawn to any song with "Tomber" in it, till I learned it has nothing to do with tombs. It's one of the catchiest pieces of power pop I've heard in years. She's Canadian. She makes me want to go over the border.

4. Julie. Why go by one name? It makes an Internet search impossible. I found this on a compilation lp of French hits. "Maria Magdalene" may be a religious tune but it has a nice bossa nova rhythm to it. It also has a timeless quality. Meaning, I don't know when it was recorded. I could do without the guys in the backing chorus but it's too late to do anything about it.

5. Marie LaForet. "Marie Douceur (Paint it Black)." In the 60's she was a stunner, the kind you'd buy just for the album cover. And yes, she could sing, too.

6. Nicole Rieu. "Have You Never Been Mellow" in French? "Me Maison Au Bord de L'eau"

7. Dalida wasn't French or Canadian, but sang very often in French. The selected tune, a polished Abba-esque commercial pop piece, will get you bouncing your baguette. The song is "Mourir su scene." At the time I figured any song with "Mourir" in it had to be morbid in some way. OK, she's dead, that's morbid.

8. Jane Birkin. "Le Sex Shop." You all know their more obvious and orgasmic hit single (which is on the blog in the Bardot version, elsewhere) so here's another Serge Gainsbourg duet, the one that ended a film's humorous if slightly melancholy look at a guy's brief entry into the skin trade.

9. Zizi Jeanmaire. A legendary old broad. This is a Serge Gainsbourg song nastily called "Merde a l'amour," and it's sung in a vaudevillian way. You can just imagine the visual, a cakewalk on a street full of dog poop. Or am I romanticizing?

10. Maurane. No, that isn't a weather forecast, that's her name. "Prelude de Bach" takes a classical theme into lush territory (ie, a saloon where you'll drink and sob imagining your own sad translation).

11. Monique Gaube. "To Sir With Love" in French. You'd take a French lesson from this teacher.

12. Christien Pilzer. "Dracula." This was 40 years ago. Why she was singing about le vampire is probably a buried secret by now.

13. France Gall. "Resiste." Do you have the gall to resist a woman who is such a credit to France?

14. Veronique Sanson. "Longue Distance." In France, she is a living legend, as huge there as Carly or Joni was here in the 70's and 80's. Her great melodies were spiced with Island rhythms at times, and flirtations with syncopation. In America she's vaguely known as "wasn't she married to Stephen Stills?"

15. Sandrine Kiberlain. "Le quotid." This heartbreaker is also an actress, and she starred in the cult film "Monsieur Hire" as, what else, a heartbreaker. Based on aGeorge Simenon story, the mystery is moody, erotic and being French, depressing.

16. Mylene Farmer. "L'amour n'est rien." She took her last name as an homage to Frances Farmer. She's written a song about Edgar A. Poe. Her videos are strange, erotic, and often gothic. I could write endlessly about her, with a pen dipped in blood.

17. Francoise Hardy. "Tant de belles choses." The trifecta of French pop superstars
would be Francoise, Veronique and Mylene over the past 40 years. They overlap, and if you're listening or watching them, you'd overlap, too.

18. Julie Zenatti. "Toutes Les Couleurs." We end with some sweet French pastry.

Various ladies could be here, including Lara Fabian, Zazie, Nathalie Cordonne, Alizee, the duo of Lily Margot, Vanessa Paradis, etc. etc.. So, assemble your own compilation and upload it, nu?

That's FRENCH! Via Rapidshare

And if you want a quick pick-me-up, here's the sprightly Dalida pop tune:
Instant Download or listen on line.

CARROLL O'CONNOR - Remembering You

"It's all over now." I mean, the controversies over "All in the Family," where Carroll O'Connor and cast had to defend their show against charges of promoting bigotry. Today, the show is remembered, and still watched, as a "classic." Though so much praise went to Carroll O'Connor he modestly said his "Archie Bunker" character was merely a cross between Jimmy Cagney and Jackie Gleason.

During the run of "All in the Family," O'Connor was inspired to write lyrics for Roger Kellaway's closing theme song. The opening sentiment: "Gotta feeling it's all over now, all over now, we're through. And tomorrow I'll be lonesome remembering you..."

He got a chance to record this wistful number on an album called "Remembering You," a collection of 30's hits with spoken introductions for each song. As you download this and play the opening line, "It's all over now..." may the memories of all the great work Carroll O'Connor did come back to you. It's a good song, too. Here's "Remembering you," sir.

Fresh Link Instant Download HERE. No codes, Rapidshare or confusion

ISTANBUL NOT CONSTANTINOPLE

If they told you once, they told you five times:
ISTANBUL, NOT CONSTANTINOPLE!
The Four Lads told you in the 50's, and so did
2. Caterina Valente (so many ways to spell her name wrong!)
3. Trevor Horn
4. Moxy Fruvois
5. They Might Be Giants
The question...why such continuing enthusiasm for a novelty song about ethnic identity?
Having a white person faking a Middle Eastern yowl is not very PC, nor is the use of snake-charmer woodwinds and a camel-clop boogie beat. It's remarkable that nobody's called for this dopey, catchy song to be banned (like, say, a certain bunch of novelty newspaper cartoons).
Do you know why it's ISTANBUL and not CONSTANTINOPLE?
Well, Students, centuries ago the city was named for emperor Constantine, and was part of the conquering empire of Greece. This didn't thrill the Turks, who got tired of bending over to the Greeks. When Greek road signs announced "Stanbulin" (meaning, "To the City"), some Turks made it "Islambol" ("Islam abounds"). "Stamboul" became a popular nickname for the place.
Around the 1920's, the Ottomon empire officially collapsed (terrible news if you were sitting on an ottoman at the time). Mustafa Kemel, who himself preferred another name (Kemel Ataturk, aka "Father of the Turks") officially proclaimed Turkish independence from past rulers and changed the name to Istanbul. But around the world, it was still Constantinople.
As late as the 50's, Turkey was roasting with hostility over this insult, and that led to...a novelty song that went a long way toward setting everything straight! With radio-commercial repetition ("Instanbul! Not Constantinople!") and a jocular basso refrain ("people just liked it better that way") The Four Lads told the world and the world...listened!
The power of humor! A musical elbow in the ribs got the world to call Constantinople Istanbul! Handling things with a dash of comedy worked wonders!
Right?
Somehow despite Middle East tensions, this tune with it's stereotypical Persian Market (!) instrumentation and air-rending Arabic (!) yodels, still gets covered. Perhaps it still needs to be. In Greece, Turkey's town is still called Konstantinopolis by those who feel "after all we did for you" the place should still acknowledge its past. Some Greek-made maps don't even add Istanbul in parenthesis. But most everywhere else (all together) it's ISTANBUL not CONSTANTINOPLE.
That's your lesson in trivia, ethnic sensitivity and pride. Download or not. It's nobody's business but your own.


Update: the Rapidshare link died around December 15th, from lack of activity, and the UPLOADED file expired on a re-up. Not a popular entry on the blog?? Well...so it won't be a total loss, here's two tracks upped as singles:

FOUR LADS! Download or listen on line.
AND THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS

Karla DeVito & Pat Benatar do Martin Briley

Karla and Pat earned their M.B. -- by covering Martin Briley.
Briley was known for misanthropic songwriting, and unlike goofy, teddy-bear Randy Newman, he looked like he meant it. You might remember his piercing stare and lone MTV video hit "(You ain't worth) The Salt In My Tears."
When sung by WOMEN, Martin's vicious songs become feminist anthems. Oh, the irony of it. "I'm Just Using You" is power pop slapping you in the face. Pat Benatar is even tougher with "Take It Any Way You Want It."

Also here: two other vintage Briley songs, "Someday, Someway" covered by Jeff Healey and "Can't Keep Running" by Greg Allman. Briley toned himself down to become a very successful songwriter (Celine Dion and N'Sync) but his real fans are buying the 2 CD re-issue set featuring all three of his classic Mercury albums (and a few demo and bonus cuts), songs from when Briley was that bitter twisted lemon floating in the cocktail of the 80's. Or something like that. It's always a salty download if it involves wryly briney Martin Briley.

KARLA DEVITO

PAT BENATAR

JEFF HEALEY

GREG ALLMAN

ALL THE NUNS WITH GUNS

Here's a G.E. Smith song with Paul Simon on backing vocals. Even most Paul Simon fans don't know about this rarity. In fact, if you listen closely, you can hardly hear him in the mix. But he's there, and that's part of the quirk on this obscure but catchy tune.
Thanks Jim Delehant (Hit Parader/rock mogul) for handing this to me one day. Many days ago.
G.E. Smith was the somewhat crazed-looking guitarist leading the "Saturday Night Live" band (1985-95). He also married Gilda Radner, worked with Dan Hartman and toured with Hall and Oates. That's probably the best way for George to have handled those folks.
Smith's stinging guitar is very evident on this track, but the guy was capable of other guitar stylings, having co-written the metal-moron "Wayne's World" theme song.
NUNS WITH GUNS

CATS IN THE KETTLE - Harry Chapin parody

Harry Chapin wrote good songs. Chinese food is safe 'n tasty. Cats are great.

So why do a parody about 'em? Oh, why not. Manic Larry Baker's "Cats in the Kettle" is short and sweet (and sour). A little tasteless, a little un-PC, but it doesn't really harm Harry, cats, or the reputation of Chinese kitchens.

With novelty songs, often taped off the radio or just tossed on P2P sites, the credit gets lost, or worse, ends up tagged as Weird Al Yankovic or Anonymous. That name again is: Manic Larry Baker.

Hear him quick as a cat Instant Download or Listen on Line

MORE DIANA RIGG & THE AVENGERS

"Mrs. Peel, We're Needed...on the Ill Folks Blog again!"
Gracing us with an obscure gem, Diana Rigg sings Sondheim! It's not easy for even the best singers to handle the intricacies...so bravo for this appealing performance. The other Diana Rigg song is still alive and well in the archives. Emma's replacement, "Tara King" (Linda Thorson), helps pads things out with her pair. Songs, that is.

Back in the archives you'll find a 4-pack of Honor Blackman. Honor Blackman never pretended to be a singer, but her solo songs were received well. She assumed Patrick MacNee would have no problems either: “Patrick said he had no sense of rhythm and couldn’t sing but we thought that was absolute nonsense until we actually got there and found it was absolutely true!”

You get the silly novelty hit "Kinky Boots," which is the least sexy song ever to have "Kinky" in its title. And also part of the download, a bright stereo rendition of "The Avengers" theme from the composer himself, Laurie Johnson. You even get some oddball theme song versions, including one that samples dialogue from John and Emma.
There won't be a time when Steed's words don't ring true: "Mrs. Peel, We're Needed."

1. Diana Rigg "Could I Leave You?"
2. Avengers (Disco Version)
3. Avengers "Peel the Reel" theme song with dialogue
4. Avengers (Magnetic Remix)
5. Avengers (Impulsion Remix)
6. Avengers (Laurie Johnson & Orchestra)
7. Linda Thorson "Here I Am"
8. Linda Thorson "Bad Time to Stop Loving Me"
9. Patrick MacNee and Honor Blackman "Kinky Boots"

Emma 'bout ta download dis...
Update: This one timed out due to Rapidshare's "10 days of inactivity" purge. But...re-upped as singles...

KINKY BOOTS
DIANA RIGG "Could I Leave You"
LINDA THORSON "Here I Am"
4 Songs by Honor Blackman

DOODLES WEAVER

Unlike his brother Pat (president of NBC and father to Sigourney Weaver), Winstead Weaver looked like a "doodlebug" (his own mother's opinion!) and acted like one, being a cornball comic/singer all his life.

The dude named Doodles gained fame with a manic William Tell horse race routine on a Spike Jones novelty single. He did a sequel, "Dance of the Hours" as a car race. Doodles also loved spoonerisms, mispronouncing song lyrics in frantic gibberish till he'd clear his mind with a bellowing "OOOOH!" That, along with deliberately awful jokes, made a hit out of "Man on the Flying Trapeze." You can hear Spike Jones ask "Are you in voice, Winstead," at the beginning.

He worked with Jones on stage and on radio for many years, but was fired for a lethal combo of alcoholism and natural nutsiness. He had bit parts in movies, notably the 1940 version of "Li'l Abner," and in 1951 prevailed upon brother Pat to help him land a summer TV show on NBC which went nowhere. He turned up on "You Bet Your Life" as an unknown contestant. After Doodles admitted his profession was a comedian, Groucho sympathetically hoped he'd get somewhere with it. In 1965 Weaver briefly had a notoriously desperate 6-minute "Day with Doodles" syndicated kiddie show. Nothing worked too well.

Throughout the 60's The Dood took minor roles in sitcoms, from "Dick Van Dyke Show" to "The Monkees" to "Batman" (as "Crier Tuck). His curly hair, tubular head and large eyes helped the comic ambience of any scene, even if his lines were few.

The older he got, the more bitter and disillusioned he became. 1948, when he issued his novelty tunes with Spike, was probably Doodles' best year. 1983 would be his worst...in fact, despite of or because of alcohol and pills, be couldn't stand to live more than a few weeks into 1983.

Not too many years earlier, Doodles went into the studio one last time to make a solo disc. He offered some updated spooner routines and he even tried to work his dentures through his classic Feetlebaum routine...which was now more of a trotter than a horse race.

Here's a six pack with samples of Doodles' hit singles, radio tunes and final recordings. All Weaver wanted was to get some laughs, and even if you're not a corn-comedy buff, he Dood it. He succeeded mightily several times, and in every sense of the word, he was always trying.



Cop a Doodles... DO! (Right here)
Update: the mid-October "inactivity purge" doomed Doodles at Rapidshare, but here's an upload of two rarities for you, Doodles doin' it on the old Spike Jones radio show. No Rapidshare waiting, either. Instant gratification
TWO DOODLES!