HURY BURY BABY - and now ZACHERLEY the cool ghoul

It’s a sad Halloween for those of us who loved “The Cool Ghoul.” Dick Clark, a broadcasting colleague of John Zacherle’s in Philadelphia, gave him that nickname.  

Just how to describe or explain Zacherley (as he came to be known) is almost as futile as explaining, for example, “The Goon Show.” Listening to a sample could be very bewildering for a newcomer. It’s as much about attitude and character as it is the jokes. In fact, on most of his novelty singles, Zach was probably laughing a lot more than any of the listeners. Ah ha!

I should go find my interview with Zacherle, but it’s on one of hundreds of cassettes of interviews yet to be digitized. I do remember him saying that his early stuff benefitted by his association with Cameo-Parkway records. His label practically handed him the masters of their best hits, with the vocals wiped. He was allowed to simply ad-lib horror jokes (and his own laughter).

In 1958, he had his Top 10 hit, well before “Monster Mash,” with “Dinner with Drac.” The B-side below is “Hury Bury Baby,” a ghoulish variant on the Hully Gully. He was an unlikely star among teens, at age 40. 

The horror-novelty king was born in Pennsylvania in 1918, and graduated from the University of Pennsylvania. After World War 2 service, he joined a theater group, performed in local TV commercials, and in 1953 was hired by local WCAU to appear in a budget western-serial called “Action in the Afternoon.” A character he played, local understaker Grimy James, was soon spun off into hosting duties when WCAU bought 52 old horror movies. They needed someone to even-out the timing of these ragged 78 minute or 65 minute B-movies, and Zach proved to be an inspired choice.  

He didn’t merely introduce the films, he CUT into them. Like Ernie Kovacs (another local TV personality who would become national), Zach let his imagination run wild because there was no budget to hire writers. He "broke the fourth wall" as they say, and loved to irreverently stop a movie to offer a wisecrack or make fun of the bad acting. 

Zacherley ad-libbed gags, performed mini-skits, and made the weekly “Shock Theater” show a joy for the locals. He moved on to New York. Though still local on the East Coast he had enough of a following to interest a local record label. Though perhaps most of the sales were coming from his home base of Philadelphia, “Dinner with Drac” was a hit in 1958. New York’s Warren Publishing put him on the cover of their struggling “Famous Monsters of Filmland” magazine in 1960. Soon the “Monster Craze” was in full bloom, and Zacherley paperbacks appeared, along with new Zacherley albums. 

Aurora model kits let brats paint up replicas of Dracula and Frankenstein, and the toy store was loaded with monster cards and games. "The Addams Family" and "The Munsters" were part of the cash-in, and "Famous Monsters" magazine, its spin-off "Monster World," and "Castle of Frankenstein" had revered places on the magazine rack, sometimes even edging off Nugget, Sir, Rogue and Gent. 

 “Monster Mash” was a huge hit, and old-time horror actors like Karloff, Lorre and Price were in demand for new movies.  Zacherley sometimes adopted a slightly Karloffian vocal for his novelty tunes (he did cover "Monster Mash" and was a bit of a Boris on "The Ghoul from Wolverton Mountain" among other parodies). Still, his make-up and his humor was uniquely his own, along with his somewhat Bostonian demeanor and that cheerful, barking laugh. 

The late 50's and 60's was a great time to be a kid, and kids adored Zacherley, who was the superstar in his field. His only competition was clear across the country: Vampira on local TV in Los Angeles. For Zach fans, “The Cool Ghoul” grew like a fungus, aging right along with them. While many tweens never lost their fondness for monster movies as they became teens, their interests expanded into rock music and, gosh, finding an Evelyn Ankers or Elsa Lanchester of their very own. Zacherley turned up as host of “Disc-O-Teen,” an East Coast TV show that offered the latest pop hits and finger-snapping pimple-popping teens dancing with each other. 

The mid and late 60's TV show did well, and Zach became a rock radio host. The fans that blew bubble gum while listening to "Dinner with Drac" were now blowing their minds, exploring drugs and FM-progressive rock. Zach was with them, first on WNEW and then WPLJ. When groups such as Boko Harum (or whatever they were called) and Foghat and the Alex Harvey Band were booked for ABC’s “Wide World of Entertainment,” the shows were simulcast in stereo on WPLJ, introduced by Zacherley. 

Zach’s cultured voice was part of FM radio for a decade. By then, Zach fans were grown up and ready to pay tribute. This included roles in “Brain Damage” and “Frankenhooker,” and regular appearances at East Coast memorabilia shows. He was sort of the mascot of the “Chiller” conventions, were corpulent Huelbigs would grin through their baby-like teeth and pay $20 to have him pose with them. There were some new Zach CDs as well as other collectibles, and he incredibly continued to be an age-defying ghoul into his 90’s. I think he was even in attendance last year, albeit briefly. 

Zacherley had unique style and flair, a sense of fun very much in keeping with the light-hearted international stars like Vinnie Price. He appreciated his genre and his fans, and tried to keep the quality up, and his dignity intact. Unlike so many on the memorabilia circuit, he didn’t seem like he HAD to be there, or that he WANTED to be there, but that he was doing everyone a good-natured favor because he LIKED what he was doing.

I remember Elvira confiding to me that Vampira was grumbling about filing a lawsuit. The grump old lady had insisted that Elvira had somehow "stolen" her act. This was quite an irony, since as Elvira and everyone else knows, Vampira "stole" her persona off the Morticia character in Chas Addams cartoons: the white skin, jet black long hair and costume. I remember Elvira saying, "She thinks she can do what I'm doing? She doesn't have a tooth in her head!" I mention this just to point out a contrast between Vampira and Zacherley. Zach was a mellow monster. He didn't compete with anyone. At "Chiller" shows, he was indeed the cool ghoul, willing to participate if a Bobby "Boris" Pickett wanted a photo op or a duet, but just as easily willing to let another vintage horror star have the spotlight if that was what was desired.  

Yes, I liked Zacherley, and collected the singles and albums, and had the books, and was glad to fulfill a childhood wish and get a chance to meet him, and not as a pay-to-play geek at a convention, but via a radio interview with good exposure. At this moment, the “Chiller” convention is going on in New Jersey, and sweaty, overweight, repulsive zombies are too busy pestering Meatloaf for autographs and photo ops to give more than a passing, “Er, RIP Zach” to the guy who was a regular at all those shows over all these years.

With the demise of Christopher Lee, Bobby “Boris” Pickett and a few others, Zacherley was one of the few “legends” left from the 50’s. Now he’s just remains, but, ha-ha, he remains legend. Hury Bury Baby, my dears…  

HURY BURY BABY (listen online or download, no capcha codes or bullshit passwords)

ZACHERLEY

Ill-ustrated Songs #34 Dracula's Three Daughters - Ray Ellington

Sapristi! 

It's Halloween time, and all over what's left of blogland, people are dutifully upping "Monster Mash" yet again, offering "The Addams Family" theme, or noting that Burt Backache wrote "The Blob," but it did not chart. Some unimaginative swine will be offering Albino Brother #2''s novelty instrumental "Frankenstein" or, har har, "Ghostbusters" (maybe with an oh-so-scholarly note about its similarity to a Huey Lewis tune). 

As Oscar Brand's "The Hearse Song" isn't really intended as a Halloween item, and it IS obligatory to note holidays, your download is "Dracula's Three Daughters." It's from the neglected Ray Ellington, best known these days as the singer who provided a musical interlude during episodes of "The Goon Show." Ah, holidays. If not for them, boring people wouldn't have anything to blab about except sports and politics. 

Nerds, I am fully aware that the photo above is actually of Dracula's brides, NOT his daughters. But don't they look nice? That's Ivana, Marla and Melania

Dracula's Three Daughters - listen online or download. No capcha codes, pop-ups or passwords

Grand Old OSCAR BRAND - The Hearse Song (the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out)

Few have remarked on the passing of Oscar Brand (February 7, 1920 – September 30, 2016). One reason is that he out-lived the folk movement by about 50 years, and though active almost till the end, he didn’t quite have the visibility or the hit songs that Pete Seeger did. '

He knew and worked with Pete, Woody Guthrie, Leadbelly, Jean Ritchie and all the legends, and hosted a remarkably long-running radio show in New York (originating on WNYC). While a traditionalist, he supported all the newer performers, and his radio guests included Phil Ochs and Judy Henske.  Oscar appeared on the memorable TV broadcast of the “Tribute to Phil Ochs” in 1976, singing an updated version of “Love Me I’m a Liberal.” (On the same bill, two of the Weavers, Fred Hellerman and Pete Seeger, took on Phil’s other satiric classic, “Draft Dodger Rag.”)  

Brand made nearly 100 albums, but only a few folkies, scholars and pervs would know. One problem is that he sounded a bit like another bland Jewish-Canadian, Monty Hall (who is still alive, at 95). Monty’s high tenor was crisp, even, and well suited to dispassionate quiz show hosting. It wouldn’t have worked too well if he’d tried to be an actor. Likewise, Brand’s voice was bland, and not expressively individual. It served him well in preserving musical history where diction and correct notes were important, but it was more textbook than novel.  

His neutral vocal talent probably helped his “Bawdy” record series stay in stores, and himself out of jail. The multi-disc series could've been an "under the counter" item but he gave it legitimacy with his clear voice and his background as a student of music history. There was hardly a growl or leer in his vocalizing, as he documented dozens and dozens of ribald folk songs, sea shanties and madrigals. He also sanitized some of the lines, which were already full of inane euphemisms (“jigga-jig-jig hey ho!”)  

Brand wrote over 300 songs, but to use the critical line hurled at the even more prolific Steve Allen, “name two.” You might know “A Guy is a Guy,” which was a hit for Doris Day, or “My Old Man’s a Sailor,” which was inspired by tongue-twisters and became a highlight for the Smothers Brothers.  

Born in Canada, which has given us quite a few Jewish stars (Monty Hall, David Steinberg and William Shatner among them), the family moved South when Oscar was seven, first to Minnesota and then to New York. He attended college in Brooklyn, but in an irony, came back to Canada to get his first break. He became host for the TV show “Let’s Sing Out,” which had a long run and, like his later WNYC radio show, helped give exposure to new talent, in this case Canadians Gordon Lightfoot and Joni Mitchell.

The ever-busy Mr. Brand wrote songs for cabaret shows including the 1968 off-Broadway hit “How to Steal an Election,” and worked behind the scenes at the Children’s Television Workshop in developing “Seseme Street.” Like so many of his contemporaries, he marched in Civil Rights rallies, sang just enough “radical” or at least “off color” songs to make him suspicious to Republicans, and was investigated by “Red Channels” for being a possible Communist.  

Through it all, he continued singing and performing and writing songs, rarely getting as much attention as others in the folk world. Again, part of it was his bland voice, and also his professor-personality. While he could be witty and wry in his between-song patter, he came off more as a lecturer. His hosting was a bit dry, and he had enough ego to take up time on every show (being the “star”) to sing a song on his own; this, while most in the audience would’ve preferred a third one from Ochs or Henske or the Ivy League Trio, or anyone but Oscar.  

I know an obit isn’t really the place to be truthful or "critical," but this blog IS run by a realist (in the Paul Krassner sense). Besides, for better or worse (it's hard to tell) this blog has gotten a reputation and cult following for, to use a Dylan phrase, "not turning a blind eye to human nature." And as Sahl might add, "and not resisting iconoclastic humor."  

To digress,  below you'll note a little mention of the IllFolks blog. Sometimes bloggers offer up a list of recommended sites, and one fellow very kindly added a link to THIS one, but with a slight caveat. Just look down a bit (passing quite a few of now-defunct blogs and websites) and note this site and a parenthetical word of caution:  

Although Oscar's personality could be a bit off-putting, (gee, where did I borrow THAT description from), he was a venerable man, and his credits are enviable. Oscar’s version of “Farewell to Nova Scotia” was the first I’d ever heard. He even recorded it for a major label (Kapp) on a live album recorded at a college concert. Oscar's introduction to the song mentions that his scholarly interpretation may be different from the popular one but, "I'd like to do it MY WAY." And, as is often the case with off-putting personalities, more credit to him for being an individual. 

Brand was probably one of the first to actually record “The Hearse Song,” which some of you might not know by title, but by the key phrase, “the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out…”

One of the great things about song-collectors like Brand, or Carl Withers, the author of "Rocket in My Pocket," is the preservation of every-day pop culture. Schoolyard rhymes and anonymous folk songs deserve documentation. Some scholarly types even take the trouble to note permutations (we need a pinhead word for this) in how an item might be performed in a specific part of the world, or by a certain ethnic group. Brand's chosen version of "The Hearse Song" is how soldiers sang it, sort of "black humor" in the trenches. There's a reference to officers, and later, to The Pentagon. In part:

“...As you watch the death wagon riding by, you don’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

You wish it weren’t, but you know it’s true, the very next load may consist of you. 

The burial detail lowers you down, the officers they just stand around, 

they shovel in dirt, they shovel in rocks, they don’t give a damn if they break the box. 

The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, they creep all over your chin and mouth. They call their friends, their friends’ friends too, you look like hell when they get through…"

In your Trick or Treat days, maybe you sang: “the worms crawl in the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle on your snout” or “the worms crawl in the worms crawl out, they chew your guts and they spit them out.” Whatever, the imagery and grim finality in the song never changes. But there's hope. Oscar Brand, who succumbed to "the old people's friend" (pneumonia) may have been cremated. Or as we say around the crematorium, "Fuck you, worms!" 

 THE HEARSE SONG (the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out...)   (Listen online or download; no pop-ups, no requests for payment, no passwords.) 

ILL-USTRATED SONGS #33 Mel Torme swingin' the RED RUBBER BALL

No, it's not "Captain Spaulding," it's Mel Torme, no longer tormented by a stinker who is "not the only starfish in the sea." 

If you want to know how the Rat Pack-types would do a jazz version of this folk-rock kiss-off, here it is. The mid-60's and late 60's were perilous times for lounge singers. Now "retro-cool," at the time they were becoming corny. They survived as best they could. After crooning "Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime" in his typical insincere way, Dean Martin starred on a long-running barely-rehearsed comedy-variety show.

Sinatra, going morbid ("It Was a Very Good Year") simmered sourly about retirement, and went into some odd phase by hooking up with boyish Mia Farrow. Sammy Davis Jr. got cornier ("Candy Man") but mostly stayed in Vegas. His version of "Mr. Bojangles" wowed the crowds there, but it was Jerry Jeff Walker and Bobby Cole who dueled each other on the Top 40 singles charts.

The rest of the lounge acts and Rat Pack wanna-be's simply had to hep it up as best they could. Andy Williams, Jack Jones, Bing Crosby, Peggy Lee, Kate Smith and even George Burns covered whatever rock songs MIGHT be middle-of-the-road enough for the old fans and tolerable for anyone else listening. And so they did "Mr. Bojangles" or "Bridge Over Troubled Water" or "Hey Jude" or "I Think It's Going to Rain Today" or those awful hybrids like "Up Up and Away." 

Paul Simon's stuff was easily covered, but not so easily swung (Sinatra's "Mrs. Robinson" is elsewhere on this blog). Mel Torme did a good job on "Red Rubber Ball." He was known as "The Velvet Fog" (and not too thrilled with the those who falsely called him "The Velvet Fag" or more accurately as he got older and more bulge-eyed, "The Velvet Frog.") Here, his voice actually has a lot more clarity and less of the soft burr.  

Paul, born and raised in Queens, New York, and a big baseball fan, no doubt spent his early teen years playing with a specific "red rubber ball." It was what New Yawkers called a "Spaldeen." With hard balls and softballs not suited to street play, and a tennis ball lacking pop, kids bought a "pinky" instead. No, it was never actually bright red, but kids thought of it that way anyway. If you wuz a New York kid, you'd  woik up an appetite playin' stickball with yer "Spaldeen," and then if you didn't have to drop into the "Lie-berry" to get books for skoo-well, you'd go home and have a bowl of "Piss-ketti."

Oh the nostalgia of red rubber balls, blue balls, finger-snappin' lounge singers, melodic pop songs, and getting over a break-up with a bitch. 

RED RUBBER BALL - listen on line or download, no Zinfart passwords, no porn ads, no capcha codes.

HOUSE OF WOE

Woah, it's been about TEN years since Gina Gershon self-pressed her album? 

In that time, it's become kind of a cult legend. It runs from $39 to $69 on Amazon. But yeah, who cares about a CD (or a signed one, which I have…she was actually signing these when it first came out). It IS available on iTunes and the other usual suspects for just the familiar .99 per song.

Gershon, a figure of lust thanks to several cult movies ("Showgirls" and "Bound") as well as many more films and TV appearances, was a very capable singer ("Prey for Rock and Roll"). Just why she didn't stick with it, I can only guess. A big reason: it's a rotten business now that it's almost impossible to make money from CD sales (or legal downloads). 

Gina has instead appeared in Broadway musicals, written some books, and an upcoming credit will be guest starring on an episode of Fox's series EMPIRE. One thing hasn't changed. She's still alluring, she's still got those "lucky lips" (she opened with that venerable pop standard when I saw her live show) and...if you sing it with irony, "it's a beautiful world." 

Follow along:

Zelda, she loved her man. He broke her heart but then again, don’t we always really know who should stay and who should go? 

So she looked for love online, waiting, staring, sipping wine. When at last the night she shared, she came home with dirty hair. 

Oh, oh, the world is spinning. Oh, yeah, the clouds are flying by. Somewhere some kids are singing. Oh oh yeah, it’s a beautiful world.” 

Wasted opportunity, living in his memory. 

Thinking back now he can’t feel which among his loves were real.

Shinin’ like a diamond sun,  twenty years have been and gone.  it took him far too long to know he never should’ve let her go.  (chorus…it’s a beautiful world) 

CODA:

Tears are falling. Future calling. 

River running to the sea. 

So much sadness. Lies and contrast

to just how perfect it can be. 

Listen on line or download; no capcha codes, sleazy pop-ups or Hans-worms:

HOUSE OF WOE - Gina Gershon

PAUL THE PRICK? LISTEN TO HIS RICE KRISPIES!

Things have not gone well for Paul Simon lately.

There was that odd "domestic violence" incident, where the diminutive singer-songwriter was accused of attacking his willowy wife, Edie Brickell. (Edie refused to press charges, and then went off to co-write a Broadway musical with Steve Martin).

Paul's newest album got the same reviews as always: "Not as good as the last one." A charity appearance (was it at the tribute to Joan Baez or at the convention nominating Hillary Clinton?) had critics moaning that his singing was off.

He then declared that he was most likely retiring from the road, because at 74, he simply was sick and tired of it.

And now? A new bio threatens to close the book on him.

How's THIS for a headline?

At least this news seems a little more important than Matt Damon grumbling about Trump, or some media whore posing in her bra.

I have not read the book.

I will not DIGNIFY it by buying it.

I will, however, download it when it becomes available on a torrent.

Not that I expect much. This guy Carlin is a hack, and a shitty writer. From the "juicy" quotes the newspapers have printed so far, this guy seems like even more of a presumptuous prat than Paul could ever be. How about this:

"On a darker day Paul would examine his friend from afar and feel a pulse of bile. Why had Artie gotten to be so blessed, with his height, his voice, his hair? And why did Paul have to be so dependent on him?"

Or this:

"For fuck sake! He'd known Artie since they were eleven: Artie with braces, Artie with zits, Artie with a Yarmulke on his head surrounded by all the bearded Jews hoisting the Torah around the synagogue in Queens."

Yeah? Where was Carlin? Not even born yet? It's a bit too easy to come up with this kind of psycho-babble, and to accentuate the rivalry that did and still does exist between the two. It's also easy to cut and paste from the many articles that have touched on Paul not giving credit where it's due.

The stories about Simon being sulky or nasty or arrogantly grabbing somebody else's work are not new.

Rolling Stone ran a piece several years ago about how Paul ripped off Los Lobos, and pretty much said "Sue me," to the bewildered band members. Then there's the question of the mysterious "Red Rubber Ball" which was a Bruce Woodley co-write. Or did Bruce write the whole thing, and "Cloudy," too?

There's no question that Paul IS a genius and DID write most of his own stuff. But just as Dylan has been plagued with a few plagiarism rumors, Paul's been under the microscope from time to time. There's also the question of just how "fair" it is to do what so many performers do...have someone come in and do "editorial" work for a straight cash fee, add some lyrics or chord changes, and NOT get a co-write credit.

I've heard rumors, but I'll leave it at that.

The book no doubt also will offer a few stories that will indicate Paul is a prick. Would this come as any surprise? It's the "ordinary temperament of genius," as Mr. Poe once phrased it. It's possible to be warm, have a sense of humor, be very sensitive...and also be a perfectionist, selfish, and sometimes loutish.

Below? Well, below is an example of the songwriter at work, and proof that Paul has done what all great songwriters have done...re-written something to make it better. Bob Dylan was and is notorious for re-writing lyrics even as he records them, and once famously scrapped an album at the last minute ("Blood on the Tracks") to re-do most of it with a new band and in some cases, revised lyrics.

This Simon "first audio draft" has the famous "Zoo" melody, but the lyrics are different.

Just as Paul McCartney mumbled "Scrambled Eggs" before he arrived at "Yesterday," Paul Simon had some similar breakfast problems, before taking his words to the zoo instead:

"Something tells me things have changed since I've been gone.
My bowl of Rice Krispies ain't what it used to be!"
His lady friend isn't what she used to be, either:
"Your eyes are filled with icicles, your touch is bitter cold.
And I know I have been on the road too long..."
Hear what happens when you're so alienated, your bowl of Rice Krispies gives you the silent treatment.

MY BOWL OF RICE KRISPIES "

A Vita Shit of Pail

Ever wonder why your favorite rock group hasn't put out an album in 10 years, or more? Why your favorite rock group only has one original member? And why your favorite rock group doesn't tour unless it's a fake "farewell" performance that tricks some booker in Finland into taking a chance?

Chances are, the reason is that the man in charge is a nasty egomaniacal has-been old goat, who can't come up with new songs, can't get along with anyone, and alienates everyone except for maybe a toady running his website for free.

The last time I checked, one particular old favorite group has really run aground. They've had hard times. It's so bad, I don't even want to mention their name. For ten years, they've averaged maybe five gigs a year, with only ONE original member who pays himself while the others...er...they pretty much work for nothing but the "prestige" of being able to say they're in a (once famous) band.

The lead singer has fallen face-first in a drunken stupor, been accused (I think wrongly) of leading Nigerian sociopaths into killing Christians, and ultimately has had delusions that he's actually Adolf Hitler. This has not helped in getting gigs. He has gone so totally mad that he sings with a German accent; his once famed braying-bugle voice now sounding like a mad Nazi duck on drugs.

But don't take MY word for it. I took a bus to a train to a zeppelin to Norway to secretly record him at the sound check to a show that was canceled. Yes, as soon as the booker (that's spelled BOOKER) heard how badly the hit song was being sung, he shouted "Raus!" Once you hear how this once-great singer now performs, you'll agree: this lead singer is all wet, and his cover band has run afloat.

Un Vita Shit O Pail

Deja Vu: HAVE YOU SEEN ELAINE?

Yes, "not with a bang but with a whimper."

Torrents, forums and blogs come and go. People rarely miss them for long, if at all.

One once-popular forum passed its expiration date years ago, but collapsed just recently. Most of its key members left in disgust, rather than witness the final demise. It seems the forum had almost no posts month after month, and seemed to imitate a fumigated roach, lying on its back with its legs feebly kicking, hardly able to give a buzz. No, nobody wanted to know about the fifth re-up of Levitt & McClure, read some old fogey post about how Spotify and piracy are GOOD for the music biz, or try and decipher some nutjob posting more 1970's Yugoslavian rock albums.

Back in the day, there are some good members. Yes, there are fake names I'll remember, all my life, though some have changed. A few are most definitely around, and easy to find. And a few, who the fuck cares. One or two lead to the idle thought of "whatever became of..." and you almost would like to know.

Have you seen Elaine?

A better question is have you seen The Curries? They wrote and sang 'Elaine,' and their album was no doubt given away on the forum at some point or other. Cherie does seem to turn up at memorabilia shows now and then, signing album covers and photos for $20, and posing for some grinning fatso or beret-wearing geek, as long as they fork over another $20.

Oh yes, the most famous woman ever to be called "Elaine" is most definitely around: Julia Louis Dreyfus. She's had several shows since "Seinfeld," which goes to show that if someone or something really IS good, it endures.

HAVE YOU SEEN ELAINE "

HURRICANE MATTHEW gets Revenge

The cringing memes all over the Internet said: "Pray for Everyone in the Path of Hurricane Matthew."

It seems that any time there's a natural disaster, people turn into religious fanatics, as primitive as the assholes of ISIS.

Pray? To GOD? But don't you believe GOD created the world in 6 days, and caused rain for 40 days and 40 nights, and makes the hurricanes as well as the little green apples? Why not shut the fuck up and trust that GOD knows what he's doing? MAYBE he thinks there are too many people in Haiti and in the Deep South.

If people believe in praying to GOD, maybe the believe in other forms of mystical mumbling, from karma to chants, threats and curses.

Below? "I'll Be There!"

It suggests that revenge is sweet AND inevitable. Like, if you cheat somebody out of their royalties, it MIGHT bite you on the ass, even if it takes 40 years.

Do curses work? Do prayers work? Does this download work? Well, that's at least one out of three, for sure.

I’LL BE THERE Hurricane Matthew "