PAUL FREES Charlie Chan's The Beatles: RET IT BE

The amusing good news in the music world is that The Beatles are back on the charts. The re-issued re-mixed "WHITE ALBUM" (with digitized outtakes) has reached the Top Ten. It's not that much of a surprise, considering it's getting close to Christmas and a lot of people buy anything (even Ringo and Yoko albums) for their collections. 

It's easy to boast about an mp3/FLAC/wav collection of shit you downloaded off forums and shoutboxes and torrents and will never even listen to. But to PAY for music? To display it on a shelf and respect it? That's rare. At this moment, while assholes are downloading entire discographies of Slade and Whitesnake and begging some stranger to help them complete their Windham Hill and James Last collections, real music fans bought and are savoring the nuances of great music. They are actually listening, carefully, to outtakes on even a lesser Lennon item like "Cry Baby Cry." They're marveling at the sound of "Inner Light" or "Lady Madonna" before the vocals were laid down. 

Over at this, the Blog of Less Renown, there's ZERO interest in fucking over musicians, record labels or music sellers by giving away entire discographies. There's ZERO interest in the juvenile, piggie game of "sharing" as long as there's a PAYPAL donation payoff. Quality over quantity. You can chow down on an entire box of Dunkin Donuts till you have diverticulitis up your fat ass, or you can have one beautiful, healthful, fragrant kumquat. And here's that kumquat....

"LET IT BE" from Paul Frees. Paul made a fortune from his incredible talents in voiceovers. He narrated serious movies. He voiced gruff Boris Badenov and Ludwig Von Drake, and ridiculously high-voiced Poppin Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy. He began his career as an impressionist and once starred, all by himself, in a radio show in which he did ALL the voices. He dubbed Tony Curtis's female voice for "Some Like it Hot" and added background voices (half an Italian restaurant). 

This tidbit was, for a long, long time, a well-kept secret. Although I was very good at picking out Paul's voices (yeah, including John and George on those "Beatles" TV cartoons), I had NO idea about the Doughboy until he told me, or "Josephine" in "Some Like it Hot." Now, it's a bit easy to hear Paul when you watch the movie, but not very, because he was very good at this unusual higher pitch. It probably would've ruined the fun if Tony Curtis had admitted to being voice doubled at the time. But what if he'd been nominated for an Oscar and won? 

Toward the end of Tony's life, Paul Frees fans had spilled the beans on the Internet, and he grudgingly gave Paul ONE paragraph (page 194) of "The Making of Some Like It Hot," which came out almost posthumously: "(Director Billy Wilder) thought my Josephine voice had recorded too low; the other characters would have been suspicious of me. So he hired Paul Frees, who was a wonderfully verstaile actor with an amazing variety of voices, and he dubbed all the lines I'd spoken in falsetto. As if that wasn't enough Paul also dubbed a couple of lines for Tito Vuolo, the funeral director. Billy didn't like Tito's voice. It sounded too New York and not enough Chicago, I guess." (PS, it's entirely possible the Frees paragraph and Vuolo trivia was inserted by Tony's co-writer, who needed to pad out the slim book with every quote and fact he could find).

Paul told me he preferred to stay behind the scenes, but as a "hobby," he acted in films. A "pet project" of his was to do an album of stars singing popular songs. He walked into a studio, ad-libbed, goofed around, and it was done very quickly. 

Some tracks are inspired (W.C. Fields' "Mama Told Me Not to Come") and even qualify as a classic cover. I was surprised to learn that Jimmy Webb had no idea that Paul recorded "By the Time I Get to Phoenix" as Clark Gable. "No, they don't ask before doing cover versions," he told me, and artists and labels aren't obligated to send the finished result. I thought somebody at MGM might be proud enough to send Jimmy a copy of Paul's album, or that some "rights" organization might dutifully send a tape, documenting the usage. Silly me.

As for "Let It Be," it's easily the most endearingly stupid and un-PC cut on the album. Neither Warner Oland nor Sidney Toler adopted a ridiculous Chinese accent like this, but after you've heard the song thousands of times, "Let it Be" sort of deserves it. (Paul's other tediously beloved song, "Hey Jude" was nicely destroyed by Paul as Peter Lorre!) 

As The Beatles proved yet again, and as even Paul Frees can prove, it can be quality, not quantity. It would be nice if a listener isn't an idiot, doesn't have ADD, and understands that creative people should be able to earn money from music and not just companies manufacturing external hard drives. A sample song that inspires somebody to buy...that's still what Capitalism and morality is about. Too bad jerks in armpit countries in Europe, and morons for whom English is a second language, don't understand this, but then again, some of their best beggars ("please, can you give me, in FLAC...what I could get on eBay for almost nothing") are in the UK and USA.

Sit back and spend time listening to music, really listening, not just downloading shit from blog idiots and forum denizens who are sad, lonely, egocentric assholes who need strangers to "like" them. Downloads really can't buy 'em love. 

RET IT BE! "Let it Be" listen online, download - no dodgy download site run by a criminal, no password

TIM CURRY - not at Joni's 75th Birthday - ALL I WANT...is youth and health

The good news was that the recent 75th Birthday tribute to Joni Mitchell actually included Joni Mitchell. The bad news...she was not quoted, and needed some help just standing on the stage to acknowledge the applause.

The usual suspects turn up to sing at events like this. James Taylor was there, with his familiar crooked and demented smile. But my favorite interpreter of Joni Mitchell was not on stage. Tim Curry's situation is slightly more difficult than Joni's. He can do interviews, sign photos for memorabilia appearances, and turn up at some events, but...he wasn't doing one of his tasty cover versions for the Joni show.

Yes, it's been a while since the 70's when Joni made arguably her best album ("Hissing of Summer Lawns" -- you'd expect a vote for "Blue" on this peculiar blog?) It's been almost as long since Tim Curry launched a solo career in the wake of his "Rocky Horror" fame, got a 3 album deal from A&M, and performed at The Old Waldorf.

Your download below, of "All I Really Want," comes from The Old Waldorf show. With his bombastic trombone-raucous voice, and campy sense of humor, he stomps all over what was originally a cutesy number strummed by an earnest folkie. I suppose for some, the real surprise in Tim's version is that he didn't nod to his "Sweet Transvestite" and keep the gender references in Joni's song.

When I interviewed him, back when the album was new,  he admitted that he changed "Rip my stockings (in some jukebox dive)" to "bop till I drop" to present himself as a solo artist and not a fictional character. I've interviewed stars who either stay in character, or ARE characters. Amanda Lear would be a vivid example. But Tim betrayed not a hint of flamboyance, and didn't even sport a Mick Jagger or Warren Beatty apricot nylon scarf. He was dressed conservatively in black slacks and a white shirt, with a skinny tie hanging undone around an open collar.

As for his interest in covering Bonnie Miss Mitchell (Bon Joni), Tim admitted, "I found a certain sense of self in her songs." His phrasing on the chorus of this song: "All I really really want our love to do, is to bring out the best in ME. And in you, too." But the red-blooded Tim changed "I want to knit you a sweater" to "I want a hand up your sweater."

While Jagger may yet go out on tour, and we are still seeing Paul McCartney and Bob Dylan attract huge crowds, time is passing. Paul Simon, Joan Baez, Elton John and KISS are all indicating that fans better see 'em NOW, because another tour is unlikely. And others...such as Joni and Tim, have not recorded albums in many years, and fans are just happy when they choose not to be totally reclusive.

Joni and Tim both have impressive credits that, more impressive, are still fresh and rewarding every time you experience them. Here's Tim, bringing out the best in himself…and entertaining you, too.

Tim Curry doing Joni Mitchell Live: All I Really Want

ILL-USTRATED SONGS #48 - EXPERIENCE THE THRILL OF BLUE TITS

    As we head toward December, it’s entirely possible that on a cold day, a woman foolishly walking outside without a jacket might find herself with blue tits. She might even emit a squeal but it won't likely be melodious! 

    Spike Milligan recalled on a winter’s day, the sight of “a blue tit who pecked open the cap of a milk carton left at the doorstep. It was a cold day, and the milk was frozen, and the blue tit skated around and around on the milk!” (OK, it was one of those moments where the audience was a little confused by Spike's sense of whimsy.) 

    He didn’t mention if the tit sang a song. Back in the old days, BC, (Before Clarinets), primitive people considered the sounds of nature to be their music. They slept to the sound of crickets and woke to the alarm clock noise of the cicadas. They especially enjoyed how horny birds put on concerts for each other. People heard larks. They quoted ravens. They laughed with the kookaburras.

    Does the average dolt today know the different bird calls? Or care? "Bird Call" and "Sounds of Nature" CDs don't sell too well, and nobody even offers them free in forums. No, it’s more important to go to a blog shoutbox and bleat, “Anybody got a discography of Whitesnake??” Frankly, any noise a bird makes beats anything by Ted Nugent. I'd rather listen to a woodpecker than a peckerwood.

    Below, a brief example of the Blue Tit. It’s a reminder that the best things in life are free, not because you can steal them with a download, but because you’re in the real world and paying attention.

THE BLUE TIT (The RED TWAT is Ed Sheeran. None of his shit HERE) Download or listen online

FANNY WALKED THE EARTH - Now, mostly Pirates & Assholes! Here's new FANNY music

Did you know FANNY put out a comeback album? Over SIX months ago? I didn’t. That's what happens when there's no more radio disc jockeys and no more rock magazines, and idiot fat-cats like the RIAA claim "streaming" is the answer. People are drowning in the streams. Few can find the tasty salmon trying to make it upstream. The stream is polluted by rap, crap, and so many amateur assholes placing their shit on Spotify, that FANNY, among so many others, has gotten nowhere. No building of momentum. Nothing. Of course, even if they DID have thousands streaming their music, they'd somehow only get some pennies. 

Let's take a look at what a typical song on their new album has done via streaming on YouTube all these many months: 

Huh? Barely two dozen people listened, free? Maybe the way to encourage our favorite older musicians to make new albums...is to BUY THEM. To RESPECT THEM. How do we make the music great again? We do what made America great: BUY. It's that simple. America was built on capitalism, not giving everything away thanks to dung beetle morons in shoutboxes and vainglorious lonely fools needing a nice comment on a blog, and certainly not forums and torrents run by English-as-Second-Language pirates and thieves hiding in Eurotrash countries beyond the reach of copyright law. 

(Parenthetically, you should know that YouTube is run by the Big Brothers of GOOGLE. YouTube ain't giving the girls ONE PENNY for a streaming song that only gets 28 or 280 or 2800 plays. In fact, powerful YouTube recently DEMONETIZED thousand of uploaders. Why? Because they CAN. Uploaders who had 50,000 or even 100,000 subscribers were cut loose. YouTube has NO phone support, ignores emails, and doesn't have a moderator to answer questions in the YouTube forum.)

While it's true that some of our favorites make music that recalls a line in Randy Newman's "I'm Dead But I Don't Know It," many still can create and perform a good song. Certainly, the chosen track on Fanny's new album (we'd call it a "single" if there was such a thing anymore) is up to the standard of what they did decades ago. Very catchy. While they aren't a quartet (Nicky Barclay has retained her chosen obscurity), The Millington sisters are still gettin' it done, abetted by Brie Howard Darling, vocalist and drummer (replacing Alice DeBuhr). No keyboardist, as Nicky was irreplaceable. Brie was in the band before it morphed into Fanny and signed with Reprise, and returned when the group managed one last contract via Casablanca. 

Unlike Nicky Barclay, The Millingtons made several solo albums over the years. The last time they made a CD, I bought an autographed copy via their website. I know that most people can't really afford to "support" a lot of bands, but most should do what they can within their budget.

There was a limited number of signed copies on the "Fanny Walked the Earth" website, but I didn't buy one. I didn't know the website existed. That's a problem with relying on social media (which is so glutted with crackpots and spam). With so many people on Facebook shouting about their Kickstarter campaign, or begging people to drive hundreds of miles to an obscure gig, or visit the new, re-tooled website to check out the new album...it's just impossible to spend so much time paying attention to it all.

We all knew when the big "Blood on the Tracks" 6 CD set was about to "DROP" or The Beatles White Album 6 CD set or the "Imagine" 6 CD set...but who knew FANNY was back, was apparently re-named FANNY WALKED THE EARTH, and had a new album? And those that did know...what did they do except maybe go to a forum or shoutbox and mewl, "Anyone got the new FANNY album in FLAC?" Yeah, they wanted to take a load of FANNY, take a load for FREE. Not many have been "LURED AWAY" from their compulsive need to have dozens of 4TB drives full of shit they'll never hear, to even take a listen to ONE track of the new CD. Below, one track....

LURED AWAY...listen online or download...and the band gets as much of a royalty as they would from the YouTube post. None.

SWEET DREAMS are made of A CAPPELLA?

Once in a while, you can still listen to "Sweet Dreams," with its sci-fi synths and spooky Annie Lennox vocals, and imagine some pretty kinky fantasies. 

Then there's a capella. What exactly was the college glee club SLAC trying to do here? Give a listen. It's free. 

"Din din din din din din din!" No, it’s not some brats asking for supper. And it's not exactly an homage to grandpa's Doo-Wop collection to hear: "Digga digga down! Da da daaaa!"

Darwin was wrong. After the genius of Stradivarius making a violin, and craftsmen inventing the kalimba and then the piano and organ, and Sax making a saxophone...SOME twisted and backward people (not ISIS) think musical instruments are a BAD THING.

Usually, a cappella is a bad thing. Like Sinead O'Connor singing some dreary four minute dirge by herself. (OH, wait a minute, did she join the twisted and backward people of ISIS?) 

Rarely is a cappella actually pleasant or stimulating. How long can anyone listen to a barbershop quartet? The Persuasions were an exception...but not really for more than a song or two. The Mills Brothers' "Tiger Rag" was a novelty, and so were some of those dopey Doo Wop street corner things...most of which did include at least a guitar and bass. 

Fortunately, just as people like Vegemite, once the acquired taste leads to addiction, SOME people, slightly embarrassed, sneak a King's Singers album through the checkout, or, in dark glasses, buy a ticket to a show. 

Just why so many colleges have an a cappella group may be a tradition that goes back to "The Whiffenpoof Song." The women in these groups are whiffens, and the men are poofs. Below, cut yourself some SLAC....one cut from one of MANY CD-R releases from SLAC. 

SWEET DREAMS done in A CAPPELLA - instant download or listen online. No passwords, Paypal tip whines or shitty DL servers in Putinville

ILL-USTRATED SONGS #47 - HONKY TONK WOMAN - Ted Heath

    For a while, “Easy Listening” was a popular music category. The idea was to dumb down music, and make it “soft” for fat-heads. The most glaring examples were in the 60’s, when The Hollyridge Strings, The Living Voices and others sought to cut John Lennon’s throat and tamp down Ringo’s drums to sweeten Beatles music. Guys like Ted Heath polished up the Rolling Stones. "Easy Listening" is like picking your nose and eating it…but dipping it in honey first. 

    Oddly enough, the REVERSE is going on today. The idea in music is to be as abrasive and annoying as possible. Melody? FUCK melody. Let’s have nothing but BEATS and RAP. A few weeks ago Graham Norton breathlessly introduced UK audiences to an androgyne "boy band" from South Korea who ridiculously strutted around like black rappers, holding their mikes askew, and bellowing over beats. They probably learned from Taylor Swift, who likewise has incorporated rap and monotonous lyrics. "Look what you made me do," 21st Century monsters. Taylor even hardened her make-up to be more like, oh, Cardi or Nicki or some other zombie streetwalker.  And yes, Holliday WAS on the cover of Cosmo, and the caption on the lower right IS real.

    We are literally SEEING a new sub-standard in beauty. At one time, the phrase for an attractive woman was “easy on the eyes.” Now? Take a look at the freakish Kim Kardashian, with her distorted lips and callipygian butt. She’s led the way in making UGLY the new BEAUTIFUL. At one time, sex symbols were cute and friendly (remember Barbara Eden?) or showed intelligence (ah, Diana Rigg). Now?

    Now, sexy women ain't "easy on the eyes." Watch Miley Cyrus stick out her tongue while in pedo-mode of short hair and flat chest. How about how ridiculous Lady Gaga wore sick fashions to become a success? Is it an improvemenet that along with anorexic toothpicks, we've been subjected to whorey Hindenbergs? A creature named Tess Holliday is just the latest in the “don’t fat shame me” parade of nauseating flabbitches…the list including Adele, Amy Schumer and Rebel Wilson. Maybe it's a plot to turn men homosexual. Where's a fuckable-looking female star now? 

    While Mick Jagger sang about a “Honky Tonk Woman,” who the fuck did he wanna fuck? Marianne Faithful, that’s who. A traditional beauty. He looked to Bianca, and Anita Pallenberg, and typical model Jerry Hall. Rolling Stones music may have been raunchy, but you didn't find freaks of nature when it came to some girls Mick was banging to a rock beat. Meanwhile the businessman with the wife and kids back home, was putting on “Easy Listening” music in the hotel room while licking the twat a prostitute too ugly for even Hugh Grant to pay for. 

    Ugly is the new beautiful, just as "Easy Listening" from a Ted Heath or James Last attempts to beautify hard, nasty rock. 

Ted Heath - HONKY TONK WOMAN - no ego passwords, no bratty demands for Paypal tips, no creepy cloud service trying to trick you into downloading spyware