NATIONAL PERIOD DAY - "RED RIVER SALLY" by DICKIE GOODMAN

Above..."RED RIVER SALLY." I'm providing the YouTube link because it's possible (though not probable) that the weeds who run Orchard Entertainment might (but might not) toss a few pennies in royalties to Dickie Goodman's son. 

He, in turn, should donate his money to NATIONAL PERIOD DAY charity. Shouldn't he? Jesus Fuckin' Christ, there are plenty of things trending on TWITTER, but what could be more important than THIS? There are plenty of charities around (feed the starving, save the planet, ASPCA, NAACP, PETA, Cancer Care) but surely NOT as worthy as THIS. 

Bloody hell: 

NOW what? 

NOW what do the Muslim Women of the World and the Social Justice Whorriers want to bother us with? What did White Heterosexual Men do NOW? 

We have allowed some Muslim women in Half-Assistan to dribble inside their burkas? Really? How can you even tell? A few red spots on the ground? We're talking about some Nigerian girls who are a bit spotty in their huts? The ones who haven't been abducted, raped and KILLED by Boko Haram? (Let's have our priorities here...Boko Haram isn't the enemy, MENSTRUATION is). 

Let's not be red-faced about this. It's obviously a SERIOUS issue if it makes a gay man of color dribble some fake blood out of his nose. If HE identifies with this incredibly important issue shouldn't we ALL? (No, no, don't give to medical research on Toxic Shock Syndrome, which involves the consequence of using a tampon...) 

Jeez. You thought "Red Nose Day" was a bit ridiculous? The idea with THAT, is to raise money "to end child poverty." You donate your money or...no, no, better than THAT, you wear a fucking RED NOSE on your stupid fucking face, to remind OTHER PEOPLE to DONATE MONEY. 

PS, if you haven't had a hit song in 40 years, try writing one about RED NOSE DAY. Still nobody paying attention? Try NATIONAL PERIOD DAY (and talk about a whiter shade of Kotex). 

I'll get to Dickie Goodman in a few paragraphs. Let's continue with what's REALLY important.  

No, I'm not talking about "INCONTINENT URUGUAYAN DAY" or "DRIPPY DINKA DAY." Some poor old peasant in South America or in Africa who has some kind of problem with the urinary tract or anus can just suffer. Life is TOUGH. I'm talking about...

NATIONAL PERIOD DAY, period! 

In olden times, you know what poor women did? They'd find an old sock with a hole in it, and put that up against the leaky hole. Then at the end of the day, they'd replace the sock, while putting the other in a basin to wash out and re-use. You don't expect poor women to do THAT anymore. 

You also have to understand what DIGNITY is about. MILLIONS of women who menstruate are starving, too. But if you ask them which they'd like better, a Tampon or a Breadstick, damned if they wouldn't say TAMPON. 

Remember when the Black athletes at the '68 Olympics raised their fists in the air over Civil Rights? Well, they were a selfish lot, weren't they? They should've raised their fists and had Tampon Strings dangling down, in support of poor females who don't have enough money for sanitary napkins (that's sanitary TOWELS if you're a British reader).  

That Colin Kaepernick guy? He should change his name to Colin Cop-a-napkin. Or Tampon Kaepernick. SOMETHING. Take a knee? How insensitive to the poor women of the world who can't take a squat without leaving behind a stain. Stephen Crane I think called it "The Red Batch of Porridge." Didn't he? He was thinking outside the box. Or about the box.

Some say we should alert people about gun control. How ridiculous. Make that: CUNT CONTROL. 

Some jerk with an AK-15 can shoot down 50 people in a disco or a mosque or a synagogue, and send blood spattering all over the place. We should be much more concerned with making sure some Tongan who can't even afford underpants has got a tampon and she's tidy. National Period Day trended on Twatter...er, TWITTER...so remember, that's a RED FLAG!

People who are worried about climate change, over-population, the spread of disease, rampant violence, religious fanatics killing people, wars breaking out all over the globe...need to bloody well think about TWAT instead. Some people protest that Texas leads the USA in executions? Forget Texas and think about Kotexes. You idiots who are concerned about free lunch for school children who are mal-nourished are really a bunch of selfish, heartless, brainless misogynists. SHAME!

Feel GUILTY. Realize that your day will be coming, when more women will be politicians, judges, lawyers and heads of charity organizations, and they will put vaginal politics FIRST, as it should be. It's the #meGOO movement in all its gory. Er, glory. 

Only a few men will get sexual with a woman who is going with the flow. Only Alice Cooper sang "Only Women Bleed." Men should funnel the money they were going to send to Farm Aid or The Humane Society or World Wildlife Foundation to Blot the Twats instead. Anyone who doesn't deserves a punch in the nose! 

It's understandable that the righteous Muslim woman in that "Period Movement" ad is feeling like a martyr. Help her before her next period, because she might get cranky and start making EVERYONE bleed. Remember that while the ice continues to melt at the North Pole, there's some needy girls dripping in Syria, Turkey, Nigeria, and thousands more in Brooklyn.  

And remember, white heterosexual males, this is YOUR fault. Don't blame God for inventing menstruation. Don't blame Allah either. Jesus would've created loaves to sop up the fishy cycle of clamato misery IF he hadn't been bloodied on the cross. And Moses was thinking, "You know, there's another Red Sea I should be dealing with..." 

Oh. Dickie Goodman. Well, after pretty much inventing the "break in" novelty record, he tried to diversify. When Allan Sherman scored a hit with "My Son the Folksinger" and the follow-ups 'My Son the Celebrity" and "My Son the Nut," Dickie self-pressed his own album of homely re-done folk songs and called it "My Son the Joke." To his credit, he chose to do mostly risque parodies, the kind of thing Allan Sherman could not have released on Warner Bros. "Harry's Jockstrap" (a variation on "Sarah Jackman") got quite a bit of radio play on Dr. Demento's show, but that was years and years after the original album was released, and probably after Dickie Goodman killed himself.

Stanley Ralph Ross,  calling himself merely "Stan Ross," also tried to cash in on Allan Sherman by releasing the refreshingly honest album: "My Son the Copycat." But this isn't National Stanley Ralph Ross Day, it's NATIONAL PERIOD DAY, and it's Dickie Goodman who gave us...RED RIVER SALLY. Listen to it five days a month. And remember, the money you were going to give to the Red Cross should go to a red crack.

Halloween Approaches and the legend of Zacherly lives on - HURRY BURY BABY

       Now HERE's a President that would NOT have been impeached! Ha ha! ZACHERLY, my dears..."

       John Zacherle was the pioneering "monster movie host," injecting laughs during commercial breaks of bad old horror films. Vampira would soon follow on the West Coast, and there would be a variety of assholes and Svenghoulies in dumbass make-up doing very poor imitations. Zach was so popular he got the cover of "Famous Monsters of Filmland," and even made novelty albums.

      He was “The Cool Ghoul.” Dick Clark, a broadcasting colleague of John Zacherle’s in Philadelphia, gave him that nickname. An irony is that at one time, Zach had his own TV show, ala "American Bandstand," featuring rock performers and an audience of New Jersey kids dancing to hit records. He was even a disc jockey for WPLJ.  

      Around Halloween, there's always interest in Zach's novelty tunes, and he still has a memorial page on the CHILLER THEATRE website, including a photo of him out of makeup: 

       I should go find my interview with Zacherle, but it’s on one of hundreds of cassettes of interviews yet to be digitized. I do remember him saying that his early recordings were made easy because of his association with Cameo-Parkway records. His label practically handed him the masters of their best hits, with the vocals wiped. He was allowed to simply ad-lib horror jokes (and his own laughter).

         In 1958, he had his Top 10 hit, well before “Monster Mash,” with “Dinner with Drac.” The B-side below is “Hury Bury Baby,” a ghoulish variant on the Hully Gully. He was an unlikely star among teens, at age 40. 

          The horror-novelty king was born in Pennsylvania in 1918, and graduated from the University of Pennsylvania. After World War 2 service, he joined a theater group, performed in local TV commercials, and in 1953 was hired by local WCAU to appear in a budget western-serial called “Action in the Afternoon.” A character he played, local undertaker Grimy James, was soon spun off into hosting duties when WCAU bought 52 old horror movies. They needed someone to even-out the timing of these ragged 78 minute or 65 minute B-movies, and Zach proved to be an inspired choice.  

           He didn’t merely introduce the films, he CUT into them. Like Ernie Kovacs (another local TV personality who would become national), Zach let his imagination run wild because there was no budget to hire writers. He "broke the fourth wall" as they say, and loved to irreverently stop a movie to offer a wisecrack or make fun of the bad acting. Soon the “Monster Craze” was in full bloom, and Zacherley paperbacks appeared, along with new Zacherley albums. 

           Fans of Zach never forgot him, and he turned up in films including "Brain Damage” and “Frankenhooker,” and even got a chance to make some new CD's. He began the mascot of the Chiller Theatre convention, a memorabilia show where corpulent Huelpigs would grin through their baby-like teeth and pay $20 to have him pose with them. This year's convention runs from October 25-27, and as usual, is located inconveniently for anyone who isn't in the New Jersey area and owns a gas-guzzler-mobile. The guests include old reliables like Elvira, Nancy Allen, Barbi Benton, Sara Karloff, May Pang and Lisa Loring, and some new recruits including Shirley Jones, Brie Darling (who was in the pre-Fanny and post-Fanny version of the all-female rock group) and Hal Linden.  Entire casts of incredibly shitty and pointless movies and TV shows will be there as well, along with a ton of people you never heard of, and a ton of blobs, plebs, clods and nerds who will leave their sweat on you as they brush past. Some will be in costume and some will only look like they're wearing a costume. But I digress. Check out the Chiller Theatre dotcom if you dare.

           I liked Zacherley, and collected the singles and albums, and had the books, and was glad to fulfill a childhood wish and get a chance to meet him (without having to do it at the Chiller convention). Fewer and fewer "vintage" horror personalities are still around. Fewer from the 80's and beyond are as memorable or classic, although you can find two reasons to be excited about Elvira. I know, a corny joke, but that's part of the fun with her. I spent about an hour with her, and one of her anecdotes was about doing Carson's show. She was promoting her line of VHS tapes including her mocked-up version of "The Thing With Two Heads." She told Johnny she was so proud of that one: "The Head with Two Things!" 

         She gave a deep breath to accentuate her TWO THINGS.  During the commercial break, she innocently said to Carson, "Oh, I'm SO sorry" about that slip of the tongue. Johnny smiled and said, "Don't con a con man."  

         Now Zach is just remains, but, ha-ha, he remains legend. Hury Bury Baby, my dears…  

HURRY BURY BABY - instant download or listen on line. No password, you won't be taken to a stinky website with porn and malware, no Rapidgator-pay-me bullshit 

SULLIED SULLI GOES SILENT VIA SUICIDE - WOO, TOO

Sulli looks a little depressed? 

She tried new looks, and it didn't help.

Maybe you can understand why: she went to fabulous YOUTUBE, owned by GOOGLE, and saw stuff like THIS written about her, as enraged fans felt they had the right to bully her, demand her time, and insult her.  GOOGLE would tell you that anything goes, and free speech, copyrighted images, trademarks, intellectual property be damned.

 

As for Woo, you can see that she felt just a bit isolated and alienated in this world.

    As fucked up as USA or UK “celebrity” can be, it seems to be worse in Asian countries, especially South Korea. The number of K-Pop star suicides seems disproportionate. I first became of aware of this with the passing of the beautiful Eun-Ju Lee. An actress, she sang a cover of “Only When I Sleep” in what would turn out to be her last film, "Scarlett Letter." She was excellent in comedy, horror and drama, and adorable in Korean TV commercials for beauty products AND…it turned out she could sing, too. But she couldn’t cope with her own celebrity or with depression. Cutting her wrists AND hanging herself was how she dealt with it.  

    Here are the latest casualties.

      Hye-mi Woo, who performed as Miwoo (April 6, 1988-September 21, 2019), placed in the Top 4 of “The Voice of Korea” talent show. The talented amateur turned professional, but as you'll see via her video for "Rotten Flowers," she found there was a dark flip side to K-pop.  (Note: in South Korea, they put the family name first, so she would bec alled Woo Hye-mi).

      Americans know "Sully Sullenberger," the hero he landed his plane in the Hudson River with no casualties.  The woman who was name-changed to the catchy one-word "Sulli" would be another casualty of depression and K-pop fame. In her case, cyber-bullying may have been the X-factor that made her cross over to the other side. Internet trolls accused her of drug use, losing too much weight, and worst of all, not always wearing a bra! Seriously.  

      She was born Jin-Ri Choi (oe Choi Jin-Ri -- South Korea the family name comes first, like Kim Jung-Il) March 29, 1994. She died October 14, 2019. The tall (5’7”) beauty was drafted by SM Entertainment and groomed to be a child actress. She appeared in TV shows and films from 2006 until she got her break joining the pop band f(x) in 2009. She kept up her hectic pace by continuing her acting, and in 2012 won an SBS "New Star" award for a drama about a girl who disguises herself as a boy to attend her boyfriend's school. 

       She left the band in 2015 and that seemed to disappoint fans, who then piled it on when her movie "The Real" (2017) showed scenes where her eyes were dilated. They figured this wasn't part of the make-up, but a sign she was on drugs. Fans upped the ante when they noticed bra-less photos of her, and they shamed her for losing weight. They went after her even more when she launched her solo music career with “Goblin” in June of 2019. Three months later,  another scandal erupted when she had a “wardrobe malfunction" that bared a breast. 

        Ironically, Sulli tried to defuse the deadly situation by starring on the reality show "The Night of Hate Comments." It premiered in June of 2019. Each week topics involving celebrity were discussed. The show was serious than the "Mean Tweets" segments on Jimmy Kimmel’s show, where celebrities either laughed off or sassed back at nasty comments. On a September episode Sulli defended her bralessness as something natural, but admitted she was becoming “the nuclear bomb of hate comments,” a huge target for troll rage. 

         She tried to diffuse the deadly situation by suggesting that the haters get a life: “I feel like they're wasting it by putting their energy into critiquing others like this online.” She was putting on a brave and hopeful act, but the negativity was getting to her. On one of her last appearances on the show she admitted, “My life is actually empty, so I feel like I’m lying to everyone by pretending to be happy on the outside.”

         The title track from her album "Goblin" is now rather haunting, and it includes scenes from several of her rock videos, showing her transition from alluring pop star to a confused celebrity trying out different hairstyles, make-up and personalities. 

JUDY HENSKE via JOHNNY HALLYDAY - Ten Years Later

Judy Henske was amused by the ILLFOLKS art work that tattooed her image onto Johnny Hallyday's arm. 

She eventually posted it, and a link to this blog, on her Facebook page: 

Giving you a few weeks notice to celebrate the anniversary of the post, and bake a cake, here's the song again. 
 
The most successful cover version for a song co-authored by Judy Henske is probably "Yellow Beach Umbrella," from Bette Midler. BUT internationally it may be "Sauvez-Moi" by the French hit-maker and legend Johnny Hallyday. 

Judy's lyrics were re-written into French. The anthemic music (by husband Craig Doerge) remains the same. 

The song, "Salvation," was originally sung by Henske's group "Rosebud," with Judy sharing the vocals with Jerry Yester and Craig Doerge. Monsieur Johnny does a good job by himself though some might be prone to side with Spike Milligan who said that "French singers are the bane of my existence!" Sapristi! The French, from Piaf to Aznavour and back, do have a habit of tattooing a tune with an indelible style of over-emoting! Hallyday takes it to a rockin' new level of excitement. 

His version is called "Sauvez-Moi." 

"SALVATION" in French! Instant download, or listen on line. No malware, passwords, dodgy porn-loaded website, no "your Flash is out of date" crap. 

Claudia Hoyser "Casey Jones" - Watch your speed. ROBERT HUNTER TOURED TO PAY HIS BILLS

While a lot of city-boy music critics think that Grateful Dead music was about as pleasant as stepping in cow dung, they usually gave a pass to Robert Hunter's lyrics. 

Sure, the Dead could drift on and on for 20 minutes or 20 hours or whatever, behind the strumming and that wonderfully whiny voice from Jerry "it's so cool he has a missing finger" Garcia. 

But listen, this Robert Hunter guy is profound. No, I don't mean "Truckin'." Don't show me selfies of your ugly body in an R. Crumb t-shirt. No, I mean "Casey Jones." I mean, "Trouble ahead, trouble behind." That says it all, don't it? Don't you know that notion just crossed my mind...after HE wrote it? 

Well, we all know that Robert Hunter is now one of the truly dead. 

But here's something most don't know: he was struggling to PAY THE BILLS. What? You mean that thanks to piracy and Spotify, Robert wasn't getting big royalty checks? Gosh.

Darn, too bad about Robert having to PAY HIS MEDICAL BILLS. 

He should've been glad to know that some really, really, really, REALLY hip guy in Sweden or in Turkey or in Croatia, gave away the complete Grateful Dead discography and posted a Crumb "Truckin'" cartoon and wrote: "No infringement intended. I'm just having fun!" 

Robert Hunter wrote some songs with Dylan, which is quite something. Not too many people have a Bob co-write. Funny, though, Bob wrote "If Dogs Run Free" but neither he nor Robert Hunter wrote "Music Should be Free." 

Meanwhile over at YouTube, which is run by GOOGLE, and "GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND" and will give you all the blogs you could ever want to give away all the music you won't have the time to actually listen to or understand, plenty of people are covering Robert's words.

Not that they actually KNOW what he meant. You can bet Claudia Hoyser isn't thinking that "trouble ahead" might be some situation where she'll be in the hospital and might be in trouble even if somebody sets up a GoFundMe account. That notion ain't crossed her mind. "Casey Jones" is still a damn catchy song, and she sure is purrrty. Sing it, gal, and shake that thing. 

The late KAREL GOTT -- singing Roy Orbison "PRETTY WOMAN" in Czechoslovakian

Most English-speaking people never heard of Karel Gott. I, of course, did. That's because when I'd go to big cities and hit the record stores, I paid attention to the bargain racks where obscure albums, foreign language items and other non-sellers could be had. 

Got Gott? Czech him out. Sad he Czeched out. 

OK, the obvious puns are done. 

Mr. Gott (July 14, 1939 – October 1, 2019) was arguably (go ahead) the most popular and successful singer in Czechoslovakia, and since he could sing in other languages, he was welcome throughout most of Europe, particularly Germany, where he sold over 20 million records. In the 70's, when politics were twisted around, he put out "Soviet Union," an album that sold over 4 million copies in Russia.Through the 80's he racked up honors and awards, and was coaxed out of retirement in the 90's to continue entertaining around the world. There were enough fans in America for him to play Carnegie Hall for a night (September 29, 2000). A diagnosis of cancer set him back in 2015.

Gott began his career around 1962, and an early hit for him was a cover of "Moon River." He often recorded cover versions, and that's why our paths crossed. At least, via record shops. One of my pet hobbies was, and is, collecting cover versions in foreign languages. Most people don't really follow lyrics anyway (what does "Wooly Bully" mean, or "Me and Julio" or a good chunk of Dylan or Mylene Farmer?) What sells is the melody and how much emotion the singer can convey. 

It's a special twist when the familiar words are missing, like here with "Pretty Woman," and you encounter something incomprehensible instead. It can also be slightly amusing when, to reference Steve Martin and Dan Ayrkroyd as those "wild and crazy guys," somebody from Europe tries to compete with the "cool" of an American or British hit version. Gott was so comfortable with this, that he even dared to cover Tom Jones, mostly in English, as you see via this TV medley: 

Yes, he pays tribute to "Delilah," "Help Yourself," and even the country classic "Green Green Grass of Home" written by the late great Curly Putman. 

When I'd come across an oddball album from a Karel Gott, Sylvia Vartan or Wencke Myhre, I'd check the record label to see if a familiar composer's name was somewhere under a foreign language song title. Ahh...covering Leiber and Stoller? Orbison? The Beatles? Gotta hear it. Music IS the universal language, huh? If only Gott had covered the Orbison song, "You Got It" or The Beatles "Got To Get You Into My Life" or the "Bye Bye Birdie" show tune "Got a Lot of Living to Do." But if you got the time, you can find some almost-as-amusing gems in his catalog. Be warned, the man made several albums a year so the total is nearly 100. Hope you Gott the time....

OCTOBER 9th - JOHN LENNON'S 79th - an Eleanor McEvoy song

Yoko, Ringo and Sean (who was also born on October 9th) participated in a ceremony in Finland honoring what would have been John Lennon's 79th birthday.

So much could be written about this. But you have his albums. You have your own thoughts. Put on a few songs and think of him.


October 9th is the title of a song by Eleanor McEvoy:"Last Seen October 9th." The song isn't usually in her set list. It's pretty grim. In fact, she usually performs it only on October 9th. 

Over a decade ago, I was in the audience, on October 9th, at her show.  By way of preface, expecting her song title for an answer, she asked the audience, "Anyone know what day this is?" 

From my ringside seat, I answered, "Yes...John Lennon's birthday." 

"Is it? Really. I didn't know that..." 

My better half nudged me; she didn't think I should've called out anything, but Eleanor literally asked for it. And I thought just saying "October 9th" wasn't enough. Afterward, I had a nice little talk with Eleanor about the song and the "last seen" posters that were all over the bus shelters and walls in New York City after 9/11. And yes, even as late as 10/9, the tattered signs were still around as people still hoped that somehow a lost relative might be found in a hospital suffering from amnesia or something. 

The song is about a person gone missing, not someone assassinated, but the effect is the same. The song, in its quiet, sober, somber simplicity, says a lot about life's fragility and the emptiness that goes with loss.  

Eleanor will be playing the Clontarf Lawn Tennis Club, Clontarf, Dublin, October 19th. 

Her tour of Germany begins in November:

Tuesday 5 November, Kito Altes Packhaus, Bremen
Wednesday 6 November,  Leverkusen, Notenschlüssel 
Friday 8 November, Nürtingen, Kuckucksei
Saturday 9 November,  Studio Zr6, Wiesbaden
Sunday 10, November, Salon Schmitt, Kaiserslautern
Monday 11 November, Folkclub, München
Thursday 14 November, Kammerspiele, Ansbach
Friday 15 November,  Rathaushalle, Hassfurt  SOLD OUT
Saturday 16 November, Schalandeer Karlsruhe, Karlsruhe
Sunday 17 November, Noris Folkclub, Nürnberg

 OCTOBER 9th Listen on line, no pop-ups, porn ads or wait time.

BADURA-SKODA nearly made it to 92 - His Piano Quirks and Blazing Etude Work

"Missed it by...that much..." Paul Badura-Skoda would have turned 92 on October 6th. 

Many figured he would make it. After all, he was STILL gettin' it done at 91, doing concerts around the world. Below you'll find a complete performance from May of 2019. 

The Austrian piano genius (October 6 1927 – September 25, 2019) was one of the most prolific — and neglected classical recording artists. Anyone out there have a whole bunch of his records and CDs? I can't say that I have all that many, as I tended to look for the acknowledged masterful performances of Rubinstein, Horowitz and Richter. When I looked for alternate versions of a piece, or didn't have the bucks to spend, I filled out my collection with what was on the budget labels; a lot of Alfred Brendel, Earl Wild, and guy whose work was in mono and so kicked by Angel down to Seraphim or from RCA to Victrola.  

One of Badura-Skoda's labels was Westminster (some collectors of "deep groove" vinyl still pay a high price for that label's products). For his 90th birthday, a 20 CD box set of the master's 1951-1965 recordings was re-issued, some material re-mastered at Abbey Road. It's about $65. Likewise in price, is the Kleos 7 CD box set "Man and His Music." There are box sets of compete Mozart and Beethoven sonatas, and much more. He recorded well over 200 albums. Perhaps in some shoutbox or other, someone at this very moment is saying, "I am a poor man, I can not afford music, so does anyone want to look in their closets for a complete discography on Badura-Skoda via Zippyshare? Pretty please?" 

One of the prize quirks for collectors is "Schubert: The Complete Piano Sonatas on Period Instruments." 9 CD set. Why is this quirky? 

Because one of the more unusual things about Badura-Skoda is that he was not only concerned with the quality of stereo sound, but the difference between old vintage pianos and modern ones. He would often record the same piece of music on a piano that could've been played by Schubert himself, and on his favored Bosendorfer. 

Consider that a concert violinist lucky enough to own a Stradivarius -- would not switch in mid-concert to the best recently made violin, and play the same piece over again for connoisseurs to find the difference. Yet this pianist expected that there were people out there ready to hear the same interpretation of a sonata, but enjoy the differences in sound quality on pianos made centuries apart. 

Here's his last concert, May of 2019 

Badura-Skoda began his career in the late 40’s, and worked with some of the legendary German conductors, including Furtwangler and Von Karajan. As he prospered, his private collection of musical instruments grew. Not only did he seek out a vintage piano, but quite a few other keyboard instruments, even accordions. 

He was praised mostly for his interpretations of the standards: the concertos and sonatas of Mozart and Beethoven, as well as the works of Schubert and Chopin. Below, for those who really don't like classical music too much, is a very familiar Chopin work under three minutes: Etude #12 in C Minor. 

Heyyyyy Abbott & Costello fans, yes, this is the piano piece that Lou Costello pretended to play on one of their TV episodes. The comedy was in when Lou, seated with his hands on the keyes, would pretend to start and stop, as Bud incompetently manned the record player in the room next door. 

This is a VERY fast and powerful version of what is probably Chopin's most dramatic and showy piano piece. Few have the dexterity to pull this off, and most have to take it a bit slower. Or, they just figure Chopin meant it to be taken a bit slower.  Think Emerson or Wakeman could handle this? Think again.

Chopin Etude #12 in C Minor - listen online, download, no password or dodgy spyware-loaded website. No paypal demand or Rapidgator hypocrisy

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE .... with LYRICS - THE KANE TRIPLETS

One of the most sensational TV themes of all time, "Mission Impossible" by Boris "Lalo" Schifrin  spent over 3 months on the Billboard Top 100 chart, and won him two Grammy awards. 

Un-naturally, somebody figured, "Hey, why don't we try and put lyrics to this thing, and see what happens?" 

What happened is that you probably didn't know such a travesty existed until now. There have been many unlikely words thrown at famous instrumentals, including the themes for the TV shows "Peter Gunn," "Hawaii Five-O," "Bewitched" and "Bonanza." It's possible even Mack David would've taken a look at the Schifrin music and tossed his pen aside saying, "this mission IS impossible." So is trying to make sense of what the Triplets are actually singing, but go ahead and give it a try. 

The Kane Triplets began their career via modeling for magazine ads. Lucille, Jeanne and Maureen turned up on the early TV talent show hosted by Arthur Godfrey, performed the awful "Inch Worm" novelty song on Perry Como's show in 1961, and were sort of comically paired (or tripled) with The McGuire Sisters for some novelty TV appearances. The McGuires were sisters, so were The Andrews Sisters, but hey, the Kanes were TRIPLETS and looked quite a bit alike. So what's not to like? They turned up on "The Ed Sullivan Show."  Give them girls a record deal!

Kapp raised the Kanes with a 1964 single: "A Word to the Wise" b/w "Spanish Boy." They would get their big chance when Fred Milano and Angelo D'Aleo (who were in the doo-wop group Dion and the Belmonts) put lyrics to "Mission Impossible." 

The Kane Triplets blossomed (as you see in the photo above) but wilted due to the lack of a big hit single. Their Facebook fan page is notably barren except for one comment: "We live in New Jersey We no longer sing anymore We lost our sister Jeanne tragically in 2007." 

How...tragically? Jeanne's ex-husband John Galtieri was an ex-cop. A wife-beater. He still owned a gun, and though it had been four years since the divorce, and he re-married, he was not through with Jeanne. On January 30, 2007, the cold-blooded killer drove up from Florida and stalked his prey. Jeanne, 58 years old, was waiting in a Pleasant Plains parking lot for her daughter to arrive via a bus. Galtieri shot Jeanne in the head. 

Two years later,  February 19, 2009, Staten Island judge Stephen Rooney, said: "What's particularly chilling here is the calculated and premeditated nature of this murder." The judge allowed Jeanne and John's daughter Patricia to read a statement:

Today, I would finally like my mother's voice to be heard. Throughout the trial, many people have shared their feelings, but my mom, Jeanne, has not yet had the chance.

I also hope to be able to share with you who my mother really was and not just the tragic event that took her from us. My mother, Jeanne, was funny, loving, vivacious, self-assured and loyal.She brightened up any room she entered. No matter how bad everything was, she could always make you smile. My mother was and always will be my hero and my idol. Her strength and courage were incredible. To me, what made her truly special was her ability to always put loved ones before herself. She truly was selfless. There was never a time in my life where she didn't put me first. My mother loved with her whole heart. Not many people can do that. She was that amazing. The day my mother was murdered, the world lost someone truly special. 

John Galtieri tried to take all that away from her and me. My mother endured years of verbal and physical abuse. I watched John Galtieri hit and kick her. My childhood is littered with these images. I used to find my mother with black eyes and a split lip. During one incident, he blamed my mother for his best friend dying of cancer. He threw a glass he was drinking out of at her. At the hospital, the doctor said she had to get so many stitches he stopped counting. Another incident occurred when our golden retriever jumped up at the table and spilled his coffee. He blamed my mother for this because she let the dog in from outside. He threw her to the ground and started punching and kicking her.

A third incident involved him hitting me. As soon as she heard him, she ran into my bedroom to stop him from hitting me. He threw her to the ground. She had just had surgery for her kidneys the same day. He viciously kicked and beat her. At one point, he was kicking her in the lower back around her kidney area. I was so scared that I just cowered in the corner. I regret that to this day. I could not protect her.

It was that night she decided to leave him. She said it was one thing to hit her, but she would never allow him to do the same to me. She had stayed all those years because she was worried he would kill her family or kill me. She finally got the courage to leave him and I was so proud of her. I had been waiting a long time for her to stand up for herself. I always told her that I was strong. I told her he couldn't hurt me but being the mother she was, she still wanted to protect me.

After 23 years, she finally got her life back. Even through all the drama and heartache, she was able to smile and laugh. I would do it all over again just to let her have those nine years of complete happiness. She was together again with our family. We did not have to live in fear of what would happen when John got home. Our happy moments were just that. Happy. When my mother was murdered, I thought I had to be the unluckiest person in the world, but then I realized that I had 25 years with the most wonderful mother a girl could ever dream of. That makes me the luckiest girl in the world.

John Galtieri:

I should have said this a long time ago. You are a coward. Only a coward would hit someone who can't hit them back. Only a coward doesn't take responsibility for their actions. Only a coward hides behind a gun. You might think you have won. You might think you have beat my mother. One thing you underestimated is me. I will finish everything my mother started, but the difference is I will not stop until I have taken everything from you like you tried to do to me. I won't rest until you have lost everything, starting with your freedom. Judge Rooney, I ask you to put this monster away for the rest of his life and as he sits in his cold, lonely cell for the remainder of his days, he will be tortured by this for eternity:

Jeanne beat him.

Jeanne beat him.

Jeanne beat him.

Galtieri was sentenced to life in prison, and died in the slammer. Which did leave one last question...

The answer: daughter Patricia, who was also collecting Galtieri's $2,770 a month police pension. The money was contested by Galtieri's second wife Marilyn. Galtieri, perhaps in response to his daughter's impact statement, had tried to sign his pension off to Marilyn after his conviction. He also tried to declare bankruptcy to keep his pension away from his daughter. He was clobbered on all of this, and he lost all his assets in a wrongful-death lawsuit. The second wife got nothing. His mission to avoid having to literally pay for his crime: impossible. 

The Kane Triplets - MISSION IMPOSSIBLE instant download, no password, dodgy porn-loaded website, no Rapidgator pay-me hypocrisy

GOFUNDME - THE 3 TOED IAN WHITCOMB

Now that the bizarre header has gotten your attention, let's add this, quickly: 

“Wish you get well, Ian Whitcomb.”

(signed) Well Wisher.

Once noted for wide-eyed grinning novelty songs, Ian Whitcomb matured into a funny and poignant singer of old songs. Unfortunately, after you mature, you get old, and when you do, things happen. Like a stroke, which is not something you like. In 2012, Ian’s stroke left him unable to continue his career. The bills began to mount, and now, following more health problems, there’s a GoFundMe page for him. 

As veterans of this blog might recall, an entry back in 2010 listed a few “songs you’ll love to hate.” As Spike Milligan would say, “there’s a lot of it about.” Some of the more obvious examples might be “Who Let the Dogs Out,” “(My Angel is the) Centerfold,” “Come On Eileen,” “Purple People Eater,” etc. etc.  Catchy stuff. You can play it for a party prank and half the room will leave and the other half will clap and sing along. Since this blog ISN’T prone to the obvious, the three-prong pitchfork was “In a Mellotone” by Carol Stevens, “Maybe” by Bobby Pedrick and… “The Awful Tale of Maggie May” by Ian Whitcomb. The entry mentioned that Ian’s “nudge-nudge wink-wink” delivery didn’t show much “respect” for the British Music Hall classic.

Ian himself offered defense: 

“I'm sorry you find me an irritant."Maggie May" was recorded in 1965 as a throwaway. I'm not proud of it but since then I've written a few books,provided songs for a few movies, and at my concerts tried to spread a little happiness.From the picture you use I guess you've been to my website so you know what I've been up to. I'd love to convert you but I guess it's no use…..”  

In my reply, I mentioned “Camp artistes can be brilliant...I told Tiny Tim that my favorite song of his was "Bring Back those Rockabye Baby Days," which I'm sure was hated by many a disc jockey and reviewer at the time. I keep an open mind, which is why something whistles through my ears when the wind blows….”  Another comment in defense of Ian started with: “I for one of many, LOVE Ian Whitcomb. He was a true British Invader…” 

There was something in the water, or in the rum and Ribena, at one point in the U.K.  Somehow the classic, brilliant, boisterous and charming world of British Music Hall (I’m thinking Harry Champion, Vesta Victoria, Billy Merson and Billy Bennett in particular) got mutated by a new generation. The first variant, in the 50’s and early 60’s saw the old spark twisted around via musicals. “Oom Pah Pah” in “Oliver” and “I’m Getting Married in the Morning” from “My Fair Lady” were obvious tips of the hat to the Music Hall days. 

There was also Tommy Steele’s “Half a Sixpence,” and the popular and annoying “Flash, Bang, Wallop” which is still the subject of jokes on “I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue.” The reprisals from Whitcomb and Herman’s Hermits, and the coy and frantic nonsense from Freddie and the Dreamers were much more obvious. So was “Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport” and other Rolf Harris tunes. Larry David might say “Curb Your Enthusiasm” but “You Turn Me On” from Ian Whitcomb was a hit in 1965. A real bit of cheerfulness, innit?

While Freddie faded away, and Herman (Peter Noone) became a remarkable Dorian Gray-type oldies act (he’s never gotten old and he sings the same perky songs same as the first time), Ian Whitcomb matured.  Do something in your 20’s and you might be called affected or coy or whatever, but if you do it in your 50’s and beyond, and the youthful leering is replaced by a knowing gaze, then maybe you’re a sincere showman. There’s a mark of respect in your preservation of old songs. Tiny Tim, though playing obscure venues, was acknowledged as not quite the freak show he appeared to be, but a true musical scholar who could sing in a more normal voice, play his uke, and give people nostalgia without being too condescending or apologetic.

    Likewise, Whitcomb was no longer the campy clown raising his eyebrows and grinning over “Where Did Robinson Crusoe Go with Friday on Saturday Night?” Here’s “Hungry Women,” which Ian actually performed on Johnny Carson’s “The Tonight Show.” Look, you don’t get to perform in front of Johnny if you’re a total twit. As you can see, Ian grew into an Eric Idle-type of guy who is slightly nuts; old enough to know better, but young at heart enough not to care. 

    A few decades later, and here’s an item that requires no caveat.  “Heartaches” is not a novelty song really, although it was turned into a doo-wop wack-a-doodle by “The Marcels.” Here, acknowledging its age but also its sincerity, is crooner Whitcomb, doing a damn good job of it. I’d liken this to Nick Lowe aging into a contemplative low-key balladeer without apology or any worry about relinquishing his title as Jesus of Cool. While George Harrison was a big fan of the ukelele, almost NOBODY ELSE is. George himself didn’t exactly play it in public did he? No, he’d say “let’s get the ukeleles out” in private. Whitcomb gave the uke some respect. In that regard, you might liken him to Joe Brown strumming the uke and singing “I’ll See You In My Dreams” to close the “Tribute to George Harrison” show in November of 2002.  

    I’ll put it this way. A high school friend of mine reconnected with me a few years ago, thanks to finding me through social media (yeah…a hazard of social media). We met, and had a nice time talking about the old days. It turned out he had a stage name and sometimes performed a “nostalgia act.” This involved crooning “old time” songs while playing a ukelele. Let’s just say that this was a terrible surprise. Dressed like an old-timer, complete with fedora, hoping to come off like the spawn of Bing Crosby and Rudy Vallee, he strummed “Blue Skies” with his uke cradled in his arms, and warm, friendly smile that was as intimate and creepy as a pedophile holding out candy.  I never saw him again. He was no Ian Whitcomb!  

 Ian is alive and…well, not so well.  Things got worse for him last month. September 26: “Ian's big toe plus the one next to it (right foot) were amputated on Tuesday. They were gangrenous from the lack of circulation caused by the blood clot. Yesterday his foot checked out healthy. That's good. Today, Ian sounds determined to do the work to get securely back on his feet…this could have been worse. I know many people have experienced and survived such challenges. We all play the hand we're dealt…”  From his GoFundMe page:

    “Ian Whitcomb received  Surgical Thrombectomy on Sept. 19.  A blood clot, in his right leg,  severely limited circulation…/There have been many complications since Ian had the stroke in 2012.  He hasn't worked…No income for 7 years. Now we must ask for your help.  Any amount. Ian's recovery and rehabilitation will be long and expensive.  Left to what medicare covers he will not improve….” Yes, blame Obama or Trump or both, Medicare is not the carefree panacea it was envisioned to be. Go to a hospital and have a nurse give you an aspirin, and you could be billed $250 for the visit and $250 for the pill. In America, unless you pay a huge amount of insurance for “total coverage,” the person on Medicare is most certainly going to have to pay 20% and with all the over-charging for a hospital bed, treatment, and a nurse or doctor looking in, this can easily send anyone into bankruptcy. I recall that Dave Van Ronk became ill, and a fundraiser was needed for him, and I’m sure one could create quite a list of famous and beloved names that have had similar problems due medical bills during the “golden years.” More on the GoFund Me campaign:  

GO FUND ME - IAN WHITCOMB

Ian’s wife writes that Ian “loves to receive cards and letters. He re-reads his cards several times. It warms his heart. Address to P.O. Box 451, Altadena, CA. 91003. I'll deliver them wherever he is.”