WILLIAM SHATNER does CEE-LO : "FUCK YOU!"

Following "Song of the Mole" and a collection of "Deja Vu," nothing could be more appropriate than "FUCK YOU." (You were expecting "NOBU"?)

The original was sung by Cee-Lo, but as he did with some of the numbers on "Has Been," most especially "Common People," William Shatner's made a strong case for ownership.

While we wait to see if he'll actually release this as a single, or put it on "Has Been 2," here's the censored recitation from the talk show hosted by George ("you mean Paul Rodriguez wasn't available?") Lopez. Hold on (it's about 90 seconds) and you'll hear the UN-censored version thanks to a decent audience recording done with Bill's permission.

Wish I could say I've spent an hour or two chatting with Shatner, but I've only spent that much time with one of the original "Star Trek" cast members. One who, come to think of it, loved trashing the guy. (No, not Walter or George…I don't hang with mere ship hands!)

Shatner's a piece of work, love him or not, and if you'd care to be honest, his musical forays have been memorable. He was hip for his time when he went on talk shows narrating Harry Chapin's "Taxi" and Elton's "Rocket Man," although much of it holds up only as well as some equally questionable episodes of "Twilight Zone" or "Star Trek." His album "Has Been" needs no apologists; it's that good.

So "FUCK YOU" or "download FUCK YOU." It's probably either the former or the latter, and you know who you are!

[box net link removed] FUCK YOU censored and uncensored by William Shatner star of "Shat My Dad Says"

UPDATE Dec 19th: Sorry, I got a FUCK YOU on this one. As I mentioned in the first update, the music link was removed on December 10th. Then came a complaint to Blogger itself on the 13th It was probably a "bot" sniffing around for illegal copies of the actual Cee-Lo song. Shit happens. A while back a 30 year-old out-of-print parody of a Rolling Stones song I posted was mistakenly stopped by an IFPI bot that thought it was a real Rolling Stones song. I didn't put it back up as the bot would just make the same mistake. Check YouTube and you'll find somebody with an upload of Shat rappin' on the Lopez show.

CRAIG FERGUSON sings as BING HITLER

One of the most engrossing books I've not read, is Craig Ferguson's "American On Purpose." I listened to the audio book, instead. It was fascinating to hear of his 20 year struggle toward fame. There were funny anecdotes, and at times the book was very moving as he discussed his loves and losses. The underlying theme of it could make most any American feel patriotic. Here's a guy who wanted to come to America because…it's AMERICA. Well, read or listen to the book for yourself.

Craig's first attempt at making waves across the pond was an early 80's gig at the "Just for Laughs" festival in Montreal. He was told that if he expected to make it down South (ie, New York) he'd have to tone down his outrageous Scottish accent, and think up a less punky and confrontational name for himself. "Bing Hitler" after all, was guaranteed to outrage Americans. We do not like to see our sacred idols abused; there's only one "Bing." Oh, and the Hitler part of it…some actually still remember his slight abuses of human rights. Although any modern day Hitler will find himself instantly admired if, whatever he says, he includes free music downloads on his website.

Over nearly two decades, Ferguson struggled with sobriety and his accent (might've been a related problem) and had successes and failures in indie movies, some of which he wrote and directed. His big break after a failed sitcom with Marie Osmond was steady work on Drew Carey's show. From there, he was shrewdly, if strangely anointed to replace obnoxious Craig Kilborn on late night television…becoming its quirkiest love-or-hate host since his boss David Letterman.

For a while Craig topped the inept Jimmy Fallon in the ratings via a wild combination of charisma and chutzpah, which has included an unusually conversational monologue style, and deliberately annoying his audience by overdoing things that once worked (pretending to be gay, using puppets, repeating catch-phrases, deliberately cursing so it can be censored, etc.) As he no doubt learned from his relations with women, a combination of arrogant raging ego, unpredictable bad-boy wit, and warm cuddly smiles and unexpected moments of love and candor, can keep people fascinated and tuning in.

Oh yes…the opening theme song on Craig's show is actually sung by Craig. He began his career as a punk drummer before writing songs and singing in the guise of bellowing punk "Bing Hitler." As much of a cult figure as Craig now is (people even sell replicas of his snake-design coffee cup on eBay) his 1986 ("Bing Hitler at the Tron") and 1988 ("Bing Hitler is Dead") albums have not been re-issued. The latter, mostly songs, contains the selected track below, "Scotland Hooch Och Aye." It must be remembered that "Bing Hitler" arrived at a time when he was urgently needed, as Johnny Rotten couldn't tell jokes and Bobcat Goldthwait couldn't carry a tune. "Scotland Hooch Och Aye," sounds a bit like Spike Milligan as the poet McGonagall trying to remember how to sing "Whiskey in the Jar," having consumed most of it.

SCOTLAND HOOCH OCH AYE - Bing Hitler

HUGH DOWNS SINGS FOLK SONGS

When he was on television regularly, Hugh Downs was genial and a gentleman. I'm sure he still is. He believed that being invited into your home, even via a television set, was no excuse for being loud. It was easy to neglect or underestimate Hugh Downs for that very reason, as he quietly and tastefully built up hour after hour and year after year of being the host of a variety of talk and news shows. From 1958-1969 he hosted the quiz show "Concentration" (David Letterman is still fond of randomly quoting: "Not a match…the board goes back"). He was so erudite on that program that few would've guessed that in his spare time he avidly listened to country artist Red Foley: "I think Red Foley is one of the greatest singers of all time. And I include him with Caruso…I'm serious. His singing represents life and that's what music should do." It might've been his interest in Foley that ultimately led him to meld folk tunes to his mellow, urbane style of vocalizing on his obscure Epic album.

Well known to housewives via his daytime work, Downs became known to night owls as the announcer on Jack Paar's "Tonight Show." He smoothly took over on the infamous night Paar walked off in a snit, and so it wasn't much of a surprise when NBC decided to make him the host of their morning talk show, "The Today Show" (1962-1971). He would later anchor the evening news-magazine show "20/20" starting in 1978 and stayed with the show until he retired in 1999. Not just a "news reader," Downs was deeply involved in breaking stories and getting behind the news. Among his valuable news specials for ABC: "Growing Old in America," a three-hour documentary aired in 1985, "The Poisoning of America," an environmental special in 1988, and "Depression, Beyond the Darkness," in 1990.

A sidelight for Hugh Downs was hosting the classical music series "Live from Lincoln Center" from 1990 to 1996, but let's get back to the musical subject: "An Evening with Hugh Downs." At the time it turned up, Hugh sometimes would sing on "The Tonight Show." With the folk boom in progress, and "ordinary" fellows such as Burl Ives having such success, it wasn't much of a stretch for Epic Records to give the amiable Mr. Downs some studio time to record a pleasant, intimate album of songs, with spoken introductions.

The cover notes tried to liven up his mild image by pointing out his colorful hobbies: "skin diver, astronomer, antique gun and furniture authority, student of American history, delver into philosophy and psychology, ardent volunteer worker in Mental Health Campaigns, studious collector of symphony recordings, composer, pianist, guitarist, artist, amateur physicist, hi-fi set builder, telescope maker, avid reader, husband and father." The notes also mention Mr. Burl Ives, who was impressed by a Hugh Downs appearance on TV. Downs recalls that Burl "told me I deserved to wear a beard. I told him I wouldn't grow one. I had a mustache for five years but I finally did it in. It was sapping my strength."

As you'd expect, there's no "up" to Downs on his album. He maintains a generally calm and conversational tone throughout his set of a dozen songs. Your sample, the last two tracks on side one: "Drink To Me Only With Thine Eyes" and "The Ride Back from Boot Hill." Mr. Hugh Downs is a great man, and deserves a lot of respect, but to make sure this post isn't too respectful, the album photo's been altered for a favorite Illfolks Photoshop stunt…turning a chord change into an excuse for giving the finger…which he can give to those who only see him on infomercials and ignorantly wonder what he did to get such an easy gig. The answer is he not only worked hard for 50 years, he did it with warmth, grace and conscience.

Two Folks Songs from HUGH DOWNS Instant download or listen on line. No pop-unders, porn ads, or wait time from pimp-like file hosting "services" selling premium accounts.

ANOTHER FIRST for the ILLFOLKS BLOG. Here's how it looked last week, when you typed in HUGH DOWNS at CAPTAINCRAWL.COM:

THEODORE "THEO" BIKEL - PIGGIES for Mel GIbson

Seems like every day George Harrison's classic song "Piggies" is the true soundtrack of our lives. In the past day, you could play it as background for such headlines as: the BP oil spill continues, 2 suicide bombers kill 50 people in Pakistan, or obscenely rich ex-eBay CEO Meg "Pig" Whitman runs for Governor of California. More people in the news? How about LeBron James leaving Cleveland (where he even lives) to get an even bigger and piggier amount of money to play for Miami? How about zoologist Jack Hanna declaring in 50 years half the animal species will be extinct? What's causing it…except human piggies with their over-population and their sadistic and ignorant pastimes of hunting and seeking aphrodisiacs and status symbol fur coats to wear?

On this Animal Farm that we live in, "piggies" is too nice a word for most corporate villains and politicians, to say nothing of the radical Islamic loonies who would be deeply offended at any reference to pork while they grind people into sausage. But "piggies" suits the ridiculous "stars" who are constantly in the headlines. That includes Lindsay Lohan literally giving a "Fuck U" in court, George Michael once again in trouble with the law, and Mel Gibson "using the 'n' word" (as the tabloids shiveringly put it) and facing 4 years in jail for punching his girlfriend. Also in the news: Leslie Van Houten, now 60 and a model prisoner for 40 years, actually denied parole for the 19th time on the grounds that a lesson needs to still be sent to those who think actresses, socialites and rich businessmen can be slaughtered as "piggies" by a cult of hippies. Key phrase there: "by a cult of hippies." Otherwise, yes they can, and it happens every day.

George Harrison's dead…otherwise he could spend an entire 2 hour concert adding verses to "Piggies," including the phenomenon of "entitlement," that means immigrants automatically get welfare (ie "the dole") and illegal ones get even more, that overcrowded jails mean even murderers can skip out free in a year or two if they've even been convicted, and that the sense of "entitlement" has yielded vast armies of selfish and clueless fools who think that the only freedom worth fighting for is getting anything copyrighted for free…mostly because they are obsessed with idiot celebrities and must own (free) the latest musical tripe from Lady Gaga or get the latest rotten movie about vampires (bloodsucking and parasitism being something they identity with so readily).

Mel Gibson's news, which should be on a back page somewhere along with the news of Lindsay Lohan or George Michael, is front page because so many piggies care about the piggy lives of "celebrities." We're supposed to care about nauseating couples such as Katy Perry and Russell Brand, or worry over "Brangelina" breaking up, or care what's happened to Jon and Kate. It's ridiculous enough to care about talented millionaire singers or actors, but it hits rock-bottom when the subject of all the attention is some talentless swine from a scripted low-budget "reality" show. The Kardashians shouldn't be allowed in a Burger King much less on television. They are no talent. As for faint talent, how often do we see pictures of an aging, idiot-speak model (who only has the talent to stand in front of a camera after the make-up artist and wardrobe mistress did all the work) and her husband, whose hoarse crooning is not original at all, just Johnny Mathis after being kicked in the balls by Phil Collins. Yet we constantly need to know what's going on with baby-making Heidi Klum and her trained Seal.

Piggies constantly gobble up media coverage by their appallingly bad behavior…which is only matched by their appalling lack of talent. Charlie Sheen? Making a million an episode? On a sitcom? When he has no comic skills at all? He replaced boorish bastard Jim Belushi as America's long-running sitcom star on a show with no laughs, and Noisy Jim was also in the headlines for being a creep. Meanwhile anyone who comes out gay only needs an ounce of talent, since the homosexual cliques in Hollywood (from the top, with Barry Diller, Jann Wenner and David Geffen among them) will keep them constantly in front of the cameras, in disproportion to their abilities. Or do you think Neil Patrick Harris or David Hyde Pierce really have talent? Not to mention coy Ryan Seacrest, milking the "is he or isn't he" game. The press is loaded with gay gossip column writers and anyone tacky (Perez Hilton) can instantly join and become famous just by being a piggy. With almost nobody working at their craft long enough to display actual acting, singing or dancing skills, we now have idiot piggies for superstars, ones named "Vienna" or "Snooki" or "Omarosa," and this slop is good enough for all the piggies to be fed every night, in time-slots that once went to television programs of style, intellect and courage. But piggies watch anything, and most are home all day long to wallow in whatever burbling twits like Rachael Ray or Martha Stewart have to say, or what "The View" crones want to interrupt each other with, or what garbage somebody's giving away on "Let's Make a Deal" or "Price is Right." Piggies also are fascinated by learning if some white trash or tar ball is or isn't the father of some other piece of baby-spawning shit getting a lie detector test from Maury Povich. Or what moron is being yelled at by Judge Judy…who herself is to celebrity what an old shoe is to breakfast. Not to mention Jerry Springer except briefly.

And as George Harrison sang it, everywhere there's lots of piggies…so every country has their home-groan share. Oh Goody. (Jade Goody, for U.K. piggies…and let's never forget her.) But let's not get off on a rant, here! Back to the original point...

"Piggies" came to mind recently and specifically, thanks to that reliable and drunken embarrassment Mel Gibson, once an action-movie idol, but now acting like Pete Doherty's grandpa. Frankly, Mel doesn't deserve the epithet "piggy." He goes whole hog in being a misanthrope, misogynist and racist. He does win a point or two for rarely denying any of it. At best, he just grits his teeth and remains silent, asking everyone instead to go see his latest violent, misogynistic, racist movie. Let's not be too hypocritical, either; Mel says things many of us actual "think." Most especially when we're not thinking. But really, who hasn't thought of saying "sugar tits" to a bitchy female cop or some other hottie on a power trip? Who hasn't grumbled about some Jews in the world who act in a stereotypical way (though NOT your beloved Three Stooges, Mel). Who hasn't seethed over an idiot wife or girlfriend dressing or acting like she would like to be the star of a gang-rape porn video? As for the "N" word, it's "Nigger." Thinking hostile thoughts about blacks is something 90% of whites do, just as 90% of blacks think hostile thoughts about whites, but "Whigger" or 'Honky" or "Cracker" isn't as cutting a word (which is why the pen isn't mightier than the switchblade, for most ghetto-dwellers.)

Mel Gibson also called his girlfriend a "psycho cunt," and is there ANY man alive who hasn't at one time thought the same thing about his beloved significant other? Mel also told her once, "I am going to come and burn the fucking house down, but you will blow me first!" Oh for fuck's sake, it's entirely possible Ralph Kramden once said that to Alice. Except in sitcomland all he ever really did was threaten her with the massive domestic violence of being punched so hard she'd land on the moon. People say Mel Gibson is stupid. Well, finally, the proof is in. He got involved with someone even more of a swine than he…and more intelligent. She came well prepared for her relationship with him; she carried a secret recorder, to get every word of his down for posterity. And her lawyer. And you can't write a piece about "piggies" without mentioning a lawyer.

Yes, "everywhere there's lots of Piggies."

And who is the Illfolks choice to sing about it? Theodore Bikel, who was briefly calling himself Theo Bikel in the late 60's, when he recorded this tarnished gem. At the time, Bikel was considered some fogey-actor, as out of touch as Sebastian (album of Bob Dylan narration) Cabot. Bikel had become one of the ex-Tevyes, after all, appearing on Broadway in the un-cool (too Jewish!) "Fiddler on the Roof." How DARE any actor over 40 even TOUCH a Dylan or Beatles number?? Besides, never trust anyone over 30! That message, cried out by oh-so-tolerant, peace-loving flower children, was very much in the air at the time. So forget the facts, including that Bikel in the early 60's was hanging around the same Village locations as Dylan, was singing the same protest songs, and fucking the same hippie chicks as some of his better-credential'd van Ronk and Rollers. A renaissance man (not that he fucked Annie Haslam), Bikel had a massive resume at the time he recorded his Warners album, and it's gotten bigger. Christ, compared to Jon Gosselin, Bikel is Orson Welles. Compared to the latest American Idol schmuck, Somebody UnWyze, Bikel's George Harrison. So let him sing "Piggies" and don't have a cow about it!

So as you leave this blog, and inevitably run into the latest LiLo headline, Brangelina gossip, or tape-recorded rant or video-recorded raunch from Mel Gibson, have Theo Bikel's "Piggies" as a keepsake. With its zany opening, moog-ish vogue underpinnings and lyrics-as-art recitation capturing the zeitgeist of the times (even I'm nauseated by this sentence), this is quite a version of "Piggies." Ricky Gervais couldn't do any better, and let's pray to Christ he doesn't try.
PIGGIES - THEO BIKEL

BUFFY ST. BETTE DAVIS

Some things can't be described.

Your download, should you choose to accept it, is the seemingly impossible: Bette Davis singing Buffy St. Marie's "Until It's Time For You To Go."

While the St. Marie album cover has been Photoshopped, Bette's face hasn't. She sported a red eyepatch in the "black comedy" of family miseries titled "The Anniversary."

BUFFY ST. BETTE DAVIS Instant download or listen on line. No pop-ups, porn-ads or wait time.

ANITA BRYANT "COLD COLD WINTER"

It's been many a cold, cold winter for Anita Bryant, the singer and "Florida Orange Juice" spokeswoman. Ever since she declared that God didn't create "Adam and Bruce," and began to spout her fundamentalist views on homosexuality, she was effectively blacklisted and driven out of show biz and into the snow. Seems January, mid-winter, is a good time to bring her back, at least so we can hear the reason she became popular in the first place.

Here at the Illfolks blog, where the devil sometimes puts in advocacy, we ask: If people still listen to Richard Wagner's music even though he was a Nazi, and if a lot of real kewl kats love to collect the songs of Charlie Manson, then should there be a ban on something by Anita Bryant?

The reply seems to be yes, keep her blacklisted. Burn, witch, burn. Collector's Choice (ccmusic.com) has only one basic Bryant "greatest hits" collection while most everything from Patti Page or Julie London or even Mitch Miller has been re-issued. PBS hates Anita, too. On recent specials on 50's and 60's music (produced by a gay guy), PBS showed vintage clips of Rosemary Clooney singing "Come Onna My House" and Patti Page's "Doggie in the Window" (are any tunes more revolting and dated?) and invited Gogi Grant to warble live (and still on key) "Wayward Wind." Why wasn't there a vintage clip of Anita singing "Paper Roses" or a "Wayward Wind" variant like the peculiar "Cold Cold Winter?"

The Illfolks answer? Unfortunately for Bryant, being a fundamentalist Christian woman isn't as daunting as being a fundamentalist Muslim woman...one who might conceal a bomb in her burka. Islamic and Muslim fundamentalists speak out against homosexuality (Anita no longer does) and even want gays put to death.

Where's the gay guy throwing a pie in the face of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Nope, the oh-so-brave gay guy who hit Anita picked on a woman who couldn't fight back. After the attack, he stood there waiting for his close-up.

Listen, if you can't get to Ahmadinejad, how about going to the Iranian embassy with a bunch of your gay friends and pulling a scene right out of Laurel & Hardy's "Battle of the Century?" Why not target some obnoxious cleric who gives press conferences to spout anti-gay views? Oh...forgot. Do that, and you'll be living in fear like that Danish cartoonist who drew Mohamed. Some religious fundamentalists you leave alone.

No less a radical than Phil Ochs was delighted when Anita Bryant recorded "The Power and the Glory." Why? Because at the time Bryant was a symbol of pure Americana in a whitebread world where Mitch Miller and Patti Page had hit albums (which are still in print via CD, so don't think middle-of-the-road is dated!) Don't think for a minute that Anita was unaware of what she was singing when she earnestly covered Phil's lyric lines:

"Yet she's only as rich as the poorest of her poor
Only as free as the padlocked prison door."

Illfolks, the blog of less renown, is a compassionate blog. Anita Bryant is not going to be shut out. "So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal."

It seems as wrong for Anita Bryant's good work to be denied listeners as it is for an Adam Lambert to be promoted all over just because he's gay. There are radio stations who play the garbage music of George Michael only because he's openly homosexual. At what point do we shut down a person's art on the basis of personality? Think about it in relation to Michael Jackson, who openly sang anti-semitic lyrics ("Jew Me" is not a "nice" phrase) and who, we are constantly being told, deserves a free pass as a child molester and lunatic because he was The King of Pop. Do you think Roy Orbison was a big fan of Jews? Nope, but that doesn't mean a Jew should boycott Roy's music. Or does it?

In her day, Anita Bryant was the Queen of Pop, right there on the record racks with other American cheese, be it John Gary, Andy Williams or Kate Smith. There's still an audience for her type of music. After all, her big hit "Paper Roses" was covered by Marie Osmond, who still sings wholesome music and religious music to big audiences.

And if you think you got rid of the problem by blacklisting Anita Bryant, and you'll never see a beauty queen win over a crowd with bizarre conservative views, I have just two words for you: SARAH PALIN.

Frozen out of show biz, living in Oklahoma somewhere, is Anita Bryant. But here she is doing what she really did best. A neat companion to Gogi Grant's "Restless Wind," here's Anita Bryant and her "Cold Cold Winter."
ANITA BRYANT COLD COLD WINTER Instant download, no pop ups or porn ads or captcha codes.

PERNELL ROBERTS DIES (AP news Blog-stolen)

After he died, if you wanted to know details about Pernell Roberts, Googling his name didn't help. It gave you the same AP wire service report...not only used by legitimate online newspapers who can no longer afford their own writers (and can only afford to pay a smaller price to use AP's obit) but stolen by hundreds of bloggers.

If a blogger can't write, then what's the point? Why steal the AP report? Out of ego? To try and make sure people visit your site rather than one run by professionals? These guys are, to use Ellis Henican's phrase, "the bathrobe boys." Henican, a real writer, not a wannabe, wrote a piece on Net Narcissists, the scabs who grab the creativity of others for their own use.

Ellis scorned the "self-absorbed nitwit sitting in front of a computer in his bathrobe....stealing the facts that some hard-working, low-paid newspaper drone just spent hours collecting."

A lone exception among blogs was a post at sunny.kraje.org, aka "sunny worlds, just another WordPress weblog." Here was something unique: a wire service report translated into this blogger's native language, then thoughtfully re-translated so that everyone who checks "sunny worlds" before anything else, would instantly get the news:

"Pernell Roberts, a ruggedly large actress who repelled Hollywood by withdrawal TV's Bonanza during a tallness of a recognition, afterwards found celebrity again years after upon Trapper John, M.D. has died. He was 81."

http://sunny.kraje.org/pernell-roberts-last-star-of-tvs-bonanza-dies-ap/



What's not so funny is that the Internet is killing off magazines and newspapers, and putting out of business the reporters, proofreaders and editors who know how to give a fact-based and detailed presentation. What bloggers should do, if they can't report or interview, is to be original and give their own view (as worthless as it may be). Don't steal verbatim from somebody else (usually without even saying AP or All Music or the source). Either hot-link to the real source without stealing it, or use your own creativity to hopefully come up with a "think piece" or editorial that is worthwhile.

Worthy or worthless, below is the Illfolks take on Pernell Roberts, using facts (no copyright on them) and original observations:

Pernell (the Latin word for "Stone" or "Rock") Roberts (May 18, 1928 – January 24, 2010) always wanted to be a serious actor. If he wasn't serious about it, he would've changed his name to "Rock" Roberts. He worked his way through odd show biz jobs as both a singer and actor, to win a Drama Desk award for the 1955 off-Broadway production of "Macbeth."

Often cast as the good looking bad guy, the sinister-looking actor paid the rent via guest roles in TV westerns, including "Bronco," "Lawman" and "Have Gun Will Travel." Cast as Adam in "Bonanza," he presented a dark, thoughtful balance to the show's other brothers, the fat and jovial Hoss, and naive prettyboy Little Joe. The brooding Mr. Roberts gradually lost interest in "Bonanza." While doing the series, he complained, " "Isn't it just a bit silly for three adult males to get Father's permission for everything they do?"

His run (1959-1965) ended after many disagreements over scripting and character. By leaving, he got a reputation for being difficult, irascible and not a "team player." TV history will note Roberts as one of the first successful actors to make the "suicidal" move of leaving a money-making hit show because of "serious" ambitions. Sean Connery would be another example, a few years later, giving up a fabulous series franchise, and his toupee, in order to get more satisfying work.

Like Connery, the bald version of Pernell Roberts was so far removed from his successful leading man identity that he could finally take on serious character roles. He also delighted in playing summer stock, particularly in musicals, including "The King and I," "Camelot" and "The Music Man." He ultimately starred in "Trapper John M.D.," and he played that bald, gray-bearded character longer than he did Adam Cartwright on "Bonanza," (1979-86).

He didn't do much TV work in the 1990's, with his last two small screen roles in episodes of "Murder She Wrote" in 1994 and 1997. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about two years ago.

Though Roberts loved to sing, he only made one solo album, plus some appearances on "Bonanza Cast" albums.

Compare the two samples below: "Skip to My Lou," with Lorne Green, Michael Landon and Dan Blocker taking part, and "Lily of the West" from his 1963 solo record. Which would you be proud of?

That Roberts' solo album wasn't a huge hit is probably due to two factors. First, there was no shortage of "he can sing" albums at that time (Richard Chamberlain, Vince Edwards, and on and on). Second, Pernell's singing style was very traditional. You can easily imagine him singing a song from "Camelot," but listeners into folk music or Southern music, expected their balladeer to have a lot of warm twang in the throat and not be so articulate.

"Bonanza" and "Trapper John M.D." are still well remembered, but perhaps the enduring respect Pernell Roberts has achieved, is for his courage in leaving a hit show and setting an example for others, that it's not always "about the money," it's about being true to yourself.

"The bathrobe boys" who copy what they see at AP or All Music or even from other blogs, need to ask themselves the question Pernell Roberts asked back in 1965: what is the point? Why be a pretender instead of yourself? Pernell Roberts wasn't a "bathrobe boy," he was a man.

SKIP TO MY LOU from the BONANZA CAST
LILY OF THE WEST sung by PERNELL ROBERTS
Instant download or listen on line. No pop-ups, porn-ads, or captcha codes.

Brittany Murphy "Somebody to Love"

Brittany Murphy (November 10, 1977 – December 20, 2009) star of "Clueless" and co-star of "Girl Interrupted" was entertaining plenty of kiddies all through Christmas via DVD re-runs of "Happy Feet."

She played a penguin and her big number was the upbeat gospel pop tune "Somebody to Love."

Apparently, among her many talents, she could really sing. She didn't do much of it, and at the age of 32, she sings no more.

To paraphrase Secretary of War Edwin Stanton's line as he witnessed the passing of Abraham Lincoln, "Now she belongs to the gossip columnists."

As they second-guess her marriage, her mother, and the upcoming autopsy report, you can listen to Murphy singing her most joyous song.

Nobody's nightstand needs to be cluttered with prescription drugs, and certainly not more than one or two of the more dangerous ones, such as: the anti-seizure medication Topamax, anti-anxiety pills Klonopin and Ativan, pain relievers Vicoprofen and hydrocodone, anti-depression helper Fluoxetine and hypertension medication Propranolol, all of them found at Brittany's place.
THE LATE BRITTANY MURPHY SINGS "Somebody to Love"

BURKE'S LAW - GENE BARRY DIES AT 90

The debonair Bat Masterson, the dapper playboy Amos Burke, the man who fought "The War of the Worlds" and had a cameo in the re-make...Gene Barry (June 14, 1919 – December 9, 2009) was all this and much more. One of classic television's great leading men, he joined Kirk Douglas and Jeff Chandler among Jewish actors breaking that Woody Allen stereotype look. The former Eugene Klass borrowed his last name in tribute to John Barrymore.

While he was never a Barrymore, the easy-going actor had an impressive career in movies, TV, on Broadway and even in the world of commercial voice-overs. If you remember "Burke's Law," then you know that Mr. Barry was always an irrepressible singer, and a few episodes gave him the chance to carry a tune. He was always musical, studying violin in his early days, and getting a scholarship to the Chatham Square School of Music on the basis of his singing. His first Broadway appearances were in operetta (Rosalinda in 1942, The Merry Widow in 1943) and of course he returned to Broadway 40 years later for La Cage aux Folles. Mr. Barry issued a solo album during the run of "Burke's Law," and you get three samples below:
"It's all Right With Me," "Burke's Law" (not the best lyrics in the world for this wonderful theme song) and "I'll be Seeing You."

Update: Nov, 2011. Rapidshare's annoying "30 days without a download kills it" policy killed the original links. "Burke's Law" is back via a better company.

BURKE'S LAW THEME BY GENE BARRY

A LITTLE MORE SOUP, PLEASE - Soupy Sales

As requested, here's a second helping of Soupy...this time, both sides of an obscure single that wasn't on any of his ABC-Paramount or Reprise albums. A bit on the kiddie side, but fun for all ages, below you'll find download links for "Use Your Noggin" and "The Backwards Alphabet."

Soupy's last album, "Still Soupy After All These Years" (1981) is the one that captures his stand-up act. Yes, he tosses in some lines from his old show ("You show me a sculptor who works in the basement and I'll show you a low-down chiseler") but there's some material he certainly couldn't have told the kiddies in the 60's, silly though it might be.

Like the one about the woman who goes to see a druggist. She wants some hair remover to put on some ingrown hairs on her poor doggy:

"The druggest says, "If you're using it under your arms, take my advice, don't use any deodorant for two days. It could irritate your arms." She says, "it's not for my arms." So he says, "if you're gonna use it on your legs, don't wear stockings for three days, it could irritate your legs." And she says, "I want to put it on my Schnauzer." And the druggist says, "in that case, don't ride a bicycle for a week!"

USE YOUR NOGGIN
THE BACKWARDS ALPHABET

Download the above Soupy songs or listen to them on line. No captcha codes, porn ads, pop-ups or wait time.

EDWARD WOODWARD goes UPWARD at 79

Edward Woodward starred in the TV hits "Callan" and "The Equalizer," and was an Emmy-winner for 1990's "Remembering World War II." Though mostly a television actor, he also was memorable in the films "Breaker Morant" and "The Wicker Man," the latter including a vivid bit of defiant and robust singing.

Woodward actually gained some initial fame as a singer. Among his first important credits were roles in the Broadway musical "Blithe Spirits" and back in the U.K., a musical version of "A Tale of Two Cities." He sang regularly in clubs well before "Callan" gave him TV stardom. With a strong, traditional vocal style, he was no stranger to the recording studio, putting out strangely compelling work. His albums include "Love is the Key" "An Evening with Edward Woodward,""Don't Get Around Much Anymore," "The Jewel That was Ours" "It Had to be You," "Thought of You," "Woodward Again" and "This Man Alone." He didn't avoid contemporary songs, feeling that his unique, older sensibilities could bring out the best in the lyrics.

One obvious choice for this tribute, which comes 3 days after his passing on November 16th, is "Sound of Silence." As an actor concerned with his lines, he decides to change the emphasis in one of the sentences. While Paul Simon was more concerned with the rhythm and rhyme of the song, and sang "and echoes in the wells of silence," Woodward alters the cadence: "And echoed in the wells of silence."

But let's add another song: "The Tide Will Turn for Rebecca," which Woodward chose to record even though its author, Elton John, did not. At the time Woodward immortalized it on vinyl, only a few fans owned a bootleg of Elton's demo version. Both tracks come from "This Man Alone," which also featured his versions of "Eleanor Rigby," "A Taste of Honey" and "Scarborough Fair," as well as the catchy "Today I Killed A Man I Didn't Know."

It might be argued that numbers such as "Sounds of Silence" and "The Tide Will Turn for Rebecca" flourish best when done by an actor who sings, rather than a singer who doesn't act. Both tunes are, in their way, more colorful than the Paul Simon and Elton John versions. It takes an actor to try and make sense of these Taupin lyrics:

"Can you hear the floorboards crying in a room on the second floor, that used to be owned by someone who's no one, but he don't live there anymore
"Only Rebecca clasping her head on her knees, trying to work out what is about
And why someone had to leave.
"But dry up your tears, stop counting the years. Don't worry what's coming. Forget all your fears. And the tide will turn for Rebecca. Her life will change, her hopes rearrange into something that might really matter
"She's all alone in a world of her own with a key that fits her lonely world. You won't need a crowd to shout out aloud what she says deserves to be heard."

Here's to the long career of Edward Woodward (and don't call him "Ed Wood" for short).

ROWAN ATKINSON sings as FAGIN

Rather than do the same thing as he ages (and be called an Old Bean) Rowan Atkinson has taken on new challenges, including singing in a big London musical. Critics have been cheering his version of Fagin for, among other things, bringing out the pedophiliac angle of the old man's lack of character, which probably was something the very gay Lionel Bart chuckled about when he first concocted OLIVER.

Critics are also glad that throughout the show Rowan unloads every spare eye-pop and grimace that he might have been saving for a fresh Blackadder special. Considering that the show has the gimmick of a female lead chosen via TV reality show, OLIVER would have failed miserably without Atkinson's star presence.

Perhaps in a year or two, this new production will be made into a cable TV special or even a feature-length movie. It would be a welcome subsitute for the weak movie version that offered the bland duo of Shani Wallis as Nancy and Marc Lester as Oliver, along with the somewhat anti-Semitic job done by Ron Moody as Fagin. In the meantime, if you're curious about Rowan's singing abilities, here's one of the comic highlights from the musical, as nutsy Fagin finds himself "Reviewing the Situation."
ROWAN ATKINSON as FAGIN

TWIGGY & SEVERIN BROWNE: COOKING SCHOOL

It's not strange that Twiggy once tried for a singing career. What's definitely odd is that the woman who would've looked pregnant if she swallowed a walnut, actually covered the obscure "Cooking School," the amiably hippie-dippy dopey tune authored by Severin Browne (whose brother, for a change, won't be named).
With mandolin in the wind, to help bolster her wispy voice, Twiggy gamely tries a country waltz tempo on this tale of two nude beach idiots who turn up the heat while taking culinary classes:
"I saw him the next day while streaking a hallway. We went to the same cooking school! He majored in crepes and in almonds, I studied desserts made with cheese. We spent some time making love with the wind in the trees. Oh, woah, oh, woah.
Soon we had classes together! Sweet pastries and basic Chinese. We learned to get fat. Well, it comes down to that; it's the art of refined gluttony!"
Unbelievable on every level. Twiggy streaking. Twiggy getting fat. Twiggy naked with Severin Browne??
Alas, the song is nostalgia, not reality: "Now he's cooking in Utah, not far from B.Y.U. He's got his wife, and I got my own life, but I'll never forget cooking school."
So you won't have to go hunting through the sick recesses of the illfolks blog for it, Browne's original version is nestled right under Twiggy's. His version makes a little more sense (it was generally moronic-looking guys who streaked), and ends with the same wistful musing on lost love: "She's got her own life, and she's somebody's wife, but I'll never forget cooking school."
If you like the tunes, some starving record dealer would be only to glad to sell you the whole albums, probably for less than the price of a helping of peas.
TWIGGY: COOKING SCHOOL
SEVERIN: COOKING SCHOOL

Obscure Lyric Versions of Instrumental Hits

Here's a "Top Twelve" of songs that probably would not have been hits if only a singer's version was available.

Face it, not every set of words is wonderful, and when a lyricist is actually and intentionally hacking into a song that was an instrumental hit, the result is bound to be second rate.

This may be why Dean Martin's overbaked crooning style worked so well...his boozy sense of the ridiculous forced him to sing with barely concealed smirky disdain for the lyrics...such banal ones as "Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime" or "That's Amore." And here, it's "Poor People of Paris," which would've driven Dino to drink if he wasn't already half-bagged before he got to the studio.

Other winning tunes that were losers in lyric form: "Theme from a Summer Place" and "Sleepwalk" both evoking images that make words unnecessary. Adding explanation to "Spanish Flea" or "Bonanza" is just pointless. "Never on Sunday" is borderline grating even without lyrics, along with "In the Mood," which Peter Sellers loathed (and so it was played at his funeral).

Most of these tunes you'll recognize instantly and agree, "Why add lyrics?" But the answer might be...just for the challenge of it. It's a challenge for a lyricist to even attempt to match wits and words with a powerful melody, and a challenge for a singer to make that song his own. That might explain Sammy Davis Jr's "You Can Count On Me," which takes the music from the crime series "Hawaii 5-0" and makes it into another type of crime.

Bonanza, In the Mood, Spanish Flea, Sleepwalk, Theme from a Summer Place, Apache, Music to Watch Girls By, Poor People of Paris, Hawaii 5-0, Never on Sunday, Blue Tango and Telstar...
Don't Sing and it'll be a Hit! Sing it...and lose!

Gina Gershon: Bye Bye Birdie, La Di Da Sunday Morning

Gina Gershon is at work rehearsing for her new Broadway musical...a revival of the old Broadway musical "Bye Bye Birdie." The roles originally played by Chita Rivera and Dick Van Dyke will be taken by Gina, and John Stamos. Even for those who know Gina's got a great singing voice, this has to come as a bit of a shock. There's no tune in that 1963 show that bears a trace of sultry eroticism...so if Gina can pull it off, there will be people pulling it off in every row.
Gina's last appearance on Broadway was taking over the Sally Bowles role in a revival of "Cabaret," a show much more suited to her (as the picture above would indicate).
To give you an idea of how emotive Gina can be, listen to "La Di Da Sunday Morning," a track used on the soundtrack to the justly obscure film "Beer for my Horses." The tune has a bit of Spaghetti western whistling, a dash of Dylan's "One More Cup of Coffee," and a dark sexuality that could've lured Lee Hazlewood to his doom:
"Senorita, would you like to dance with me?"
I lifted up my dress and said, "Do you like what you see?"
Gina Gershon Instant listen or download, no pop-ups pop-unders or put-ons.

STORM PASSES - Gale Storm, 87

Gale Storm was one of the bright stars of the 50's, simultaneously winning TV ratings and scoring Top 40 hits.

Born in Texas, given an American Indian middle name that means "Bluebird," Josephine Owaissa Cottle was the winner on an "American Idol"-type radio show called "Gateway to Hollywood" at age 17. The prize was a movie contract at RKO.

A year or two later, Storm ended up at the low-budget Monogram studios, where she was tossed into dozens of films opposite such luminaries as Frankie Darro and Frank Graham. Gale became one of the early TV stars when she joined Charles Farrell for "My Little Margie" in 1952. After the run of that series, she co-starred with Zasu Pitts on her own "Gale Storm Show," also known as "Oh Susanna." Both shows played on Gale's ebullient personality as she got herself into and out of sitcom trouble.

During the run of "My Little Margie," Gale sang on a TV variety show, which caught the attention not of a record exec, but the guy's young daughter. She pleaded with Dad to sign her up, and he did. Randy Wood, of Dot Records, was taken by Storm, too, and she soon had some cover version hits for the label, including "I Hear You Knockin'" and her take on the R&B flirt tune "Lucky Lips." Gale put her authentic rockabilly sensibilities into her songs, becoming one of those early artists leading pop into rock. The perky singer rocked out a lot more often than label-mate Pat Boone did!

Storm was also adept at ballads, and in 1957 hit the Top Ten with "Dark Moon." Storm's retirement years were marked with conflict. She battled alcoholism, and was married twice; both husbands died. Health problems over the past few years sidelined her memorabilia show appearances, which were always a treat for her fans. She was known to be just as gracious and charming in real life as she was on TV. She died two days ago, June 27th, with her sons and their families close by. This contemplative moment suits "Dark Moon" and "Memories Are Made of This" a bit more than her trademark rave-ups, and that's the combo you get below.

DARK MOON/MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THIS Instant download or listen on line. No pop-ups, porn ads or peculiarities.

A PETER SELLERS album from RON MOODY

You know Ron Moody...the guy who played Fagin in the musical "Oliver," a performance enjoyed by antisemites everywhere. Ron also had the lead (opposite a very young Frank Langella) in the Mel Brooks cult classic "The 12 Chairs," a performance enjoyed by semites everywhere. That evens it out.

Before this international acclaim, Moody was a variety favorite in his native England, where he made his revue debut in 1953. He appeared in various Myers & Cass (they issued one album in America) productions including "For Amusement Only." He had his own TV show, and with demand mounting, recorded the obscure "Move Along Sideways" album. Modern listeners will note its similarities to the solo work of Peter Sellers at that time. Sellers had a hit with a very strange album combining sketches and musical parody. Thanks to his vocal prowess, the at times subtle (if not downright weak) script didn't matter. Much.

Similarly, the producers of Ron Moody's album seemed to have relied on Ron's manic vocal dexterity more than a sharp script. Sellers was put in the hands of a first-rate music director, and Mr. Moody was given an ace, too, in Johnny Gregory, someone who could handle all song styles being parodied.

The album notes don't mention anything about where these songs came from, just a long, unfunny recollection on how the record label and Moody's people met at a bistro to discuss the project. "I like Avocado better than the whole meal." "A great fruit." "Must be ripe though." "Take it in the palms and if it yields slightly to pressure it's ready...How can they make a profit serving both halves of the Avocado to each customer?"

This album probably went out of print a week after it was issued, but it wouldn't be hard to find by checking the usual on-line dealers or local used record stores. They'd be happy (if not astonished) to sell it, and wonder what kind of weird mood (and Moody) prompted it.

"When You Walk Upon a Stage," finds Ron wandering around a theater and in parody of those "no business but show business" songs Merman and Durante used to sing, starts doing impressions of Al Jolson and others.

The other sample is "Johnny Guitar." This requires more explanation than anyone, probably including Moody, could give. Succinctly, it's a manic send-up of a guy trying to learn the day's popular music (mostly folk) to impress someone (anyone). For some reason, everybody the guy meets speaks in the high voice Senor Wences used for his (literal) hand puppet Johnny...only with a Jewish accent.

Now you're on your own.
WHEN YOU WALK UPON A STAGE Instant download, no wait period, pop-ups or pestiness.
JOHNNY GUITAR RS download.

The Flip Side for Ted Cassidy: WESLEY

Everybody knows "The Lurch," Ted Cassidy's dance single. It was hollowly growled in his Lurch voice from "The Addams Family." Though the single's now rare and expensive, the song has been anthologized, most recently on the "Hollywood Hi-Fi" CD, which includes obscurities from Jack Larson, Joe E. Ross, Dennis Weaver and Bette Davis.

The single arrived in 1965, produced and written by Gary Paxton, of "Monster Mash" fame. Taking a break from the ooky-spooky, the country flip side, "Wesley" (Scott Turner--Cliffie Stone) utilizes Cassidy's normal speaking voice, and is probably closer to his own preferences in music. After all, Cassidy (July 31, 1932 - January 16, 1979) grew up in West Virginia, and started college at West Virginia WESLEYan. He probably enjoyed C&W narration items when he worked as a disc jockey in Dallas (where he interviewed eye-witnesses to the JFK assassination). Probably his most famous film role was in a western; "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid." At memorabilia shows, when fans brought that iconic photo of Butch Cassidy kicking Ted Cassidy...he'd autograph it directly at the crotch area!

"Wesley" offers Ted's narration with honky tonk piano and some back-up singers. I'd say "distracting" back-up singers, but Wesley reminded Ted and now reminds us: "If you can't say something good about someone, don't say nothin' at all."
WESLEY - TED CASSIDY

MARILYN CHAMBERS sings BENIHANA

On April 12th, Marilyn Chambers was found dead in a trailer park, at age 56. She was a pioneering porn star, back when a deep throat or energetic body could make up for a B-cup, horsey face or bad legs. It was also back when there was some effort to actually make a movie that had a plot, dialogue and acting.
What Marilyn had going for her was an angelic face (as you see from the much re-touched Ivory Soap box) and a lot of enthusiasm. She was arguably the most athletic of the early 70's actresses, and seemed to enjoy getting down and dirty (to the point of marrying Chuck Traynor, the guy Linda Lovelace had accused of taking advantage of her and forcing her into porn).
Marilyn, along with Linda Lovelace and Georgina Spelvin, paved the way for prettier, or more full-bodied actresses (notably Andrea True, Tina Russell, and Annette Haven). Still, those three were the ones who made the classic films ("Behind the Green Door," "Deep Throat" and "Devil In Miss Jones") and many are still more turned on by those films and actresses, than today's shaved and siliconed mannequins.
Chambers was one of the more active porn stars in defending and validating her industry. She was also one of the few to effectively appear on stage in a live sex show (one of them was filmed for posterity). She went on to a typically spotty career of comeback films, personal appearances, and behind-the-scenes (straight) jobs given to her by porn industry vets and fans, etc. etc.
But that's not why you're here...you're here to hear!
Marilyn Chambers' "Benihana" disco tune is at the same level as Andrea True's "More More More" and Xaviera Hollander's "Michelle." In other words, she's better at gasps and a cry of "Give it to me, yeah," than singing. Her singing voice is a lot like her body...thin but pretty flexible.
No, the song doesn't seem to have anything to do with the famous Japanese steakhouse chain. It most likely refers to her vaginal rosebud. "Benihana" means "red flower" in Japanese.
Don't dismiss the song after just one minute...consider it aural foreplay. The song builds some momentum as Marilyn ad-libs some lines and starts groaning. Stay for the last ridiculous minute when she starts hyper-ventillating and an echo chamber zooms her into orgasmic orbit. Chambers has swooped the planet, but her films, and perhaps even this hit single, can still bring you to a form of heaven.
BENIHANA Marilyn Chambers

SHATNER KNOWS WHAT A BOZO IS

Is William Shatner cool or clueless? You really can't be sure. Sometimes he's laughing with you when you're laughing at him. On some memorable talk appearances with Conan O'Brien and Jonathan Ross, he's played the fool but also gotten in some shots of his own.
Time made a cruel joke of Captain Kirk's ambitious version of "Rocket Man." Demento-heads are still laughing their asses off about his "Transformed Man" album, slapping their knees and howling "that's SO bad it's GOOD."
OK, that was decades ago. It's not THAT hilarious. There's something admirable in the attempt, too. Maybe you're shaking your head and smiling, but doubling over laughing is a sign of retardedness.
More recently, Shatner's been laughing all the way to the bank.
His album "Has Been" (with Ben Folds and Joe Jackson) has a sharp title track, a humorous dig at Two-Thumbs Don and Neverdone Jack and the rest who "laugh at others' failures while they have not done shit..."
You go, Bill. And speaking of odd shit, here's a one-off that could've appeared on "Has Been" but didn't.
On this Bozo track, he's delivering a load...and you know it and he knows it. This is most certainly a pile of Shatner. So play along with him as he tells you what a Bozo is, because (all together now) we're ALL bozos on this bus.
BOZO AS EXPLAINED BY SHATNER