HOMER & JETHRO - PUSAN U and GO TO HAL

Yeah, Homer & Jethro's "song butcher" version of "Shifting Whimpering Sands" might make a nice compliment to Ken Nordine's original (below), but...sex sells better, don't it? So in one last salute to this neglected duo (them Bear Family German cowboys have done box sets on just about every over RCA C&W act), here's two rude-y toots.

One reason that you don’t find Homer & Jethro on too many blogs, is that most of them are run by people for whom English is a second language. They know how to mewl in Portuguese about their love for “smooth jazz.” They can post in French or Italian their devotion to Claudine Longet or their need to wax everyone's ears with the easy listening of Melachrino and Mantovani. In broken Swedglish and Dutch Pig Latin, they'll offer a daily flood of guitar hero discographies or sappy sunshine pop. But they won't download PUSAN U or GO TO HAL, and really, the latter is good advice to them. 

"If I'm being honest," as Piers Morgan often says (but rarely means), people in America don’t really get the humor of Homer & Jethro either. The boys admitted, “we’re too corny for sophisticated people, and too sophisticated for corny people.” They didn’t go the “Hee Haw” route and take the stage in bib overalls, or wear straw hats. No outlandish costumes at all for these two. They dressed like proper businessmen. Their business was fracturing popular songs, everything from Broadway (“Hernando’s Hideway”) to The Beatles (“I Want to Hold Your Hand”) to “sacred” songs by such icons as Marty Robbins and Hank Williams. They had enough success to turn up on Jimmy Dean's variety show and some other TV programs. RCA was sufficiently reimbursed to let 'em do 2 or even 3 albums a year (mostly during the days when "Beverly Hillbillies," "Petticoat Junction" and "Green Acres" were popular). Still, the average music fan wasn't likely to have more than a 45 rpm single ("Battle of Kookamonga," a parody of the hit "Battle of New Orleans") in the collection.

During their heyday (1963-1967) when they churned out so many albums for "poor ol' Victor,)  they had to vary their attack to remain interesting. They didn't just sing hee-haw lyrics with goofy imagery ("my poor heart is as heavy as a bucket of liver.")  They sang about The Great Society, income tax, politics, and even were called on for potential TV theme song success (“Second Hundred Years” and “Camp Runamuck,” — two shows that didn’t last more than a season). They parodied The Beatles several times and always balanced the humor with excellent musicianship, from their harmonies to Jethro Burns' tone-deft mandolin playing.

And, yes, once in a while they stooped to being dusty, if not dirty. But not often. Among their widely varied albums (“There’s Nothing Like an Old Hippie,” “Old Crusty Minstrels,” “Barefoot Ballads,” “Wanted for Murder”) is “Nashville Cats,” which atypically contains TWO pretty obvious, kind of strange but hardly offensive double entendre tunes. 

“Go To Hal,” a distant cousin to such novelty inanities as “Go Take a Ship For Yourself” and “She Has Freckles On Her But She is Nice,” is one joke that almost makes it through its 2:30. As Carson used to say, “You buy the premise, you buy the bit.” The set up is that Hal has what you need. So, go to Hal. The other one, "Pusan U," doesn't need to be explained, does it? Just listen, and to borrow a quote from comedian and sometime singer George Gobel, "it just might keep you from gettin’ sullen.” 

These days, when vinyl is almost completely devalued, record sellers can actually turn to Homer and Jethro and smile, because few of their RCA albums have made it to CD. Many of these have "out of print Jack Davis lithograph" covers. So instead of a buck, MAYBE they get a fiver or even a tenner. Especially if the record is also in Living Stereo! Yee ha!

GO TO HAL (no Rapidgator slow download, no heil to Imagenetz, no money to Iron Curtain bastards)

PUSAN U. (listen online or download - no ego Passwords, no dodgy link-hiding)

SWEET VIOLETS - anticipation comedy from HOMER & JETHRO

    “Anticipation comedy” is a very simple way of getting a laugh. In fact in our 21st Century, it’s considered too simple. But for quite a while, the formula worked. 

    I remember “us kids” singing the “Lulu” song. We thought it was so clever: 

    “Lulu had a steamboat. The steamboat had a bell. Lulu went to heaven, the steamboat went to —
    Hello Operator, give me Mr. Glass. If you can not find him. I’ll paddle your —
    Behind the fridgerator…” 

    And on and on. 

    (Parenthetically, another form of “Anticipation comedy” was perfected by Mantan Moreland, using a variety of vaudeville partners. Instead of relying on actual jokes and complicated mis-hearings, like “Who’s on First,” the routine simply involved cutting off the sentences like a know-it-all. “Mantan, what’s your brother doin’ now?” “He’s working down here for a man. They payin’ him a salary—“ “He can live that cheap??” “You got him wrong. He gonna get married.” “To whom?” “He’s gonna marry the daughter of —“ “She’s a nice girl. Well…” “You got some dirt?” “One time I —“ “That was her sister.”) 

    Along with “Shaving Cream,” the notorious version of “Sweet Violets” got the laughs by NOT rhyming the expected word: SHIT. You anticipated it, and got the laugh-producing surprise of a silly chorus instead.   

    Could the radio play that kind of thing in the 40’s? Definitely not. But “Sweet Violets” DID get played in a different version. 

    And so it was that later, as the dj spun his disc, that his face, it just stayed ghostly, ‘cause the disc was not a risk. Cy Coben (who worked quite a bit with Homer and Jethro) created the acceptable version, partnered with Charles Grean. Homer and Jethro’s version starts out with the familiar, if not downright annoying “Sweet Violets” chorus: 

    “Sweet violets, sweeter than the roses,  Covered all over from head to toe. Covered all over with sweet violets,” a bit of crummy schmaltz that goes back to 1882 and the forotten Joseph Emmet. From there, it’s time for anticipation and denial: 

    “There one was a guy who invited his pals out to a burlesque show to
    LOOK at the scenery for it would be well worth the trip, when a gal came on stage and she started to
    CRY, ‘cause a clown with big putty nose walked out on the stage and said “Peel off your
    GLASSES but…” 

Now, the rude version of “Sweet Violets” was well known, and the Cy Coben version, less so. So you can imagine, in 1951, how surprised disc jockeys were when they received copies of the new Dinah Shore single from RCA, and it was, yep, “Sweet Violets.” 

Her version, which made it to #3 on the charts, is pretty similar to the Homer and Jethro version. But let’s give it to our boys Homer and Jethro, since they are STILL under-appreciated and STILL haven’t gotten that Bear Family boxed set of all their RCA Victor sides, which they deserve.

Homer and Jethro 
Sweet Violets   Instant download or listen on line. 

DROP DEAD LITTLE DARLIN' JUSTIN BIEBER - SIGN THE PETITION TO DEPORT JUSTIN BIEBER

If the punk didn't have bodyguards around him 24-7 this spoiled brat would've gotten some sense beaten into him.

Enough is enough. If he can't be punched, he can be kicked out of the country.

Here's the petition to Revoke the Brat's Green Card.

Seriously. Go ahead sign up and sign it. Happily, we're over the 100,000 needed, but adding to it just increases the fun!

The Biebs can't go a day without having his fucking name in the news? Then have it for "President Obama has received a petition to kick the snotty bastard back to Canada..."

Bieber's become the #1 male celebrity you love to hate. Only, enough is enough. Just GO AWAY Justin. And take Justin Timberlake with you...just because we don't need so many shitty songs sung by white assholes pretending to be black.

In Bieber's case, this is a jerk who has also been ripping off Michael Jackson for too long. It was one thing when he was just a silly-haired puppy, the new generation's Donny Osmond. Then he started the bad dancing, the crotch-grabbing, and looking like an ass-hat with a silly cap perched like a bubble atop his brainless skull.

Add being a wussy twerp who talks big when surrounded by his posse of drug-addled suck-ups. Add walking around with no shirt. Add annoying his neighbors with his loud parties, being a frat boy moron pissing in public, add a pointless curse at Bill Clinton, add throwing eggs like an 8 year-old snot nose at Halloween, add being a cynical greedhead selling overpriced perfume to little kids who are bankrupting their parents for him...and dozens and dozens of other offenses.

Oh yes, and add that every fucking time he gets into trouble, he sobs, "I'm just a kid." Then an hour later, he's back out partying with his homeys and whores and his dumbass father. Like his lookalike, Viley Virus, this is a poor role model. He's also a no-talent. He's also obnoxious and part of a trend of teen-pests that needs to be STOPPED. Maybe if he's out of the fucking country, the idiot media, his enablers in poor taste and bad behavior, will have to take it down a notch and stop encouraging brainless brats to prance over the line in falling-down pants or no panties at all.

Some say there should be an intervention...that Justin needs to have somebody step in and give him a good talking to. Well, he has parents, hasn't he? David Letterman and Bill Clinton have talked to the punk. He's going to listen to sobering words from Flava Flav?

People whine, "He's going to self-destruct if he doesn't get help." Yeah? So what's the big deal if he does self-destruct? We're not losing anyone with talent. Consider that the great "King of Pop" Michael Jackson is best remembered for his dopey moonwalk, and for only 2 or 3 decent songs: "Billie Jean," "I Want You Back" (when he was squealing with the Jackson 5) and "Bad." How many other songs of Michael's aren't dated? Even "Thriller" is no longer a thrill. Bieber hasn't done anything worth remembering at all. So who the fuck cares if he overdoses, runs a car into a tree, or gets AIDS from a Brazilian whore? Not me. That's why this blog offers him some lines from Homer and Jethro:

Drop dead, little darlin' drop dead!
Fall asleep smokin' cigarettes in bed.
Try and stop a locomotive with your head.
Drop dead, little darlin' DROP DEAD.

Sign the petition!

HOMER AND JETHRO your download of Drop DEAD Little Darlin'

Homer and Jethro - Cool Crazy Xmas

All right, all right…here's an entire album that will never be re-issued. And YOU don't have a turntable anymore anyway. And if this album miraculously DID get re-issued, YOU wouldn't think it was worth $9.99 on iTunes or half that at eMusic.

So here, free...the always under-appreciated Homer and Jethro. Homer (or Jethro) once said, "We were too corny for sophisticated people, and too sophisticated for corny people." Quite so.

But even so, the duo averaged two albums a year for a decade, and actually had a hit single (a forgettable parody of "Battle of New Orleans"). During the great Hillbilly Sitcom Scare of the early 60's ("Beverly Hillbillies," "Green Acres," "Andy Griffith Show," "Petticoat Junction") they made some good money doing singing commercials for a brand of corn flakes. They even issued a few albums alluding to this success, with Jethro dressed up as "Cornfucius."

In the late 60's, CBS, citing "demographics," began to kill off their rural comedies. Sure, these shows were popular, but CBS didn't want to be known as the old fogey network catering to Middle America. They wanted a cool, urban image, and to get ads aimed at 20-somethings. CBS was even aiming their guns at "Gunsmoke" while greasing the floor under Jack Benny, Red Skelton and the hillbilly sitcoms. Columbia Records and other labels were likewise cleaning house, and ridding themselves of the Patti Page-type artists who were clogging the middle of the road and needing to give way to the fast lane of rock music.

Around this time, and only 55, Homer Haynes dropped dead of a heart attack. Thus, H&J were spared the ignominy of being dropped from their label. The audience for country was narrowing (and already crossover-country was becoming popular) and in the duo's case, trends in music made it more difficult to have hits with song parodies. There weren't that many songs everybody knew, or cared to hear corn-ified. Could Homer and Jethro do versions of "I am the Walrus" and "Stairway to Heaven?" Hmmm….

Jethro Burns gave up after a new partner and "The New Homer and Jethro" failed to interest anyone. A highly respected mandolin player, he later guested on various bluegrass albums and even made his own straight solo discs. He didn't live to see the name of "Homer and Jethro" become revered and respected, with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He didn't live to see a boxed set collecting all their tracks with a bonus DVD and a big 12x12 annotated booklet. If he was alive today…he STILL wouldn't have seen any of that! The duo remains, like deep-fried Oreos, an acquired taste. The duo remains a favorite only among the musically ill. And for that, my poor heart is as heavy as a bucket of liver.

Homer and Jethro Crazy Xmas Album

Origin of: SETTIN' THE WOODS ON FIRE - HOMER AND JETHRO

Did you know that one of the most popular Hank Williams tunes of all time…was about shitting?

Merle Haggard tells the story:

"Hank was on the road, and they stopped at this Mexican joint. There wasn't a rest stop for miles so Hank went in the woods and took a shit. He said, 'I'm setting the fucking woods on fire!' That was the hottest godamn chili I've ever seen!' Before they'd driven another few miles, Hank had a song."

And when Hank spied the lady above, he wrote "The Log Train." Although you never know, it might've been "Hey, good lookin' watcha got cookin'?" No? "Your Cheatin' Fart?"

Since Hank is amply available all over the place, let's go with a parody version, which better suits a Photoshop photo anyway (no, Google censors, in the original the girl was just bent over, and nowhere near a campfire). Submitted for a shit-eating grin, the sadly neglected Homer and Jethro, who've gotten one decent compilation from an American company (Razor and Tie) and only one from Germany (Bear Family). It's about time for a full box set on these dead guys. Not that it will do them any good, but, to quote a revised line in this parody: "poor ol' Victor needs the money!"

Oh, speaking of needing the money, poor ol' Google has taken to hot-linking certain words. If you foolishly scroll over one of them, a pop-up ad appears. I will do my best to re-write my copy if I see one of these distracting blemishes. Google, of course, does not share the profits with me. They also dictate on YouTube how many pennies they might give for a highly viewed post and don't even start the count if there have been less than 50,000 hits. But let's pretend they're the good guys and the record labels, book companies and movie studios are the only ones cheating the talent and fudging royalty statements and using their power to take the whole pie and leave behind only a few crumbs.

Sapristi! H&J are SETTIN' THE WOODS ON FIRE

WALGREENS IS STILL A HEARTBREAK. Homer & Jethro and Ruby Wright

Back in 1964, Ruby Wright (daughter of Johnny Wright and Kitty Wells) had some success with novelty singles. Her biggest was "Dern Ya," the answer to Roger Miller's "Dang Me." The same year, she offered "Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens," via Nashville's RIC (Record Industries Corp) label. Her brief popularity with country novelty tunes set her apart from the other Ruby Wright...the big band vocalist who only five years earlier, had Top 40 hits on the mainstream charts with "Let's Light the Christmas Tree" and the Holly, Vallens & Bopper tribute "Three Stars."

Written by Hank Mills, and featuring an alarming "talking guitar" (not by Alvino Rey, but expert country session man Pete Drake), it could almost be taken seriously. There were probably a few fatties in trailer parks drinking some Jim Beam and stuffing Slim Jims in their pusses, (that's not a typo, that's puss, as in face), recalling some similar catastrophe of love gone wrong.

Without having to re-write too much of it, Homer & Jethro harmonized on their own version, raising the level of comic pathos to new heights of pathetic humorousness. (Feel free to click the picture and look at the bigger version. H&J and Ruby are so photogenic...and the photoshop job adding Sears and Walgreens looks so real...)

It ain't too funny that so many of our beloved chain stores have disappeared since Ruby Wright and Homer & Jethro sang about Walgreens. Gone or soon to be forgotten: Woolworths, Montgomery Ward, E.J. Korvette, King Kullen...Macy's can no longer tell Gimbel's anything…the latter went under long ago, along with Lamstons and Filenes and Daffy's and Abraham and Straus. How about the chains that still survive, but maybe pulled out of a neighborhood near you…a Baskin-Robbins, White Castle or Jack in the Box replaced by a Starbucks or Applebees or just a "for rent" sign.

Best Buy is teetering toward the same edge as Circuit City, because people go in there to handle the camcorders and see the computers…then rush back to Amazon to get the item for ten bucks cheaper and free shipping. Sears? Are they a factor anymore? Were most of them taken over by Wal-Mart? As for Walgreens they've been partnering up with other drug chains notably Duane Reade (an outfit that's emerged from Chapter 11 bankruptcy), and will probably stay around because our dependence on drugs for headache, stomach pain, and all the new ailments brought by stress and the environment is only going to increase.

Will anyone break your heart at Walgreens in the near future? No, you'll have your heart broken on Skype. Or you'll discover your sexy Facebook friend's latest sexting texts have other names on 'em and were sent in error to you. Or your heart will break when you discover your sexy Internet friend can't meet you in person because you'd discover that the person is actually 30 years older than you, and of the same sex! Vividly miserable at Walgreens is being replaced with being momentarily pissed off about the e-mail sex partner who now sends you nothing but spam about needing money and how you should deposit money in a Nigerian bank via Western Union. You might shed some tears but...

On the Internet, nobody hears you cry.

Sapristi! RUBY WRIGHT'S Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens….

Sapristi! Homer & Jethro's She Broke My Heart at Walgreens….

CAMP RUNAMUCK - Homer & Jethro

It's December 29th…here's a post on "Camp Runamuck," and you're wondering: "Why would anyone care about a summer camp…in winter?" Well, so were the execs at NBC, who by this time were solemnly checking the ratings for their sitcom about a boy's camp (and the efforts of its counselors to connect with the all-girls "Camp Divine" across the lake). But by winter of 1965, it was obvious that this show about campers was not warming up viewers, who instead were watching "The Flintstones" on ABC or Robert Conrad's spy-Western "Wild Wild West" on CBS.

However, in sympathy with the ill spirit of conjuring up a summer camp in winter, the Illfolks blog presents you with not only the original Frank DeVol instrumental, but the ambitious lyrical version from Homer & Jethro, who musta thunk that the show would be a hit and propel their "Old Crusty Minstrels" album to the top of the charts. They probably would've done better to cover Allan Sherman's "Hello Muddah Hello Faddah," which was probably the inspiration behind the development of "Camp Runamuck." Sherman's novelty song was a hit in the summer of 1963, won a Grammy in 1964, was exploited via a fresh "1964 version" single the following summer and then its own board game in 1965 along with a children's book.

"Camp Runamuck" was simply not cut out to last more than a season (it's 26th and final episode aired April 15th, 1966). The show had a "zany" cast, but they were all minor sitcom actors who could be very funny in a supporting guest role, but didn't have the major skills to carry a series. Head counsellor Dave Ketchum was much more memorable as hapless Agent 13 on "Get Smart," mildly confused Dave Madden wasn't even much on "Laugh-In," and there was little for other sour or bumptious actors (Leonard Stone as the camp doctor, Hermoine Baddeley as the owner of the girls' camp) to do for big laughs. The lead was Arch Johnson, owner of "Camp Runamuck" but not the most hilarious of "blustery" and exasperated sitcom heavies. Probably the most notable cast member was Nina Wayne (brunette sister to infamous dizzy blonde Carol Wayne).

Some Brits might remember this series. The BBC actually imported "Camp Runamuck" as a Saturday morning kiddie show back in the 70's. One good thing about the piracy that has caused much fewer movie releases, and more mindless TV reality shows, is that budget-conscious cable stations and streaming video sites are starting to pick over the funny-bones still lying in the vaults. When very few new sitcoms last six episodes and are a total loss, a full 26 episodes of an old oddity sounds pretty good!

There were many one-season wonders back then, sitcoms that had a weak premise but professional writing and acting. Consider "It's About Time," about astronauts going back in time to encounter cave dwellers Imogene Coca and Joe E. Ross or "The Smothers Brothers Show" (Tommy, lost at sea, returns as an angel seen only by brother Dick). I don't think the alternatives are Jonathan Ross, Judge Judy or "the Kardashians visit the Jersey Shore." PS, if you were wondering if you'd ever get to see the legendary "worst sitcom of all time," you can. The Jerry Van Dyke-Ann Sothern novelty "My Mother the Car" is now streaming your way via Hulu.com.

CAMP RUNAMUCK - instrumental TV THEME SONG
CAMP RUNAMUCK - sung by Homer and Jethro

CHARLIE CHEATED ON HIS INCOME TAX

Don't you think it's a scandal, how the people have to pay and pay?
Oh, wait a minute.
That's a line from "M.T.A." the Kingston Trio song about fair hikes.
What we've got here is a similar tune about taxes.
Both "M.T.A." and "Charlie Cheated On His Income Tax" are stories about a poor jerk named Charlie who got himself railroaded by government bureaucracy. The line "citizens...this could've been you..." echoes the opening warning from "M.T.A."
Billed as "the thinking man's hillbillies," Homer & Jethro always knew they were too corny for sophisticated people, and too sophisticated for the Hee-Haw crowd. They put a lot of musicianship and harmony into their work, and on this simple novelty track, check out the amphisbaenic use of "I've been working on the railroad" to first denote a job and later chain gang work, Jethro's judicious mandolin underscore, the gentle puff of the sax, and the easy role-interplay as the duo swap identities (Charlie, Judge, etc.) while keeping together on the chorus.
Mostly thanks to unsubtle lyrics about ugly women and rude rubes, the team found steady employment over several decades...making dozens of albums that really should be gathered up as a Bear Family boxed set.
The boys were on radio in the late 40s, honed their pone through the 50's, and won a Grammy for their parody single "Battle of Kookamonga" in 1959.
In the 60's, when "Green Acres," "Petticoat Junction," "Andy Griffith Show," "Red Skelton Hour" and "Beverly Hillbillies" were hits on American TV, Homer and Jethro thrived, averaging 2 albums a year. Those rural TV shows went out of fashion at the turn of the 70's, and it was all over for the duo in 1971. That's when Homer suffered a fatal heart attack at the age of 51.
As Benjamin Franklin said, "nothing can be said to be certain except death...and taxes."
CHARLIE CHEATED ON HIS INCOME TAX