Sacrilege Series #10 Buddy "Hiccups" Holly and "The Day the Music Died"

The "Sacrilege" series returns, with a new entry. It features some nose-tweaking satire from the rock group Wilderness Road, who dare to ridicule the Father, Son and Holy Ghost of classic rock, "The Big Bopper," Ritchie Valens and Buddy Holly. Or rather, they ridicule the ridiculous rejects who've solemnly made the dead pop stars into religious icons.

Thanks largely to Don McLean, there are young fools and old mopes who will morbidly insist that on February 3, 1959 "the music died." No, not if you consider that the greatest rockers, The Beatles, had yet to hit the airwaves. Not if your tastes in music include anything from the 60's onward, or jazz from the 20's or classical music from the 19th Century.

A snickering disc jockey died. A somewhat greasy and porcine Latino, too. And a hiccuping Texan. While they were all entertaining, and some of their work is star quality, they weren't the only stars on the charts in the late 50's. It was a shocking, tragic incident and there haven't been many air disasters where three well-known people were aboard. But it wasn't the fucking end of music as we know it. Christ, even greasy bop, dance and novelty would continue with plenty of great performers. Just look at the Billboard charts for 1960 and have a reality check. You'll find plenty of catchy and near-genius stuff on the charts after these three died.

And you'll find, in the download link below, a little bad-taste fun with a tune that mockingly mimics just how unimpressive some of that trio's music is to most people.

Had they lived, chances are that "Big Bopper" J. P. Robertson [sic...note comment below] would be dead by now, and largely forgotten. Without the added aura of early death, his cackling, leering and vaguely pedo-esque one-hit-wonder "Chantilly Lace" might only be anthologized as much as "Babalu's Wedding Day" (by the non-eternal The Eternals) or "Baby Don't Forget My Number" by the forgettable Milli Vanilli. Odds are he wouldn't have had another novelty hit, any more than Sheb Wooley ("Purple People Eater") or Larry Verne ("Mister Custer").

As for Ritchie Valens (nee Valenzuela), if he was still around, he'd be like Chubby Checker. He'd be appearing at oldies shows to sing his ONE hit. Chubby had "The Twist" and Valens had "La Bamba," and IF YOU'RE BEING HONEST, that song is as big a piece of drivel as a soggy, dripping burrito. Listening to Valens babbling "La Bamba" is probably no different from what guys with stomach aches yowl in the bathroom of a Taco Bell.

That leaves the hiccuping genius Buddy Holly. Del Shannon and Roy Orbison had vivid hits but then played the 70's and 80's getting sick in too-cold or over-heated little clubs. They sang the same fucking songs to a small circle of aging fans till they were ready to have a heart attack or commit suicide. Do you doubt Buddy Holly would've had a similar fate. He would've sung "Peggy Sue" till he dropped of slightly more natural causes than a plane crash. At best, he'd be like Chuck Berry, who hasn't written a decent song on 40 years and tours places you never heard of.

To all the morons who whined, "the music DIED," here's two words for you: Bob Dylan. He came after "the music DIED." Another two words? "The Beatles." Another two words? "Martin Briley." Oh, pick any two words. Including "the old two word suggestion," as Art Garfunkel once called it.

And now, the "mean" bit of satire called "Bad Hopper, Hiccups and Havana."

It's an outtake from Wilderness Road (another "two words" for you). This brilliant, under-appreciated Chicago group could rival The Band (first album on Columbia) or offer a blend of rock and iconoclastic smugness that might impress a Zappa fan (their second album on Warner Bros.)

As you'll hear, they mercilessly dispatch all three deceased artistes for what they actually were: creepy, hiccupy and greasy. Usually parodists roast their their victims alive (Bob Dylan, Jagger, Baez, Neil Young, Kate Bush, Lennon, Paul Simon are all lampooned on this blog via amusing novelties). Is it cowardly that the band attacks these dead guys? Actually, they are attacking the fans more than the guys. The guys are all ok. Fans who worship them and get all spooky-somber about the crash need to lighten up a bit. I mean, Lennon got killed at that's an equal trauma, but nobody pretentiously calls it "the night the music died."

Needless to say (but it has to be said, because a lot of people are stupid, including browsing bozos who are not regulars to this blog), nobody is laughing or happy that three people (and a pilot) died back in 1959 on a foggy rainy night near Clear Lake, Iowa.

The three singers aboard obviously did have talent that was wasted in that crash. "Donna" by Ritchie Valens was a gentle piece of melancholy, although anybody could've sung it. "Chantilly Lace" IS a unique novelty (which inspired Jayne Mansfield among others to do a variation on it) even if the rest of J.P.'s work (enough to fill an album) isn't too amusing and is pretty repetitive. As for Buddy Holly, he influenced a lot of people. Without the hiccuping, a few of his songs are decent late 50's rock. But how many people skip past the Holly, Berry AND Perkins tracks on those early Beatles albums because they are inferior songs to Lennon-McCartney? Give him credit for "That'll Be the Day" the riffy "Not Fade Away" and "It's So Easy," but Jesus, enough with "Peggy Sue." And understand that Shannon and Orbison wrote just as many classics, if not more, AFTER the music supposedly died.

PS, I rhetorically ask the God-fearing and perpetually sobbing people who feel "the music died" in 1959, why Waylon Jennings was spared. Did God think more highly of Waylon Jennings than the other three. He's a fuckin' country music fan? God knew that if Waylone was spared, music fans would get "I'm A Ramblin' Man," "I've Always Been Crazy" and the theme for the "Dukes of Hazzard" TV show???

How would the world have been different if Waylon died in 1959 and "The Big Bopper" lived to 2002 (the year God chose to end Waylon's life)?

This blog asks the tough questions. You sure can't turn to Zinhof for this kind of literate shit and provocative music discussion. All you get is a regurgitation of stolen Neil Young albums over and over, with an annoying "password" you have to type in. Right, steal from somebody who stole the music, and make sure to add your name as the "password" to give yourself credit. Credit for what, exactly? WHAT a player in the music world, what a rock scholar, that guy.

You'll notice a bonus track below.

It's a reliable dead baby joke.

Who likes babies? "They are here to REPLACE YOU," noted Mr. Seinfeld. They are noisy, smelly, stupid, and often come out of a Kardashian kunt. So here's a fake commercial for something better than "bronzed baby shoes."

HUGE HOPPER, HICCUPS and HAVANA Wilderness Road BABY BRONZER (Sick Commercial!) Wilderness Road

SACRILEGE #9: Singin' like Bob Dylan

Who would dare mimic Bob Dylan?
Actually, who wouldn't? He and Elvis are probably the most imitated vocalists of all time, when it comes to parody.
Since more than a few would be a lethal dose, here's two samples:
"The Times They Haven't Changed Much" by Loose Bruce Kerr, imagines what protest-song Bob might do in describing trivial problems of the day: "Come mothers and fathers in large SUV's. They're just station wagons with cup-holder ease. Your sons and your daughters still won't eat their peas. And teens speak some new form of English. They think they know more than their parents, oh please! Oh the times they haven't changed much..."
"Everybody Must Get Stoned," a phrase in Dylan's oddly named "Rainy Day Women #12 and #35" song, leads to: "Everybody Loves Flintstones" from Dan Orr. A typical Dr. Demento-type piece, aiming at anyone who hasn't mentally aged beyond 14, it extols the joys of never getting over badly animated cartoons: "Well Fred, he got a pal named Barney Rubble. They always wind up in some kinda trouble. They always get yelled at by Mr. Slate. And they use an elephant to wash their plates. Might sound absurd, but they got a bird that is a phone. Everybody loves Flintstones!"
2 boobs tryin' t' soun' like Bob

SACRILEGE #8: JOHNNY CASH Folsom Parody

This obscure parody of "Folsom Prison Blues" was done in 1972 by the Conception Corporation.
They, along with Credibility Gap and Congress of Wonders, tried to be broader, bolder versions of the hallucinogenic Firesign Theater.
35 years ago, city slickers figured Johnny Cash was nothing but some cowpoke with an off-key Mr. Ed voice glorifying violence. "Folsom Prison Blues" was, after all, recorded in front of a live prison audience, as if killers deserved to be entertained.

The Corporation open with a nudge-nudge in-joke reference to Lenny Bruce, inventor of "Yaddi-yadda" via his prison bit "Father Flotski's Triumph." Maybe the funniest thing about the parody is the crowd sound effects...how easily an audience can be manipulated into cheers or boos.
For 30 years, Johnny Cash was more country than crossover, same as George Jones or Merle Haggard. Finally, at just about the end of the line, he became a living legend to all, thanks to a string of albums produced by Rick Rubin. These discs included Gospel, country, and most interestingly, some haggardly haunting versions of recent rock songs (check out the rock video for "Hurt"). Johnny Cash's last years were both painful and prideful.
It would be insane to try and parody what Johnny did in his last years, but a dig at the guy who claimed to have shot a man in Reno just to watch him die? That's worth a chuckle. I myself was in Nevada once, and I shot some craps in Reno just to watch those die.
THE CONCEPTION CORPORATION CLOBBER CASH Instant download. No code words, time wait or porn ads.

SACRILEGE #7 : NEIL YOUNG PARODY

Thank you, Tony Scheuren for NOT tossing a "wine/whine" pun into this thing.
His song from the 70's National Lampoon "Goodbye Pop" lp skewers the ego behind Neil Young's notion of "A Man Needs a Maid."
It references "After the Goldrush" (with the "patches on my jeans" back cover) and loads up on recognition humor ("Neil" longs to live in "North Ontario. It's safer than Alabama. It's safer than Ohio"). If you don't know "Old Man" or "Cowgirl in the Sand" some lines here won't raise a smile.

Mr. Young had a bit of a crooked grin through segments of the Demme concert film "Heart of Gold," but it's doubtful he was all that amused when this parody came out. (Which is why the photo's been altered so he can flip the bird!) What sacrilege, to take a poke at a sensitive singer-songwriter, and even do an elbow in the musical rib over CSN&Y's anthem about four dead students at Kent State.
Scheuren is not just "a comic." He began his career as a musician, and at 19 sang lead vocals with "Chamaeleon Church," a group that did release an album on MGM in 1968. (Kyle Garrahan, also chronicled on this blog, was a member.) He also toured with Ultimate Spinach and is on "Ultimate Spinch III." For most, his most vivid work remains with the Lampoon, both their discs and radio show.
And remember, unless you live in some still hippie-esque canyon, or behind the gates of a Beverly Hills or Malibu home, you'll agree with the faux Neil here, that...
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA BRINGS ME DOWN Si, muchachos, es verdad.

Sacrilege #6: JOAN BAEZ "Pull The Triggers, Nixxers."

Here's Joan protesting in 1965 (James Baldwin with the barefoot Baez) and in 2005 (re. the execution of "reformed" ex-crip Tookie Williams). But in 1972 the National Lampoon protested her, via parody.
Oh, the sacrilege!
How could they fug with such a well-meaning folkie?
First thing they had to do was avoid using the inflammatory title "Pull the Triggers, Niggers." They didn't need no stinkin' Sharpton to tell 'em not to be that rude. The Lampoon's "Radio Dinner" song was punningly if not cunningly titled "Pull the Tregroes." But the N-word was sung on that black vinyl of black humor.
Written by Tony "Going too Far" Hendra, and performed by a Baez soundalike named Diana Reed, the song references George Jackson. In 1970 Jackson and two other inmates killed a prison guard. As one of the "Soledad Brothers" he wrote a few books and joined rivals Eldridge Cleaver and Black Panther Huey Newton as a pet of white liberals, the kind who condoned violence as long as it was "just across the bay."
Liberals with the same perceived Baez bias against law enforcement probably admired Jackson's brother, who later in 1970 stormed into a Marin County courtroom and seized Judge Harold Haley as a hostage. Haley's face was blown off during the getaway, and Jackson was killed as well.
In 1971, after receiving a gun smuggled to him by a well-meaning white guy, George Jackson shot prison guard Jere Graham in the head, execution-style, exclaiming, "Let's see if this works." Two more guards as well as two white prisoners bled to death before Jackson was gunned down and the prison riot brought under control.
While it was actually Joan's ex-boyfriend Bob Dylan who came out of protest-song retirement to release a single called "George Jackson," the Lampoon gang mocked Baez instead.
The mock Joan sings: "Just because I can't be there doesn't mean I don't care. So next time, Brother, off a pig for me." The chorus: "Pull the triggers, Niggers, we're with you all the way, just across the bay."
Later in the song Joan is crucified for being sanctimonious ("I'm the world's Madonna...I'm needed from Belfast to Bangladesh"). She confesses to trying to right "grievous wrongs" by writing "tedious songs." All these years later, Joan Baez is still singing her heart out, and sometimes wearing it on her sleeve.
Pull the trigger on this download.

SACRILEGE #5 : JOHN LENNON PARODY

The blunt interviews in two issues of Rolling Stone (later collected in book form as "Lennon Remembers") showed a brutally honest John Lennon in primal anger and sparing nobody, including Paul McCartney, the fans, and figures from his past including his aunt.
Tony Hendra's brutal parody "Magical Misery Tour" (from National Lampoon's "Radio Dinner") used mostly Lennon's own words from that interview to turn furious rage into a comical tantrum. He was so close in voice and attitude that the signature line "Genius is Pain" could almost have been lifted directly from a track on John's first solo album.
Hendra recalls, "Lennon was the ultimate sacred cow...I have never been so nervous as the night we recorded this cut. It was, to put it mildly, a high-profile assault, and I'd never had the slightest talent for impersonation...I had no idea why I was doing it, only that it was right and new, another of those leaps in the dark. It was frightening even just to attempt it. Lennon might have been sacred, but I was scared."
John was a huge fan of iconoclasts, but there's no report on whether he was a fan of this devastating satire. Fortunately most fans who read John's interview agreed that their hero had a bit too much "self-obsession" (as Hendra called it) and considered the parody pretty valid, and the music very solid (piano by Melissa Manchester, who turns up at the end as an unconvincing Yoko Ono).
Hendra had some electronic help to get the right nasality and pitch (ironically, John would often demand his producer use echo or other tricks to "fuck up me voice" with studio enhancements), which does make some of the words hard to understand. Most references are probably obvious to Beatles fans. The "Eastman" mentioned, is Linda McCartney's father, who was suggested by Paul as the right attorney to handle the mess that Apple had become.
The lyrics:
"I RESENT performing for you fuckers, tell me, what do you know? A lot of faggot middle-class kids wearing long hair and trendy clothes. Look, I'm not your fucking parents and I'm sick of uptight hippies coming knocking at me door with a fucking peace symbol, get this, fuck that, I don't owe you fuckers anything and all I got to say is FUCK YOU. The sky is blue.
"And Mick Jagger, I think that Mick's a joke with all his stupid faggot dancing. I always did. Wiggling his ass you know, it's just a lot of bullshit. And where does he come off saying all those tarty things about The Beatles when every fucking thing we ever did Mick tried to copy and you know we even wrote his second fucking record for him, no, The Stones aren't the same in class as The Beatles either music wise, or power wise, and never ever were. Pardon me, sir!
"Paul said he hated Yoko, tell me, why should Yoko have to take that kind of shit? Shit from those fucking sons of bitches? George said she gave off evil vibes. I should have beat the fucking shit right out of him. Him with his fucking Hare Krishna
"Me auntie, she tore up me fucking poems. She just threw the bastards out. I can't forgive her, 'cause she didn't treat me like a fucking genius. Look, you bastards, I'm a genius, like Shakespeare and Beethoven and Van Gogh! Don't you dare criticize my work! "Don't Worry Kyoko" was one of the fucking best rock and roll records ever made! I'm a fucking artist! I'm sensitive as shit! I throw up before I go onstage! I can make a guitar speak! If I could be a fisherman I would, but I can't, because I'm a fucking genius!! I was the Walrus! PAUL wasn't the Walrus! I was just saying that to be nice, but I was actually the Walrus! Him and that rubbish he's been singing! Eastman was an animal! A fucking stupid middle-class pig. I won't let fucking animals like that near me! Yoko is a supreme intellectual! I'll tell you why nobody likes her music — because she's a woman and she's Oriental, that's why!
"Where are you Mother! They're trying to crucify me! Genius is Pain...Genius is Pain...(primal screams) Turn left at Iceland...(more screams)"
SACRILEGE:
John Lennon satire. Instant download or listen on line.

SACRELIGE #4 Simon & Garfunkel Satire

"Hello darkness, my old friend."

A message left by Art Garfunkel on Paul Simon's answering machine? For those who continue to continue to pretend that friendships never end, and that flowers never bend with the rainfall, I suggest you NOT download this celebration of Simon hating Garfunkel and vice versa.

Those mature enough to realize that often the only thing that keeps a relationship going is a mutual need to make a little cash, here's hoping you'll like "Here's Hoping." It was performed on England's "Not the 9 O'Clock News," about 25 years ago. At the time, Paul and Artie were tolerating each other for a tour, which wasn't helped by a British TV interviewer asking Garfunkel about all those great songs he wrote. That's probably why this satire has Paul very prominently declaring HE wrote all the material.

ILLFOLKS declares that the Photoshop job on the picture above is also satire.

Simon and Garfunkel created some great songs together. Their solo work can be enjoyed at home or while exercising in Paul-Artie's classes. So at the illfolks blog, the joke is on those who still don't get it; people will grow, mature, and sometimes start disliking and avoiding each other. Call it a'pauling, or art-istic, but it happens, and here's some fun over the feud...

Instant download: Simon and Garfunkel HERE'S HOPING

SACRILEGE #3 : A JAMES TAYLOR PARODY

Continuing the series of "how can they make fun of our idols," here's Chris Guest skewering Sweet Baby James. "Highway Toes" was performed in a National Lampoon revue called "Lemmings," a parody of Woodstock. The cast album has been re-issued on CD.
Mr. Guest is more familiar to you from "Spinal Tap" and his work (pictured) in the folk-music satire "A Mighty Wind." He has written, directed or starred in many cult-favorite movies and is responsible for giving Jamie Lee Curtis orgasms.
Here he has some fun with the commercial brand of vulnerability exuded by the Sweet Baby's damaged-goods lyrics, nasal delivery and timidly genteel guitar playing. When it came to being the sad singer-songwriter every co-ed wanted to cuddle, James Taylor used a full arsenal of soft-pop effects. His arse gets a full booting thanks to Chris Guest, who is clearly being less than sensitive.
How could he make fun of James Taylor??

SACRILEGE #2: BOB DYLAN LAMPOON

"The waffle farmers got a chance to lob their pickle grenades..."
Gee! How waffle!
How does it feel, to no longer be a complete unknown...and the target of some jerks makin' fun of your hallucinogenic lyrics?
Watch out for the Yogurt People. Ketchup in your hair. Because..."17 Miles from Waukegan My Cantelope Died." That's the title of this very early Dylan parody. It's on the Harvard Lampoon's "Sheep" album (many years before the National Lampoon and their "Lemmings").
Sacrilege #2 in the continuing series. They're parodying Dylan!
What's it to ya, Moby Dick?

SACRILEGE #1: Kate Bush Parody

The first of a series.
Oh, how can satirists dare to smash our beloved icons! Is nothing sacred?

"England My Leotard" was broadcast Nov 3, 1980 on "Not Necessarily the 9'Oclock News." Title based on her 2nd lp, music copped from "Them Heavy People," it suggested her fame was based on eccentric, wide-eyed Femlin posturing in a leotard. Why not? Thinks: "She's so nuts, I might even have a shot at her! I'll say Proust or Bronte and she might come flying towards me..."

Even Pam Stephenson, impersonating Kate, was pretty hot. Pam married Scottish comedian Billy Connolly, has three kids, and now is a hypnotist and therapist. She has a degree from the California Graduate Institute, which I think carries more weight than anything from the University of Phoenix.

Correct me in the COMMENTS section if any of the lyrics are wrong. Some of these lines don't quite make sense. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Unbelievable!


I was into yin and yang and hatha yoga
Ginseng and caraway seeds and being a non-smoker
My carrot quiches were better than the bought ones
And they were thicker than two short ones
People bought my latest hits
'cause they liked my latex tits
Everyone trying hard
To get inside my leotard

Went to my hairdresser to have a hair-do (do-be-do-be-do)
He asked if I knew A La Recherche De Temps Perdus
That's how I was introduced to Colette, Cocteau and Marcel Proust
Now wholefood cookery is just a sideline [speeded up la la la's]

I went to Cairo and I read the Gnostic
Apocryphon of John in the original Coptic
Korsakoff's psychosis theories
And the Fibonacci series
Studied acupuncture and the Bible. Buy-a-bubble!
Opened the windows in my mind

'It's not your mind, it's your body they're into-ooh'
My business-manager said.
He said that I need an intellect like I need a
Hole in the-hole in the-hole in the head

Though I'm an honorary member of Mensa now
I'm going to try and keep up the pretense somehow
Will you buy my latest hits
Because you like my latex tits?
And you're all trying hard to get inside my
Leotard...leotard...leotard

Yes, the stereo version differs slightly from the actual broadcast version (which you can find on YOUTUBE). Return to the days when Kate used to sing, dance and pose in a leotard. Bulging eyes and lips, lithe movements, strange lyrics, odd voice, a bustline even a blind man could appreciate...
SACRILEGE #1: How Can they Make Fun Of...
KATE BUSH. Instant download. No mega-rabid wait.