Showing posts with label Paul Simon related. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Paul Simon related. Show all posts

Friday, May 09, 2014

The Sound of...Ronald Colman doing Paul Simon?

Last week, you got to hear a fairly inept, cheap version of "Sound of Silence," related to Paul Simon's recent court embarrassment.

Response was overwhelming. "Is there a version even worse?"

Below...a contender.

It's from a 101 Strings album called "Sounds of Love."

Rather than simply allow the overly ripe catgut twangers to do their thing, somebody thought it would be helpful to have a "romantic" narrator recite the lyrics.

Yes, narration with the 101 strings prodding from behind.

Yes, well before William Shatner began to make a name for himself with this type of thing, here's some guy affecting a kind of Ronald Colman cadence as he reads, and occasionally "improves upon" the words of Mr. Simon.

It does make one pray for silence.

"SILENCE" IN RECITATION THE SOUNDS OF LOVE

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Paul Simon, Edie Brickell Arrested: Demand Sound of Silence

At this moment, somewhere in Connecticut, Paul Simon and Edie Brickell are wishing for the sound of silence. So below, they, and YOU, get a rare, bizarrely inept version of the song. It was done by a cheap-o label, featuring anonymous singers. But allow my digression into current events...

They've gotten a lot of static after a minor domestic event made headlines. Apparently, Edie "pushed" Paul and after a while, Paul pushed her back. This is remarkable because Edie hasn't had a hit in years. A push is the best she can get?

You remember Edie. She had that incredibly annoying "What I Am" song, where Miss Hippie Dippie minced around and mindlessly sneered, "I'm not aware of too many things. I know what I know, if you know what I mean." The chorus seemed to maddeningly continue for hours: "What I am is what I am. Are you what you are or what? What I am is what I am . Are you what you are or what?" There was a line, "Choke me in the shallow waters before I get too deep." It's remarkable it's taken so long before anyone's even pushed her.

In court, a puffy faced and pissed off Paul, wearing a kiddie jacket from Sears and an unmatching not-hipster fedora, told the judge that the twosome rarely fought at all. And to nobody's surprise, Edie announced she was not afraid of her husband. No kidding. Even the last surviving munchkin is not afraid of Paul Simon.

Meanwhile, bloggers and Tweeters and Farce-bookers had lots of fun quipping Paul Simon song titles: "There must be 50 Ways to Beat Your Lover," and "She loves me like a rock…in the head," "Where's the radical priest to get them released," "What a peculiar man," and, of course, "Still Crazy After All These Years." All the couple wanted to do was get back home to their kids, 16, 19 and 22 (which are pretty strange names for kids…not that Kanye's daughter North West has anything to be proud of.)

Trying to bridge the troubled water, the judge instantly released Edie on her own recognizance. He handed her a mirror, which helped her a great deal. "Oh…Edie Brickell," she said, staring into the mirror as she was led away. If you haven't kept up on her career, well, neither has she. She did write lyrics for Steve Martin's last album of banjo tunes…which is already a punchline without any need of a set-up.

Simon was making a new plan, Stan. To avoid being that mean individual stranded in a limousine, he went out the back, Jack. Still, one enterprising photographer was standing in front of him, aiming a camera. Paul deftly walked between the guys legs, and escaped, homeward bound.

How did all this start? Well, in Paul's little town, the cops seem to have to file a report any time a husband and wife breathe too heavily. It turns out Paul's mother-in-law called 911 after the shoving match, mostly on Edie's part, seemed to get out of hand. "I am leaving, I am leaving," Paul apparently said after pushing Edie out of the way. But the fighter remained. To be arrested. Along with Edie. Who knows, they may have to wear ankle monitors, and call in once a day to say they're "feeling groovy."

Listen, Paul's been through enough. Would YOU want to constantly be asked, "When are you going to see Garfunkel next?" No. You wouldn't. You wouldn't want solemn people asking, "What does "cross in the ballpark mean," and "How come "You Can Call Me Al" and "Julio in the Schoolyard" were big hits when they made no sense?" And you surely don't want to hear, "Why aren't your new songs anywhere near as good as the old ones?"

Worst of all, Paul has had to suffer some truly abominable cover versions of his songs. Check out the one below. It was on one of those budget "Song Hits" singles…where you'd get 6 "hit" songs sung by 6 "shit" singers. No surprise that most of the time these performers weren't close to "sounding like" the stars…but here, the two guys imitating Simon and Garfunkel seemed to scribble down the lyrics after one listening. So "cobblestone" is "cold as stone" and "fools said I" isn't even close…and is that "sign" or "siren" they're semi-singing?

Sorry for the dull scratches, but as you can imagine, after hearing a single like this, one IS prone to start throwing things. Usually the single. Fortunately, the Connecticut Police weren't around at the time….

Cheap "SONG HITS" lame cover of SOUND O' SILENCE

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

TED NUGENT: "STILL CRAZY" (Paul Simon via UDO LINDENBERG)


Below, a foreign language version of "Still Crazy After All These Years," by Udo Lindenberg: "Immer noch verrückt nach all." Because you probably haven't heard it, and that's mostly what this blog is about. You can sing along if you like on the chorus: "Ich wäre zu verrückt. Immer noch crazy nach all den Jahren."

You were expecting a Ted Nugent download? No, Ted's music doesn't qualify, because it's still popular, and it's also still crap after all these years…just mindless D-list arena rock even less appealing than such wastes as Aerosmith and Kid Rock.. You can judge an artist by his audience…and if his audience is full of loudmouths, headbangers, and assholes almost too high or drunk to stay in their seat…it's a pretty good sign that this isn't music to actually listen to, just the soundtrack to play loudly over the sound of throwing up a six-pack of Four Loko.

For a few years I had a radio show at midnight, which allowed me to play the kind of "ill" music you find on this blog. Or truly alternative rock from a Ron Nagle or Judy Henske. Not to mention usual suspects like Zappa. But the times I subbed in the daytime, I'd play "mainstream" music…Fleetwood Mac, or a decent example of arena rock: Bob Seger. But no, I stayed well away from Nugent, just on album jacket alone, where he often looked like the psych ward patient who was committed after going around biting the testicles off neighborhood dogs.

Some people like his stuff? Fine. If they play his music and it keeps them banging their heads against a wall rather than beating their children, great. Somebody needs The Nuge's music after 8 boring hours in an ear-deafening factory hammering bolts and tightening nuts…go ahead. Live and let live. There's plenty of great music to post on a blog without griping about something the great unwashed happen to love. I had no idea if the guy was still alive until the other day. That's when I saw an editorial written by him for The Washington Times (not to be confused with The Washington Post). And at the risk of a pretty long entry that nobody might even read, I felt it required rebuttal.

His topic? "Be Prepared for Evil." Which I think was how his record publicists promoted his albums.

In the days following the murders in Arizona, most sensible people have called for an end to toxic hate rhetoric, to using gun sites on political websites and phrases like "Don't retreat, Reload." Obama gave a 30 minute speech in which he asked people to "do better." There was even some faint talk about allocating more funds to help the mentally ill, and ways of keeping citizens safe from gun violence.

Nougat-brained Nugent doesn't feel that way. His editorial insists the only thing to be learned from these ever-increasing incidents of mass-killings and berserk gunmen running wild, is…to "be prepared." Meaning, pack some heat and be ready to use it. Here's the complete text:

There is evil among us. Always has been, always will be. As I write this, in the past four days, a high school assistant principal in Omaha was shot and killed and the principal wounded. Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords of Arizona and 19 other Americans were gunned down at a constituent meeting being held at grocery store in Tucson.

Federal Judge John M. Roll, a 9-year-old girl and several others are dead. A dozen more, including Mrs. Giffords, are gravely wounded.

In addition to this slaughter and the gunning down of the high school principals in Omaha, scores of other law-abiding Americans were murdered, raped and beaten this past week. These victims didn't make the national news, but they are victims nonetheless.
Dozens and dozens of additional Americans will become victims next week. And the week after. And so on.

It is hard - almost impossible - for people of good will to fathom the depth of evil that resides in the soulless monsters who commit these senseless, violent and deadly crimes.

Regardless of whether we can fathom the evil and carnage that some rabid monsters do, we must be prepared and ready to respond to evil at a moment's notice. We can't depend on law enforcement, professional and brave as its members are, to protect us from murdering, psychotic monsters.

These murdering psychotics have slaughtered innocent Americans at shopping malls, schools, restaurants, churches and courthouses. And now a grocery store parking lot. No place is safe.

I'm not interested in understanding why these deranged, rabid monsters commit carnage. Trying to make sense from complete nonsense is a waste of time.

I'm also not naive enough to believe that we can prevent these mad dogs from gaining access to weapons, though I adamantly believe we must do what we can to keep these lunatics from doing so.

What I do believe is that, sadly, another lunatic will commit more mass carnage - maybe not tomorrow, next week or even next year. But it will happen again, just as it did at Luby's cafeteria in Texas, at Virginia Tech, at a McDonald's in San Diego, at Columbine High School in Colorado and at a shopping mall in Omaha.

Knowing this, we must do what is prudent to protect ourselves and our loved ones from these vicious monsters. That is our duty and responsibility as husbands and wives, parents and caring people of good will in our communities.

There is evil among us, and it will again attempt to execute evil, but the good must always be ready to conquer evil if our society and culture are to progress. Never before has the need for a higher level of awareness and a warrior mindset been more important. The days of disconnected unawareness should be over.

We can still be relaxed and comfortable, but mentally prepared and more tuned in to our surroundings. Be prepared to stop evil in its tracks and live. There is no other choice.

Ted Nugent is an American rock 'n' roll, sporting and political activist icon. He is the author of "Ted, White and Blue: The Nugent Manifesto" and "God, Guns & Rock 'N' Roll" (Regnery Publishing).


Huh? Aside from promoting himself as an "icon," and as some right-wing gun-loving crazy who might deserve his own talk radio show, his big idea is "be prepared." An editorialist is supposed to offer ideas and solutions. All he's saying is we must "be prepared to stop evil in its tracks and live." So how do we do that? The man is a huge gun nut. So I think we can agree that his answer is: MORE GUNS. How else do you stop a Jared Loughner in his tracks? It's too late to reason with him, right? He's been allowed to a) get through the mental health system, and b) get a weapon of mass destruction because no background check or law prevented him. So no, let's not try and strengthen gun control laws, or laws that might make it mandatory for someone kicked out of school to get therapy and medication. No, Ted's answer is we should all pack heat! We should all "be prepared" by anticipating a gunman will open fire at any moment, and fire back.

I'll agree with Ted Nugent up to a point. I think the 2nd amendment is worthy. As much as I loathe it, hunters should be able to have their sport, especially if it involves animals that are overpopulating the landscape. I also think gun fans should be able to enjoy target practice. And I also believe that anyone who owns a home, would have to be pretty naive not to worry about a break-in. Excellent security alarms might help, but being able to reach for a gun when there's noises downstairs or at the window is not unreasonable. But fools keep their guns where their kids can play with them. Fools don't always have the maturity to cool off before grabbing a weapon and going after somebody or even shooting themselves. Fools don't need a machine gun or a Glock. Fools often shoot first and ask questions later…the burglar shot as he walks onto the property at night might turn out to be the next-door neighbor who was only coming by because he ran out of Maalox.

Think about this. Even the well-trained police make mistakes and shoot the wrong person, and they were trained to show restraint under pressure and practice on the firing range enough to be accurate. What if a few people at Safeway had guns? They would've been shooting each other. We would've had more casualties. Somebody pointing a gun at Jared Loughner might've been mistaken for the assassin and shot. The tragedy only would've had more victims. And when Ted says gun incidents will happen again, he's right. The other day in California, some kid shot a schoolmate in the head. Why? He did not secure his weapon (as Harry Brown would say). He had no business having a gun. It was in his backpack and it went off. Tell me, Ted, what the fuck are school kids supposed to do in a classroom? "Be prepared" by hiding under their desks? Should one of them have also been carrying a gun and shot down the kid who had fired accidentally?

The Nuge wrote: "We can't depend on law enforcement" and that we need "a warrior mindset." Yeah. Mark David Chapman had "a warrior mindset." But hey, it meant that from 1980 on, there would be a bigger market for new Ted Nugent albums, since there would be no more from John Lennon.

People who are irrational will rationalize every reason NOT to do the right thing. As in: Oh, if you ban guns the crazies will make bombs instead, or poison the water supply." And "If we ban an Uzi or a Glock, next thing you know, we won't even be allowed a Daisy air rifle." And on and on.

The reality is that only a few extra laws and a little extra government money in the right place would've prevented the Arizona tragedy. Jared's school fortunately had the legal right to throw him out...but should've also had the right to contact mental health providers to get him evaluated. And there should've been enough government money for him to get medication if he couldn't afford it.

Want more? The crime would've been prevented if there were laws allowing gun dealers to turn down somebody the Army rejected and who computer records showed to be under treatment for mental problems. And more: if gun control laws banned 31-clip magazines in all 50 states, Jared may have had a very tough time finding the black market weapon of his dreams. How about legalizing prostitution? If this guy got laid once in a while, he may not have been posing in a G-string and fondling a gun and taking his frustration out on a female politician who happened to be rather attractive.

The notion that fighting a crazy by being crazy yourself, is crazy. And Ted Nugent is so fucking crazy he could probably listen to Udo Lindenberg and not realize the song is in a foreign language. To someone as bat-shit crazy as Nugent, it would sound perfectly normal.
Immer noch verrückt nach all Paul Simon sung by Udo Lindenberg

Saturday, May 29, 2010

DEAN JONES : Paul Simon, Jimmy Webb and John Hartford


You've got to admit that Dean Jones had taste. When it came time for him to join the ranks of TV stars making record albums, he chose some good material, including obscure tunes from two rising talents, Jim Webb ("The Name of My Sorrow") and John Hartford ("I Didn't Know the World Would Last This Long." Your download's those two songs plus Dean's articulate rendition of Paul Simon's "Sounds of Silence."

His album was on the Dot label, and it's certainly a speck of nostalgia today. Come to think of it, so is his Valiant album (that's the name of the label) the debut he issued a year earlier ("Introducing Dean Jones") not to mention the nine singles he issued for MGM in the late 50's including "Tennessee Rock 'n' Roll," "Ballad of Gunsight Ridge," "There Goes My Heart" and "Fall Guy." There was also one single for Liberty called "The Proud Don't Cry."

There are probably several different types of Dean Jones fans. Most would remember him as a slightly befuddled Disney hero, star of various "Herbie the Love Bug" movies, as well as "That Darn Cat," "Blackbeard's Ghost" and "The Shaggy D.A."

Others know him as a capable actor with a sinister streak. In the film "Two on a Guillotine," and in episodes of such TV fare as "Burke's Law," it was hard to tell if he was going to turn out to be the hero or the villain. He was somewhat of a straight-man as the star of the sitcom "Ensign O'Toole," which some Baby Boomers still remember with fondness. Broadway buffs know that he was the youthful star of "Under the Yum-Yum Tree," and that he was the honest actor who felt he wasn't right for Sondheim's "Company" and negotiated to leave the show early in it's run.

In the 80's the Born-again Christian toured in a one-man show called "St. John in Exile," and in the 90's appeared in Danny DeVito's "Other Peoples' Money" among others. The semi-retired actor's latest film roles are "Mandie and the Secret Tunnel" and "God Provides," and he provided quite a bit for the charity he founded in 1998, "The Christian Rescue Committee."

He recalls, ""I was doing Show Boat at the Kennedy Center when a Jewish friend came backstage and said, 'We Jews couldn't have gotten our people out of the Soviet Union without the help of the Christian church. How come you Christians aren't helping the 200 million of your brothers and sisters who are being persecuted?' "The next week I was told that 15 Christians were imprisoned in Saudi Arabia for having a prayer meeting. We sent an advocate and with the help of two U.S. Senators, three weeks later the Christians were on a plane leaving Saudi. I've been working with the committee ever since to help get people who are seriously persecuted for their faith escape to safer living conditions."

Too bad Dean's album isn't providing safer living conditions for record store owners, but it was never destined to be a $50 wall item. His Broadway sensibilities may not have been quite right for folk-rock (you can understand every line of the lyrics) but any fan of Dean Jones will be happy to download these samples…and most everyone's had a reason to be a fan of Dean Jones for something or other during his long, varied and impressive 50 year career on stage, screen and television.
DEAN JONES SINGS

Update November 2011: Rapidshare deletes files if they aren't uploaded often enough to suit them. The title track has been re-upped individually via a better service:

DEAN JONES SINGS "SOUND OF SILENCE"

Saturday, March 29, 2008

I AM A ROCK covered by MARIE CELESTE


The name Marie Celeste probably rings a distant bell...or buoy. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle popularized the legend of the ghost ship that was found drifting, Friday the 13th, December of 1872, cargo intact but the entire crew missing.
His fiction piece was about the "Marie Celeste" rather than the real name, "Mary Celeste," just as Edgar A. Poe's "Mystery of Marie Roget" was a fictionalized account of the death of Mary Rogers. "Marie" just sounds more exotic, doesn't it?
The ship was commanded by Captain Benjamin Briggs, who had a seven-man crew and also his wife and two-year old daughter aboard. The best theory is that something spooked everyone into leaving the ship — quickly. And that they perished in the treacherous waters before making land or returning to the boat.
Fast-forward to 1971, when "And Then Perhaps" arrived...an album by the group Marie Celeste, featuring a schooner on the album cover, leaning precariously on troubled seas. (Paul Simon's paul-simon.info website tracks the song's recording date to 1968). The group, whom critics compared to Oberon, privately pressed (Audio Archives PAM 006) only 200 copies of the record. It has been rescued from obscurity and is now on CD via Hi-Note, who declare you will enjoy hearing all cuts for the "haunting twin female vocals, a unique hallmark of the band. A must for lovers of esoteric underground UK." http://www.artist-shop.com/hinote/index.htm
The band apparently disbanded long ago, with a new Marie Celeste (vocalist Patrik Gill) making minimal waves in the 80's. Once a band is dead, especially dead and obscure, it seems pretty easy to just grab the name, and so there's now yet another Marie Celeste, a trio from Rotterdam. They haven't come up with anything like this...

I AM A ROCK launched by MARIE CELESTE Listen on line or download. No pop-ups, code words or wait time.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

STIFFLY WOODWARD: Elton John & Paul Simon


Edward Woodward is probably best known for his role as the stiff, hung-up police inspector in "The Wicker Man." Before that, coming off his stint as star of a British TV crime series, he put his stiff upper and lower lips in front of a microphone and sang some severely sincere versions of pop songs.
A pair of these will more than suffice. "Sound of Silence" is completely baked, but too sincere and too on-key to get tossed into that nasty pile of "golden throats" celeb vocals we all love to laugh about. No, Woodward wants silence, and he gets it. No jokes here!
He also tackled an obscurity, an early Elton John-Bernie Taupin number called "The Tide Will Turn for Rebecca," which is not about that time of month. What it might be about is, typical with Taupin lyrics, not too clear, but read along for yourself:

"Can you hear the floorboards crying in a room on the second floor, that used to be owned by someone who's no one, but he don't live there anymore
"Only Rebecca clasping her head on her knees, trying to work out what is about
And why someone had to leave.
"But dry up your tears, stop counting the years. Don't worry what's coming. Forget all your fears. And the tide will turn for Rebecca. Her life will change, her hopes rearrange into something that might really matter
"She's all alone in a world of her own with a key that fits her lonely world. You won't need a crowd to shout out aloud what she says deserves to be heard."

Mr. Woodward, in "The Wicker Man," suffered enough (including having frightened farm animals pissing on him during a fire scene...something viewers didn't get to see in the finished movie). So without wisecracks, take these two and don't leave a comment in the morning...

Look Ed Wood-ward Angel - SILENCE
Look Ed Wood-ward Angel - REBECCA

Friday, June 29, 2007

Paul Simon's Lost Alienated Cereal song


We know Paul McCartney mumbled "Scrambled Eggs" before he arrived at "Yesterday."
Well...Paul Simon had similar breakfast problems, singing:
"Something tells me things have changed since I've been gone.
My bowl of Rice Krispies ain't what it used to be!"
His lady friend isn't what she used to be, either:
"Your eyes are filled with icicles, your touch is bitter cold.
"And I know I have been on the road too long..."
What lyrics are these?
Lyrics that didn't make it.
The melody lingered on, but Paul changed his dark lines about cold cereal and colder girlfriends into a hallucinatory report on happenings "At the Zoo."
That's when Garfunkel decided it was worth joining in. Here on this demo, Paul's on his own.
Hear what happens when you're so alienated, your bowl of Rice Krispies gives you the silent treatment.

Snap, Crackle and... DOWNLOAD (OR LISTEN ON LINE)

Friday, March 09, 2007

SACRELIGE #4 Simon & Garfunkel Satire


"Hello darkness, my old friend."

A message left by Art Garfunkel on Paul Simon's answering machine? For those who continue to continue to pretend that friendships never end, and that flowers never bend with the rainfall, I suggest you NOT download this celebration of Simon hating Garfunkel and vice versa.

Those mature enough to realize that often the only thing that keeps a relationship going is a mutual need to make a little cash, here's hoping you'll like "Here's Hoping." It was performed on England's "Not the 9 O'Clock News," about 25 years ago. At the time, Paul and Artie were tolerating each other for a tour, which wasn't helped by a British TV interviewer asking Garfunkel about all those great songs he wrote. That's probably why this satire has Paul very prominently declaring HE wrote all the material.

ILLFOLKS declares that the Photoshop job on the picture above is also satire.

Simon and Garfunkel created some great songs together. Their solo work can be enjoyed at home or while exercising in Paul-Artie's classes. So at the illfolks blog, the joke is on those who still don't get it; people will grow, mature, and sometimes start disliking and avoiding each other. Call it a'pauling, or art-istic, but it happens, and here's some fun over the feud...

Instant download: Simon and Garfunkel HERE'S HOPING

Friday, January 19, 2007

All The Nuns With Guns (& Paul Simon)


Here's a G.E. Smith song with Paul Simon on backing vocals. Even most Paul Simon fans don't know about this rarity. In fact, if you listen closely, you can hardly hear him in the mix. But he's there, and that's part of the quirk on this obscure but catchy tune.
Thanks Jim Delehant (Hit Parader/rock mogul) for handing this to me one day. Many days ago.
G.E. Smith was the somewhat crazed-looking guitarist leading the "Saturday Night Live" band (1985-95). He also married Gilda Radner, worked with Dan Hartman and toured with Hall and Oates. Among his compositions; a co-write credit on the "Wayne's World" theme song.
Smith's stinging guitar is very evident on this track, but you also get to hear him sing.
Instant dowload with no hassles. NUNS WITH GUNS