Maybe a few out there remember TIMMIE ROGERS? "OH YEAHHHH!"

Celebrating “Black History Month,” here’s a download from Timmie Rogers.

“OH YEAH!!!”

It’s doubtful too many on the planet know who Timmie Rogers is, or that “Oh YEAH” was his cool catch-phrase. He did make it to the Ed Sullivan and Jackie Gleason-type variety shows in the 60’s, but was eclipsed by Flip Wilson, Cosby, Pryor and others. During the comedy record boom, he put out one stand-up album. Godfrey Cambridge put out four. Oh well. Not everybody has all the luck.

Detroit-born Timothy Ancrum (July 4, 1915) had a rough and tumble childhood, which included dancing in the street for spare change. Eventually, he was dancing on stage, one half of Timmie & Freddie. They toured for a dozen years before Timmie decided to go solo.

He made some decent money as a songwriter (nothing too well known, although some might remember Nat King Cole’s’ "If You Can’t Smile and Say Yes.”) He didn’t make too much as a singer, whether it was straight tunes or novelty numbers. But in stand-up, he did pretty well. He wasn’t forgotten by some of his colleagues; he turned up on an episode of “Sanford and Son,” the same show where Redd Foxx gave breaks to a lot of old-timers, and turned LaWanda Page, a former fire-eater and exotic dancer, into the unforgettable “Aunt Esther.”

But…Timmie didn’t quite become a regular on “Sanford and Son,” and has yet to be rediscovered for his pioneering work (which included coming out onstage sans any Pigmeat Markham extra black on his face, and with no Mantan stereotypical faces and preferring a "normal" suit and tie to some Mabley type of shabby and brightly colored outfit).

Below, oh, just one of his novelty numbers, no doubt influenced by Chuck Berry, written by Kal Mann and Bernie Lowe. Will you be amused? “OH YEAHHHHHH….”

TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER! (TIMMIE ROGERS)

"THESE GHOULISH THINGS" remind me of FAY DEWITT

 

Fay Dewitt’s “THROUGH SICK AND SIN” album arrived in 1961, at a time when there was great interest in edgy comedy, black (meaning darkly satiric) humor and sick comedy. The cover's odd humor seems to involve Fay not believing an apple a day should keep the doctor away. Maybe you hadda be there.

At the time, Lenny Bruce, Shelley Berman, and Jonathan Winters were all accused of crude and weird joking. Time magazine sounded the alarm with an article on the "sick comedy" trend. Tasteless remarks was something Time could not tolerate... although they did refer to Shelley Berman's face as looking "like a hastily sculptured meatball."

Tom Lehrer was the star of poor taste songs, but alarmed critics were noticing that chi-chi clubs and revues were beginning to load up on questionable songs about cocaine, Lizzie Borden and double entendres below Cole Porter's belt. When you couldn't trust Hermoine Gingold or a Julius Monk revue to maintain a wholesome standard, something was wrong! But....selling.

Major record labels began to take interest. Berman and Winters were on Verve, and Columbia signed Paul Lynde to be their sick comedy star. Warners tested the sea-sick waters with a tepid album of risque songs performed by Joan Barton (who was not exactly competition for Ruth Wallis, Faye Richmonde or Rusty Warren). Epic likewise gave the genre a try with the provocatively titled "Sick and Sin" album, although few tracks were all that sick, and there was nothing "sinful" that would cause anyone to blush.

"These Ghoulish Things," not to be confused with the parody on "These Foolish Things" that appears on Sheldon Alllman's 'Sing Along with Drac" album, is by David Rogers and Mark Bucci, who wrote the score for "Cheaper By the Dozen." 

Fay is 85, still ready for work singing in cabaret or acting in sitcoms, and has a long, long resume that includes a variety of classic TV shows, including "Car 54," "McHale's Navy," "The Farmer's Daughter," "That Girl," "Gomer Pyle," "All in the Family," "The Jeffersons," "Mork and Mindy," "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend," and "Good Samaritans," all done after this album arrived. 

Fay's impressive stage and film credits go back to 1950 when she was in "Pardon Our French" with Olsen and Johnson, and 1951's infamous "Flahooley" with Irwin Corey. She recorded several "straight" singles on labels including GNP, Mood and Leeds. In the world of fanboy geeks and perverse trivia fans, she is known for being one of the few celebrities who killed somebody. In her case, it was her violent husband. They had divorced, but in a drunken rage he broke into her place and began beating her. She grabbed for a letter opener and fatally stabbed him in self-defense. This ghoulish thing seems to have endeared her to fame-fans who haven't heard her sing and perhaps haven't connected her to any of her vast variety of roles, which includes parts in Don Knotts movies, and in everything from "House" to "Murder She Wrote."

THESE GHOULISH THINGS - listen or download via Mega

Ouch: PUNCH AND JUDY LOVE from TONY BENNETT - or has it been banned?

For many, a beloved childhood memory is "Punch and Judy." Whether in book form, or a live show, this was an early example of hilarious comic violence. Mr. Punch was a kind of like Marty Feldman with W.C. Fields' mean streak. He took great delight in kicking dogs, being mean to babies, insulting his wife, and bashing policemen.

Judy: "Where's the child?"
Punch: "I tossed him out the window. I thought you'd catch him." 

Usually a "Punch and Judy Show" as seen at a British seaside resort, was no worse than a Three Stooges short. For kids, it was just a lot of silliness, with puppets hitting each other over the head and causing no real damage. Compare it with the traumas kids suffer today, when they go to a movie and it's prone to have bloody violence, and the TV news will have worse. And yet...you guessed it...the Punch and Judy puppeteers have lost work over the years. Typical of the hassle: 

“Punch and Judy Love” is a peculiar B-side Tony Bennett recorded well over 60 years ago (September 24, 1954). It's the work of Philadelphia's Bob Merrill who also wrote “How Much is That Doggie In the Window,” “Mambo Italiano” and “If I’d Known You Were Coming I’d Have Baked a Cake.” Oh yes, he also penned the irritating “Honeycomb,” a hit for Jimmie Rodgers. With a resume like that, you expect the worst. At best, he wrote the sweet and sappy "Love Makes the World Go Round" (the hit song in the now-obscure musical “Carnival,” originally sung by Anna Maria Alberghetti.)

Bob Merrill doesn't seem to know much about "Punch and Judy," as the lyrics that Tony Bennett brays in that naggy voice of his, are pretty mild:

It’s a Punch and Judy love you hand me

Kiss and run, touch and go.
Like a Punch and Judy show

And I do whatever you command me

For I must have your kiss or I’ll die
Though a Punch and Judy show is fun, dear

Pay a dime and you’ll learn

Every time the tables turn
Are you smart to break my heart and run, dear
?
You may cry when the curtain goes down
.
That’s the danger of 
Punch and Judy love

Punch and Judy shows may not outlive Tony Bennett! And yes, Tony is STILL performing. If you were over 90, would YOU go through the misery of flying out to obscure towns in Indiana for a few gigs? Tony Bennett would.  

Tony was at The Victory Theater in lovely Evansville, Indiana on November 1st, and the Embassy Theater in charming Fort Wayne, Indiana. It's one thing to visit Chicago, Vegas, Los Angeles, or other places where you might have old friends to see, and tourist attraction sights and museums to view. But...Evansvile, Indiana? Really, Tony? 

A little more sane is Tony's next stop: Florida for dates on November 30th and December 3, 5 and 8. Go ahead, shout out a request for "Punch and Judy Love."

PUNCH AND JUDY LOVE - listen online or download - No creepy Eurotrash website with porn pix, malware or spyware. No password. No whine about wanting a Paypal tip

NATIONAL PERIOD DAY - "RED RIVER SALLY" by DICKIE GOODMAN

Above..."RED RIVER SALLY." I'm providing the YouTube link because it's possible (though not probable) that the weeds who run Orchard Entertainment might (but might not) toss a few pennies in royalties to Dickie Goodman's son. 

He, in turn, should donate his money to NATIONAL PERIOD DAY charity. Shouldn't he? Jesus Fuckin' Christ, there are plenty of things trending on TWITTER, but what could be more important than THIS? There are plenty of charities around (feed the starving, save the planet, ASPCA, NAACP, PETA, Cancer Care) but surely NOT as worthy as THIS. 

Bloody hell: 

NOW what? 

NOW what do the Muslim Women of the World and the Social Justice Whorriers want to bother us with? What did White Heterosexual Men do NOW? 

We have allowed some Muslim women in Half-Assistan to dribble inside their burkas? Really? How can you even tell? A few red spots on the ground? We're talking about some Nigerian girls who are a bit spotty in their huts? The ones who haven't been abducted, raped and KILLED by Boko Haram? (Let's have our priorities here...Boko Haram isn't the enemy, MENSTRUATION is). 

Let's not be red-faced about this. It's obviously a SERIOUS issue if it makes a gay man of color dribble some fake blood out of his nose. If HE identifies with this incredibly important issue shouldn't we ALL? (No, no, don't give to medical research on Toxic Shock Syndrome, which involves the consequence of using a tampon...) 

Jeez. You thought "Red Nose Day" was a bit ridiculous? The idea with THAT, is to raise money "to end child poverty." You donate your money or...no, no, better than THAT, you wear a fucking RED NOSE on your stupid fucking face, to remind OTHER PEOPLE to DONATE MONEY. 

PS, if you haven't had a hit song in 40 years, try writing one about RED NOSE DAY. Still nobody paying attention? Try NATIONAL PERIOD DAY (and talk about a whiter shade of Kotex). 

I'll get to Dickie Goodman in a few paragraphs. Let's continue with what's REALLY important.  

No, I'm not talking about "INCONTINENT URUGUAYAN DAY" or "DRIPPY DINKA DAY." Some poor old peasant in South America or in Africa who has some kind of problem with the urinary tract or anus can just suffer. Life is TOUGH. I'm talking about...

NATIONAL PERIOD DAY, period! 

In olden times, you know what poor women did? They'd find an old sock with a hole in it, and put that up against the leaky hole. Then at the end of the day, they'd replace the sock, while putting the other in a basin to wash out and re-use. You don't expect poor women to do THAT anymore. 

You also have to understand what DIGNITY is about. MILLIONS of women who menstruate are starving, too. But if you ask them which they'd like better, a Tampon or a Breadstick, damned if they wouldn't say TAMPON. 

Remember when the Black athletes at the '68 Olympics raised their fists in the air over Civil Rights? Well, they were a selfish lot, weren't they? They should've raised their fists and had Tampon Strings dangling down, in support of poor females who don't have enough money for sanitary napkins (that's sanitary TOWELS if you're a British reader).  

That Colin Kaepernick guy? He should change his name to Colin Cop-a-napkin. Or Tampon Kaepernick. SOMETHING. Take a knee? How insensitive to the poor women of the world who can't take a squat without leaving behind a stain. Stephen Crane I think called it "The Red Batch of Porridge." Didn't he? He was thinking outside the box. Or about the box.

Some say we should alert people about gun control. How ridiculous. Make that: CUNT CONTROL. 

Some jerk with an AK-15 can shoot down 50 people in a disco or a mosque or a synagogue, and send blood spattering all over the place. We should be much more concerned with making sure some Tongan who can't even afford underpants has got a tampon and she's tidy. National Period Day trended on Twatter...er, TWITTER...so remember, that's a RED FLAG!

People who are worried about climate change, over-population, the spread of disease, rampant violence, religious fanatics killing people, wars breaking out all over the globe...need to bloody well think about TWAT instead. Some people protest that Texas leads the USA in executions? Forget Texas and think about Kotexes. You idiots who are concerned about free lunch for school children who are mal-nourished are really a bunch of selfish, heartless, brainless misogynists. SHAME!

Feel GUILTY. Realize that your day will be coming, when more women will be politicians, judges, lawyers and heads of charity organizations, and they will put vaginal politics FIRST, as it should be. It's the #meGOO movement in all its gory. Er, glory. 

Only a few men will get sexual with a woman who is going with the flow. Only Alice Cooper sang "Only Women Bleed." Men should funnel the money they were going to send to Farm Aid or The Humane Society or World Wildlife Foundation to Blot the Twats instead. Anyone who doesn't deserves a punch in the nose! 

It's understandable that the righteous Muslim woman in that "Period Movement" ad is feeling like a martyr. Help her before her next period, because she might get cranky and start making EVERYONE bleed. Remember that while the ice continues to melt at the North Pole, there's some needy girls dripping in Syria, Turkey, Nigeria, and thousands more in Brooklyn.  

And remember, white heterosexual males, this is YOUR fault. Don't blame God for inventing menstruation. Don't blame Allah either. Jesus would've created loaves to sop up the fishy cycle of clamato misery IF he hadn't been bloodied on the cross. And Moses was thinking, "You know, there's another Red Sea I should be dealing with..." 

Oh. Dickie Goodman. Well, after pretty much inventing the "break in" novelty record, he tried to diversify. When Allan Sherman scored a hit with "My Son the Folksinger" and the follow-ups 'My Son the Celebrity" and "My Son the Nut," Dickie self-pressed his own album of homely re-done folk songs and called it "My Son the Joke." To his credit, he chose to do mostly risque parodies, the kind of thing Allan Sherman could not have released on Warner Bros. "Harry's Jockstrap" (a variation on "Sarah Jackman") got quite a bit of radio play on Dr. Demento's show, but that was years and years after the original album was released, and probably after Dickie Goodman killed himself.

Stanley Ralph Ross,  calling himself merely "Stan Ross," also tried to cash in on Allan Sherman by releasing the refreshingly honest album: "My Son the Copycat." But this isn't National Stanley Ralph Ross Day, it's NATIONAL PERIOD DAY, and it's Dickie Goodman who gave us...RED RIVER SALLY. Listen to it five days a month. And remember, the money you were going to give to the Red Cross should go to a red crack.

CREEPY BACHARACH #1: “TWO HOUR HONEYMOON” - Paul Hampton

Why the long face, Burt? Is it because you recognize that you look a bit like Paul Hampton and Jeffrey Epstein? 

Epstein died before he could cover some Burt tunes, like "Do You Know a 3-Way in San Jose," "What the world needs now is love...with 14 year-olds," or maybe "Always Pubic Hair to Remind Me." 

Meanwhile, Paul Hampton can't live down the astonishing "Two Hour Honeymoon," which was a pretty obvious attempt to tap into the "Teen Angel" market of disaster tunes. In fact, it arrived (or rather, crashed) in 1960, well before that look-out, look-out masterpiece, "Leader of the Pack." So give credit for the first song to have skidding sound effects. 

In all fairness, Burt is only responsible for the music. The perp behind the sicko lyrics is the performer himself, Paul Hampton. Hampton at the time was not only involved in the music world, he was an actor, notably in "Senior Prom," (which co-starred comic James Komack and had a brief role for Moe of the 3 Stooges). 

As you see, or squint, the single was "arranged and conducted by Burt F. Bacharach." He was responsible for adding cricket noises to denote the desolate area in which the crash occurred.
He chose the slimy noir sax in the background, one that recalls the Mike Hammer theme song “Harlem Nocturne." This was the era when cynical narrators (including Lee Marvin on "M Squad") described life's miseries while cool jazz played in the background.

People who say “that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard, bwaa  haaa haa,” are generally dimwits or limp-wrists. If something is terrible, it’s terrible. That’s all. There’s nothing funny about it. What makes songs like “Tell Laura I Love Her” or “Dead Man’s Curve” fun is that they are not only sincere in their dementia, but turn tragedy into art. Somehow.

The problem with Paul Hampton is that his choked-up sniveling is so unpleasant one doesn't feel sorry for him at all. Within a minute, you wish he'd hurry up and drop dead. Usually, you like to savor the agony (as in the gore connoisseur favorite “DOA” by Bloodrock). At least, if the singer is martyrd and woebegone, like Mark Dinning on "Teen Angel," you feel for him even if you have trouble hiding an amused grin. 

Hampton is over-acting as he lies in the wreckage, grumbling that the timing is so lousy and it's his honeymoon, and that his surviving wife should get on with her life. Imagine if the narrator was a hard-luck country star like Jim Reeves or even Jimmy Dean? How about if it was Don Ameche as John Bickerson?


Burt is still with us at 91, and so is Hampton, at 82.  His schizoid career includes singing (not narrating) the peppy theme song for “My Mother the Car,” and for writing the classic “Sea of Heartbreak,” which has had many cover versions, including the pairing of Rosanne Cash and Bruce Springsteen. Hampton's last album was back in 1974 for Ray Stevens’ bathos-loaded Barnaby Records label, and his last film appearances were in 1992 and 1993 (“Waxwork II” and “The Thing Called Love”).  

You'll not be laughing about it being "one of the worst things" you've heard but such a knee-slapper. It IS an experience, though. You might even want to play it a second time, or send this link to some friends, just to shake 'em up. After that, the honeymoon's over. 

TWO HOUR HONEYMOON - instant download or listen online - no passwords or porn ads  

CREEPY BACHARACH #2 “Feelin’ No Pain” - Paul Evans

The guy looks like he's feelin' no pain, right? He might soon be feeling like he's gonna throw up, but that sound effect would only add to the fun of this oom-pah rock waltz. Yes, before the bombastic Tom Jones and "What's New Pussycat," here's Paul Evans, putting on a happy face as he does a tipsy dance. Maybe later on, his high will wear off and he'll drip the tears of a clown, and some piss down his pants leg. 

Burt Bacharach's lyricist for “Feelin’ No Pain” is the usually reliable Bob Hilliard, the guy who co-wrote the hilarious yet passionate “Tower of Strength” (Gene McDaniel) and “Any Day Now” (which had a fine cover version from Judy Henske.). 

We can't say Hilliard is an un-sung genius. His lyrics have been sung very often. With music by Mort Garson, Hilliard gave us “Our Day Will Come.” With music by David Mann, Hilliard penned “In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning." With Phil Springer, he came up with “Moonlight Gambler” for Frankie Laine. And with Lee Pockriss, he knocked off the too-cute novelty “Seven Little Girls (Sitting in the Back Seat),” sung by this very same (but sober) Paul Evans.

Bob Hilliard either was sought after by every composer, or he couldn’t get along with any composer too long. Either way, he is long gone (he died in 1971 at the age of 53). "Feelin' No Pain" remains, if not for your amusement, then the same shock diversion as looking at car accident pictures and skank model wardrobe malfunctions in the London Daily Mail. 


Some campy limp-wrists chortle about things that are “so BAD they’re GOOD.” No, they’re NOT.  It's just a symptom of cruelty to snicker on the sidelines and make fun of somebody trying their best and being sincere about it. Or as Shatner would put it, “never was talkin’ about still trying.”
  
No way should you be laughing and enjoying “Feelin’ No Pain.” It’s here to CAUSE pain. Like a car accident, the point might be to see what went wrong and what could've saved it. Evans is no Tom Jones, so his voice can't fight the bombast of the band. He lacks the pathos of an Anthony Newley so you don't feel sorry for the guy who may know what kind of fool he is. 

Then again, this was a B-side, so sometimes you take a swing and you miss, and back then, nobody really expected a B-side to be any good anyway. 

It's cruel fun, sometimes, to laugh and give thumbs down to some utter idiot on one of Simon Cowell's "Got Talent" shows. Somebody comes out, unprepared and tone deaf, and deserves the boos. But here, professional musicians are at work, and if they've struck out, well, we don't laugh when a baseball player strikes out, either. We feel something, though. Which is better than feeling nothing at all, or worse, being a craven campy idiot hooting and knee-slapping because it's "the WORST!" 

Of historical note; the arrangement here is one of the first in attempted pop-hitdom, or pop hit dumb, to use a tack piano. Go ahead and say it: it’s tacky. 

FEELIN' NO PAIN - no pain in the ass password or pesty porn ad download server. no spyware

REACH OUT IN THE DARKNESS for FRIEND & LOVER and MARK TWAIN

July is the month to remember “Friend and Lover.” 

July of 1968 was when their lone hit, “Reach Out in the Darkness” climbed from a promising debut in June to stay in the Top 20 through the month. It was an optimistic song, and it may have helped some people deal with the murder of Robert F. Kennedy just a month earlier, June 5, 1968.  Martin Luther King Jr. was killed only a few months before that, April 4, 1968. 

July 4th 2018 was the date when Cathy “Cat” Conn died. The event wasn’t well covered in the papers, as it had been a long time since she and her friend and lover (and ex-husband) Jim Post were getting a lot of airplay. While Jim is still active in the music business, and can celebrate the 50th anniversary of the “Friend and Lover” album (released in 1969),  Cathy left it long ago. She had two more marriages and three children. She was born in Chicago, lived quite a while in New Mexico, but came back to Evanston, Illinois two or three years before the end.      

 In the beginning, the husband-wife team (they were married only a few months after they met) played the local Chicago folk clubs, including Earl of Old Town, which had welcomed Phil Ochs, Steve Goodman and so many others. As “Jim and Cathy,” they recorded a 1965 single for Cadet: “Santa’s Got a Brand New Bag” b/w “People Stand Back.” Their next single, now under the “Friend and Lover” name, was for ABC Records: “A Town Called Love” b/w “If Tomorrow.” 

Then they auditioned for Verve’s Jerry Schoenbaum, he preferred them to be heard but not seen: “You have to send me a tape,” he told the duo, “I never listen to people in person because I’m affected by the way they look.” After all, it was all about radio play back then, and the sound. Jim said, “Why don’t you turn and look out the window?” He did and he signed them. “I think it’s so groovy now…”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqLRd4neGGE

    Yes, this was an uplifting tune, especially since it was pretty much of a lie: “people are finally getting together.” Really? Well, yes: “We went to a love-in in Central Park. When we left, I had two lines written on a napkin: ‘I think it’s so groovy, now, that people are finally gettin’ together,’ and ‘reach out in the darkness.” Inded,  there were the love-ins and peace marches, but there was also rioting in the street and two major assassinations. 

     The hippie-dippie tune was just the newest “summer of love” anthem. The previous year, July of 1967, it was The Youngbloods’ sappy “Get Together,” with the Pollyanna scolding of: “Come on people now, smile on your brother, Everybody get together, try to love one another right now.”  That dopey tune had been around for years, recorded by the Kingston Trio and even Jefferson Airplane before these shit-kickers punted it into the Top 40. Now, wise “Friend” Jim Post was singing:  “I knew a man that I did not care for…we sat and talked about things on our mind. And now this man, he is a friend of mine.” 

    “Reach Out in the Darkness” was Top 10, with session man and novelty singer Ray Stevens playing keyboards and Joe South producing, but the follow-up, “If Love Is In Your Heart” b/w “Time On Your Side: You’re Only 15 Years Old” didn’t make it. The latter, a kind of naggy Sonny & Cher tune, offered helpful advice: “Go talk to someone 65. You’ll be happy you’re so young and alive. And in a few years you’ll discover your father and mother love you so much more than you ever knew!” 

    Their hit was successful enough to warrant a full album, which came out in 1969, 50 years ago, but that was it. Produced not by Joe South but by Buddy Buie, and included nicely harmonized but silly things like “Weddin’ March: I Feel Groovy” and energetic soul-pop nonsense “I Wise Man Changes His Mind.” The lead track “Boston is a Lovely Town” is bombastic, but who the hell cares? They were raving at high speed over “lovely houses standin’ all around, made from stone out of the ground….fly up to New England!”  

    Friend (Jim) and Lover (Cathy) divorced, and Jim tried for a solo career with “Colorado Exile” on Fantasy, the label that had Creedence Clearwater Revival. Undaunted by the lack of commercial success of his debut, Post continued to create indie albums (including “Ship Shape,” “The Crooner from Outer Space” and “Reach Out Together”), and even branched out into children’s books, with gimmick “board books” including Barnyard Boogie” and “Jungle Beat.” (If you buy “Frog in the Kitchen Sink” by mail, be sure to ask the seller if it’s the first 3D rolling, bulging eye version or the one with a halograph sticker instead.)  And yes, Jim re-married too; his wife Janet is a children’s book author. 

    Jim also works as a Mark Twain imitator. Unlike Hal Holbrook, his impression includes music. His JimPost dotcom shows that he’s still performing the Twain show at a local restaurant/theater in Galena, Illinois. That’s his real mustache, folks. He also still performs his solo songs in local Illinois clubs. A highlight is his reworking of “Reach Out in the Darkness” melded with “Get Together.” Cool! Isn’t it? Well, actually, yes. Bless old hippies everywhere. They are more tolerable than young rappers. And props to Jim for saying “I don’t have any CDs here to sell. I don’t care what you do.” 

SWINGIN’ THE ALPHABET: The Three Stooges B-I-Bicki as Big Band’s B-I-BI

Listen to THIS guy Swingin' the Alphabet! He doesn't exactly look like MOE, though, does he?

One of the most beloved musical moments in 30’s film comedies, right up there with Groucho singing “Whatever It Is, I’m Against It” and W.C. Fields warbling ("Poor Young man) a British Music Hall ditty in “The Fatal Glass of Beer,” is The Three Stooges “Swingin’ The Alphabet” in the 1938 short “Violent is the Word for Curly.” (The title was a pun on the 1936 movie “Valiant is the Word for Carrie,” with Gladys George in the title role of Carrie Snyder.  

Professor Moe Howard, with able help from Larry and Curly, instruct a bunch of hot-looking coeds on how to sing some weird variation on Pig Latin. It was based on the 1875 song “The Spelling Bee,” written by the amusingly-named Septimus Winner. Winner apparently based it on a college chant, “Ba-Be-Bi-Bo-Bu.” Bu-bu-bu-borrowing tunes was quite popular in the days before copyright and is even MORE popular now that the Internet has made defending copyright difficult and unpopular.

Only three years after the Three Stooges swung the alphabet with their B-I-Bicki-Bye, some Bi-sexual stooges created “Bi-I-Bi.” The numbskulls: Sydney King Russell (S.K. Russell as he preferred) plus two babes, Judy and Beverly Freeland. Oddly, “Bi-I-Bi” was VERY popular as sheet music. Any hipster cruising into a department store for something more interesting than “Tenement Symphony” (from the Marx Brothers 1941 film “The Big Store”) could find “Bi-I-Bi” on sheet music with either Beverly Mahr, The Harrison Sisters, The Tune Toppers, Ray Bloch or Hal McIntyre on the cover. Yes, FIVE different cover versions on this piece of…sheet music. 

The song was recorded by quite a few orchestras, including ones helmed by Horace Heidt (Columbia) and Guy Lombardo (Decca). However, RCA’s Bluebird version from Bob Chester and his Orchestra (vocal refrain by Betty Bradley and Bob Haymes) seems to be the only one captured on film. Just click the link above and hear how some of it is WAY TOO CLOSE to the Stooges’ song. 

Interest in botching the alphabet for nonsense syllables didn’t end with the shellac whacks of 1941. In 1957, Gene Vincent and his Blue Caps released "B. I. Bickey Bi, Bo Bo Go" which was b-b-based on Don Carter’s song "Bi I Bicky Bi Bo Bo Boo.” When Gene grabbed it and adapted it, Carter got a co-write credit. You might recall that Gene had already dazzled the public with "Be-Bop-A-Lula.” 

Don Carter may have dimly recalled the Three Stooges song when he wrote his ditty, but it’s more of a dopey Roger Miller-type square dance tune: “B.I. Bickey Bi, Bo Bo Boo, Grab your gal and go go go, you love me, and I love you, B.I. Bickey Bi, Bo Bo Boo.” 

I know, this MAY be too much information, but it's original research and not stolen off ALL MUSIC by some asshole in Croatia pretending to know what he's talking about. Nothing here is album cover and a link with a moronic line, "I love music, I love sharing, and I love being in a third world country and thinking I'm hip! if anyone objects, let me know, and if my blog is taken away because I'm a douchebag, I will get another one and keep doing it." 

In 1959, the revived Three Stooges (with Curly Joe DeRita) released “The Nonsense Songbook.” The very middle-aged trio offered “The Alphabet Song” among the mild novelties. In 1985, Malcolm McLaren recorded a punk-disco take called “B.I. Bikki.” And that covers the B-B-Basics. It’s a bit sad that the original Three Stooges never had a chance to join Spike Jones in putting out bizarre 78 rpm music massacres. The discs that came later…by the Big Band bozos, by Malcolm McLaren and others…are a bit sad, too. Should anyone request a treatise on “Hut Sut Song” or “Mairzy Doats” - go ask someone else.

OBSCURE CHIPMUNK SONG COVER - Christmas Don’t Be Late - PAUL SHERMAN

      Back in the 50's and early 60's, a mild form of piracy was the "cover song." Somebody has a hit, and some weasel, usually on an indie label, tries a sound-alike version to divert sales. "The Chipmunk Song" was such a smash hit, Paul Sherman covered it, even though it had to take time to mess around with the speeded-up vocals of his faux-chipmunks.

      "The Chipmunk Song" was a masterpiece in a way; a novelty that captured the greed of snot-gargling high-pitched incomprehensible brats...but made it lovable and funny by turning them into cartoony chipmunks. The brats sing about how they can't wait to get their toys ("Me, I want a hooooola-hoooop") and one of them is too obnoxious to care if he's on key ("Alvin!") 

       In the original, the parental voice of "David Seville" was supplied by the song's actual creator, Ross Bagdasarian (Sherman's version doesn't quite spell his name correctly). Ross's previous novelty hits included the noxious "Come Onna My House" (creepily sung by Rosemary Clooney in dialect) and, just a half a year earlier, "Witch Doctor," where speeded-up vocals included an infectious nonsense-word chorus most people knew by heart "Ooo eeeh, oooh ah ah...ting tang walla walla bing bang..." 

      Paul Sherman? A fan of novelty songs, Paul was dubbed "The Clown Prince of Rock and Roll" when he DJ'd at WINS, along Murray The K and Stan Z. Burns. He joined the station in 1943, well before it became the hot spot on the dial for teen music fans. Born July 10, 1916 in Brooklyn, Paul, like most of the WINS crew, grew up a fan of Big Band music and hipster jazz. Murray the K called his show a "swingin' soiree," which was hardly a hip term his teen audience could relate to. When he was hanging with The Beatles, he was twice their age and wearing a pretty silly-looking hipster hat. When he first tried novelty singles, he chose to cover The  Treniers' "Out the Bushes," with dated slang terms like "fan it" mixed in. 

       40-something Sherman, a graduate of Queens College, worked with Dickie Goodman on the 1958 novelty "Santa and the Satellite," released on the Luniverse label. It was clumsily credited as "A Buchanan and Goodman prod. with Paul Sherman." The same year, he went over to Baton, a small label run by Sol Rabinowitz, and created his "Chipmunk Song" cover. Baton was best known for R&B singles, having had a hit with its very first release, "A Thousand Stars" by The Rivileers. Rabinowitz had walked the song into the local black music station, WWRL, and managed to get DJ Tommy "Dr. Jive" Smalls to play it. 

       No such luck happened with Paul Sherman's single, which wasn't fast enough to exploit The Chipmunks' success. "The Chipmunk Song"  arrived in November of 1958 and climbed to the top of the charts by Christmas. The album “Let’s All Sing with the Chipmunks” was quickly recorded in December of 1958 and included  “Alvin’s Harmonica” which was released in February of 1959, as the follow-up single. It nearly reached #1 as well, landing at #3. Paul's single, "The Chipmunk Song" b/w "Alvin's Harmonica," probably came...and went...around February or March. 

        Paul didn't become a WINS dj with clout until around 1962, when he replaced Bob Lewis as a weekend music spinner. It doesn't seem that he tried to push another novelty song even when he had more power. Murray the K, by comparison, dubbed himself "The Lone Twister" and played his own record (also called "The Lone Twister" and released by Atlantic) without telling listeners it was him. 

       In 1965, WINS was sold to Westinghouse Broadcasting, and one day the music died. The beloved rock and roll station ceded to Cousin Brucie's WABC, and to the WMCA "Good Guys," and became "all news." Some fans couldn't believe it. WHO would keep the dial on a news channel all day? People did. People also turned it on periodically for the weather, sports or traffic info. The need for such a station was almost immediately justified by the notorious New York City blackout in November. Transistor radios were all tuned to all-news WINS. Paul Sherman had been retained by the station, and easily transitioned into his new job. In fact, Paul became part of the news in 1974 when Joey Gallo (yes, immortalized via a Bob Dylan song) was shot. The killer wanted to surrender, and avoid being "accidentally" gunned down by police. His lawyer called on...Paul Sherman at WINS for help. 

       Sherman retired after 38 years at WINS, and like a good New Yorker, moved to Florida. He died two years later, at the age of 66. 

       Today, few kids "want a plane that loops the loop" or a hula hoop. They'd rather have a drone and some drugs. Still, around this time of year, "The Chipmunk Song" returns as a nostalgia item. The speeded-up vocals still mimic the high-pitched, snot-nosed whining of actual children. Yes, kids STILL are incomprehensible at that age. Some things never change. 

PAUL SHERMAN'S VERSION of THE CHIPMUNK SONG - instant download, listen on line. No hidden links to creepy re-direct websites. No Paypal donation requests. No egocentric passwords.

Russian Bandstand - Spencer & Spencer and Yadi Yada

Funny thing, if some novelty songwriter, or their estate, objects to having an entire album tossed around the Internet...the reaction is serious. As in: "Why don't they like SHARING? Why ruin our FUN in enjoying their comic music free? Capitalism is fucked up and copyright is copywrong. Comrade. Good thing they can't touch us if we use Russian websites and servers! Har har! Can you stop us? NYET!" 

As we see from the headlines, nothing stops Russia and its pals...North Korea, China, Syria, or Russia's hemorrhoid, Croatia. At best, play nice, give aid, keep trading with them (but let's BDS Israel, says Peter Gabriel). ALEXANDER LITVINENKO? Who? The list of famous and ordinary people who have been killed not only in Putin-controlled countries, but in “free” countries, is a long, long list. So would be a list of jailings, pogroms and beatings meted out to a variety of creative people. PUSSY RIOT, anyone? The days of the Gulag are far from over. Ukraine, home to many powerful boxers and MMA fighters, trembles as Putin sniffs hungrily at its borders. 

Back in 1959 Spencer & Spencer gave radio listeners an idea of what would happen if music was controlled the Russian way. Dick Clark's "American Bandstand" was turned into "Russian Bandstand," and yes, Comrade, a song could be a bullet up the charts, or an artist could get a bullet in the head. 

The humor was a bit dark, but many comedians were having problems finding something nice to say about the guy running Russia, Nikita the K. He was the guy who pulled off his shoe and banged it on a table at the U.N., and frankly warned, "We'll Bury You." Over at the Hungri i, when Nikita the K had announced he would come to the USA and wanted to tour Disneyland, Mort Sahl simply said, “I don’t think that Red killer should be here.” He was surprised to be in the minority on this point. 

Now, nearly 60 years later, and we simply accept the atrocities of Putin and his pals Kim and Assad and the others. Like hapless artists who have their fans re-upping files or using Russian servers, people in the free world shrug and say, "Nothing we can do. We can yelp a protest and look weak, or ignore this shit and try to make the best of it." Instead of saying NO to the Putin mentality, the rest of the world elects people just like him. So the guy in America and the guy in Saudi Arabia ignore protests over a slain journalist. 

As those who've downloaded the entire Paul Simon discography might note, one track shrugs off depression with the message "Have a good time." Living well is the best revenge, especially if the money you save on music can go toward buying drugs or booze. In fact, a good time can be a preoccupation with downloading just for the sake of downloading, and if the Russians toss some spyware or malware in the download or it comes through via an ad on a dodgy website, at least you're not gonna die from it, like ALEXANDER LITVINENKO. 

Spencer and Spencer was the name used by Mickey Schorr and Dickie Goodman for a few novelty tracks in 1959. Previously, Dickie Goodman’s singles were credited to Buchanan and Goodman and his partner was Bill Buchanan. It’s possible Dickie didn’t want it to seem like he had a permanent new partner, but it’s also possible that since the new combo traded more in gags and less in “break-ins,” it would raised DJ expectations and disappointed everyone to put the needle on the groove and NOT hear questions answered with cut up versions of pop tunes. After the Schorr teaming, Dickie went solo for decades of "break-in" singles, some becoming hits. They've all been gathered on compilation CDs sold (but, strangely, not tossed onto Russian servers for everyone's enjoyment) by his son Jon. 

There's probably a Russian server hosting somebody who is giving away the entire Goodman discography, and some fans squealing in shoutboxes, "Thank God for Russia!"

RUSSIAN BANDSTAND - listen on line or download, no spyware, porn ads or egocentric passwords

PAUL FREES Charlie Chan's The Beatles: RET IT BE

The amusing good news in the music world is that The Beatles are back on the charts. The re-issued re-mixed "WHITE ALBUM" (with digitized outtakes) has reached the Top Ten. It's not that much of a surprise, considering it's getting close to Christmas and a lot of people buy anything (even Ringo and Yoko albums) for their collections. 

It's easy to boast about an mp3/FLAC/wav collection of shit you downloaded off forums and shoutboxes and torrents and will never even listen to. But to PAY for music? To display it on a shelf and respect it? That's rare. At this moment, while assholes are downloading entire discographies of Slade and Whitesnake and begging some stranger to help them complete their Windham Hill and James Last collections, real music fans bought and are savoring the nuances of great music. They are actually listening, carefully, to outtakes on even a lesser Lennon item like "Cry Baby Cry." They're marveling at the sound of "Inner Light" or "Lady Madonna" before the vocals were laid down. 

Over at this, the Blog of Less Renown, there's ZERO interest in fucking over musicians, record labels or music sellers by giving away entire discographies. There's ZERO interest in the juvenile, piggie game of "sharing" as long as there's a PAYPAL donation payoff. Quality over quantity. You can chow down on an entire box of Dunkin Donuts till you have diverticulitis up your fat ass, or you can have one beautiful, healthful, fragrant kumquat. And here's that kumquat....

"LET IT BE" from Paul Frees. Paul made a fortune from his incredible talents in voiceovers. He narrated serious movies. He voiced gruff Boris Badenov and Ludwig Von Drake, and ridiculously high-voiced Poppin Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy. He began his career as an impressionist and once starred, all by himself, in a radio show in which he did ALL the voices. He dubbed Tony Curtis's female voice for "Some Like it Hot" and added background voices (half an Italian restaurant). 

This tidbit was, for a long, long time, a well-kept secret. Although I was very good at picking out Paul's voices (yeah, including John and George on those "Beatles" TV cartoons), I had NO idea about the Doughboy until he told me, or "Josephine" in "Some Like it Hot." Now, it's a bit easy to hear Paul when you watch the movie, but not very, because he was very good at this unusual higher pitch. It probably would've ruined the fun if Tony Curtis had admitted to being voice doubled at the time. But what if he'd been nominated for an Oscar and won? 

Toward the end of Tony's life, Paul Frees fans had spilled the beans on the Internet, and he grudgingly gave Paul ONE paragraph (page 194) of "The Making of Some Like It Hot," which came out almost posthumously: "(Director Billy Wilder) thought my Josephine voice had recorded too low; the other characters would have been suspicious of me. So he hired Paul Frees, who was a wonderfully verstaile actor with an amazing variety of voices, and he dubbed all the lines I'd spoken in falsetto. As if that wasn't enough Paul also dubbed a couple of lines for Tito Vuolo, the funeral director. Billy didn't like Tito's voice. It sounded too New York and not enough Chicago, I guess." (PS, it's entirely possible the Frees paragraph and Vuolo trivia was inserted by Tony's co-writer, who needed to pad out the slim book with every quote and fact he could find).

Paul told me he preferred to stay behind the scenes, but as a "hobby," he acted in films. A "pet project" of his was to do an album of stars singing popular songs. He walked into a studio, ad-libbed, goofed around, and it was done very quickly. 

Some tracks are inspired (W.C. Fields' "Mama Told Me Not to Come") and even qualify as a classic cover. I was surprised to learn that Jimmy Webb had no idea that Paul recorded "By the Time I Get to Phoenix" as Clark Gable. "No, they don't ask before doing cover versions," he told me, and artists and labels aren't obligated to send the finished result. I thought somebody at MGM might be proud enough to send Jimmy a copy of Paul's album, or that some "rights" organization might dutifully send a tape, documenting the usage. Silly me.

As for "Let It Be," it's easily the most endearingly stupid and un-PC cut on the album. Neither Warner Oland nor Sidney Toler adopted a ridiculous Chinese accent like this, but after you've heard the song thousands of times, "Let it Be" sort of deserves it. (Paul's other tediously beloved song, "Hey Jude" was nicely destroyed by Paul as Peter Lorre!) 

As The Beatles proved yet again, and as even Paul Frees can prove, it can be quality, not quantity. It would be nice if a listener isn't an idiot, doesn't have ADD, and understands that creative people should be able to earn money from music and not just companies manufacturing external hard drives. A sample song that inspires somebody to buy...that's still what Capitalism and morality is about. Too bad jerks in armpit countries in Europe, and morons for whom English is a second language, don't understand this, but then again, some of their best beggars ("please, can you give me, in FLAC...what I could get on eBay for almost nothing") are in the UK and USA.

Sit back and spend time listening to music, really listening, not just downloading shit from blog idiots and forum denizens who are sad, lonely, egocentric assholes who need strangers to "like" them. Downloads really can't buy 'em love. 

RET IT BE! "Let it Be" listen online, download - no dodgy download site run by a criminal, no password

SUSAN SMITH - A LETTER FROM SUSAN - DICKIE GOODMAN’S WIFE BREAKS UP!

    Logic would tell you, “ah, Dickie Goodman’s wife was cajoled into doing a female narration for one of his dopey break-in novelty singles.” But in the world of Dickie Goodman, there is not a lot of logic. 

    First off, why would anyone change their name to something as bland as…SUSAN SMITH? That’s not too logical.  THEN we get to the amusement (almost as much fun as the record) of how this woman actually got a break in the comedy business from Dickie’s one-time partner Bill Buchanan instead. 

    According to the modest (the book IS full of typos, including the inability to spell Leiber or Stoller) tome authored by Dickie’s son Jon: 

    “My mother Susan Smith Goodman, was linked to Dickie Goodman by destiny before they even met. Her upbringing lead her to a singing career. And she recorded a break-in record, A LETTER FROM SUSAN (1962), with Dad’s former partner, Bill Buchanan. Bill Buchanan had acquired a new partner by then. Howie Greenfield was an established Brill Building music publisher…Ironically, this strange twist of fate wasn’t even what brought Susan to gaze into Dickie’s green eyes. It would be years before she met him and it wasn’t through these two artists…”

    “Mom’s father, Elliott Finkelstein, born August 19, 1902, grew up in Brooklyn. His parents were Russian Jew immigrants. Mom’s mother, Celia, was another Brooklyn born descendant of Russian Jew immigrants…on May 16, 1939, Esther Duchess Finkelstein (Mom) was born… (in) a pre WW II apartment building in Gravesend Brooklyn….Mom still lives in one of those buildings…paying rent…” 

    Esther Finkelstein, Esta as she was called, called herself by a less semitic name: Joan Elliott. Under this name, she appeared in road company musicals including “Damn Yankees” and “Pajama Game.” When this didn’t get her anywhere, she dyed her hair shiksa-blonde and took on the new name Susan Smith. She appeared on Broadway in “Bells are Ringing” and opened for Las Vegas singer Eddie Fisher among others. The Vegas beauty sometimes journeyed to California where shewon bit roles on a variety of TV shows, from “Dobie Gillis” to “Maverick” to “Perry Mason.”

    “A Letter from Susan” was atypical of what Susan Smith was all about, but she did seem to enjoy comedy, and hanging around comedians. Jackie Kannon, known to knock out a novelty single or two, had a stand-up club called The Ratfink Room. He even had a short-lived comedy/sex magazine by that name. It was there that Dickie Goodman glommed her and was smitten. We’ll leave it at that for this entry. Time for you to check out how a female does a “break-in.” 

A LETTER FROM SUSAN (break-in novelty) No dopey ego password, no pesty demand for a Paypal tip

Want to Annoy Someone? Play: DUM PAPA TOO TAH TAH

      Fight BACK! Are you tired of stupid twats like Cardi B talk-singing their awful rap singles? Tired of jerks passing by in a car and blasting Drake, Pusha T and Childish Gambino? Do you NOT appreciate Ed Sheeran, or "oldies" stations that assail you with Shitney Spears, bay-bee bay-bee? Do you hear Shitney Houston, and think "I-ee-I-ee-Iee I-ee will always HATE you?" 

      Don't get mad. Get even. Get that boom box out of the closet. Convert the mp3 below onto cassette. And go out there and DUM PAPA TOO TAH TAH 'em.

    Among the many irritating tunes of the 50's doo wop era, which segued into stupid nonsense syllable pop in the early 60's, “Dum Papa Too Tah Tah” just MIGHT be the worst. It’s beyond repetitive. It’s beyond repetitive. It’s beyond repetitive. It’s the work of Sonia Von Ever, Sheila Von Ever and Renee Von Ever, who I guess pronounced their last name the French way: “Von Errr.” As ’The Vonnair Sisters,” they briefly recorded for that sadist of sweetness, Walt Disney. 

    Disney’s Buena Vista label was home to Annette Funicello, and she used The Vonnair Sisters a few times for backing vocals. The sisters recorded five singles on their own before spooning into the sugar bowl of obscurity. “Dum Papa Too Tah Tah” was the B-side to their 1961 debut single, “Beach Love.” Another try, in 1962, is the rather prophetic “Watch Out For Don.” That song Trumps some of their other obscurities, such as “Luscious Lucius" and “Blame it On My Mouth.” The sisters are so obscure that “Mouse Tracks,” an entire book about Walt Disney recordings, barely offers ONE PARAGRAPH about them.

    It takes one solid minute before these twats sing anything but “Dum Papa Too Tah Tah.” Later they explain that they have a language all their own, and this phrase somehow translates as “I am his and he is mine.” The choice is YOURS: endure Millennials, ethnic dance music, pop tarts, countrypolitan saps in cowboy hats and rappers...or say VENGEANCE IS MINE! DUM PAPA TOO TAH TAH!!!

DUM PAPA TOO TAH TAH - instant listen online or safe download - no creepy server asking you to "update your flash" or take you to a spyware site

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKIE MASON - “DON’T BLAME (IT ON) THE BOSSA NOVA”

    In 1963, Eydie Gorme had a hit with “Blame it On the Bossa Nova,” a cutie from the prolific Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil. She covered the song in Spanish, too. She was a Sephardic Jew who had an early career as a United Nations interpreter.  She often covered songs in foreign languages, but…

    The ANSWER version of the song came from Jackie Mason. This oddity happened because a) Allan Sherman was a big Jewish novelty star singing in a very plain voice, and b) Mason was a hot stand-up in 1963. His career stalled on October 18th, 1964, when he allegedly gave the finger on "The Ed Sullivan Show."  

     The show was running long. Off camera, Ed signaled to Mason that he had to wrap it up. He held up two fingers. Jackie, distracted by this, and annoyed that he had to stop when he was doing so well, made Ed's gesture a part of his act. The crowd roared as Jackie ad-libbed about being given the finger. Jackie gave the two fingers back…and dirty-minded Ed was furious. He thought he only saw a middle finger. It was a “you’ll never work again” moment. It took a long time before Ed grudgingly had Mason back, and Jackie's career recovered. 

    Not dirty like Lenny Bruce, not nearly as political as Mort Sahl, Mason was and is an abrasive wiseguy and a comic truth-teller. A catch-phrase is “Let’s be honest,” and though his act is known for Jew vs Gentile gags, he always fired at multiple targets. He probably ad-libbed “Don’t Blame The Bossa Nova” in a few minutes. The parody version is credited to Mann-Weil, but it’s doubtful those two actually wrote Jackie’s ridiculous lines. 

    Jackie Mason, born Jacov Maza, became a rabbi like his father and three of his brothers. The City College grad had his own congregation, but his comical sermons and humorous way with dealing with every day ironies in life had people suggesting he could be a stand-up comic. 

    In 1955 he began to hone his craft in the Catskill resorts of upstate New York (the “Borscht Belt” as it was called). About five years later he got a major break via The Steve Allen Show. His 1962 album for Verve (who had Sahl, Shelley Berman and Jonathan Winters) was titled “I’m the Greatest Comedian in the World But Nobody Knows It Yet.” 

    Not as “edgy” as Mort Sahl, Mason was edgy enough to get criticism and more. He told some jokes on Frank Sinatra. Why, Jackie asked, did Frank have the “sickness” of needing to go to bed with so many women? Conquest? Yes, it makes more sense than conquering a mountain. But…but…one night he got his face punched and an order: “Lay off the Sinatra jokes.” Was this bit of thuggery directly ordered by Frank, or just some violence from “well-meaning” fans of Sinatra? 

    Mason was invited back on Sullivan’s show twice in 1968 and twice in 1969, the year he made his Broadway debut in “A Teaspoon Every Four Hours,” a mild sitcom-styled play. It was notable for two things. First, it had 97 preview performances (a record that lasted till 2010 when the Spiderman musical needed twice that many to work out the bugs). Second, Jackie’s co-star was the amazingly buxom Lee Meredith (who had a vivid scene in “The Producers” as Bialystock’s secretary). Jackie came out and did some stand-up after the curtain,  to help put the audience in a better mood as they left the theater. Word of mouth still wasn’t too positive, critics were cranky, and the show closed after one official performance.

    Jackie’s attempt at a film career failed as well, although the indie “The Stoolie” (1974) was actually a pretty good movie. Two years later, director John Avildsen scored with another indie movie about an underdog loser, “Rocky.”  Fast forward about 15 tough years, and stand-up was a hot topic, with Richard Pryor, Robin Williams and others doing one-man shows. To the surprise of many, Jackie took his to Broadway and became bigger than he ever was. He would create several sequel shows over the next ten years; fans could buy a 2 CD-R set of each one in the lobby.

    Mason has turned from Democrat to Republican, and the 21st century hasn't been kind to him or his peers. Mort Sahl hasn't been welcomed as a talk show guest since David Letterman had him on...once. Mort streams shows from a tiny theater in Mill Valley, and Jackie tried reaching fans via YouTube. He still performs in Florida and in some clubs in New York and New Jersey.

      A book on Mort Sahl was ridiculously titled “Last Comic Standing.” While Mort is older than Jackie Mason and Bob Newhart, he isn't really still standing. He hobbles out holding a cane, and quickly sits to do an hour of anecdotes. Mason IS still standing when he takes the stage, and yes, still getting big laughs. 

    Happy Birthday, Jackie.    

DON'T BLAME THE BOSSA NOVA - Jackie Mason Instant Download or Listen on Line...no creepy visit to a "buy a premium account, see creepy ads, suffer a slow download" site, no Zinfart passwords, no Paypal tip jar request

William Frawley - "I Wonder Who's Kissing Her Now"

For a generation of TV-watchers, William Frawley was always a comical old cuss, first as Fred Mertz on "I Love Lucy," and later as Bub on "My Three Sons," a role he played until he was too feeble and nap-prone to continue. He was dropped in favor of slow-burn vaudevillian William Demarest, and he dropped dead, age 79, walking home from a movie.

Frawley played squinty, raspy, cynical characters in movies for years. What you saw was the man himself, a hard-drinking tough guy with just enough grouchy humor to make him tolerable. Desi Arnaz warned him that everyone knew his reputation, and if he showed up drunk, he'd be bounced off "I Love Lucy." 

The only thing that was more scary than being bounced off "Lucy" was being on Lucy's friend Ethel Mertz. With typical ego, he thought that Vivian Vance was too shapeless and frumpy to play his wife. Vance, who like Audrey Meadows, could glam up and look quite presentable, could deal with playing a dowdy housewife but had openly expressed her qualms about playing opposite a man way too old for her.

If anyone asked you if you thought that Fred and Ethel still had sex, your reply, ala Ricky Ricardo, would've been, "No I dunt." Ethel's dunt was not a sight you wanted to ponder, and, to use a Kenneth Williams euphemism, that went double for Fred's cordwangle. 

Frawley's new-found TV fame led to a record deal, and an album on Dot (the record label of semi-singers Wink Martindale and Walter Brennan) was titled  "William Frawley Sings the Old Ones." Well, it wouldn't be "William Frawley Fucks the Old Ones," or even kisses the old ones, as the tune below would tend to prove. Wearing a striped vaudevillian jacket and a straw hat on the cover, he promised grand nostalgia. 

"I Wonder Who's Kissing Her Now" might have had Bill thinking back to his lone marriage, which ended in divorce in 1927. His wife was the latter half of "Frawley and Louise," who toured the vaudeville circuit. Frawley had been getting silent film roles, and that was good enough over the next decades. He supported Bing Crosby ("Going My Way"), grumped in "Miracle on 34th Street," and "Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man" among others. He was even in Charlie Chaplin's "Monsieur Verdoux." So while Louise faded into obscurity, bachelor Bill was a Hollywood personality.

On "I Wonder Who's Kissing Her Now" and the others, Frawley's hokey tenor is suited to the rotten songs. He's ALMOST as awful as an aging Rudy Vallee would've been with the same material. But every now and then, Bill's "inner Mertz" comes through, and here, the tender whiffenpoofing gives way to a sneering, dark and bitter recitation: "I wonder who's kissing her now. Kinda wonder who's teaching her how. And I wonder who's looking into her eyes...breathing sighs...telling her LIES!" Then he flips back into singing wistfully, backed by a male choir. 

Wish he'd covered "Babalu," or the actual "I Love Lucy" theme, but this is quite memorable for all the wrong reasons. 

FRAWLEY SINGS and GROUSES - listen online or download - no wait time, egocentric passwords, or requests for donations

A Farty Frog in the Wind - Une Grenouille Dans Le Vent from EILEEN

What do we have here? Sort of a French variation on Old MacDonald? Only here it would be "Old MacDonald had some gas...here a fart, here a quack.." 

As a banjo starts to pick out what the French figured was a classic American folk song (and who knows, maybe it is), Eileen and her silly French backup singers sing while froggy fart noises and ducky quacks pop up in the background.

Did American Eileen figure to become an authentic "frog" in France by doing this GRENOUILLE song? Possible! Some years later, Veronique Sanson, the French pop-rock legend, tried to crack the American market by singing about being a "Full Tilt Frog." (No, Americans didn't care, nor were they impressed she was married to Stephen Stills at the time.) 

“Une Grenouille Dans Le Vent” is an ill oddity you should have in your collection. As Humphrey Lyttleton might explain if he was alive, it has Eileen's vocals which have the smooth charm of a swanny whistle, while the frog noises create a startling counterpoint like a raspy kazoo. "Une Grenouille" of course means "A Frog." “Dans Le Vent” is “without a Dutch asshole.” No, no, I could be wrong about that....

Listen online or download - NO Zippy "update your spyware" links or obnoxious Paypal Tip Jar requests

ILL-USTRATED SONGS #42 - CELERY STALKS AT MIDNIGHT

Are you like me? Have you enjoyed going to record stores and thrift shops and pawed through 45's and 78's just looking for songs with oddball titles? 

Sometimes the result is SO delightful! Sometimes, er, the music doesn't quite live up to the intriguing title of the song. 

Saving you a fiverrrr, or more likely a nickel, your download below offers a very ordinary big band fox trot called "Celery Stalks at Midnight," with a soporific vocal from Doris Day. No, there's no vivid lyrics about being stalked by a celery, or having a bad dream that started out in a barnyard at sundown (and everybody scared me, and you scared me the most).

Will Bradley’s 1940 original, co-written with George Harris, at least had some kind of weird punchline. After the familiar "Jeepers Creepers" melody wore out its welcome, a band member (probably wiseass drummer Ray McKinley) shouts "Celery stalks along the highway!!" Which almost saves the song. Almost.

My semi-educated guess on this novelty-dance item, is that Will was influenced by the spate of comedy-horror movies popular in theaters, as well as "Inner Sanctum," "Murder at Midnight" and "Lights Out" radio stuff. The latter show scared people one night with the story of a chicken heart that began to grow in a lab and take over an entire city. So why couldn't celery start stalking?

With films, radio shows and mystery books about mad criminals stalking women...how about "Celery Stalks at Midnight?" How about if people back then felt like buying a new single, and simply browsed the new releases looking for an interesting title?

 Ah say, Celery! Stalks! Get it? That's a thigh-slapper, son! I keep tossin' em and you just side-step 'em! (Senator Claghorn anyone?) 

Fast forward 27 years, and we had "The Eggplant That Ate Chicago," which was just as un-amusing when I found it in some bargain bin or other. There's a sucker born every minute when it comes to glancing at a song title and needing to hear it.

It was only ONE year after the Bradley original that Carl Sigman added some insipid (but how tasty is celery) lyrics so that Doris Day could cover the tune. Then as now, how many people really listened to the words anyway? 

No, Doris was NOT singing hilarious lines about a nightmare she had after eating too much celery, or sitting on a stalk. She does offer a very swingin' Ella-type vocal here, as she glosses over the possibility of some kind of nightmare or witchcraft.

The post is really just an excuse to post a photo and, finally, after all these years, offer a backing track from Les Brown. After all, this is the self-proclaimed "blog of less renown." Here you can hear...Les Brown and The Band of Renown backing Doris...and her celery...

 Celery Celery Celery! Sapristi! Download or listen online. No "your adobe is out of date" conjobs, no spyway, no Zinfart password nonsense

JERRY VAN DYKE dies … IT KINDA MAKES YOU WONDER DON’T IT?

   As we get older, we become more aware of the obit page, and it seems our favorites die more frequently. We realize, “This IS serious.” It’s going to be OUR time soon. And…it kinda makes you wonder, don’t it? I mean, about being dead? “To be really dead,” Dracula once mused, “must be glorious.” 

    No, like the dead parrot Mr. Cleese brought back to the store, a corpse has “ceased to be.” And so a once vibrant, funny guy like Jerry Van Dyke (July 27, 1931-January 5, 2018) is now silent. The Big Sleep is Sleep No More. 

    A friend of mine killed himself. He was in his early 20’s. My mother happened to meet his mother, and my mother hadn’t heard the news yet. “How is Keith,” she asked. Keith’s mother replied, “There is no Keith.” That sums it up, doesn’t it?  

    We talk about how the legacy lives on. The work is still there. The memories are around. Thus, the person hasn’t really died. What a lovely rationalization. No, the loved one is an EX-Person. One minute you might be able to call Jerry Van Dyke, and he might go off on some goofy anecdote or other. Now he can’t do that. 

    YOU can download “It Kinda Makes Yuh Wonder Don’t It” and enjoy it. And you can think Jerry Van Dyke was a personable fellow. He knows nothing about it. There is pain in sorrow for those around him, and we offer condolences, but we can’t offer condolences to a corpse. In his autobiography, Dick Cavett wrote about feeling depressed sitting on a park bench and realizing he could never tell W.C. Fields or Laurel & Hardy how much they meant to him. And how sad it also was that these guys couldn't be heartened and cheered by that kind of appreciation. Or that they couldn't just enjoy more years of retirement, being at peace instead of resting in it.

     So we end up mourning OUR loss, a bit more than the fact that someone who we wish was still enjoying life, is not. Which kinda makes you wonder. Don’t it? 

    OK, I’ll stop being existential. If it wasn’t for the title of the song, and the fact that it IS a weird fucking song, I wouldn’t have started this way. Time for an appreciation of the deceased artiste.  

    It’s been said, and was said too much during his lifetime, that Jerry was over-shadowed by his famous brother Dick. Well, so have 90% of the comedians and actors in America. Dick Van Dyke is legend. But Jerry did well for himself. He had his own personality. He played an affable variation of “stupid” in his comedy and his stand-up and his talk-show appearances. His variation was to be slighty dizzy and uninhibited. 

    Here’s a guy who could go into embarrassing detail about how your ass gets flatter as you get older, or how llama shit has no smell ("which is a good thing if you sell it as fertilizer") and the more blankly oblivious he seemed in his ramblings, the funnier he became. His light-hearted, goofy way of walking through life got him a lot of work in sitcoms. In fact he "sleepwalked" through his first TV sitcom role, a nepotistic turn on “The Dick Van Dyke Show” as Rob’s confused banjo playing brother. Jerry actually made his TV debut at 19 doing stand-up on “The Ed Sullivan Show.” He showed a lot of poise stepping out there and telling self-deprecating jokes at that age.

    Jerry’s childlike "say what you're thinking or not thinking" charm got almost instant attention. He became a regular on “The Judy Garland Show” and was in the running for many sitcom parts (including the lead in "Gilligan's Island.") He chose the infamous “My Mother the Car” figuring that if talking dog and horse sitcoms had done well, this would succeed too. It lasted a year but was picked on by critics as an example of how low and ridiculous TV comedy had stooped. 

    Fortunately for Jerry, he was able to savor fame late in life. He was Emmy-nominated four years in a row (1990 through 1993) as a co-star on “Coach.” He also performed solo shows and played dinner theater.  

      It is more than a shame that his fame on “Coach” was marred by a great personal tragedy. On November 17, 1991 his troubled daughter Kelly hanged herself.  Her strange and rebellious nature led her to porn films as "Nancee Kellie," including “Catfighting Students,” “Rump Roasts,” and “Coach’s Daughter,” marketed to reference her father’s hit series. She was married to sleazy Jack Nance, who eventually died after some thugs beat him up and damaged his already pulpy brain. The sordid story of her porn life was amply covered by “Inside Hollywood”-type documentaries at the time.

    When he got to be visibly OLD, Jerry was perfect for productions of “The Sunshine Boys.” He played Willy Clark, the firmly retired vaudevillian opposite a variety of straight men including his brother Dick, and also Tom Smothers.  

    When Tom and Jerry performed in “The Sunshine Boys” together, Jerry offered reporters a typically goofy joke: “We both have brothers named Dick, but doing this play, we're Dickless!” But really, memorizing and performing that play at their age did take balls. 

    The song below? It still makes ME wonder. It comes from the Broadway show "Kelly," which seemed like such a sure thing (music by Moose Charlap) that people were vying to cover songs from it before it even opened. The Village Stompers recorded it as an instrumental on their "New Beat on Broadway" album. Columbia handed it to Jerry for his debut single, even if the only lyrics he sang were, yeah, "It Kinda Makes Yuh Wonder, Don't It?" And I wonder, what was going on in the Broadway show during this song?

    "Kelly" lasted just ONE performance and there's no review describing the song, which was ultimately spelled with a YOU not a YUH. I'd like to think that in the musical, the rascal Mr. Kelly is either doing magic tricks, or perhaps eyeing a chorus of burlesque strippers doing a bump and grind. Well, you can imagine your own visuals that could make you wonder. You can do it because you're still alive. 

IT KINDA MAKES YUH WONDER, DON'T IT? - listen online or download, no Passwords, time delays or invitations to download malware because your Adobe is out of date so click here... 

TURKEY MAMBO!

Here's "Turkey Mambo." 

Thanksgiving is next week. So get your Tofurkey NOW. If you eat a real turkey, you might feel like the covergirl above, and think you've been cut in half at the stomach.

No way would this blog endorse or celebrate killing animals. There's a reason the President of the United States always pardons a turkey. It's to send a subtle message against cruelty. Although this year, if Trump pardons a turkey, visions of his ugly demented sons murdering elephants and lions will still be hard to erase.

The irony is that most people don't even like turkey (not when dere's frahhhd chickun). Chicken is much easier to cook. Just ask Curly Howard. Roasted turkey requires time, stuffing, basting, and great care to avoid a dry and overcooked disaster. PS, we all know there's a drug in turkey that makes you so sleepy that if you don't pass out on the couch, and instead try to drive home, you just might smack into a lightpole.

(Parenthetically noted, if you wonder why this blog is topical over Thanksgiving, but is not devoting space to the recently deceased Malcolm Young or Mel Tillis, it's because those two artists are very famous. Young's AC/DC sold FIFTY MILLION copies of "Back to Black," which ranks it second ONLY to partially black Michael Jackson's "Thriller" in sales. FIFTY MILLION copies. This blog is for obscurities, like "Turkey Mambo," which maybe sold 5,000 at best.)

Richard Hayman (March 27, 1920 – February 5, 2014) ) was a virtuoso on the harmonica, and a capable music arranger and conductor. After a stint with the Harmonica Rascals, and working for the MGM music department as an arranger, he created charts for Vaughn Monroe's big band. He signed with Mercury for a bunch of easy listening albums. And as any dumbfuck would tell you, listening to music is very difficult. The average jazz or classical piece is WAY too challenging. 

The Haymaker's version of the movie theme for "Ruby Gentry" (simply titled "Ruby") was a big hit in 1953. He worked as an arranger for the Boston Pops under Arthur Fiedler, and later conducted "Pops" concerts himself for many years with the Saint Louis Symphony Orchestra. With "easy listening music" no longer selling (and being given away by emotional Dutch bloggers instead) conducting 4th of July concerts and holiday-fests was a way for Hayman and orchestra musicians to keep doing what they loved. 

Hayman's albums were not just Jackie Gleason or Melachrino-type collections of sound-alike romantic violin music. More similar to MOR albums by Charlie Barnett or the Elgart Brothers, each album side kept listeners alert with actual changes in tempo. They sometimes snuck in a novelty tune. "Turkey Mambo," which turns up on "Let's Get Together," is much more ridiculous than other, more usual tracks, such as "Port of Spain," "Song of April," or "Never Again."

"Turkey Mambo" is a mild big-band version of "Turkey in the Straw," which is stupid enough, but what renders this even more ridiculous, and delightful, is the chorus of middle-aged men who happily call out "TUR-KEY! MAM-BO!"

RICHARD HAYMAN your download of "TURKEY MAMBO"

Weak and Meek: TELSTAR with LYRICS - Bobby Rydell

Back in July of 1962, the lonely metal ball called TELSTAR hurtled into space, promising a new era of communication. 

Surely, with a satellite bouncing TELevision and TELephone and TELegraph signals all over the world, TELSTAR would help bring more understanding and brotherhood to the world. In August of 1962, The Tornados offered a musical salute to the new technology via Joe Meek's moody yet futuristic and optimistic instrumental, "TELSTAR."

In October of 1962, the Cuban Missile Crisis nearly brought us World War 3. 

Maybe the problem was that "TELSTAR"  had no lyrics? All you need is love, folks. Add some love lyrics to "TELSTAR" and maybe the Capitalists and Communists would get along. So, what were the lyrics added a few months later to TELSTAR?

"Magic star above, send a message to my love! Tell her that I'll wait patiently. Sad and so lonely, dreaming of her only. Swift as graceful as a dove up above, Magic Star up high, dancing through the sky, tell her that my heart cries for joy! Please say that one day I'll hear her voice say I'm her one and only boy!" 

What did Joe Meek say when he heard this? "It doesn't scan!" may have come to mind, but not before "What the fuck?" 

Meek, fascinated as he was with pure sound, could not or would not put words to "TELSTAR," his ode to a communications satellite. He also could or nor would not put into words the reason why he later chose to blast his landlady to heaven, and then turn the gun on himself. 

Rydell is still with us. He had a scare at age 70, needing transplant surgery in 2012, but it proved successful. 

TELSTAR may have been eclipsed by other forms of technology, but hasn't been forgotten. First off, there's the catchy Joe Meek song. People who have no idea TELSTAR exists, have heard and loved the song. It's even inspired a few more. In 1991, Susanna Hoffs recorded "Wishing on Telstar," by Robin Lane and Jimmy Cipolla. It has slightly, only slightly better lyrics: 

"I had a lover, but haven't we all
. He had to leave so sometimes I'd call…
Satellites are blinking all through the night
. Wishes like this don't seem right...

Higher and higher, burns the fire. 
Love's lost on the telephone wire. 
Too high to reach, too hot to hold
. Wishing on Telstar, should've been told..."

Did you know the there was not only TELSTAR, but TELSTAR 2? The original was launched on July 10, 1962, and a second one on May 7, 1963. 1963 was the year Kennedy was killed. Few things around in 1963 are still around and functioning as good as they once did. The TELSTAR satellites no longer work.

Both satellites are still circling the Earth. They are mutely looking down on a planet that is circling the drain.

 TELSTAR WITH LYRICS - BOBBY RYDELL (Download or listen online)