Lorne Greene and the Jewish "RINGO" called...SHLOMO - Happy Rosh Hashanah

Jewish holidays always shift around. When's Rosh Hashanah this year? Yom Kippur? Chanukah? And are we sure we've spelled them correctly?

Rosh Hashanah starts today at sundown. And I'm sure it wouldn't interest anybody, outside of a small circle of Jews.  The biblical term isn't "Rosh Hashanah" it's "Yom Teruah," which translates as "day of shouting." As in shouting HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

It sure wouldn't interest Patti Smith, Peter Gabriel or Roger Waters. Those are three antiSemites who support BDS against Israel, and only Israel. Syria is fine. North Korea is fine. Russia is fine. Red China is Fine. Turkey is fine. Nigeria is fine. There are people fighting about land, doing ethnic cleansing, and conducting violent religious psycho-wars all over the place but SOME people ONLY look at Israel. Gee, why would that be?

The argument is "This isn't antiSemitism, it's against Israel." And what is Israel? "The Jewish State." It's the one little sliver in the world where Jews can't be told "Get Thee Out" or have their tombstones desecrated, their synagogues spray-painted or see a rabbi smacked to the pavement for wearing religious garb. But let's lighten up...

...and going with our C&W theme of posts this time, here's SHLOMO, the Jewish version of Lorne Greene's novelty classic "Ringo." 

Lorne Greene (Lyon Himan Green) was Jewish. So was Michael Landon (Eugene Orowitz). Yep, half the Ponderosa were Jews! What a "Bonanza." 

"Shlomo" is by Country Yossi. Yossi Toiv debuted on radio in 1986, and this sample of his fine work is from the vinyl version found on "Country Yossi and the Shteeble Hoppers Strike Again." Most of his early albums include Jewish versions of classic pop (Sedaka, Beach Boys, etc.) and country (Johnny Cash). 

"Shlomo" has that galloping beat that you find with so many cowboy songs. It was also appropriated by another Jew, William Shatner, for "Has Been." In that song, he takes on his critics who are "riding on their arm chairs...while they have not done shit." But I digress. 

If you want to follow Yossi, he's on Twitter (https://twitter.com/countryyossi) but the 70 year-old radio star and comedian hasn't posted since 2015. His CountryYossi website seems likewise dormant.

Country Yossi's stuff is pretty orthodox…if you just light Chanukah candles and eat bagels and lox, you might not get all the references. If you keep the Sabbath, know the last words that differentiate a prayer for bread and a prayer for wine, and can at least sing "Adon Olum" from memory, you shouldn't have much trouble. And if you are an observant Jew, you will notice the link is below. (Unobservant Gentiles can see this, too!) 

SHLOMO - instant download or listen online - no Pay-to-Hear Rapidgator crap, no webstie full of malware or porn ads

PAT BOONE is in ISRAEL singing THE EXODUS SONG (THIS LAND IS MINE)

    Here’s to Pat Boone, who, today, departed on what will probably be his last pilgrimage to The Holy Land. He will be arm and arm with his friend Rabbi Eckstein, leading fans through the sites of Israel treasured by both Christians and Jews. 

    While anti-Semites think that Israel is only of interest to the Jews, and that the Middle East would be better off if Israel was “blown off the map,” many supporters of Israel are Christian. They want to be able to walk in Christ’s footsteps in Israel…and bathe in the River Jordan afterward.  

    Although not known for writing songs, it was Pat Boone who wrote the lyrics to “Exodus.” After the movie came out, he was listening to the soundtrack theme and thought…there should be words to this. His divine inspiration for the opening chords: “This land is mine. God gave this land to me.”  He wrote down the rest within a half an hour. Yes, the Jewish composer Ernest Gold wrote the music, but the Christian Pat Boone wrote the words (Boone wears both a cross and a Star of David). Years later, a Jewish museum requested that when the time was right for him, Pat would donate the original manuscript of his words. Pat was more than glad to comply, but he let the museum know: “I wrote the lyrics on the back of a Christmas card.”  

    You’d assume that this blog would happily ridicule Pat Boone as a limp fish in a barrel of milk. Thing is, Pat Boone never pretended to be anything but a whitebread middle-American who liked to sing pleasant melodies. If the song was a little hot (oh, say, Little Richard’s “Tutti Frutti”) Pat poured milk on it. That’s what his fans wanted, and that’s what most of America wanted at the time. His version of the song and Richard’s version were both in the Top 20 at the same time, but were played on different radio stations. It wasn’t segregation; it was the simple fact that there were few “crossover” singers or songs back then. Morons who say Boone was “racist” should listen to Rev. Jesse Jackson, who said Boone’s covers helped the cause.

    Frankie Laine and Louis Prima were whites who could sound black, and Johnny Mathis and Nat “King” Cole were blacks who sounded easy-going, if not white. Of all the media, including movies and TV, music was the most progressive in allowing blacks to participate. Everyone bought records by Cab Calloway or Louis Armstrong or Billie Holiday. Was Pat Boone covering them all, or other white artists? 

    Is anyone puking because Nat “King” Cole sang something as white and sappy as “Mona Lisa?” Should revisionist Black Panthers be protesting him as an Uncle Tom because he happened to like and thrive on “middle of the road” white-style music? On music Pat Boone could’ve performed? Then why the reverse racism bullshit. The race card is too easy to play on Pat Boone. To his credit Boone never lost his cool despite the slams about him “stealing” from the blacks. Let’s also remember that Boone was actually a rival to Elvis Presley…and that his “lame” style of music attracted as many bobby soxers to his singles as to Presley’s. 

    Once The Beatles arrived, Boone and his milk pack (including Paul Anka, Bobby Rydell, Bobby Darin, Fabian, etc.) disappeared. He became a young guy on the oldies circuit, and sang the same repertoire as Andy Williams and other pleasant fellows.  The white bread style that sold millions of albums for Mantovani and Melachrino went moldy. The conservative views of Pat Boone and Anita Bryant became increasingly out of touch with a majority of Americans, although “easy listening” music still had a home in Las Vegas and in Branson, Missouri. 

    Boone finally returned to the charts when he put together a jokey lounge album of heavy metal songs. This time, it was his fans, not his enemies, who were appalled. They hated the album, hated him wearing leather and fake tattoos, and thought he was nuts. Actually it was just Pat Boone being Pat Boone. 

      A few years later he put out an album of R&B duets with top soul and R&B contemporaries. Yes, despite the reverse racists screaming “he bad,” and “he stole da black music,” Boone had just about every famous name black performer singing with him. They got it. Differ with his views on abortion, Trump, whatever, and like or dislike his music (I don’t play his “Greatest Hits” — anymore than I listen to Kostelanetz or James Last) but don’t diss da Boone! Sis Boone? Bah! 

    Do you know what Netanyahu calls him? “Speedy.” That’s because the leader of Israel is a fan of Pat’s dopey “Speedy Gonzalez” novelty hit. Who knows, Netanyahu might also, like so many white people, sing a Four Tops or Supremes song while driving along, or in the shower. He’s allowed. Boone’s allowed. “It’s all permitted.” Whites know they aren’t sounding like Levi Stubbs or Stevie Wonder or Smokey Robinson, but they enjoy it anyway. That’s a GOOD thing. There are also blacks who enjoy singing opera and country songs. Whites shouldn’t tell them they can’t, and neither should blacks. Sing along to whatever you want, and enjoy your fantasies.

    “This song is mine. God didn’t give this song to me…I bought the sheet music in a store. Nothing on the sheet music mentions that I can’t sing it unless I’m of the same race as the composer….” 

EXODUS -- via a download that won't take 10 days.

"A Satchel and a Seck" - "Guys and Dolls" becomes "Faygeleh and Doll" via Allan Sherman

One of the earliest parodies Allan Sherman wrote was "A Satchel and a Seck," lampooning one of the stupidest hit songs of the day. A song with THIS lyric just BEGS for parody:

"I love you, a bushel and a peck!
A bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck!
A hug around the neck, and a barrel and a heap
A barrel and a heap, and I'm talkin' in my sleep.
About you. About you! About you!
My heart is leapin'!
I'm having trouble sleepin'!
'Cause I love you, a bushel and a peck
You bet your pretty neck I do!
Doodle, oodle, oodle. Doodle, oodle, oodle. Doodle oodle oodle oo.

Back in 1951, Frank Loesser's "A Bushel and a Peck" (from "Guys and Dolls") was a big hit. So was Mickey Katz, a Capitol recording artist who specialized in taking pop songs and "kosherizing" them with idiotic kosher food references sung in a stereotypical, high-pitched nasal whine.

Allan wasn't able to interest a major label in his effort to compete with Katz, but he did manage to at least get his novelty tune released (originally on 78rpm). At this point the most notable thing about it, is the unexpected comic insult from duet partner Sylvia Froos: "You sound like a little faygeleh." Allan apparently doesn't know enough Yiddish to realize this is not a compliment!

Allan went on to stardom. It took a decade. As for Sylvia? She'd already known fame. She was a child star in vaudeville. While Al Jolson made the first feature-length "talkie, "Baby Sylvia" starred in two short sound films released six months earlier.

Sylvia, "The Little Princess of Song," remained popular through the 30's, and turned up in Shirley Temple's "Stand Up and Cheer." She even had her own radio show. Well before "A Satchel and a Seck," Sylvia scored some novelty hits including "Who's Your Little Who-Zis?"

This single (Sylvia was not on the flip side) was simultaneously a farewell to the winsomely lilting vocals of Froos and a hello to a new voice in semitic silliness. Allan died in November of 1973. Sylvia enjoyed a long, happy retirement and died in March of 2004.

A SATCHEL AND A SECK

COUNTRY YOSSI - SHLOMO

A Jewish version of Lorne Green's classic, "Ringo?"

Technically, there already is one, because Lorne Greene was Jewish (as was "Bonanza" co-star Michael Landon). His "Ringo" is just not as Jewish as...
"Shlomo," by Country Yossi.
Chanukah has come early this year!

Finally, the Illfolks blog gets to introduce you to Yossi Toiv. He's been around for decades, debuting on radio in 1986, and still at it via WSNR and now streaming Internet archives. He's got his own magazine as well and…while the original vinyl is out of print, albums by Country Yossi and the Shteeble-Hoppers are available on CD from his website: countryyossi.com. The download sample, 'Schlomo,' is from the vinyl version on "Country Yossi and the Shteeble Hoppers Strike Again." Most of his early albums featured Jewish versions of classic pop (Sedaka, Beach Boys, etc.) and country (Johnny Cash).

Jewish novelty songs fall into two categories…orthodox and reform. Orthodox might include Benny Bell, who often sang in Yiddish, as well as Lee Tully, Eli Basse and Mickey Katz who sang in a high-pitched nasal voice that these days might even seem antisemitic. Reform would be Allan Sherman and Shel Silverstein ("What do You Do if You're Young and White and Jewish?") Not to mention comic singers who didn't make being Jewish a part of their act, such as Tom Lehrer.

Country Yossi's stuff is pretty orthodox…if you just light Chanukah candles and eat bagels and lox, you might not get all the references. If you keep the Sabbath, know the last words that differentiate a prayer for bread and a prayer for wine, and can at least sing "Adon Olum" from memory, you shouldn't have much trouble. Although with Country Yossi some songs are serio-comic at best, pulling that old Jewish trick of injecting pathos into the mix.

Months ago I posted an Italian version of "Ringo" so for your convenience, it's re-posted below, along with the latest doff of the cowboy hat to the late great Lorne Green. Enjoy your Kosher-Italian treats...

SHLOMO
RINGO in ITALIAN by Adriano Celantano

Herschel Bernardi - The Censored FIDDLER ON THE ROOF song

Your download, cut from the Broadway show, is "When Messiah Comes."

The song came to mind because it's Passover time, and one of the traditions involved is for Orthodox Jews to get especially fashimmelt, and think that every Jew should get into a truck (a "mitzvah tank') and wrap tefillin. They believe if every Jew all over the world does this, then Messiah (perhaps the late Rabbi Schneerson) might finally make an appearance, either live, or on tape via Jay Leno, David Letterman, or, considering the lack of foreskin, Jon Stewart.

Questions of questionable religious rituals (waving a chicken over your head for example) the evolution of varying degrees of Judaism (including reformed), changes in interpretations of the Torah, and why so many Jews are brainy or funny (or both) have dogged both Jew and antisemite alike. Some aspects of changes in religion and morality were addressed in the Broadway musical "Fiddler on the Roof."

A song written for the show, but banned, was the seriocomic "When Messiah Comes." Is Jewish suffering to be rewarded when the Messiah comes? Why the suffering in the first place? How will the Messiah explain over 2,000 years of persecution, not to mention Ben Stiller movies and having to own two sets of dishes?

The irony and humor of "When Messiah Comes" was considered a little too much for 60's Broadway audiences. However after the great Herschel Bernardi took over the role of Tevye from Zero Mostel, and there was interest in his interpretations of songs from the show, he was able to sneak the tune onto his solo album.

For all observant Jews (a mark of which, is finding this blog) here's a bit of levity to go with the unleavened bread, and a trademark bit of bitterly amusing humor that should go down better than bitter herbs. For tonight's seder, the first night of Passover, the song may be a lot more fun than playing "hide the matzoh."

For all kind-hearted Gentiles (and any Gentile still reading this is more than qualified) the song can easily be adapted to a question of when Christ returns and why he and his Dad have allowed so much suffering in the world. After all, Easter's close to Passover and come to think of it, Jesus is as close to Jewish as you can get.

Enjoy the Easter/Passover holidays, God willing. Herschel Bernardi (October 30-1923-May 9, 1986) could still be alive and with us, except it either wasn't God's plan, or there is no God. In 1986 he lived long enough to celebrate one last Passover, and that means something. Doesn't it? We may not know for sure until Messiah comes.

WHEN MESSIAH COMES No pop-ups, porn ads or wait time. It wouldn't be nice.

Ill-Ustrated Songs #16 "Yiddishe Mama" in SPANISH Neil Sedaka

Posted in time for the most solemn day on the Jewish calendar, here's Neil Sedaka singing the tearjerker "My Yiddishe Mama" in Spanish.
There's nothing too surprising about a link between the Jews and Latin countries. The great ventriloquist Senor Wences was Jewish. The Sephardic Eydie Gorme recorded many albums in Spanish. And Neil Sedaka very carefully made sure he was in key (it was the day of attunement) when he recorded his favorite tunes en Espanol.
Even so...this is posted in time for Yom Kippur, because if there's anything that could make the day more gloomy, THIS IS IT.
MY YIDDISHE MAMA in SPANISH Listen on line or download, porn-ad free.

Sylvia Froos & Allan Sherman

Allan Sherman you know about.
So let's talk Froos.
Sylvia was a child star in vaudeville. While Al Jolson made the first feature-length "talkie, "Baby Sylvia" starred in two short sound films released six months earlier. "The Little Princess of Song," was a star through the 30's, and in Shirley Temple's "Stand Up and Cheer".
She even had her own radio show. "Who's Your Little Who-Zis?" was a novelty hit for her and she recorded many popular singles.

Here's one of her last recordings. It's a duet with Allan Sherman on a parody of Frank Loesser's "A Bushel and a Peck." At the time, 1951, Allan was unknown. It would be a decade before he had a surprise hit via the "My Son the Folksinger" album.
This single was simultaneously a farewell to the winsomely lilting vocals of Froos and a hello to a new voice in kosher comedy. Allan died in November of 1973. Sylvia enjoyed a long, happy retirement and died in March of 2004.
If one of your eight days of Chanukah gifts isn't so hot, maybe this will make up for it?
A SATCHEL AND A SECK