Wencke the Wench - Sexy Wencke Myrhe turns a heartache into Side-Boob Wiggles!

Now that the blog is in "show and tell" mode, with Blogspot happily linking to YouTube (because both are owned by The Great God Google), you'll be SEEING some obscure but delightful musical moments. Like this:

With a nicely nasal shriek of JOE (she may have been channeling Gwen Verdon in "Damn Yankees") our Myrrh Cat opens with what she thinks are incredibly erotic come-hithers to her nethers.

First up, she's the State of Taking Liberties, her legs crossing in an "I've gotta pee" position while her right hand sticks straight up in the air. All those in favor of fucking this wench, say AYYYYYYE. Next, the aerobic robot switches to left-hand-on-knee. All those who have a knee fetish, toot your swine-knee whistles. 

As she continues to pierce the air with goose-like cries of JOE, she gets FRANK, and simply drops her hands with a "Come on, already, come and knockwurst mein schvitzer." And then, one arm pointing toward the bedroom (one assumes), she brings her hand to her side-boob, and twiddles her fingers.

Yes, TWIDDLES HER FINGERS. Does it get any more SEXY than that? 

All this in the first TWENTY SECONDS of the video.

NOW you see why the blog has begun to include YouTube visuals. Did Bonnie Tyler do any of this when she sang the original "It's a Heartache?" 

NO, probably because she was actually singing about a heartache. When lyricists in foreign countries grab a hit song and write for a local star in Germany, Belgium, France or other EU nation, they generally don't bother trying to literally translate. They just make up something new. SO...a song about a heartache turns into a set of turn-on moves (she thinks) for a GUY NAMED JOE. But YOU can pretend YOU are an AVERAGE JOE, too. 

Wencke the Wench Myrhe would go through the muck and mire to admire a Joe like you. (I am joe-king of course.)  

Want to know more? Wencke Myrhe (February 15th, 1947), a mere 30-something when she decided to give a Teutonic toot to Bonnie Tyler,  has always been part of my collection (making up for my lack of frankincense).

Years ago I got the cleverly titled "Wencke Myhre Album," where she covered and re-titled, Eric Clapton's "Sorry Sally," Juice Newton's "Der Mann auf einem Seil," and Bobbie Gentry's "Billy Joe McAllister." And "Wenn Du mich beruhrst" was her take on"Sometimes When We Touch." 

This is the album, and yes, I could make a zip file out of it with a Haaardy-har-har cry of "I do this for fun! I love music, I love sharing!" And then, the idiot caveat: "Delete this in 24 hours, it is for review only, if you like it buy it." 

I don't know why bloggers put that statement of assholery on their posts. We all know it's a crock of shit. If people get a download free, they almost NEVER buy the fucking album. What for? To have a wooden shelf sag under the weight of vinyl, when a simple 4TB brick of an external drive can hold an entire ROOM FULL OF MUSIC?? Let's be practical. People who own record stores or sell records mail order should sell hats instead, and musicians should all really give away the music and sell t-shirts at their gigs, and they also shouldn't mind if people use a camcorder to record the gig so nobody has to go in the first place.

A Norwegian who also sings in German, it's no surprise that depending on the country of origin, her albums are credited either to "Wencke" (Germany) or to "Wenche" (Norway).  Wink wink, say no more. She was not born in Norway or Germany. It was in Sweden. But as we know, Orange is the new Black, and Sweden might just as well be Norway.

In 1963 Wenche had three songs in the Norwegian Top Ten, and was ready to annex Germany as the next challenge. Singing in German, she won the Deutschen Schlagerfestival in 1966 with "Beiß Nicht Gleich In Jeden Apfel." It became a #1 hit in Germany, and she followed it in 1967 with the Top Ten "Komm Allein." The following year, she branched out to sing in Swedish, scoring with "Det var en ding-dong rena rama sing-sång." She sank her teeth into Danish songs, too.

Through the 60's and 70's, Wencke was in her prime, appearing in films and TV specials in Norway, Sweden and Germany, and in 1972 "Jeg og du og vi to og mange fler" proved to be her biggest Norwegian hit ever, spending 30 weeks on the charts and hitting #1. In 1978 she scored her final Top Ten in the German language with her cover version of "It's a Heartache."
 
In 1983 she became the first Norwegian to record a CD (it went gold) and she kept releasing new material through 1997, when she recorded "Vannmann." Her greatest hits have been re-packaged many times since, and she still tours in concert. As we say in Norway, I think; Gratulerer med dagen, Wenche.

MEIN LIEBLING MEIN ROSE

    “Mein liebling mein rose…you’re right. It is a rather brutal language…”

    The greatest villain in an episode of “The Avengers” was Max Prendergast, he of the hard lumpy face and insinuating leer. He was played by Peter Jeffrey, a remarkably versatile actor who, in a previous episode, played the exact opposite of Max…an ineffectual mild-mannered Brit.  

    The episode, “The Joker,” is a masterpiece, easily as good as any Hammer horror film of that era, and in fact, most any suspense film. In another age, it would’ve been a B-movie playing on the double bill with another hour-long effort. Great care went into this one, to the point of actually recording a creepy German-language tune to be played “over and over…over and over…”  

    The song was so compelling, people began asking for it in record stores (you remember them…where people bought music). “What do you MEAN you don’t have it? Can’t you import it? What do you MEAN there’s no such record label? Next thing you’ll be telling me is that there’s no Carl Schmidt! 

    No. "Deutsche Phon" is not the same as "Deutsche Grammophon" and there actually is no Carl Schmidt. 

    Demand for the song was so great that a single was released (in July of 1967 on the Columbia label in the UK. The flip side was "Blue Danube.")

      Carl Schmidt was Mike Sammes, who fronted a fleet of singers (similar to the American groups such as the Anita Kerr Singers and Ray Conniff Singers).  They made many albums and backed many recording artists. The music was by Laurie Johnson (who wrote “The Avengers” theme song). The lyric was by scriptwriter-genius Brian Clemens, and it was translated into German by Leo Birnbaum. Those who are fluent in German sadly insist that the song title should be “Mein Liebling Meine Rose,” but that’s a minor morose. 

Mein Liebling Mein Rose - the melody has not lost its sweetness

SHLAF’ MEIN LIEBLING! On HOMOCORD

    The somewhat fruity vocal by Luigi (real first name Ludwig) Bernauer might suggest his “leibling” is a man. After all, the label is HOMOCORD. But…

    …who knows. The man is long dead (October 1, 1899-January 11, 1945), and so is his record label. “Homo” after all, originally meant “Man” as in “Homo Erectus” (man with a hardon) and “Homo Sapien” (man spurting semen). Hermann Eisner’s new label Homophon arrived in 1904. Apparently it was deemed too close to the famous Zonophon label, and ultimately all shellac was issued under the new Homocord name. This fox trot has a very nice arrangement with contributions from a tinkling pianist and an oboesexual.

    Bernauer was a popular singer in cabaret shows, and also made several films that are beloved to this day: “Der Konig von Paris” (1930: aka “The French Cunt”),  “Leibling der Gotter” (1930: aka “Slut of the Street”) and “”Kopfuber ins Gluck” (1931: aka “The Headfucker who Drowned”). “Shlaf’ Mein Leibling” loosely translates as “Goodnight, My Love,” although Leibling can be translated as sweetheart or darling as well, depending on how many German marks you give her. German marks, of course, mean whip welts.

LUIGI BERNAUER burns 3 Minutes - instant download or listen on line no Rancidgator $$ demands, no Paypal "Tip Jar" hypocrite shit

LESLEY GORE - LITTLE LITTLE LIEBLING

    Back in the day, many artists tried to get some extra royalties by going into the studio with the backing track of a hit song, and recording a translation in French, Italian or German. Phonetic talent was required, and Petula Clark, Gene Pitney and Roy Orbison were very good at it. And so was Lesley Gore. 

    Nobody is quite sure why “Little” was not translated when she sang “Little Little Liebling.” She could easily have sung “Wenig Wenig Leibling.” This was in the 60’s, well before the CEO of eBay became Devin Wenig, aka “Little Devil.” You know Wenig? He’s one of the Internet Fascists who actively try prevent anyone from protesting against illegal activity on a thriving website that just happens to break copyright or....make money via theft, fraud, child pornography, hacking, huckstering, and hatred. To Wenig and fiends, it's all “freedom of speech.” 

    Use your imagination and think Lesley is singing “Wenig Wenig Liebling.”  Also ignore that the Germans wrote her first name “Leslie.” If you enjoy this song, check your local record store or eBay seller for others…and then go to a shoutbox or forum and say, “Please, I am poor, I'd rather spend my money on beer and chips, BUT I absolutely MUST have Leslie Gore in German. Best regards. Thanks in advance. Thanks to the original uploader. God Bless Russian servers and Vladimir Putin. Cheers!” The songs to look for include: “Nur gu Ganz Allein” (I don’t Want a Gangbang), “Hab’ ich das Verdient” (“My Face is Green”), “Sieben Girls” (“Groupies for a Kansas City Athletics First Baseman”) and “Musikant” (“Pussyfart.”) 
  
Leslie (Lesley) Gore - Instant Download or Listen on Line - no egocentric Zinfart password, no Russian spyware, no wait time

IT'S A HEARTACHE - in German - Wencke Myrhe

Happy birthday to Wencke Myrhe (February 15th, 1947). Yeah, "It's a Heartache" knowing that she'd be putting enough candles on that cake to simulate a forest fire, but as the cliche goes, "the alternative is worse." Hard to believe she's a 60-something. Why, it seems like only 20 years ago that I happened to see Ms. Myrhe on an enticing album cover (of an album released probably 10 years earlier) and figured she needed to be part of my collection (making up for my lack of frankincense).

It was titled "Wencke Myhre Album," and what made it a "must buy" was checking the back cover songwriter credits and seeing she was covering, re-titled, Eric Clapton's "Sorry Sally," Juice Newton's "Der Mann auf einem Seil," and Bobbie Gentry's "Billy Joe McAllister." I also surmised that "Wenn Du mich beruhrst" credited to Hill-Mann had to be "Sometimes When We Touch."

A Norwegian who also sings in German, it's no surprise that depending on the country of origin, her albums will be credited either to "Wencke" (Germany) or to "Wenche" (Norway).

Either way, she was most definitely born on February 15, 1947. But not in Norway or Germany. It was in Sweden.

In 1963 Wenche had three songs in the Norwegian Top Ten, and was ready to annex Germany as the next challenge. Singing in German, she won the Deutschen Schlagerfestival in 1966 with "Beiß Nicht Gleich In Jeden Apfel." It became a #1 hit in Germany, and she followed it in 1967 with the Top Ten "Komm Allein." The following year, she branched out to sing in Swedish, scoring with "Det var en ding-dong rena rama sing-sång." She sank her teeth into Danish songs, too.

Through the 60's and 70's, Wencke was in her prime, appearing in films and TV specials in Norway, Sweden and Germany, and in 1972 "Jeg og du og vi to og mange fler" proved to be her biggest Norwegian hit ever, spending 30 weeks on the charts and hitting #1. In 1978 she scored her final Top Ten in the German language with her cover version of "It's a Heartache," re-titled "Lass mein Knie, Joe." She lacks Bonnie Tyler's rasp, but whatever she's saying to Joe...he should've listened.

In the 80's and 90's, Myrhe was still very popular in Norway. In 1983 she became the first Norwegian to record a CD (it went gold) and she kept releasing new material through 1997, when she recorded "Vannmann." Her greatest hits have been re-packaged many times since, and she still tours in concert. As we say in Norway, I think; Gratulerer med dagen, Wenche.

HEY PAULA - ABDUL LEAVES A DULL SHOW

Usually the world of Popular Moronics is not a topic for Illfolks, but let's praise the decision of Paula Abdul, to walk away from a program that has done a lot to bring mediocrity, sameness and dullness to the music world. With lame contestants brought in for a laugh and quickly discarded, "American Idol" rewards unoriginality. Contestants given a serious shot at winning, must be just like past winners, and like any number of sound-alikes in the R&B or C&W genre. There isn't a cliche that the judges don't really love, and they expect perfection in the puppets who are supposed to be the next Britney or Whitney, etc. etc.

The show's a farce. Do we care if Ryan is gay, and aren't we bored with Simon's smirks, Randy's "dawg" and "pitchy" and Paula's warm-hearted dribbling and fumbling? Nobody cares who wins, and few even buy a second album from any contestant. While Cowell couldn't walk away from his $30 million a year, or Seacrest the $10 million, Paula Abdul rejected the $5 million offered her...either because she's greedy, bored, or stupid. Whatever..."Hey Paula," glad you've helped give the show a kick in the ass and some negative publicity. Even the suicide of Paula's stalker, a tooth-challenged lunatic who overdosed near Paula's home, had failed to dissuade people from ignoring the pop-culture poop machine that is "American Idol." Maybe not having addled Abdul for kicks will finally push the show toward the cancellation it deserves.

Since the show is so stupid, so's this "tribute" to Paula Abdul. It's the moronic puppy-love duet "Hey Paula" in French and German cover versions.

Your download is the hideous combination of "Hey Vivi, Hey Gerhard" from Vivi Bach and Gerhard Wendland followed by "Hey Paula" by Donald Lautrec and Ginette Sage. And no, Gerhard doesn't call Vivi a "frickin' cunt," on second listen, it sounds more like "fraggin' kont." Too bad, a curse or two would elevate this song from merely creepy to decadently perverted. The Frenchies are just irritatingly sweet.

HEY PAULA in German and French Instant download or listen on line. No waiting, pop-ups or pop-unders or porn ads.

U.S. Hits Blitzed into German

"You're right," Max Prendergast (alias The Joker) said to Emma Peel, "it IS a rather brutal language." He was referring to a German-language tune that he played over and over to drive her crazy. Emma was quite upset. German vocals are a bit alarming. It can't be helped. The language can be harsh, and when a German vocalist gets worked up, it can be downright frightening.
The sixteen samples here should be burned (to CD-R) and put on the shelf next to your Hogan's Heroes and Stalag 17 DVD's. It's amusing, alarming, foreboding and also funny stuff. Call it "fun with stereotypes," but don't take it too seriously. Most German singers aren't overboard at all (check the blog for an illfolks tribute to the late great Greta Keller). But this bunch? Ach du lieber! Sung in German...

1. Paranoid - you can bet this duo has glowing eyes with no pupils.
2. In the Year 2525 - who better than Germans to forecast a hideous future?
3. House of the Rising Sun - more like der Phantom of the House of the Rising Sun
4. What a Day for a Daydream - and in the night, they love the sound of shattered glass.
5. Wooly Bully - why does a German call to dance seem more like a call to march?
6. Paint it Black - very dark, and with thumping Hungarian violins!
7. Yellow Submarine - yah, take a look, in front of us is der Lusitania!
8. Sloop John B - these guys sound like they'd be more at home on the Bismarck.
9. Runaway - deep-voiced dark paranoia-noir, enough to pop Fritz Lang's good eye
10. Leader of the Pack - are they singing "Zion force a stool?" Slay me, frauleins.
11. The Witch - she'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too.
12. Lola - German vocals sound ZO decadent. Go ahead Goebbels, dress up as Dietrich.
13. Don't Ha Ha - what or who are they viciously laughing at? Gooba Gooba!
14. Son of a Preacher Man - she's more likely to want an atheist in leather boots.
15. Gloria - her name was Gloria, not a Jewish name at all, and he killed her anyway.
16. Shout - speeded up vocals with harsh cries of "Aus! Aus! Aus!" Ow!

Raus!
Hit Songs Sung Horribly in German

LESLEY GORE SINGS IN THREE LANGUAGES

Not a canary in a coal mine, but a parakeet in an echo chamber, Lesley Gore hasn't been given enough credit for one fact: she's distinctive. When you hear Lesley's slightly husky voice, you know it's not a solo Shangri-La, or another Daughter of Sappho, Dusty Springfield. Gore's particular brand of toughness and vulnerability was all her own, made famous on the ominous, bitchy "You Don't Own Me" and the masochistic then sadistic two-part story, "It's My Party" and "Judy's Turn to Cry."

"Back in the day," nobody knew that Gore and Springfield were lesbians, but today it seems pretty obvious, since both were rather aloof to doing sweet (Petula Clark) or sour (Nancy Sinatra) poses intended for boys to pin up and stare at. Nope, if you stared at Dusty's hooker-esque make-up on an album cover, or Lesley's slightly distant mug shots, any erotic interest was from the beholder, not the babe.
The illfolks download offers Lesley doing what many stars of the day did...phonetically singing songs in foreign languages to increase sales. While the always snotty French will probably complain about her accent, the Germans might just sob into their saurkraut, and the Italians will gesticulate with their sausages, this stuff will sound pretty authentic to English-speakers. Whatever the language, you instantly know it's Lesley Gore, and that's the sign of a very, very distinctive vocalist.
Lesley still takes to the road, singing a varied selection of numbers (as opposed to being strictly an oldies tour item) and she's sometimes sought out for interviews by alternative newspapers and magazines that want to focus on her sexuality. And here, we zero in on Lesley's ability to satisfy our ears even when we don't know what the hell she's singing...and that's the mark of a fine singer, not just a pop star.
"You Don't Own Me" in German and French, "Maybe I Know" in French, and lots more. You get 8 German numbers, 8 French numbers, and 2 songs in Italian...Gore's brand of global warming.
the French, German and Italian LESLEY GORE